You reached your goal but it is sometimes not enough

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modify24
modify24 Posts: 12
in Introduce Yourself
I was 230 pounds when I decided it was time to make a change. I remember when I used to say I would be happy to be 170 and I would maintain my weight there. I reached that goal and realized right away that I couldnt stop there. I looked in the mirror and saw my former 230 pound self.. I didnt feel any different. I told myself i would stop trying to lose after I took off another 10 pounds. I reached that goal and once again felt just as horrible as before. I then took off another 10 pounds and thought that if i reached 150 I would feel better about myself and would not see the "fat girl" anymore. I was wrong! I once AGAIN decided another 10 pounds would do the trick and have taken off about 6 of the 10 I need to lose.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The mirror is like a monster and the image just never changes. It is hard to tell if the mirror is playing tricks on me. I dont even know who I am anymore. I never thought in a million years I would feel worse about myself after reaching my goal then i did before. I would not wish this upon anyone. If I could go back I would have fixed my inner self before even attempting to change the outside.

I know alot of people feel this way and alot will soon feel this way upon reaching thier goal. I thought I would put it out there as something to think about. It doesnt matter how much you lose if you dont change whats going on in the inside first. you will not feel any different after the weight is gone. I am more depressed then I ever was before. When people tell me I look great I feel hurt as if they are lying to make me feel better about my weight problem. All I do anymore is count calories, weigh myself, exersie, look in the mirror, and cry! This isnt fun anymore.

Replies

  • tmogs
    tmogs Posts: 287 Member
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    I keep coming back to your post and start writing you but stop because i don't have any input on the matter. just wish you were near me so i could give you a hug but since i'm not :flowerforyou:
    I hope you realize that you are beautiful and you are worth it and you shouldn't be ashamed of anything at 230 or 150
  • littlelol
    littlelol Posts: 539
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    I Feel exactly the same :(
  • HealthyEscape
    HealthyEscape Posts: 255
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    I read in your profile that you suffered from bulimia. It sounds like from what you wrote here that those "voices" (so to speak) are reaching out again. They are the ones who put you down, make you feel depressed in light of your awesome dedication and weight loss and keep you wanting more even though you look great.

    All I can stress is to seek therapy and work through your "inside" now that almost all the work is done on the "outside". So many times people think that if they just lose the weight, everything will be story-book ended. That's really not true. If you don't start inside first and find out what is going on, you will never be really happy no matter what you look like and you are likely to fall back into the same patterns that got you heavy in the first place.

    Good luck to you in your journey. Please let me know if you need anything or just a buddy to talk to :-)

    You can fight through this!
  • pilotgirl2007
    pilotgirl2007 Posts: 368 Member
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    I think that a lot more people go through this than are willing to admit. I had lost a bunch of weight at one point and I was till picking myself apart. When you are overweight all of the imperfections stand out and you train yourself to see only those. You may want to go talk to someone it is hard to re-wire the way you look at yourself.

    I imagine when I finally get myself back to where I was I will still have the same feelings.

    Maybe try doing this: Instead of looking in the mirror in the morning and saying "I hate this..." or " I would look better if I weighed this..." try to find something you like about how you look or feel now and say it outloud.

    You look amazing! : )
  • tcam70455
    tcam70455 Posts: 128 Member
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    You are right when you say you need to change what is inside. It is not too late. You need to celebrate the fact that you have done something incredible for yourself. You have changed to a healthier lifestyle, lost weight, and are probably avoiding some major health issues. Maybe you need to talk to a friend, pastor, or counselor and see what else is going on. Hugs and prayers for you.:smile:
  • ladysvs
    ladysvs Posts: 61
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    Sometimes it is the hardest to see ourselves how others see us. You look terrific in your pic! I used to be 213 & am now 143. I still see all the bad things with my body glaring out at me BUT what I had to learn is to be happy with all the progress I made and to realize that I will never look like a Victoria Secret model. It IS hard but you need to try to see all the good you've done because I sure can see it in your pic! Keep your chin up! Hugs!
  • tracybarnhill
    tracybarnhill Posts: 124
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    You need some positive reinforcement in your life. Stop worrying about the mirror, you need to stop and make yourself happy. What would ultimately make you happy since you have reached all your goals. If your reward is buying a $120 pair of jeans, go buy them, ot go buy you that pair of stelito heels that want. Instead of trying to loose any more, try maintaining and not being so anal about the mirror and scale... Make it a lifestyle now.. Stop counting and make it a lifestyle and do something you enjoy!!!! If you are having that major of an issue with the mirror and your self esteem, you might need some couseling.... Good Luck!
  • CarolHudson11
    CarolHudson11 Posts: 372
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    I keep coming back to your post and start writing you but stop because i don't have any input on the matter. just wish you were near me so i could give you a hug but since i'm not :flowerforyou:
    I hope you realize that you are beautiful and you are worth it and you shouldn't be ashamed of anything at 230 or 150


    I've done the same thing - I came back to your post 4 times. I don't know what to say and I'd love to just give you a hug, too! Do you know what you've accomplished? It's amazing! Maybe you should talk to someone? A therapist/counselor? You're right - you can fix the outside all you want, but if you don't fix the "inside" nothing changes. Feel free to contact me anytime - I'll be more than happy to just listen. :flowerforyou:
  • jamaka1
    jamaka1 Posts: 412 Member
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    hi chicky i cant say i understand but i've read about ppl who had gastric bypass & feel like this. personally i feel gr8 when i look in the mirror and see my even 6lbs loss. my clothes fits better & everyone notices the loss; in actuality i feel sexy i just wanna show my bod off. i really dont know what 2 say but try find peace and celebrate ur new u and dont return to the old u.
  • chrissym78
    chrissym78 Posts: 628 Member
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    I can relate somewhat. I have changed my goal a couple of times now. I started about the same place as you and have lost 50+ lbs. I still see fat. I try not to dwell on it b/c my clothing tags say I have lost alot! I have also had 3 kids and have been pretty streched out over the past ten years and my skin hasn't exactly shrunk with me.

    You're right. You've lost lots of weight, big changes on the outside! Now you have to do everything you can to work on the inside. Maybe you ought to find someone to talk to about the way you feel, someone who can help you sort it out and get to the bottom of it. You might even try herbal supplements, St Johns Wort might help, there are others too. Hang in there! Sending hugs and prayers!
  • mafery
    mafery Posts: 167 Member
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    I totally understand. I wrote more than once about it in reply and fianlyl sending this...but yes, I can understand what you are feeling.
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    I was 230 pounds when I decided it was time to make a change. I remember when I used to say I would be happy to be 170 and I would maintain my weight there. I reached that goal and realized right away that I couldnt stop there. I looked in the mirror and saw my former 230 pound self.. I didnt feel any different. I told myself i would stop trying to lose after I took off another 10 pounds. I reached that goal and once again felt just as horrible as before. I then took off another 10 pounds and thought that if i reached 150 I would feel better about myself and would not see the "fat girl" anymore. I was wrong! I once AGAIN decided another 10 pounds would do the trick and have taken off about 6 of the 10 I need to lose.

    I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The mirror is like a monster and the image just never changes. It is hard to tell if the mirror is playing tricks on me. I dont even know who I am anymore. I never thought in a million years I would feel worse about myself after reaching my goal then i did before. I would not wish this upon anyone. If I could go back I would have fixed my inner self before even attempting to change the outside.

    I know alot of people feel this way and alot will soon feel this way upon reaching thier goal. I thought I would put it out there as something to think about. It doesnt matter how much you lose if you dont change whats going on in the inside first. you will not feel any different after the weight is gone. I am more depressed then I ever was before. When people tell me I look great I feel hurt as if they are lying to make me feel better about my weight problem. All I do anymore is count calories, weigh myself, exersie, look in the mirror, and cry! This isnt fun anymore.
    You can still work on changing the inside now...it's do-able, either way it does take time for our minds to adjust to such huge changes.

    So much about weight loss is mental...do you have pictures from your journey that you can lay down on the table side by side? That seems to be helping me make adjustments a bit more. I lost a ton and I found myself doing the very same thing, dropping more and more and more and it still never felt like enough. Now I'm at the low end of my range and shouldn't go any lower and I still struggle to see what others see.

    In my experience as I look over my journey, dropping the weight wasn't easy by any means, but it sure was simple compared to getting my mind lined up to my body. Keep pulling up old photos and taking more recent ones and really noticing every little small detail and you will get there Hon! It just takes time, but dropping more weight doesn't get us there mentally... toning up is fine (for fitness) but dropping more weight isnt going to help us not see the 'fat girl' in the mirror. But comparison photos will and beginning to believe others does help, and yes I KNOW it's hard when it feels like they're not be truthful but truly they see us realistically it's us that has the distorted body image issue at the moment.

    :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • modify24
    modify24 Posts: 12
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    Thanks for all the wonderful feedback :) It is nice to know I am not alone in the way I am feeling. It seems so crazy that you can drop more then 80 pounds and seriously not feel any different or see yourself any differently. I have felt on more than one occasion that I was going CrAzY and should check myself in. ha ha! I think I am going to get some help and I hope anyone else that may be feeling this way does the same.
  • servingthealiens
    servingthealiens Posts: 144 Member
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    Are you seeing a counselor? I saw in your profile that you were bulimic at age 10. That means you've never known what healthy eating habits are, or what a healthy body image is. A professional can help you sort those things out. You don't have to do it alone.

    But yeah, I do know how you feel. This isn't the body I used to have, and no matter how much weight I lose, it's hard to be happy with it because you feel like a failure for putting on pounds in the first place. And I've never had an ED and I still feel that way.
  • Cytherea
    Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
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    Have you tried making yourself a before and after pic? Sometimes, this does wonders. I know how it is to look in the mirror and see the same exact thing. Nothing is different; nothing has changed. But when you find a picture of yourself at 230 lbs. and put it next to a current picture, I guarantee you WILL see a difference. It might not change what you see in the mirror, but you will KNOW that you HAVE lost weight and that you ARE healthier and skinny!

    Edit: Another tip. When you tend to be hard on yourself for the flaws and imperfections, think about how far you've come and be proud of them instead. When I look at myself and see that pouch of belly fat, I get upset that it is still there and I still feel fat. But after being so hard on myself, it occurred to me that I've lost SO much weight there- I don't have massive rolls anymore, my breasts are actually bigger than my stomach and I can't see my stomach when I look down anymore. Sure, I'm not skinny, and I don't have a flat stomach, but you know what? It isn't even a full muffin top and I can wear jeans that sit on my hip instead of up to my chest and I'm proud to flaunt that pouch. Sure, I still want to get rid of it, but look at the difference! You have to keep telling yourself, over and over, even if I don't see it, I look good. I've lost XX pounds, XX inches, XX dress sizes, etc. etc. and force yourself to have a more positive image. :flowerforyou:
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    <snip> it's hard to be happy with it because you feel like a failure for putting on pounds in the first place.<snip>

    This is so how I feel, everyone around me is so excited for me and I feel shame for gaining it all in the first place. Yea, my head is still catching up:blushing: ....it takes time...
  • modify24
    modify24 Posts: 12
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    I never thought to bring out the old pic's and compare. I stashed them away (the very few that there are) so I hope i can find them. I really think it could help.... Hopefully it will be a wake up call :)
  • Cytherea
    Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
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    I never thought to bring out the old pic's and compare. I stashed them away (the very few that there are) so I hope i can find them. I really think it could help.... Hopefully it will be a wake up call :)

    Trust me, it really will, I promise. Your jaw will drop. And keep them- put those pictures side by side and frame them or stick them on your mirror or wherever you will see them most often as a reminder of how far you've come and just how great you look now. When I feel fat or discouraged I always pull out those pics that I made and stare at them for a few minutes.

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