lost 115 pounds, and still dealing with feeiling ugly

I was teased in school, sometimes ignored in highschool. I've always been a bubbly person, but after losing weight and still looking at beauty standards (in the U.S. and in the world of cosplay)...I still struggle with not feeling ugly. Anyone else feel this way?

I'm still working on my body, I know it won't happen over night. Any advice on how not to feel this way?...


  • JulsiePie
    JulsiePie Posts: 166 Member
    I don't really have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say that you are GORGEOUS in both pictures! Holy girl! You really were and are stunning - I hope one day you own that :)
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Just strut, darling. Strut. Look at that gorgeous shape you've got in that outfit! What a change!
    Keep going! You still have plenty of time to mold your body.
  • felonebeats
    felonebeats Posts: 433
    You look great,you should feel a lot more confident about yourself
  • Justrod202
    Justrod202 Posts: 10 Member
    Honestly, you're pretty in the before and after pictures. Beauty standards are ridiculous and if thats what you adhere to then you're just going to stress yourself out. Just take a good look in the mirror and instead of focusing on what you dont like, lets focus on what you do like. You've worked hard to get where you are, so its time you embrace that. No matter how much someone from the outside tells you how beautiful you are, it wont matter until you truly believe it yourself.
  • Eleonora91
    Eleonora91 Posts: 688 Member
    If your self image is somewhat distorted losing weight won't be enough to make you feel better about yourself. If you're overweight it's probably harder to see yourself as beautiful, but it's not impossible, just like it's possible to still feel not "pretty" enough even at a healthy weight.
    I'd suggest you to look further into the causes that led you to feel like this and slowly work on them, maybe with the help of a professional especially if this is bothering you at the point that it's interferring with your everyday life.
    You've worked hard, you're surely healthier and you should be proud of this, time to work on your mind and your self confidence I think :) don't be ashamed to ask for help even to a friend or relatives. It takes a little of effort but it's worth it in the end.
  • katro111
    katro111 Posts: 632 Member
    I don't really have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say that you are GORGEOUS in both pictures! Holy girl! You really were and are stunning - I hope one day you own that :)
    ^^^This!!! We are our own worst enemies and body acceptance is tough, I know, but the more you start telling yourself how GOOD you look, the more you'll start believing and living it. :)
  • christygb
    christygb Posts: 84 Member
    You are stunning! And most importantly, your inner-strength to have set and accomplished a weight loss goal and to be embracing a healthier life, is equally radiant. I read about this lag time in self-perception of body image. I suspect that dealing with past hurts, it does just take time for your own voice to gain more importance over the mean shadow voices of the past. I'm glad you posted so that a new set of voices can hopefully overtake those mean children/people of your past. I suspect that years later, those kids would be very remorseful that they made you feel that way, and would be posting words of encouragement to you now on MFP. Keep moving forward in this new amazing adventure.
  • scubasuenc
    scubasuenc Posts: 626 Member
    You look awesome and you have achieved a lot.

    I understand where you are coming from. I have never felt pretty, even when I was close to a normal weight. I have always avoided photos and mirrors. I now make myself spend a few moments each day looking in the mirror and seeing something I like about how I look.

    One day it will finally 'click.' I was in the gym the other day doing my thing on the elliptical. The opposite wall is covered in mirrors, which I avoid looking at. I glanced in the mirror and wondered 'Who is that woman?' and then realized it was me. I still have a long way to go, but I saw a woman who belonged in the gym with everyone else, not the fat lady I've seen my whole life.

    The moment when you see the new you will happen. You might just need to nudge it along.
  • kristarablue2
    kristarablue2 Posts: 386 Member
    First ...amazing I am so proud of you for losing 115 pounds that is such an incredible accomplishment that I hope you are super proud of you should be:-)

    Second...I have found it take at least six months to a year to have your mind catch up with your body. So everyone else see's you looking amazing and beautiful but your mind has not yet wrapped around that fact. I know I am still drawn to plus size stores knowing full well I can't wear anything in there but it's my first instinct because I have always shopped there.

    Third... Much of what you are feeling is a self confidence issue and know you can't be trusted to see yourself how others see you. Maybe focus on something you do really well and gain confidence in that so it's not confidence on what you think you look like on the outside but whatever it is you are doing then how you see yourself in the mirror will follow.

    Fourth... Please understand you are absolutely stunning, everyone see's that, I do hope you see that one day. You can do therapeutic things like look in the mirror and tell yourself you look beautiful everyday, multiple times a day, this will be extremely difficult at first and make your entire body want to rebel against what you are saying and you won't believe it at first but don't allow any negative thoughts only give yourself positive thoughts while looking in the mirror. This will help, it's hard but so is losing 115 pounds, if you can do that, you can tell yourself you look beautiful. But ultimately it is your choice and how you really want to feel about yourself.

    One other option... Take a word, any word think of it, every time you think negative thoughts about yourself immediately think of the word. So for instance if the word is book and you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about how you look, immediately say out loud "book"...you can say this very low if you need to so people don't think you have Tourette's but the more you replace the negative thoughts the more you will correct yourself from thinking them.

    Good luck, how you feel is ultimately up to you, you can conquer this, you have the strength and you really are gorgeous so own it baby:-)
  • BookAngel_a
    BookAngel_a Posts: 143 Member
    I don't have much advice because I am the same way. No matter how much I lose I always see my imperfections. I would say maybe we shouldn't look so much at tabloid magazines, fashion shows, celebrity news etc because that can make us feel very negative about our bodies by comparison. Celebrities have a team of people helping them be gorgeous and thin and we don't have those resources.

    What I will say is now that I am in my 30's, and I look back at pictures in my early 20's...I see NOW how pretty and how thin I really was. But I remember back then feeling fat and not very pretty. What a shame! I wish I could have felt better about myself. It seems like a waste. So I hope you are able to capture some of that attitude NOW instead of later!! Take care!
  • iwantniceabs
    iwantniceabs Posts: 357 Member
    You are beautiful! But I won't tell you how to feel, because everyone feels differently about themselves at different times in their journey. I can say that, for myself, much of my self-esteem building happened when I shifted my focus - I stopped spending hours looking at pictures of women I considered to be "perfect" looking, and started tracking my physical progress and making note of my abilities....like how I can deadliest 50lbs more than I could when I started, or how I can do two unassisted pull ups, or easily run three miles when I couldn't even run a mile a year ago without being out of breath and getting a cramp. I suggest you start with 3 things a day - just find three things about yourself or your abilities that you love or see improvement in - be grateful for those and excited for future accomplishments! Good luck! You rock!!
  • marisablakley
    marisablakley Posts: 45 Member
    You look beautiful! I know what you mean, though. I have had years and years of beating myself up for not looking the way models look and the way the media says I should look. More recently I have started looking into the body acceptance movement where all bodies are good bodies. Idk about you but I have kids and I know I am full of stretch marks and loose skin so even if I get super thin and ripped I wont have that perfect taught look. I have knock knees and cankles and refuse to show my bare legs. But I'm hoping someday to get over myself enough to wear shorts when its hot and not care who sees or what they think! I am losing weight and getting fit not to look like *insert generic supermodel here*, but to be the best looking me I can be and the healthiest. And if you're bubbly like you say, most people will find your smile so appealing they will already think you're beautiful before they see the rest of you :)
  • rinteusp
    rinteusp Posts: 37 Member
    I know I'm just a stranger from the internets, but you are a gorgeous girl! You were gorgeous before you lost the weight, and now you have a killer body to go with it. In short, I'd do you ;)

    I hope you find a way to build your inner confidence - you did an amazing thing taking control of your health, and you look amazing because of it.
  • BarbellBlondieRuns
    BarbellBlondieRuns Posts: 511 Member
    I think it's common. I still struggle with it. But you're beautiful. I'm beautiful. Let's just give each other a swift kick in the *kitten* and move on :)
  • Daniellev2
    Daniellev2 Posts: 25 Member
    Thankyou! I really appreciate the encouragement :)
  • mistiblake08
    mistiblake08 Posts: 80 Member
    You have an amazing body and shouldn't feel ugly. I look up to you. You should feel confident in what you've accomplished.
  • Seeds45
    Seeds45 Posts: 90
    You are BEAUTIFUL and you know what bullies can do…...
  • jenmom2myboys
    jenmom2myboys Posts: 311 Member
    You are beautiful. And what is most beautiful was your ability to open yourself up to a bunch of complete strangers and honestly convey how you feel. That takes guts. That is real. It feels raw but it also brings us closer because at some level we can all relate to that. Big Hugs!