All or nothing mentality :(

ciara7643
ciara7643 Posts: 9
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi

I really need some help with my views towards food.
I am 38 and have been dieting since I was about 9.
I dont know why but if I am not perfect on my diet I just blow it. I have no control over this. I spend my days coming up with healthy eating plans and if I have potatoes and bread one day I cant have them the next.
I dont know what to do - I am driving myself crazy with my thoughts and pursuit of perfection even though I weigh 20 stone now.

Can anyone relate or help?
C

Replies

  • easjer
    easjer Posts: 219 Member
    Have you considered seeing a psychologist or therapist who specialize in disordered eating?
  • SoFlaJP2121
    SoFlaJP2121 Posts: 7
    Hi

    I really need some help with my views towards food.
    I am 38 and have been dieting since I was about 9.
    I dont know why but if I am not perfect on my diet I just blow it. I have no control over this. I spend my days coming up with healthy eating plans and if I have potatoes and bread one day I cant have them the next.
    I dont know what to do - I am driving myself crazy with my thoughts and pursuit of perfection even though I weigh 20 stone now.

    Can anyone relate or help?
    C

    google IIFYM and thank me later
  • debilang
    debilang Posts: 876 Member
    Hi...

    Perfection (for me) was always the problem....I will do things ALL OUT, or FALL SHORT because I cannot follow through. I have learned to be kind to myself, and *because* we are on a journey to health and fitness...we CANNOT give up on ourselves. I love blogging my discoveries...MFP is a grrreat tool to see your choices and changes...Best Always...remember..."Be kind to yourself...and NEVER give up your pursuit to be Healthy and Fit :flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
    May be worth talking to a 'professional' - it does sound a bit OCD, but may be just avoiding tactics (something I can be pretty good at).

    MFP is the main tool you need and you really shouldn't need to overthink it too much - make sure you have a calorie deficit.
    Don't stress if you go over once in a while. Just make sure you're back on track the next day.

    Start with a small deficit and only increase it when you're sticking to the smaller deficit 90% of the time.
  • jessspurr
    jessspurr Posts: 258 Member
    Hi,

    I know it's tough to keep a balanced diet. Believe me when I tell you that you are not alone. Also, believe me when I tell you that this is not a problem that cannot be fixed. I am a licensed and registered health coach, and I'm also a certified personal trainer. I have a health coaching program geared towards nutrition, and I believe I can help you with your health goals. If you are truly serious about overcoming your problem, please feel free to message me.

    Reported.
  • ciara7643
    ciara7643 Posts: 9
    Yeah I'm a pretty good procrastinator.
    I feel that if I have the perfect diet then I will get the perfect body and perfect life.
    I just need to learn to be more relaxed around food and not to live to eat but eat to live.
  • onefortyone
    onefortyone Posts: 531 Member
    "I have no control over this."

    That seems to be your biggest problem - you have absolutely nothing less than 100% control over what you pick up and eat! It sounds like very, very disordered eating to me, and I'm no psychologist but this may not be something you can easily 'get over', if you have felt this way since you were 9. I have had days where I think 'well, I already had that pizza for lunch, so I might as well go to McDonald's for dinner', but I am taking control of those days now.

    I encourage you to 'let go' of perfection, and find a middle ground. If you have your calories set at 1200 and you eat 2000 on bad days, set your calories in between those two numbers. A little easier goal - then, when you find yourself succeeding, set a more challenging goal, like something fitness-related so you can eat even more calories! Life isn't all or nothing, and every healthy choice you make puts you a little bit closer to your goal. Good luck!
  • ciara7643
    ciara7643 Posts: 9
    Hi,

    I know it's tough to keep a balanced diet. Believe me when I tell you that you are not alone. Also, believe me when I tell you that this is not a problem that cannot be fixed. I am a licensed and registered health coach, and I'm also a certified personal trainer. I have a health coaching program geared towards nutrition, and I believe I can help you with your health goals. If you are truly serious about overcoming your problem, please feel free to message me.

    Reported.

    Why?
  • jessspurr
    jessspurr Posts: 258 Member
    Because this poster is clearly selling something as "he" requested another post author to private message him for more information on a diet plan.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    Hi,

    I know it's tough to keep a balanced diet. Believe me when I tell you that you are not alone. Also, believe me when I tell you that this is not a problem that cannot be fixed. I am a licensed and registered health coach, and I'm also a certified personal trainer. I have a health coaching program geared towards nutrition, and I believe I can help you with your health goals. If you are truly serious about overcoming your problem, please feel free to message me.

    Shame on you for trying to get someone to pay you for help when others here give it freely. Pathetic.
    Go away and take your spam somewhere else.
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    Hi

    I really need some help with my views towards food.
    I am 38 and have been dieting since I was about 9.
    I dont know why but if I am not perfect on my diet I just blow it. I have no control over this. I spend my days coming up with healthy eating plans and if I have potatoes and bread one day I cant have them the next.
    I dont know what to do - I am driving myself crazy with my thoughts and pursuit of perfection even though I weigh 20 stone now.

    Can anyone relate or help?
    C

    You need to accept that there is no such thing as perfection. What you might see as perfect, another person will see as imperfect. It is better to find a balance there, and follow an 80/20 rule when it comes to eating...80% healthy, nutritious foods, and allow whatever you want for the other 20%. The all or nothing thinking is leading only to failure and I speak as someone who also suffers from all or nothing thinking.
  • jessspurr
    jessspurr Posts: 258 Member
    Hi,

    I know it's tough to keep a balanced diet. Believe me when I tell you that you are not alone. Also, believe me when I tell you that this is not a problem that cannot be fixed. I am a licensed and registered health coach, and I'm also a certified personal trainer. I have a health coaching program geared towards nutrition, and I believe I can help you with your health goals. If you are truly serious about overcoming your problem, please feel free to message me.


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  • jessspurr
    jessspurr Posts: 258 Member
    I'm done now. Sorry OP that just makes me sad when people do that. In response to your POST though...:wink:
    That's a tough one and I feel like I used to be the same way. What helped me was to not start out too restrictive, don't completely cut anything out, then if you end up eating it, you won't feel like a failure. Really. Cutting out certain foods from diets is like the worst thing you can do for adherence. IMHO. Just eat within your calorie goal and you're good to go!
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Have you considered seeing a psychologist or therapist who specialize in disordered eating?
    This.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I can totally relate!!! I have been overweight or obese since childhood and honestly never really made a huge effort to diet that much for this reason. I would occasionally decide "ok this is it, I'm going to stop eating junk" and then I'd try to eat very little and super healthy and of course life doesn't really work out well that way for most of us...we need to work in family dinners and the occasional cookie and so on. But I am unfortunately a very black/white, all or nothing type of person and as I fight that tendency in other areas of my life too it is definitely a hard battle when it comes to fitness and weight loss.

    For me the positive way to change that from sabotaging myself because I wasn't doing 100% "perfect" has been logging. At first I didn't use MFP but I lost about 45 lb primarily from exercise and logging in a paper journal every mile I walked. It helped me feel very in control.

    When I discovered MFP last March I was skeptical at first but soon realized it was PERFECT for me, I LOVE seeing everything in black/white on the screen and logging every single bite. Now instead of thinking I failed because I ate a cupcake, I log that cupcake precisely and make it into a challenge to fit it into my day. For me the "all or nothing" now applies to logging.

    Will I log all or nothing? That is the Q now. And I log ALL of it. I've logged every single bite (YES every French fry, every sip of wine, every spoonful of peanut butter) for almost 13 months and so far I have lost 76 lb doing this.
  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    I think a lot of us can probably relate, I know I can. What I found works is just simply a shift in my perspective. To realize and accept that perfection is an illusion and will get in the way of progress if you let it. So, accept that things will go off track -- that is life -- and get back to doing what you need to do. Don't let a setback turn into a defeat. Sometimes you take 3 steps forward and you take 1 back or sideways. It's not that big of a deal. You're still making progress. So, be gentle with yourself and treat yourself kindly. If it helps, it maybe worth checking out some books about perfectionism and how it can be very destructive psychologically -- I find that if I better understand the underlying issues or mechanism, it helps me to change them and focus on positive behavior more easily rather than just relying on will power.

    Other things I do to help out with this is (1) long walks (much like meditation for me and help reduce my stress the most) and (2) find other goals/measurements to focus on. I really like numbers (at least in regard to weight loss), so I like tracking my calories, my deficit, my expenditure, my increase in weight on my lifting, miles walked/ hiked, etc. For me this gives me other things to see progress on than just the scale or measurements. So if I'm not seeing the scale weight drop or big changes in measurements, I can look at my increased strength numbers or how much walking/hiking I did.
  • luckeyfrog
    luckeyfrog Posts: 10 Member
    I think you've said all that you need to know. You need something between all or nothing, and MyFitnessPal is a great tool for teaching BALANCE.

    Some people in the forums will tell you that you should be doing all or nothing- but it doesn't have to be that way. I'm a firm believer that for ME, if I do all or nothing, I'm going to end up on nothing. If I tell myself I can NEVER have bread, this isn't going to work for me long-term- and that's honestly what I want. I want long-term changes, not just a temporary fix... so I'm GONNA eat bread, and I'm GONNA eat chocolate, and I'm gonna enjoy it- because they are worth the calories to me. I'm just going to make sure that I plan around them.

    For me, it helps to have a few basic breakfast and lunch options that I don't get sick of very quickly or can tweak slightly for variety. Since those are planned out, I have a little more leeway for dinner. I also try to put foods in MFP before I eat if I can, especially if I'm going to eat out. It helps me know that I can only afford 3 breadsticks at Olive Garden, instead of the 5 I would've eaten otherwise :) It just makes me more aware so I can decide what's worth it to me. (Fried mac 'n cheese at Cheesecake Factory? Yup, it's a day's worth of calories but it's WORTH making up for it for a few days. 60 calories for ONE Rolo? Heck no. Different candy, please.)

    And if I do go over? I either work out and help balance it out, eat a little better the next day... or for the next week, if need be!

    So just remember... healthier doesn't have to mean NO bread or potatoes. It just has to mean less. Look at your portion sizes, plan ahead, and get some exercise in- and enjoy that deliciousness!
  • vingogly
    vingogly Posts: 1,785 Member
    I'd guess a lot of us are here because we've eaten for emotional reasons or out of boredom. What I've found useful are the principles: eat what I really want to eat; learn to recognize when I'm truly hungry and eat then; stop eating when I'm not hungry any more; focus on my food when I'm eating and enjoy it (rather than stuffing my face when I'm working or watching TV).

    I've found the principles of intuitive eating helpful:

    http://www.intuitiveeating.com

    You might also find the materials on the Center for Mindful Eating's site helpful:

    http://www.thecenterformindfuleating.org
  • ciara7643
    ciara7643 Posts: 9
    I'm done now. Sorry OP that just makes me sad when people do that. In response to your POST though...:wink:
    That's a tough one and I feel like I used to be the same way. What helped me was to not start out too restrictive, don't completely cut anything out, then if you end up eating it, you won't feel like a failure. Really. Cutting out certain foods from diets is like the worst thing you can do for adherence. IMHO. Just eat within your calorie goal and you're good to go!

    Ok sorry for questioning - I'm new to the forum and thought he was genuinely trying to help! :noway:
  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    Ciara -- if that's your legs in your profile picture, you don't need any help. You're already banging.
  • ciara7643
    ciara7643 Posts: 9
    Ciara -- if that's your legs in your profile picture, you don't need any help. You're already banging.

    Ha ha I wish! Its my motivation to get fit :laugh:
  • jessspurr
    jessspurr Posts: 258 Member
    I'm done now. Sorry OP that just makes me sad when people do that. In response to your POST though...:wink:
    That's a tough one and I feel like I used to be the same way. What helped me was to not start out too restrictive, don't completely cut anything out, then if you end up eating it, you won't feel like a failure. Really. Cutting out certain foods from diets is like the worst thing you can do for adherence. IMHO. Just eat within your calorie goal and you're good to go!

    Ok sorry for questioning - I'm new to the forum and thought he was genuinely trying to help! :noway:

    Don't be sorry!! On the off chance that guy WAS trying to help, I would apologize to him, but seeing how he hasn't been back to see if you really want his help, I would say he is casting a wide net to see who private messages him.
  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    Ciara -- if that's your legs in your profile picture, you don't need any help. You're already banging.

    Ha ha I wish! Its my motivation to get fit :laugh:

    That's some good motivation! Though I don't think I have the genetics to get that rear end (though I wish I did)!

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