I DIDN'T BINGE!!!

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with food. I was never overweight, but only because I was in a constant binge/purge cycle. I would binge on thousands and thousands of calories, even after my stomach would be hurting, but then I wouldn't eat for three or four days, doing heavy exercise in that time so it balanced. Growing up, I was constantly forbidden from junk food at home, but it was all over the house. I remember very vividly eating jelly beans in my room once around age 8, then hearing my dad come, I hid them in a drawer. But my dad just opened that same drawer, and threw the entire bag of jelly beans so they all scattered all over the floor, telling me how I have to stop eating if I wanted to have friends or have boys like me because "nobody likes the fat girl". He then proceeded to say things like "do you see how fat girls only hang out with each other? Dont you feel embarrassed for them when they're all out eating together in public? You want to be pretty, not like that". & that wasn't even a single occurrence. It was a pretty regular part of my childhood, from both my parents and my older brother. They'd all take their turn telling me how important it was to be skinny. So yeah body acceptance and all that good stuff wasn't a part of my childhood.

So fast forward to today, I'm not overweight but I wouldn't mind losing 10 pounds. I'm more here to just track my calories to regulate my intake and not really gain or lose. Yesterday, I was just pissed at calorie counting even though I'm not restricting (I eat 2,000 to 2,400 calories a day, because I waitress, and work at Starbucks, and work at a grocery store and don't eat back exercise calories so I'd say I'm fairly active). Anywho, I had plans to go to this Mexican restaurant I love with my boyfriend and reserved 1,200 calories for the occasion. But a little before that, I just started wildly eating, after the fact I tracked and realized I was already at 2,700 calories, after just being at 1,200 for the day! I was already 300 calories over my goal of 2,400. With still a massive calorie filled dinner to go to later. I literally said "whatever, who cares if I'm another 1,000 calories over, I want to eat, and I just won't eat tomorrow". Buut instead I took my boyfriend to the gym :-). And burned enough to get me below my goal again.

I'm sure it doesn't sound like that big of accomplishment, and I did kinda binge, I didn't dig myself a deeper hole by eating another 1,000 calories, and feeling guilty, and not eating and going back into a binge purge cycle .

Sorry for any typos! Typing on my phone. And thanks for reading :-)