:( the only support I can think of
Kixshots
Posts: 74 Member
mfp has been my vice the past year... I just broke up with my first real boyfriend, I was with him for over a year and I was going to live with him, I gave up so much for him, friends, school (but I hated that anyway even if I did somehow get good grades, hah) and now he's gone. I wasn't good enough, I lost over 4 stone while I was with him , I only ever wanted to be perfect for him, I made my life revolve around this one person and once you might have called me an incredibly independant cool young lady, but I turned into this drivelling crying mess. is that what love does? does it ever end well? because no-one should have to go through this kind of pain, waking up next to a recycling bin in a different outfit and apparently being sick ( no wonder after a bottle of lambrini and whiskey last night , after I had used up all my calories but who cares right? I was sick anyway lol....... not lol ) I tried to play league of legends to soak :up some misery but I don't even remember stopping playing, I was on skype too so god knows what people might have heard.. 
I'm sorry for posting this here... it's just, I'm in wales, and I come from england so I don't have any friends anymore really and no-one to talk to , and in this state of utter sadness and depression, i need an outlet, even if it is just mfp and no-one replies, at least someone will read it and maybe they will just think i'm pathetic but who cares...
I thought I was his world... but I'm just not good enough, I don't feel like eating anything .. maybe that's a good thing maybe I was too fat for him, please don't call me up on that, there's probably still some alcahol in my system and god knows these forums are a battleground...
I need a hug
I'm sorry for posting this here... it's just, I'm in wales, and I come from england so I don't have any friends anymore really and no-one to talk to , and in this state of utter sadness and depression, i need an outlet, even if it is just mfp and no-one replies, at least someone will read it and maybe they will just think i'm pathetic but who cares...I thought I was his world... but I'm just not good enough, I don't feel like eating anything .. maybe that's a good thing
maybe I was too fat for him, please don't call me up on that, there's probably still some alcahol in my system and god knows these forums are a battleground...I need a hug
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Replies
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*hug*
I know it really hurts when this happens. But I promise things get better and that you won't fall into the trap of making your life about one person again (this is something you have to learn on your own, it doesn't matter how many people warn you about it). You will come out of this better and stronger. You will find someone who loves you just as you are and doesn't ever make you feel like you're not good enough.
It takes time though and you need to grieve first. Let yourself feel sad, get the anger out. Love should make you a happier person not make you miserable. I think maybe you didn't want to let go because it's your first love and that is always going to be very very difficult but it does get easier over time.
You are young and there is so much out there for you! Start living life for yourself and you will become that happy independent person again :-)0 -
*hug*
I know it really hurts when this happens. But I promise things get better and that you won't fall into the trap of making your life about one person again (this is something you have to learn on your own, it doesn't matter how many people warn you about it). You will come out of this better and stronger. You will find someone who loves you just as you are and doesn't ever make you feel like you're not good enough.
It takes time though and you need to grieve first. Let yourself feel sad, get the anger out. Love should make you a happier person not make you miserable. I think maybe you didn't want to let go because it's your first love and that is always going to be very very difficult but it does get easier over time.
You are young and there is so much out there for you! Start living life for yourself and you will become that happy independent person again :-) Thank you... I started crying again when I read your reply, not because it was bad heh, but because you're right.
I appreciate the support x love should make us happy...0 -
(((BIG hugs )))
your HOT...his LOSS. is he a league of legends player? pshhh !
lots of fish in the sea!0 -
](((BIG hugs )))
your HOT...his LOSS. is he a league of legends player? pshhh !
lots of fish in the sea!
he is.. but I'm actually a lot better than him.. hehe
.. thank you ^-^0 -
I agree ^^
You dodged a bullet, now you are free to grow and find someone more suitable when the right time comes.
In the mean time, don't so no to any social invitations, push yourself to do new things, get out of your room and live.
Don't waste another minute thinking about the past!!!0 -
I was in the same position not too long ago, and I was miserable at first. Once I got over it though, I suddenly got super motivated to restart my healthy life and habits, and right now I feel better than ever. You need to find something else that you want to focus your energy on! I just feel more alive right now, so try to go out and enjoy life! You'll find someone else who truly loves you for who you are, so just look forward to that day! 0
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I agree ^^
You dodged a bullet, now you are free to grow and find someone more suitable when the right time comes.
In the mean time, don't so no to any social invitations, push yourself to do new things, get out of your room and live.
Don't waste another minute thinking about the past!!!
Thank you , it means a lot +very helpful to hear people's perspectives x 0 -
I was in the same position not too long ago, and I was miserable at first. Once I got over it though, I suddenly got super motivated to restart my healthy life and habits, and right now I feel better than ever. You need to find something else that you want to focus your energy on! I just feel more alive right now, so try to go out and enjoy life! You'll find someone else who truly loves you for who you are, so just look forward to that day!
Thank you :flowerforyou: I hope you are right...0 -
living your life trying to please someone else or to be good enough for them won't make you happy. You need to be good enough for you and NOBODY else! And you are good enough exactly as you are- whether that's an independent cool lady, a drivelling mess, both or somewhere in between. You are worthy and loveable! Love doesn't even involve being good enough- with true love you love unconditionally. Cheesy as it sounds, there are LOTS of fish in this huge sea we call the world.
My advice would be to get out there and start living again (easier said than done, I know, I struggle with bipolar disorder and social anxiety and sometimes I don't leave the house for months). Just writing this post is a start because you've reached out to other people. Are there any local social groups you could find to make it easier to start making new friends and getting involved? (Try meetup.com or look for posters in the places that cater to your interests (eg. I look for posters in my local arty crafty wellbeing cafe)).
I would also recommend doing some reading, reflection and action on self-esteem and co-dependence as they seem to be common themes running through your post.
ps. sent you an add, please please feel free to message me if you need to talk and feel like you don't know who to turn to0 -
(((BIG hugs )))
your HOT...his LOSS.
THIS! *hugs*0 -
:blushing: Thank you everyone, you are all good people 0
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It's so hard to pick yourself up after something like this, but you have to remember all the great things there are about you and strive to be that person again. You will find your happiness, when I broke up with my first love I started learning how to drive, saw my friends more, and tried to connect with new people. All these things helped me re-find myself and made me realise I am stronger and happier without him. This all comes with time of course, but don't ever let somebody feel like you are less of a person than you are. If somebody makes you feel like that they never deserved you in the first place.
If you are really finding it hard, maybe try to drink a little less until your back on your feet. I know it's easier said than done but alcohol is a major depressent and will only make things worse in the short term.
You will feel better I promise! I also promise that you will move on, and the next person will treat you a million times better and you will have the love you deserve xxx 0 -
I agree on getting out there, finding something else to focus on, finding a social club, going to the gym or joining a sporting club. I read some advice on here a while ago about someone saying that when they broke up with their partner they started going to the gym, met a whole bunch of healthy people and their life moved in a completely different direction.
I find a get a real lift from going to badminton - most of the people are older than me, I wouldn't socialise with them outside of badminton and I tend to keep myself to myself when I'm there. But, they're all very friendly, they all have a laugh with each other and me and it seems that healthy people are happy people. I get a real buzz from that group.
I'm sure this could be a whole new opportunity if you are brave enough to take it, good luck!0 -
I think you are better off personally girl.
I would never allow myself again to be so consumed with the notion that my mate/partner needed me to be a certain way that I changed everything about myself only to then be heartbroken or left with just the pieces to pick up later.
I have done it before and have matured to the point where I will never lose myself as a person again simply for the whims of man.
I agree with others about finding someone more suitable for you.
Besides, If he had truly cared enough for you as a person why did he not think to comfort you at all and keep you from feeling so inferior?
I think you are awesome for looking to vent and you are not ugly hun
Take care and best wishes.0 -
Another virtual *hug*
Never think you're not worth it because you are. It's his loss not yours. I know how hard it can be I've been there myself I lost 50lbs for my first real bf and he decided he wanted to be with someone else. Did I blame myself? Sure I did. But looking back I knew I wasn't really happy and now thanks to him leaving I've found the real love of my life and I'm happier than I could ever imagine but I also have my independence. Be yourself, spend sometime focusing on what's important to you and move forward. Your appetite will come back you just need time.
Feel free to add me if you like. I'm always on here and will listen if you need someone to vent too :flowerforyou:0 -
*hugs*
It is hard and can take a while to feel ok again (trust me I know) but you're beautiful and seem like a great person you wont have any trouble finding someone who loves you, for you,
:flowerforyou:0 -
(((HUG)))0
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Me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up in January, I admit I cried everyday for 2 weeks, I thought obsessively about it and felt like I couldn't cope on my own. I won't lie, I still think about him a lot as he was a very big part of my life but whereas it was upsetting thoughts it is now starting to be thoughts about how I am better off and how I deserve better. I know now that I am a much stronger person and will never give up so much of my life for someone again. I have to be selfish and think of myself for a change. I have lost 2 and a half stone and feel like I look so much happier and healthier. You will get through it, it's absolutely soul destroying now but each day will get that little bit easier. X0
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I read everyone's replies , and they make me cry all over again, but mostly because I know you are all so right in what you're saying, it gives me hope, even if hope is something that seems sad right now because It's hard to let go and moving on scares me. But I need to do it. I'm really touched by the support I'm getting here .. it helps more than you know... every person has very useful and kind advice .. thank you so much0
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I agree with what everyone else has said - the only thing I would add is please don't fall into the trap of drinking to stop the hurt. Nobody found happiness or love at the bottom of a bottle - it usually only ends with a walk of shame
You need to rediscover what makes you 'you. Try different activities, keep busy and learn to like yourself and your own company. When you achieve that someone may come along who likes who you are too - and not just what they think you ought to be.
If you are a long way from friends and family could you not move back?
As someone said, you are young, you are pretty so you have that going for you - now be the person you want to be - healthy, active and fun.
(hug)0 -
It's never good to rely completely on someone at the point that we're only happy with them, but I know what you mean. I've been doing the same, and it's kind of an old mistake for me. You used to be a strong independent girl, you can be like that again. Sometimes it's easier to share our weaknesses with another person and it makes us feel like we're not strong enough when we're alone, but you are strong enough, we all are. It hurts now, but you don't have to beat yourself up for how things went. I'm sure it's not because of you or your appereance. You lost 4 stones and that's a LOT - I would be very proud of myself I were you! You know you can achieve anything. You've just got to find the strenght within yourself to start again. It's completely normal to feel like this after a break up, but I guess we can all learn from our past, from our mistakes, from the people we've met. Just focus on yourself and your happiness now, that's what you deserve the most in this very moment. Good luck and if you ever need any help I'm here :flowerforyou:0
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Reading your posts breaks my heart. Maybe being the father of two girls one of which is probably close to your age makes me a little sappy or maybe it is protective. Thankfully neither of my girls has had their hearts broken, yet. it is a good think because I have a large property with lots of room to hide the bodies.
I have been married 22 years going on 23 this year and in this age of drive through divorces seems like quite the accomplishment. What has made our marriage last? My wife, aside from being incredible is a strong independent cool woman. Her attitude is and always has been this is who I am and love it or leave it. I love it. Yes we have had our ups and downs and rocky patches but the best piece of advice I was given on relationships was "it will be the hardest job you ever have". It is true you have to work at it to make it work and last, but never sacrifice who you are to make it work. Be true to yourself first
Lets be honest, most guys are ****s. if you give them an inch they want a mile. I am no exception to this either. So be strong, independent and love yourself first. Then find the guy that fits into this and completes you.0 -
((hugs))
It hurts so much, but it will get better, and at some point you'll realise you haven't thought about him for an hour, an afternoon, a day, a week...
Don't blame yourself. It's not that you weren't 'good enough' for him. Break-ups happen - not many are lucky enough to find their prince without kissing a few frogs But from every relationship you take with you lessons for the future, even if it's just what to avoid!
You are a strong girl - you lost all that weight and that takes effort and commitment. Concentrate on getting the best of your old self back; get out and do stuff; and sweetie please lay off the alcohol - it doesn't help and it puts you at great risk.0 -
Reading your posts breaks my heart. Maybe being the father of two girls one of which is probably close to your age makes me a little sappy or maybe it is protective. Thankfully neither of my girls has had their hearts broken, yet. it is a good think because I have a large property with lots of room to hide the bodies.
I have been married 22 years going on 23 this year and in this age of drive through divorces seems like quite the accomplishment. What has made our marriage last? My wife, aside from being incredible is a strong independent cool woman. Her attitude is and always has been this is who I am and love it or leave it. I love it. Yes we have had our ups and downs and rocky patches but the best piece of advice I was given on relationships was "it will be the hardest job you ever have". It is true you have to work at it to make it work and last, but never sacrifice who you are to make it work. Be true to yourself first
Lets be honest, most guys are ****s. if you give them an inch they want a mile. I am no exception to this either. So be strong, independent and love yourself first. Then find the guy that fits into this and completes you.
That was so wonderfully said, thank you, it means a lot :flowerforyou:0 -
If your relationship was in any way conditional on your weight, than this is going to turn out to be a good thing to move on from this guy. Addition by subtraction.0
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If your relationship was in any way conditional on your weight, than this is going to turn out to be a good thing to move on from this guy. Addition by subtraction.
Yep! he never said it was about my weight but I felt the pressure because he would look at verrry skinny girls.. :l It just made me feel inadequate
#rant
thank you though0 -
If your relationship was in any way conditional on your weight, than this is going to turn out to be a good thing to move on from this guy. Addition by subtraction.
Yep! he never said it was about my weight but I felt the pressure because he would look at verrry skinny girls.. :l It just made me feel inadequate
#rant
thank you though
To be fair, don't dock a guy points for looking. We can't help it. Its practically an involuntary reflex.
Doing it right in front of a significant other is seriously classless behavior though. As has been said, plenty of fish. Or better yet...learn to be happy on your own for a while. My first serious relationship ended badly as well. Take care.0 -
I feel you. I moved across country for a guy that I should have seen was not worth my time or a second look. All of the warning signs were there but I didn't have enough self-confidence and feel enough self-worth to accept it at that time. We were together for a long time, too long, and it was pretty awful. He gained as much weight during our relationship (and marriage) as I did if not more, and trust me it wasn't that much weight! I finally woke up when he bought me a Nordic track one year for my birthday even though I wasn't interested in one, and basically told me that he would be attracted to me "again" if I lost weight... Trust me that was only one of many reasons why he was an *kitten* but that was the one that got through to me, but it took me a long time to move from being codependent to being strong and confident. I moved out and though I had to deal with him for years, I am stronger, healthier, and happier since I got away from him.
Some *kitten* type guys seem to be able to spot women who are weaker and will put up with their ****. It's a different type of guy who wants to be with a strong confident woman.
Every pot has its lid. He wasn't mine, that's for sure. I'm remarried for years now and my husband couldn't care less what I look like, he loves me for who I am rather than my waist size. And I'm at the point in my life where I am strong and would be ok with being single if things for some reason didn't work out.
So I'm wishing you the very best in moving on. Since this guy didn't give you the flowers you were looking for, no reason you can't plant your own garden. Concentrate on doing the things you want to do in life. Be the person you want to attract. And most of all, be healthy and happy for yourself and not for someone else.0 -
Never be with a man who is always thinking of ways for you to improve in order for HIM to be happy.
Never rely on a man to give you happiness and make your life complete.
Never be with a man that you have to give up all your friends, school, hobbies, etc in order to be with him.
Be happy with yourself. Know what YOU want and go after it.
When you do meet someone special, make sure he thinks you're at least 35% more awesome than you think you are.
When you meet someone new, make sure he is cheering you on as you progress through life
When you meet somone, look to see if he's encouraging you to maintain relationships with your friends, even if they're not his friends.
As an example my ex:
Discouraged me from having friends, called obsessively when I did go out, and hated it when I learned a new skill or got a new and better job. He only ever said he was proud of me when I lost weight If I got an A in a class, he would focus on how he only got a C, as if my getting an A was an act of betrayal and not something to be pleased about. By the time our relationship ended, I had left school, was primarily responsible for supporting both of us and didn't have any friends left.
My now husband:
Encourages me to take courses to improve my job skills, or just for fun to learn something new.
When he job searches for himself, he has one eye on something new for me, and tells me I deserve the chance
When I spend the day with my friends, he tells me to have a nice time, and never calls until he knows I should be on my way home (usually to check if he can start making something nice for dinner)
He says almost every day that he is proud of me, not because of my weight or looks but because of my courage, strength and smarts.
I moved overseas to be with this guy an it was a great decision. We drive each other crazy sometimes, but I know he's supportive of me in everything I do
Find yourself, then find a guy that really wants you, and not any woman to fulfill his view of what his woman should be like. Stick by your friends, you will need them when you are having trouble in life. One person can't fulfill all your needs, and you can't be everything for someone else. You'll make yourself crazy trying.0 -
I've been through a ton of stuff and one thing I know for sure.... It's not about you all the time. Sometimes it's about them. Never give all of yourself but always give some. Take some time: breathe and never call him......And don't drunk dial!!! Lol When you're ready you will meet someone again with a stronger heart and head. When you try again you may find someone wonderful, you may get hurt again.. But if you never try it'll never happen!0
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