In denial, need brutal honesty
Replies
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Ok I will be brutally honest. Sorry if this offends anyone.
Get a grip with yourself. You have 2 children who depend on you for everything. Not just for you to look after them but to be a role model.
What message is to sending to them if you don't look after yourself?
What are your excuses going to be when you cant play with them because your too big to move?
What are your excuses going to be when you lose your sight and cant watch a school play or graduations?
Who will you blame?
You need to get your priorities straight.
This. When you are ready to CARE and CHANGE it will happen. Until then you should work on your mental state and get into a more positive one. I've seen some pretty drastic transformations from people in a worse spot than you. Nutrition is 80% of getting into shape and probably even more for your weight.
Right now your goals shoud be:
1. Work on improving your mental state so you are actually ready to become the person you CAN be.
2. Get a food scale and track everything you shove in your mouth right now to the GRAM. (including butter, oils, a couple of chips you grab out of the bag every time you pass them type of deal)
3. Once you are horrified ( and yes you will be if you are really counting) by how much you are eating it is time to start changing what you are buying in your house. Unprocessed foods and protein. Un-enriched breads and products. Sweet potatoes, lentils. YOU WILL HAVE A HARD TIME EATING YOUR REQUIRED CALORIES TO LOSE WEIGHT IF YOU EAT PROPERLY at first. Two cups of non-fat yogurt, a serving of frozen strawberries, blueberries, a fresh banana, and two servings of shredded coconut in a bowl is HUGE and only ~550 calories. Start thinking and get creative.
4. Then after you are eating healthy, and realizing how much more money it costs to eat like a real person and not processed crap all the time you can start focusing on your calorie and macro requirements. THIS is where you lose weight. Not at the gym and going home and eating your face full. Until you have acquired appropriate discipline this part will be of no use to you. It is the key to your goal and until you complete steps 1-3 you have a much lower chance at actually obtaining it.
This is a slow process, think of the lifetime of years it took to degenerate to this. It won't take as long to repair, but DO NOT become discouraged. When you are ready you will know because this is a lifetime of change. Not just a "diet" that you can do for a couple weeks or months.
Feel free to add me, look at my diary, as me questions about what I'm making. Good luck on your journey and I hope you find it.0 -
NOTHING anyone will say on here will emphatically do much that you've probably already haven't heard from someone else. If you haven't decided and committed to it by now, I truly doubt any honesty from anyone would make a difference. So what's it gonna take? Probably a good health scare like a stroke or the like. Will it be too late by then? Possibly. But by then, it may be too late to realize you should have addressed it before it happened. Your decision is what makes things happen.I am in denial about my health and have tried lots of things to really knock it in to me how bad things are but it's just not registering. All the people in my life don't know what is going on with me and I don't want to turn to them.
I need to hit ROCK BOTTOM. I would like some brutal honesty please to wake me up and see what I have done to myself.
I am 32 years old, 5'8 and weigh 100kg (220lbs). I have been told that I have Type 2 diabetes by my doctor but I don't care. I have had gestational diabetes with my 2 pregnancies so I know what diabetes is all about and I refuse to accept that I have Type 2 now. I had my gall bladder removed at 26 years old because I had obviously eaten so much crap in those years (it does also run in my family though). A couple of years ago I saw a personal trainer twice a week and increased my fitness levels but couldn't get the food under control and never ended up losing weight during that time. I have now been seeing another better trainer for the last 7 months, starting at 2 times per week and for the last 3 months, 4 times a week. Again, improved fitness and muscles. Over that time I lost 5 kg but have put most of it back on, again because I cant get the eating right.
I want to lose weight for a variety of reasons including overall health, self esteem, easier to play with my kids etc. I also cant stop shoving food in my mouth and 4 intense workouts a week isn't enough to make the weight disappear whilst doing this.
I am destroying myself and I want to change but I am in denial. Could someone please say to me what I need to hear instead of what I want to hear. I don't respond to motivational quotes but I do respond to brutal honesty, truth, the no bull**** approach, tell me like it is etc. Please don't spare my feelings. I need to hear this. Please. I don't have anyone else I can turn to.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Hi there. I used to be 202 lbs ,5"8 tall. I'm 135 now. But it took tons of work and dedication. I used to try for a few weeks, then give up, time and time again . Until I really truly wanted it, then it finally worked for good. It has to come from within you. When your truly ready, you'll be able to do it. I feel for you as I was in the same situation before.0
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Imagine it's ten or even twenty years from now....you're in a hospital....your dying.....your children, maybe even grand children, and loved ones surround you....they are crying and heart broken because they can't fix what's wrong....they can't keep you any longer. You will no longer be there to comfort them, you won't get to give them anymore of you...this is when you realize YOU DID THIS, YOU broke their hearts, YOU chose to leave them to fend for themselves because YOU were selfish and didn't take care of yourself. Had you loved them enough, you would have taken care of yourself so you could be there....be there in the good times...be there for them to cry on your shoulder....to see a new generation of your family to come into the world....to offer the wisdom of you that only you can offer....to laugh and share in their lives. But, no, YOU didn't love them enough to take care of you.
I'm sorry if this was harsh...but this all boils down to YOU!0 -
I am in denial about my health and have tried lots of things to really knock it in to me how bad things are but it's just not registering. All the people in my life don't know what is going on with me and I don't want to turn to them.
I need to hit ROCK BOTTOM. I would like some brutal honesty please to wake me up and see what I have done to myself.
I am 32 years old, 5'8 and weigh 100kg (220lbs). I have been told that I have Type 2 diabetes by my doctor but I don't care. I have had gestational diabetes with my 2 pregnancies so I know what diabetes is all about and I refuse to accept that I have Type 2 now. I had my gall bladder removed at 26 years old because I had obviously eaten so much crap in those years (it does also run in my family though). A couple of years ago I saw a personal trainer twice a week and increased my fitness levels but couldn't get the food under control and never ended up losing weight during that time. I have now been seeing another better trainer for the last 7 months, starting at 2 times per week and for the last 3 months, 4 times a week. Again, improved fitness and muscles. Over that time I lost 5 kg but have put most of it back on, again because I cant get the eating right.
I want to lose weight for a variety of reasons including overall health, self esteem, easier to play with my kids etc. I also cant stop shoving food in my mouth and 4 intense workouts a week isn't enough to make the weight disappear whilst doing this.
I am destroying myself and I want to change but I am in denial. Could someone please say to me what I need to hear instead of what I want to hear. I don't respond to motivational quotes but I do respond to brutal honesty, truth, the no bull**** approach, tell me like it is etc. Please don't spare my feelings. I need to hear this. Please. I don't have anyone else I can turn to.
If you don't care, get a jump on things and make your funeral plans now. Seriously. Nevermind the weight issues or playing with children. You are my roommate made over again.
Diabetes ran in her family, too. Her mother, father, brother, and sister all had uncontrolled diabetes because they were in denial or unable to care for themselves. They all died young. Her sister had a limb removed when she was 46 years old. At her final admission she had a blood sugar of over 600. I don't have to tell you what happened.
My roommate had COPD. She smoked. She had diabetes. She ate all manner of junk foods and had a milkshake every night. She never tested her blood glucose. She rarely used her insulin. She never exercised. She had MRSA. She had a stroke and failed to lose weight. She had her gall bladder removed. December 22, 2013 she died of aspiration pneumonia. She was 49 years old.
She had "finished" a dog and wanted to take her to Westminster next year. It will never happen. She's dead.
She had wanted to move closer to the coast and work with a girl who had once been a junior handler for her. It will never happen. She's dead.
She had wanted to get a mobile grooming van and be self-sufficient. It will never happen. She's dead.
She wanted to use the money she was getting from SSI to improve her life and visit friends up North. It will never happen. She's dead.
She wanted to see Sprite have puppies and start them in the show ring next year. There is a particularly handsome stud in WV she wanted to use and she was very excited about it. It will never happen. She's dead.
Nothing will ever happen for her again.
She's dead.
Don't take care of yourself. That's your option. But see that litany above? That's not even a third of the things she will never see, she will never do. I was around to clean up the mess she made of her dogs' lives--thank goodness she never had children. The dogs had no idea why she was not coming home. But your relatives will know. That list up there . . . they will be able to make a list like that for you.
Just a few days ago I learned an acquaintance of mine had died. Her situation was fairly similar to my roommate's and to yours. I cried a bit and asked God, "what is with these people?" It's up to you to figure that out for yourself.
Good luck, God bless . . . but please examine your lack of caring for yourself carefully. The poster who suggested you need to attack the psychological component to your illness before being able to deal with the physical part might be right. Don't wait for someone to say about you, "that will never happen. She's dead."
I don't know how this effected the OP but I know that I can barely see my computer screen for the tears. As the caregiver for 9 rescued animals (5 dogs, 4 cats) I think about who will care for them after I'm gone all the time. My children are grown, my grandchildren have their parents, my four-legged "babies" have me. Only me.
Thank you for sharing this. I truly appreciate it.0 -
Anxiety is a part of or can be depression. Depression is not a behavior or a lack of character. I think based on what you have written that you are depressed/anxious and eating is your medication. See a Doctor, let a expert see if a simple anti- depressant would help.0
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I, along with my brother & father, was a caretaker for my mother who was also diagnosed with gestational diabetes in 1981 when she was pregnant with my younger brother. She didn't lose weight after gaining even more from being on bed rest, never ate properly (some crash diets mixed in here & there), and NEVER exercised. Since she didn't need insulin, she blew it off. She knew better and was also in denial.
And then 8 years later: she became the caretaker for her father who had had several strokes and also had diabetes. He did take care of himself, but one stroke paralyzed him, and then his diabetes was out of control. He had several toe/foot/leg amputations. He didn't know who we were. He passed away soon after.
Then 4 years later: I move away for college and my mother had a quadruple (!!!!) bypass my first semester because her arteries were so damaged. She couldn't even make the 4 hour car ride to bring me to college like all the other parents. Following surgery, she became dependent on insulin, using a glucometer all day long, severe diet restrictions, etc. She lost weight bc she was so sick.
It took her about 2 years to (sort of) recover from that surgery. Then a pacemaker a few years later. And then several wounds that took YEARS to heal, before multiple amputations of her own. Not to mention she lost friends, became depressed, couldn't DRIVE, could only eat protein and a few vegetables bc no treatments could control her glucose, so no comfort there. You need to hear more? ADULT DIAPERS. WHEELCHAIR. UNRELENTING NERVE PAIN. VISION LOSS. ROTTING FLESH. BED SORES. SMELLY OPEN WOUNDS. Diabetes also destroys your BRAIN: severe depression- she wasn't herself anymore, and then she just didnt't care...
Diabetes isn't just about carbs and insulin. I WISH people knew the real deal!
She passed away in a hospital all alone from a simple cold, which led to heart failure, secondary to atherosclerosis and diabetes. Most people recover from a cold in a few days. She died after a week.
Girl, you need to get a hold of yourself and DO IT NOW. Your kids need you. You should love yourself more than to accept denial and irresponsibility!! You CAN do it
. One day at a time:drinker:
Log your meals, see a dietician to get under control and continue your trainer sessions. Or just walk. Whatever, just do it.
Time is not on your side.0 -
The only person who can change you is you. Stop asking for help from others until you're ready to put in the work, because you're otherwise wasting everyone else's time.
Exactly what I said 0 -
Forgot about this link. This could be the step that changes your life.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1161976-adopt-a-noob-official-mfp-thread?hl=adopt
After, you've made the decision to change, of course.0 -
Use this diagnosis as Rock Bottom. DON'T wait for it to get worse becausse it probably will progress.
You can do this!!! You already have half the battle down...you work out regularly! Dont wait for the day when you have perfect eating habits. Take it one meal at a time. Make good decisions for that meal. And if you slip up, keep it moving. So you didnt make the best decisions for the last meal, you can make good ones for THIS meal.
You owe this to yourself. Take care of your body while you still can.0 -
Echoing advice said above.
Also, Type 2 diabetes can be dangerous if left untreated or not treated properly. You need to accept that you have it and start taking care of yourself.
If you're refusing to acknowledge your health problems and the dangers they pose, especially with two children, you should now. If you can't change for yourself, think of your children, and have them be your motivation. They need their mom for a good long time!
This is very true. My SIL had undiagnosed Type 2 diabetes for who knows how long (I guess she never went to the doctor). She ate tons of sugary foods and, at 5 feet tall, was a good 50-75 pounds overweight. She had a stroke at 40 (and less than 6 months after marrying my brother). For some time, she didn't even have the swallow reflex. Almost 10 years later, she still has issues from the stroke (poor tone on one side of her body, significant mobility issues). The doctors said that it was most likely the diabetes that was a major contributor to the early stroke. They were trying to have kids, now they never will. Her vision is iffy, and she may lose it completely in the future (both from the stroke and from the high blood sugar).
Start taking care of yourself now, before you have significantly worse health problems. Ask for referrals to a dietician who specializes in working with diabetics, an endocrinologist, and a therapist/social worker. You need to come at this from all sides, mental, emotional, and physical.
Hope that's some of the kick in the pants you need. :flowerforyou:0 -
Anxiety is a part of or can be depression. Depression is not a behavior or a lack of character. I think based on what you have written that you are depressed/anxious and eating is your medication. See a Doctor, let a expert see if a simple anti- depressant would help.
I agree totally. nobody wants to not to take care of themselves or want to die. Her symptoms are signs of depression.
People who are telling her she is ignorant and doesn't care do not know much about depression. Scary stories do not help a depressed individual. in OP's post she clearly wants to take care but she is unable to do so. I agree experts opinion is needed and anti-depressant.0 -
Doesn't sound like you are in denial at all. You know exactly what is wrong and how to fix it. You are just lacking the motivation to do so. You've got to just do it. Set a goal of 2000 calories in MFP and stick to it every single day for 6 weeks. Make a short term goal. See how you feel. I'm guessing you'll realize it's not that hard after all. After you reach that goal set new ones, like getting enough protein, or lifting weights, etc.
And get on medication for your diabetes!!0 -
Brutal is: You are obese (not a BBW, obese isn't beautiful). You are killing yourself. You are already missing one organ and have a pancreas that won't work right. You almost killed both of your children before they were even born to the gestational diabetes. Oh, and you probably won't live to see either of them grow up with the way you are going and chances are you'll lose at least one leg in the next ten years. Oh, but life can be beautiful while stuffing your face and gradually killing yourself and walking around on fake legs. The things they can do with modern technology is really amazing, and the magazines at the doctor's offices have really gotten a lot better.
Oh, and if it takes an internet stranger's harsh words to kick you into gear, but nothing you have been through so far has done it....yeah...you're not ready to do it. Let me know when and where the funeral is, so I can grafitti "I told you so" on your headstone.0 -
All the working out in the world won't work until you quit medicating with food. Admit it. You eat when you are bored, you eat when you want pleasure, you eat when you are stressed, you eat when some one dies, you eat as a reward, you eat when you get into an argument, when something bad happens, you even eat if you had a crappy meal and didn't get all the satisfaction you were expecting from that meal and within minutes of that meal you will seek a better meal for your next high. Until you love you more than food, you will not get anywhere. You deserve your love and care. You are worthy and beautiful and unique in all the world. Praying for the intercession of St Maximmilian Kolbe on your behalf. God bless.0
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I'm 5'8" and started out in a similar situation as you (225ish). You can't "motivate" yourself using what others tell you about your weight problems. It has to come from inside you.
That being said, the long term consequences of untreated diabetes are pretty horrific and include limb amputation, body sores, major organ function problems, major reduction in the quality of life, and premature death. It's not a trivial disease, and it shouldn't be brushed off as such.
Get treatment for your comfort eating problems. Do it while you're still young enough to enjoy the rest of your life.0 -
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, but Im finding a whole lot of contradictions in your post.
You dont sound like you are in denial, you know and recognize exactly where you are.
Im in an at risk category, and everything hereditary that could work against me is.......and still I rise........
I dont think you need an outer kick in the *kitten*, you need a deeper love for you. Working out and dieting is all about being in love with your INSIDE.........and its the best kind of inner love, because it spawns and spreads throughout the rest of you.
Nobody on the internet is going to be able to touch that inside of you, this I definitely know.............you just have to realize when it comes to health, it really is you against the world............but MFP may help you understand that you are definitely not the first to hit a wall or hit a slump, and you damn sure wont be the last.
Im going to add you. Time to live life and have fun or die trying. Thats really what its all about right now.0 -
4 pages of this and the OP is missing? I hope she is reading this.0
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Google diabetic amputation. Check out the images.
Could be your future. You decide.0 -
You aren't in denial. You simply don't care. You can get the eating right. You just don't want to. You don't want to change. You don't want to change because change is hard. It's time consuming and involves a lot of hard work and effort.
Being a type 2 diabetic should be a big enough wake up call for you to get your eating under control. Diabetes is no joke. It's not something to be taken lightly. Trust me, you want to take care of it now while you're still young and relatively healthy. If you continue to have a "I don't care" attitude, you WILL develop more health problems down the road. If you want to live past 50, I highly recommend getting help and taking control of your life NOW.
To me it sounds like you are a compulsive eater and would benefit from psychiatric counseling not only for your mental health but for your eating disorder as well. Pills aren't always the answer but sometimes they are. There are medications that are used as appetite suppressants for those individuals who are compulsive eaters. Maybe this is something you would benefit from.
You need to remove all trigger foods from your house. Stock up on fruits and veggies. As a diabetic, you need to watch your carb and sugar intake. I'm not diabetic but I have insulin resistance and hypoglycemia and have to watch what carbs I eat. Get rid of the cake, cookies, muffins, cupcakes, brownies, chips, etc. You simply are not in the frame of mind to even try to incorporate these foods into your diet (not to mention these foods aren't good for someone with diabetes). You can't eat those foods in moderation right now. So for the time being, eliminate it completely until you get your mental health stable.0 -
Meh, you'll be dead before long at this rate, so why should anyone bother?0
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Opinions of strangers on the Internet are not going to motivate you to change your lifestyle. It's hard. REALLY, really hard. And damn inconvenient. It must come from within. I doubt you are ready.0
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I'm a no BS type of guy. Feel free to friend me.
If you want to hear what you need to hear, and not what you want to hear, check out a book called "The Pleasure Trap" by Dr. Alan Goldhamer and Dr. Doug Lisle. That was my favorite book so far in my quest for better health.
Also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxf4kj8Rb6Y
This is Douglas Lisle presenting some of his findings. The lecture is at a vegetarian conference, but the lecture is not about becoming a vegetarian, but rather about how we are trapped into eating poorly because of the pleasure we get from it. He states that it takes 2-3 weeks to get used to eating healthy. I think that is an important point to understand. We get used to eating crap, we like it, and we can't imagine living without it. But push yourself, stick with it, and we DO get used to it! And there are a lot of people on mfp that eat healthy, but still include their favourite things, just in smaller portions.
You can do this!0 -
Here's the brutal honesty: YOU ARENT READY.
Exactly. Stop asking us to do your work.0 -
One more thing, as well, OP....
Consider the example that you're now setting for your children. They're watching everything you say, do, believe. They'll pick up your habits.
I might be dating myself here but I remember that old anti-drug commercial in the 80's - "You, Dad! I learned it by watching you!"
Well, that's exactly what's going to happen 10, 15, 20 years from now. If you don't care, fine... but do you want your children to do and feel the same way you are right now? What kind of lives do you want for them?
Think about that. I sent you a private message. I hope you read it, and absorb it.
Good luck.0 -
Are you sure you want honesty?
You have a REALLY nice life. You have two children and enough money to not only gorge yourself on a regular basis, but to pay for a personal trainer 4 times a week. You won't have any more or be any better until you learn to appreciate what you have.0 -
All of this "tough love" is making me feel a little ill. Enough of the medical considerations. How about how it feels, being overweight vs being a healthy weight? Please excuse the generalisations, but this does represent my experience at least...
Being overweight is extremely uncomfortable. In hot weather, fat legs chafe and odd rashes ensue. Walking up slight inclines with fitter people is often an embarrassingly wheezy experience. Overweight people seem to continuously pre-occupy themselves with adjusting their clothing as they move around, even though they *know* it is going to make absolutely no difference to how they are perceived. Overweight people think that people can only like them *despite* the way they look. They are "bubbly". This just means that people cannot believe that they could be that fat and that happy.... they're probably right.
Being a healthy weight is comfortable. In hot weather, clothes become more interesting to wear, not more upsetting. You can become the person that inspires your friends to want to develop their fitness. You don't need to worry about who's looking at which parts of your body - indeed you might want them to look. People are actually more inclined to talk to you if you look nicer (my experience anyway). And then, how interesting, to be able to confound these people by being perhaps a little different to the person they were expecting, your personal characteristics having developed in a completely different body and context. You can become the person you were, but a thin, confident version thereof.
Yes, your physical health will improve. Beyond that though, it's worth the work for the psychological space that losing weight frees up. You can focus on more important things in life.0 -
Shame the OP never came back....0
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4 pages of this and the OP is missing? I hope she is reading this.
I was wondering the same thing. Maybe she is reading. Maybe she is just busy. Maybe she finally had the heart attack?0 -
4 pages of this and the OP is missing? I hope she is reading this.
I was wondering the same thing. Maybe she is reading. Maybe she is just busy.
Well, it was her first post on this website and it was early in the morning/late at night (12:24 AM today)....0
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