Single Parents - How Do You Cope With Stress and Its Effects

That's gotta be rough! Is she 14? Does she have a friend or relative's house she is comfortable going to while you go out? If not...maybe that's something to work towards?

I've been a single parent for 4 years (since my boys were 1 and 2 years old), one of my kids is autistic. I cope with stress by lifting weights during my lunch hour and fueling my body well. I work full time and go to school on top of being a single parent.

Around the house the boys help me clean up and they do well when they are responsible for something (washing dishes, wiping the table, taking out the trash, all with help of course). We also have a schedule so that the kids know what to expect most days. They behave better when they get attention like our evening play time after dinner. All these things lower the stress levels at home.

My daughter is also 14 and I've been a single mom her whole life, we have that in common. About 6 years back we were involved in an airshow disaster, and without going into the whole story, it has caused her to have anxiety about not being with me. So again I can relate. As far as she goes, she's has gotten much better with about a year of therapy, for a long time I couldn't leave the room without her coming with me, even to the bathroom. She would have to sit on my bed so she could at least see where I was. Having a child who is that afraid of not having you near is VERY stressful. To this day the minute she gets out of school she calls me the first question is always "when are you coming home?". Anyway, I tell all that so you know I understand. It's taken a long time for me get her to the point where I can go out after work to run errands or leave her home while I go even 2 miles up the street to the store without her. It was slow baby steps, but I knew I needed to find the place where I could be alone to do things, but she would still be comfortable with it. I think if you work on that (if it's possible with her condition) you will find a great bit of relief there for you.

How I've worked around other things is I run in the morning while she is asleep. She usually wakes up while I'm gone, but we have a dog and her being in the house helps, which again helps me. I do take at least one night every 6 weeks and go out with my girlfriends and I do it GUILT free regardless of what my daugther says. I do have a boyfriend for the past 6 years and he will do things with her while I'm out with the girls. He and I do date nights, but usually if she's spending the night somewhere, for the most part she always comes out with us. We have actually gone on trips twice without her and she did great. You need adult time.

You need to take the time for yourself, I didn't do this for the first 6 years of her life and I realize I was doing both of us a disservice. A rested, healthy mommy is the best mommy. When I'm really stressed out, she is now at the age where I can say, I need to go walk Macy...alone! I tell her I love her very much, but mom needs a timeout to chill out and relax. She completely understands, though she may text me while I'm out walking LOL She runs track and cross country and plays soccer so while she is involved in her actitivies I'll run errands, call friends, read a book or lately I've been running the track while they practice. On days she is home before me from school we hug and kiss hello when I walk through the door and then she has to give me 10 minutes to unwind, alone, in my bedroom before she can start telling me about her day. Yipes just give me time to throw my jeans on LOL All these things have helped me to be more stressfree and therefore the house is stress free.

As far as emotional eating, I don't really do that but I do tend to buy "treats" for her that I don't like so there isn't much temptation in the house.

I've also learned to allow others to help me. When she was younger and we first moved here to the South we knew not a soul, I had to learn to accept help when people offered. I learned really quick that someone just taking her to soccer practice or having them play at their house (without me) was a huge relief. When you work all day and have kids even 30 mins of me time is heaven.

It's hard to be a single parent, but honestly she's the light of my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. I read a quote somewhere that said "when you're a parent the days are long, but the years are fast".

Single parent of two special needs kids (ages 11 and 10) here too! Parenting them is exhausting and challenging especially living 1,000 miles away from my family and friends. I also manage to balance a full time career and part time business that I own.

My stress relief is going to the gym and working out, it's the only time in my day that is 100% about me.

Is it easy? No fn way. Some days I feel like the ground is going to swallow me whole, but I force myself to keep going. Failure is not an option. Three people depend on me and I can't let them down.

I feel exactly the same way though I have only two people depending on me.

I've always been a single parent and haven't had outside support so fostered a feeling that the three of us are a "team" and work together to get things done. Now #1 is in her first year of college and the financial pressures are greater than they ever have been. Still we work as a team. #2 and I have given up some luxuries to help pay for tuition and later #1 will do the same for #2's tuition.

I laugh whenever and however I can, I write, I have great friends here that give me some venting room and some inspiration, and mostly I stop to appreciate how incredibly blessed I've been to be able to parent my daughters. Failure is not an option.

I do as many races as I can.

I've been a single mom since my daughter was 4 months old. She's a pretty easy-going kid so I'm very fortunate, but there are times where I wish there was someone to help bounce ideas off of or put me in "time-out" when I start spinning. I used to turn to food:

when stressed - it's been a hard day so I deserve this pint of ice cream
when happy - there was no whining and the living room is relatively clean, I deserve this pint of ice cream
when in denial - they won't mind if I can't pay that bill this month, I deserve this pint of ice cream
when in need of comfort - this is hard, I deserve this pint of ice cream.
when angry - I kept my temper, I deserve this pint of ice cream.

(Can you tell I have a soft spot for ice cream? And multiple soft spots because of excess ice cream!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the fact that I'm over weight on being a single mom. I completely get that eating was my coping mechanism. I'm working on treating myself better than that.

So now when stressed, I'm able to take a few minutes to myself (she's now 8 1/2), or we take a walk or jump rope, maybe I'll curl up in the chair and read my book while she does homework, or get my workout in early - just something to re-focus me so that I'm able to take care of both us the way we deserve.

I wish you the very best!

I'll agree with all of the other posters - I have 3 sons, the youngest having ADHD, ODD and social anxiety. It's not easy, but it's worth it. For me, I workout in the morning early before they are awake. I'm blessed with a treadmill, bike, weights, etc... and I love my workout videos. I do try to take all three boys out to the park often, even though it means slowing down my pace and not getting the burn I want. I cook for relaxation so on the weekends, I'm always trying new healthy recipes and getting them involved with it. I also try to take a bath each Friday night... the boys and I have movie night where we sleep in the living room and once they go to sleep then I take an hour to myself

I do agree with the poster who said he simplified things - no dating, different friends. Sometimes its lonely, but again, its worth it.