How to deal with unsupportive friends/family

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AlyssaSupernova
AlyssaSupernova Posts: 45 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi all,

Recently I started to take this weight loss thing seriously, again.. For like the 100000th time,
HOWEVER, my family and my friends think it's like a joke since I have started "seriously dieting" before and stopped after only a few days.
So they are not being supportive, not motivating and not encouraging, at all.
Yesterday I went grocery shopping and loaded my cart with lots of fruits and veggies and they almost mocked me for my choices.
At the cashier, one of my friend asked me "are you sure you want to spend money on all this? since you are most probably going to quit anyway?"

I know that was harsh and I know I should get other friends but I have been friends with her since my toddler days and I wish there was another way I could handle this.

Also yesterday evening for dinner (before me going grocery shopping), my dad went out to get some take out and he brought some stuff of which I swore I wouldn't touch during my diet. He then claimed he forgot and I just sat there eating cucumber slices before deciding that I should go out and get my own stuff.


How do you guys deal with that and how do you ask your friends or worse COLLEAGUES! to support you? I am honestly a bit ashamed to approach them with the "I'm dieting" story AGAIN since my last "I'm dieting" story was just last month and it didn't last more than a week.

Thanks for all your advice!
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Replies

  • aarondnguyen
    aarondnguyen Posts: 270 Member
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    Do what you feel is important for you, and what makes you happy. That's all that matters.

    I've lost a few friends along my journey. Not everyone will understand your ambition. And that's okay. It's your life, not theirs.

    You owe yourself at least that.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    Your motivation needs to come from you, not friends, family or colleagues.
  • hugrekki
    hugrekki Posts: 40
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    I would ignore them for now. I know you've heard the story about the boy who cries wolf, this is a pretty similar situation. The best thing you can do is show them that you're taking this seriously. To do that, stick with it for a longer period of time than you usually would. Once they see that you're sticking to it, they'll start supporting you.

    As for immediate support, talk to the person you're closest to. For me, that's my mother. She supports me 100%, even if I fail. Don't worry about the other people (especially the colleagues) and don't let them discourage you. There's a whole psychological thing that happens when people see someone trying to lose weight. If they're overweight themselves, they'll project their own frustration onto you. That's why it's so important to get unconditional support from one person, but be sure to show them that you're making progress!
  • AlyssaSupernova
    AlyssaSupernova Posts: 45 Member
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    Do what you feel is important for you, and what makes you happy. That's all that matters.

    I've lost a few friends along my journey. Not everyone will understand your ambition. And that's okay. It's your life, not theirs.

    You owe yourself at least that.

    Yes, I completely believe in what you said. I think it's just a damn shame that when I think back, most of the times I have failed, was because of the lack of support my friends/family gave me. I was in constant battle with myself to stick to what I started. I don't know if they are trying to sabotage me on purpose but I wish I had friends that understand my struggle. Thats why I'm here though :)
  • AlyssaSupernova
    AlyssaSupernova Posts: 45 Member
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    I would ignore them for now. I know you've heard the story about the boy who cries wolf, this is a pretty similar situation. The best thing you can do is show them that you're taking this seriously. To do that, stick with it for a longer period of time than you usually would. Once they see that you're sticking to it, they'll start supporting you.

    As for immediate support, talk to the person you're closest to. For me, that's my mother. She supports me 100%, even if I fail. Don't worry about the other people (especially the colleagues) and don't let them discourage you. There's a whole psychological thing that happens when people see someone trying to lose weight. If they're overweight themselves, they'll project their own frustration onto you. That's why it's so important to get unconditional support from one person, but be sure to show them that you're making progress!

    Yeah! I was kinda suspicious about them trying to sabotage me on purpose and you put it in perspective.
    Thanks for your advice. I am definitely determined this time around. Even though I should convince MYSELF first before convincing everybody else.
  • lavaughan69
    lavaughan69 Posts: 459 Member
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    Prove them wrong. Stick with it this time, look and feel awesome, end of story.
  • Xaudelle
    Xaudelle Posts: 122 Member
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    Prove them wrong.
  • Jill0321
    Jill0321 Posts: 5
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    Welcome back. I'd just like to say if your dieting chances are it won't work, but if its a life style change it will. I had to learn to stop saying anything & if I did I never used the words diet. Hang in there & you can do it.
  • Xaudelle
    Xaudelle Posts: 122 Member
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    Prove them wrong. Stick with it this time, look and feel awesome, end of story.

    Beat me to it!! Hah.
  • SkinnyMel78
    SkinnyMel78 Posts: 434 Member
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    You have to make a lifestyle change. It's not a diet. Once you show yourself that you can make this change, the ones that love and support you will come around. The best thing for you to do is find support on mfp. Everyone here is or was where you are now. I couldn't have gotten as far as I have without the support from my wonderful mfp friends. My family supports me but they have no idea the struggles and victories that I go threw each day. Best of luck to you!!
  • underw64
    underw64 Posts: 26 Member
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    Tell them you aren't dieting, but making a lifestyle change. Besides, you didn't "quit" your diet. You just paused it, so you are now restarting. Everyone expects a dieter to fail; when you are changing your lifestyle simply to eat healthier, it's a lot harder to mock. I think that because the word 'diet' has such a negative connotation to it, it's easy for others (especially loved ones) to poke fun. I always got asked, "What's different this time?" and finally the nonchalant answer of, "Me." was enough to get others to back off. Just remember that you are doing it for yourself, not for them.
  • dan_IRL
    dan_IRL Posts: 204 Member
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    I have dealt with this in the past. What has helped me was NOT looking for support and motivation. Don't tell ANYONE you are DIETING. Including yourself. When you "Diet" you are telling yourself it is temporary.

    Start by making small changes in your decision making. Don't load your cart with "health food". Start by replacing one thing at a time. Make gradual changes to your decision making. If anyone asks if you are "dieting" simply say "No, this grilled chicken breast and sauteed spinach just sounded better than the cheeseburger and fries today".

    Moral of the story: Don't DIET! You said it right in your post that you are swearing off certain things "while you are dieting". That right there is going to guarantee your failure.

    For the take out situation, one bad meal never hurt anyone. Give yourself some allowances to eat some bad things OCCASIONALLY. If that one bad meal is the only bad meal you eat in a week, you are doing really well.

    Just some thoughts to ponder.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    I would recommend starting slow- make slow changes.

    Jumping in feet first works for some people REALLY well- that whole cold turkey thing.

    Some people- it leads to yoyo dieting and crash dieting and that on and off again stuff.

    I would start to make small and determined changes. Set time lines- and goals. So for 6 weeks I"m not going to do X or I'm not doing X on the weekdays - but I"m okay on the weekends.

    You have to train your self discipline- it's a skill that can get better- but it needs to be trained.
    Otherwise expand your circle to include people who support you and ignore/dismiss the negativity from immediate family.

    "i'm sorry I don't remember asking you about my food choices" and drop it. family is tough esp if you leave with or near them- but you have to realize it's your life- and your journey and your decisions.

    you can do it!!!! :) Plus you have MFP- which is mostly encouraging LOL- it has bad days- but there are some great solid supporting people here- so don't be afraid to use them.
  • LFernan85
    LFernan85 Posts: 19 Member
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    Stick with it, prove them wrong, and when they see you losing weight they'll start to take you seriously. I'd avoid telling people you're on a "diet" that might make them think it's short lived. Tell them you're working on a lifestyle change and you need their support.

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  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    Ok, so I have come to see that there seem to be several different types of people in this world but when it comes to diet/exercise/health changes most of us fall into the categories of

    A) SUPER social with it, telling everyone your goals and plans, updating them on progress, needing their support to make it work.

    B) very PRIVATE about it, almost covert in doing it secretly and sometimes even denying it when asked.

    I have always been more B than A. And I can see benefits both ways - in fact I have come to appreciate the A manner of doing things.

    But maybe you should try going about it kind of the B way this time...not saying the A approach is bad because it's not, and has worked great for a lot of people. But it has the disadvantage of letting other people control how you feel and discourage you even if they might not have cruel intentions.

    I don't want this to sound mean or anything but I know a woman who has always been very much "A" in this regard and while I don't wish her ill, I have noticed that she usually goes all crazy gung-ho getting a personal trainer, buying pants 10 sizes smaller as inspiration, posting daily updates on social media...and then disappears forever. She's never lost much weight.

    If it's absolutely necessary to stay really social with your efforts, then take this opportunity to prove 'em all wrong...show them THIS is the time you're going to make some very real progress. Go for it, either way you choose to go!!
  • hummingbrdhrt
    hummingbrdhrt Posts: 67 Member
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    I've started over a few times myself and I understand how hurtful it can be when family and friends seem skeptical. In the end, it's all about you. We start again and learn again as many times as we need to. You'll succeed and when you do, you can smack them gently in the noggin with a celery stick! :)
  • anallydiaz
    anallydiaz Posts: 48 Member
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    I know it is hard not to have the full support of family and friends, but if you know that you are ready this time and you are serious about succeeding, then you don't need anybody to do it. Do it for yourself.
    It also took me a long time to get serious about this. I would tell my boyfreind all the time that I was going to do it, and then I would quit a week later. This time when I stuck with it and I started loosing weight, he actually admited that he thought I was just going to quit again. He was very surprised that I actually did it.
    I know its hard when people dont believe you, and that is why this community is for :) All us here are on the same boat and we are all here to support each other.
    You can do it!!!!!
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
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    Make this about you, not them. And here's the honest truth, no one is out to "sabotage" you. That's simply a mental perspective you have. They are going on about their lives, the way they always have been, and probably will continue to. You need to find a way to keep yourself centered, outside of their comments and/or what they decide to eat.

    Make a list of reasons why you're on this path to a LIFESTYLE change, not simply a "diet". It's going to be hard, but on those weak days where all you want to do is shovel ice cream into your pie hole (like I do), look back on the list and remind yourself why you're doing this.

    Remember: YOU are the one making the change. Not anyone else and you shouldn't expect them to make the change with you. Make this about you.
  • veganbettie
    veganbettie Posts: 701 Member
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    The only support you need is the support of yourself. You are the one that is going to make the changes, you are the one that will cause yourself to fail if you give up.

    Just ignore them and do what you need to do.

    If you need support for everything that you do in your life you're never ever going to succeed.
  • walkinthedogs
    walkinthedogs Posts: 238 Member
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    Quit telling them what you're going to do and just do it, for yourself. Keep it to yourself. Why does everyone feel the need to tell everyone they are on a weight loss journey and then wonder why nobody wants to hear about it or be supportive. Just do it, for you, for the rest of your life. Find support here, where people actually want to hear about it and support you.

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