Effecting my relationship

I would say that you should motivate each other! Try working out together! It gives you a reason to hang out and it is good for both of you. Taking long walks together could be a good start. Most importantly is to just watch what you eat. Sub out a few high-fat snacks with something healthier.
Good luck!

When I met my OH Chris 5 years ago I was 11 stone. We was work collegues and friends for about a year before we got together.
In the 3 years we had been together, I had put on 4 stone.
Like you I got very self consious of the way I looked and it affected my outlook to our relationship rather than our actual relationship because my fella was supportive.
I didnt get dressed or undressed in front of him, lights were always out (if you know what I mean).

I wrote down all the reasons I want to lose weight so I could read them everytime I feel deflated.

You are right, only you can truly motivate yourself but my biggest advise would be talk to your partner, tell him how you feel about yourself about him and about you as an us.
No matter how much it hurts you, no matter how much you cry, he cant support you if he does not understad because the chances are he does not see when he looks at you what you see when you look in the mirror.

I became a clichéd and gained close to 30 pounds after I got married. We have been together for awhile but we became even more comfortable with another and both ballooned! I am very uncomfortable about my weight now and happy to be finally doing something about it. It has also affected our love life because I'm not very comfortable with my body-- so I knew it was time for a change. My husband has also gained weight as well-- I would gently bring it up to him. Instead of telling him what to do I refused to buy junk food and kept making healthy meals. I started going to the gym-- and he actually total me last night I motivated him to get do something about his weight too and has started running, so sometimes it can be infectious!

I was in a relationship like this.. same exact situation, except mine went on for almost 5 years and got all the way up to 60 pounds gained! Its crazy how quickly you can let things go like that when you're wrapped up in a relationship. Its like the daily routines become so ebb and flow that you don't even want to add in another aspect.. hitting the gym or dieting. I went through the same thing, getting serious about weight loss and then getting back into my old habits. I didn't start getting back into it seriously again until recently but we've been broken up for a year and I've been on my own which has sharpened my perspective about just focusing on me instead of someone else too. We were both in school at the time and working full time jobs so our stress was high and it was easy to just stay in together and eat and be cozy and keep each other company. When we would try and do stuff together, we were so opposite on what we liked to do.. I was a runner, he wanted to do the bike. Same when it came to eating, he didn't want to sacrifice unhealthy things that he liked so he would make them anyway and I would have to make my meals separately. That became really hard, because it felt like we were just living two separate lives, and with both of us being insecure about our bodies, it affected our physical relationship as well.

Looking back, the best time that both of us were serious about getting into shape is when we both has personal trainers. I met with mine once a week. She designed a work out plan for me that was an hour long. Same for him, he would meet with his separately from me. We would still go to the gym together but we would do our work outs separately that our trainers designed for us. Maybe this would be an option for you? We had to shop around for trainers because we were on a budget. But a lot of gyms have specials if you buy a certain amount of training sessions at once they will discount it for you or something. That's one idea in the fitness aspect. Thast just half the battle.

The other half is the nutrition. They say losing weight is 80% diet 20% fitness.. or something like that.. all I know is that the eating part is the most important. So if this is where you feel like you are struggling, you guys will both need to come up with a game plan. Sit down together and try and figure out where the majority of your calories are coming from. Is it going out to eat? Homemade meals? Maybe find a site with healthy meal ideas that you guys could both sit down and look at and pick out what you want to eat for the week. I've found that meal prep is a huge key to success while trying to lose weight. And its something you guys can to together I never knew cutting up veggies and making chicken for the week or a big pot of healthy chili could be so fun to do with a significant other!

It's great that he is so supportive, that is really important too. Once you guys get your routines down it will come easier and easier