How to deal with unsupportive friends/family

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Replies

  • Stormykitty
    Stormykitty Posts: 43 Member
    I feel that it may help to set boundaries with all those that appear to be sabotaging your efforts. I know this may be difficult to do however, I have found that writing a response out in a journal or sheet of paper is helpful. For example, to those friends/family members that make unsupportive statements or actions (putting unwanted food under you nose) clearly state I am not living in the past even though, I have tried in the past to modify my food choices I am working on it now and am concerned with the choices I make today. I am unable to relive the past it is over gone unchangeable. I would appreciate you refraining from referring to my past attempts at change and not bring me any foods without giving me a heads up; perhaps there are items on the menu I can eat and that would be nice to give me a choice if it fits into my food plan/choices. I want your support in making my lifestyle changes. However, attempts at sabotaging or making derogatory comments will result with me removing myself from your presence. Be strong and don't give up. Stay the course.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    It really does boil down to: $crew them.

    You're not doing this for them; it's for you. Most people will tell you to tell everybody that you're dieting, but in this case, not sure that I would. It's a "actions speak louder than words" sort of thing, and let them have their fun.

    My husband didn't do anything regarding weight loss for the first 6 months of my journey. Not that he had very much to lose, but it was still a pain because he didn't realize how badly he was eating. Then he started logging and had a revelation, and I busted a gut laughing!!

    Sometimes other people don't realize just how damaging their actions, sayings, or inaction can affect you. But you have to build up your armor to help it slide right off too. It is ultimately up to you anyway.

    Tell only those people who you can trust to be supportive. It actually has helped me to see a therapist who's lost as much as I want to lose.

    Meanwhile - do what you know to be the right thing, and be confident that you know you're doing the right thing for you.

    You can do this!
  • megnay
    megnay Posts: 65 Member
    Hi all,

    Recently I started to take this weight loss thing seriously, again.. For like the 100000th time,
    HOWEVER, my family and my friends think it's like a joke since I have started "seriously dieting" before and stopped after only a few days.
    So they are not being supportive, not motivating and not encouraging, at all.
    Yesterday I went grocery shopping and loaded my cart with lots of fruits and veggies and they almost mocked me for my choices.
    At the cashier, one of my friend asked me "are you sure you want to spend money on all this? since you are most probably going to quit anyway?"

    I know that was harsh and I know I should get other friends but I have been friends with her since my toddler days and I wish there was another way I could handle this.

    Also yesterday evening for dinner (before me going grocery shopping), my dad went out to get some take out and he brought some stuff of which I swore I wouldn't touch during my diet. He then claimed he forgot and I just sat there eating cucumber slices before deciding that I should go out and get my own stuff.


    How do you guys deal with that and how do you ask your friends or worse COLLEAGUES! to support you? I am honestly a bit ashamed to approach them with the "I'm dieting" story AGAIN since my last "I'm dieting" story was just last month and it didn't last more than a week.

    Thanks for all your advice!
    Girl, I know EXACTLY how you feel.

    Everyone's journey is different. For some, like my brother, one day he just CHANGED... Started walking, eating better, asked for no support, told no one, and BAM he was fit. For some others, like us, it's a constant struggle that you deal with your entire life. You try, you fail. But are they really failures? NO! You tried. Maybe the program didn't work for you. So you try again. It doesn't matter if it's the first or the millionth time you tried. You keep going, and every time you learn something new about what works for you and doesn't work for you.

    I have to be honest, the only thing that works for me is doing this journey on my own terms and not really discussing it with my family. I find that brings me down a lot, and I would rather just not open that can of worms with them as I often feel patronized or deflated after talking about it. I also have tried diets many times and voiced it to my family, only to "fail" and I feel like they unintentionally rub it in my face, or brush it off as if I will never succeed. MY MOTIVATION IS PROVING THEM WRONG, ON MY OWN.

    What helped me most was moving out and living on my own and being in charge of what I bring into my kitchen. I know this is obviously not an option for everyone. But the core of this change was making the journey MY OWN and not relying on anyone else's support. Sometimes, looking for support often has the opposite effect, and I think only relying on yourself and your own sources of motivation (photos, charts, etc!) will keep your journey sustainable.

    I hope this helps! Msg me if you ever want to talk more. :)
  • _elkahallick_
    _elkahallick_ Posts: 9
    They have a right to be skeptical, but that's ok... Use that as fuel to push you harder... Sounds like you've talked a lot in the past, let your actions speak for you....
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
    Are you doing this for you, or for them?

    If the answer is you're doing this for you, congrats... you're going to succeed. Take charge of your own life and simply ignore the doubters.
  • ChelseyFrost1
    ChelseyFrost1 Posts: 2
    I am in the same boat kind of. My family has seen me go through TONS of diets, which I do normally lose a couple pounds, but they never say good job or wow you can tell! So I always gave up. NOW I have a new sense of mind. It does NOT matter what they think, I will lose weight and they will just be blind sided in the end. Think of it as your grand finale. Blow them away when you're down to your goal weight.=)
  • lyzmorrison
    lyzmorrison Posts: 172 Member
    Don't talk about it. Just do it.

    You will find others who are on your journey that you can share your victories with. Just show your family/friends/colleagues with your results. It doesn't matter what they say. It doesn't matter what they think. This is about you.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    So DON'T approach them with the "I'm dieting" story. Why do you feel the need to tell them in the first place? It's not their business, only yours. Quietly eat less, have accountability to make better choices, and move a little more. No need to blare it all over the place. In my experience all that accomplishes is to make those around you uncomfortable, defensive, or even secretly jealous, and the natural response to that is to try to derail you as soon as possible. Don't make it public, and you won't have this problem.
  • AlyssaSupernova
    AlyssaSupernova Posts: 45 Member
    Hi all,

    Recently I started to take this weight loss thing seriously, again.. For like the 100000th time,
    HOWEVER, my family and my friends think it's like a joke since I have started "seriously dieting" before and stopped after only a few days.
    So they are not being supportive, not motivating and not encouraging, at all.
    Yesterday I went grocery shopping and loaded my cart with lots of fruits and veggies and they almost mocked me for my choices.
    At the cashier, one of my friend asked me "are you sure you want to spend money on all this? since you are most probably going to quit anyway?"

    I know that was harsh and I know I should get other friends but I have been friends with her since my toddler days and I wish there was another way I could handle this.

    Also yesterday evening for dinner (before me going grocery shopping), my dad went out to get some take out and he brought some stuff of which I swore I wouldn't touch during my diet. He then claimed he forgot and I just sat there eating cucumber slices before deciding that I should go out and get my own stuff.


    How do you guys deal with that and how do you ask your friends or worse COLLEAGUES! to support you? I am honestly a bit ashamed to approach them with the "I'm dieting" story AGAIN since my last "I'm dieting" story was just last month and it didn't last more than a week.

    Thanks for all your advice!
    Girl, I know EXACTLY how you feel.

    Everyone's journey is different. For some, like my brother, one day he just CHANGED... Started walking, eating better, asked for no support, told no one, and BAM he was fit. For some others, like us, it's a constant struggle that you deal with your entire life. You try, you fail. But are they really failures? NO! You tried. Maybe the program didn't work for you. So you try again. It doesn't matter if it's the first or the millionth time you tried. You keep going, and every time you learn something new about what works for you and doesn't work for you.

    I have to be honest, the only thing that works for me is doing this journey on my own terms and not really discussing it with my family. I find that brings me down a lot, and I would rather just not open that can of worms with them as I often feel patronized or deflated after talking about it. I also have tried diets many times and voiced it to my family, only to "fail" and I feel like they unintentionally rub it in my face, or brush it off as if I will never succeed. MY MOTIVATION IS PROVING THEM WRONG, ON MY OWN.

    What helped me most was moving out and living on my own and being in charge of what I bring into my kitchen. I know this is obviously not an option for everyone. But the core of this change was making the journey MY OWN and not relying on anyone else's support. Sometimes, looking for support often has the opposite effect, and I think only relying on yourself and your own sources of motivation (photos, charts, etc!) will keep your journey sustainable.

    I hope this helps! Msg me if you ever want to talk more. :)

    Thank you! I know that motivation should come from within but I believe that sometimes people make you second guess your commitment. I am, however, going to this on my own terms. I do wish to share my struggles and successes with friends but seeing that they are less supportive than I would want them to be, I decided to try something else (which is why I'm here! :D)
  • AlyssaSupernova
    AlyssaSupernova Posts: 45 Member
    Oh by the way everyone, thanks for all your advice!
    But most of all, thanks for keeping it real and thanks to some of you for not sugar coating it!

    I actually feel a lot better now and I am positive that all of you here on MFP are exactly what I have been missing from my life!

    Thanks :D
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Oh by the way everyone, thanks for all your advice!
    But most of all, thanks for keeping it real and thanks to some of you for not sugar coating it!

    I actually feel a lot better now and I am positive that all of you here on MFP are exactly what I have been missing from my life!

    Thanks :D

    :heart:
  • veganbettie
    veganbettie Posts: 701 Member
    Oh by the way everyone, thanks for all your advice!
    But most of all, thanks for keeping it real and thanks to some of you for not sugar coating it!

    I actually feel a lot better now and I am positive that all of you here on MFP are exactly what I have been missing from my life!

    Thanks :D

    Good for you girlie!!! You got this! You CAN do this! It's all in your head, and heads are tricky places to be. <3
  • martineyes26
    martineyes26 Posts: 47 Member
    You don't need to explain anything to anyone! If they indeed ask, don't tell them you are on a diet (they've obviously heard that before from you). Instead, tell them you are making some lifestyle changes. Maybe the way you express your healthy eating habits to tell not only will help them understand this is different for you, but YOU will also feel the difference and stick to it this time. Make sure you keep one thing in mind- yourself! You should be doing this for you and you only. Yes it helps to have motivation and support to turn to us. That is what we are here for! :-)
  • teddylee337
    teddylee337 Posts: 5 Member
    Lose some friends, gain some true friends.
    If they don't support you, so what, you can support yourself.
    Side note: We as a community here support you that's why you're here.
    Hit the gym, make new friends.
    Ones who actually help, support, and motivate.
    Ask and share advice, tips, and knowledge.
    Do it for yourself, don't do it for others.
    If you get criticize, so what?
    Prove them wrong, prove you're right.
    You can do this.
    We all can.
  • PinkyPan1
    PinkyPan1 Posts: 3,018 Member
    See that what I need to get me motivated...doubters. All it takes for me is someone to tell me I can not do something and it triggers a response in me that says "watch me!" I quit smoking cold turkey on Feb.2nd. after 20 yrs. I was told that I could not do it for one and for two that I would gain at least 20 lbs. Not only did I quit smoking...I have lost 6 lbs and going strong. I exercise every day and I am making a positive change for my own well being. The doubters who told me that I could not quit and that I would gain weight are now uncomfortable with my results. Dig deep and love yourself enough to follow through. You can do this....
  • Roaringgael
    Roaringgael Posts: 339 Member
    I decided to change things last September, told No one except my partner that I was trying to eat better.
    I didn't talk about my lifestyle change to any one really except the odd person I trusted in my work place who have a fitness lifestyle (they understand the best).

    Most continued to push unsuitable food on me at different times which I just refused without explaining myself - it seemed easier.
    Many months later people started to notice my weight loss and asked me outright was I dieting and I would reply truthfully yes but didn't bother to elaborate. People aren't that interested after all.

    One of my overweight friends is uncomfortable with my appearance changes but we just don't talk about it. My sister is quite supportive in a general way.
    I find the support here on MFP is the best and that of my partner.
    Don';t give up, believe in yourself and carry it through. Relying on others is a recipe for failure, it has to come from within yourself.
  • Mangopickle
    Mangopickle Posts: 1,509 Member
    I have dealt with this in the past. What has helped me was NOT looking for support and motivation. Don't tell ANYONE you are DIETING. Including yourself. When you "Diet" you are telling yourself it is temporary.

    Start by making small changes in your decision making. Don't load your cart with "health food". Start by replacing one thing at a time. Make gradual changes to your decision making. If anyone asks if you are "dieting" simply say "No, this grilled chicken breast and sauteed spinach just sounded better than the cheeseburger and fries today".

    Moral of the story: Don't DIET! You said it right in your post that you are swearing off certain things "while you are dieting". That right there is going to guarantee your failure.

    For the take out situation, one bad meal never hurt anyone. Give yourself some allowances to eat some bad things OCCASIONALLY. If that one bad meal is the only bad meal you eat in a week, you are doing really well.

    Just some thoughts to ponder.

    This!

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