:( the only support I can think of

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Kixshots
Kixshots Posts: 74 Member
in Motivation and Support
mfp has been my vice the past year... I just broke up with my first real boyfriend, I was with him for over a year and I was going to live with him, I gave up so much for him, friends, school (but I hated that anyway even if I did somehow get good grades, hah) and now he's gone. I wasn't good enough, I lost over 4 stone while I was with him , I only ever wanted to be perfect for him, I made my life revolve around this one person and once you might have called me an incredibly independant cool young lady, but I turned into this drivelling crying mess. is that what love does? does it ever end well? because no-one should have to go through this kind of pain, waking up next to a recycling bin in a different outfit and apparently being sick ( no wonder after a bottle of lambrini and whiskey last night , after I had used up all my calories but who cares right? I was sick anyway lol....... not lol ) I tried to play league of legends to soak :up some misery but I don't even remember stopping playing, I was on skype too so god knows what people might have heard.. :( I'm sorry for posting this here... it's just, I'm in wales, and I come from england so I don't have any friends anymore really and no-one to talk to , and in this state of utter sadness and depression, i need an outlet, even if it is just mfp and no-one replies, at least someone will read it and maybe they will just think i'm pathetic but who cares...
I thought I was his world... but I'm just not good enough, I don't feel like eating anything .. maybe that's a good thing :( maybe I was too fat for him, please don't call me up on that, there's probably still some alcahol in my system :( and god knows these forums are a battleground...
I need a hug
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Replies

  • Tillyecl1
    Tillyecl1 Posts: 189 Member
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    *hug*

    I know it really hurts when this happens. But I promise things get better and that you won't fall into the trap of making your life about one person again (this is something you have to learn on your own, it doesn't matter how many people warn you about it). You will come out of this better and stronger. You will find someone who loves you just as you are and doesn't ever make you feel like you're not good enough.

    It takes time though and you need to grieve first. Let yourself feel sad, get the anger out. Love should make you a happier person not make you miserable. I think maybe you didn't want to let go because it's your first love and that is always going to be very very difficult but it does get easier over time.

    You are young and there is so much out there for you! Start living life for yourself and you will become that happy independent person again :-)
  • Kixshots
    Kixshots Posts: 74 Member
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    *hug*

    I know it really hurts when this happens. But I promise things get better and that you won't fall into the trap of making your life about one person again (this is something you have to learn on your own, it doesn't matter how many people warn you about it). You will come out of this better and stronger. You will find someone who loves you just as you are and doesn't ever make you feel like you're not good enough.

    It takes time though and you need to grieve first. Let yourself feel sad, get the anger out. Love should make you a happier person not make you miserable. I think maybe you didn't want to let go because it's your first love and that is always going to be very very difficult but it does get easier over time.

    You are young and there is so much out there for you! Start living life for yourself and you will become that happy independent person again :-)

    :( Thank you... I started crying again when I read your reply, not because it was bad heh, but because you're right.
    I appreciate the support x love should make us happy...
  • kagevf
    kagevf Posts: 509 Member
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    (((BIG hugs )))

    your HOT...his LOSS. is he a league of legends player? pshhh !

    lots of fish in the sea!
  • Kixshots
    Kixshots Posts: 74 Member
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    (((BIG hugs )))

    your HOT...his LOSS. is he a league of legends player? pshhh !

    lots of fish in the sea!
    ]

    he is.. but I'm actually a lot better than him.. hehe :)
    .. thank you ^-^
  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,650 Member
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    I agree ^^
    You dodged a bullet, now you are free to grow and find someone more suitable when the right time comes.
    In the mean time, don't so no to any social invitations, push yourself to do new things, get out of your room and live.
    Don't waste another minute thinking about the past!!!
  • Allelito
    Allelito Posts: 179 Member
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    I was in the same position not too long ago, and I was miserable at first. Once I got over it though, I suddenly got super motivated to restart my healthy life and habits, and right now I feel better than ever. You need to find something else that you want to focus your energy on! I just feel more alive right now, so try to go out and enjoy life! You'll find someone else who truly loves you for who you are, so just look forward to that day! :)
  • Kixshots
    Kixshots Posts: 74 Member
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    I agree ^^
    You dodged a bullet, now you are free to grow and find someone more suitable when the right time comes.
    In the mean time, don't so no to any social invitations, push yourself to do new things, get out of your room and live.
    Don't waste another minute thinking about the past!!!

    Thank you , it means a lot +very helpful to hear people's perspectives :( x
  • Kixshots
    Kixshots Posts: 74 Member
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    I was in the same position not too long ago, and I was miserable at first. Once I got over it though, I suddenly got super motivated to restart my healthy life and habits, and right now I feel better than ever. You need to find something else that you want to focus your energy on! I just feel more alive right now, so try to go out and enjoy life! You'll find someone else who truly loves you for who you are, so just look forward to that day! :)

    Thank you :flowerforyou: I hope you are right...
  • jennehughes
    jennehughes Posts: 51
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    living your life trying to please someone else or to be good enough for them won't make you happy. You need to be good enough for you and NOBODY else! And you are good enough exactly as you are- whether that's an independent cool lady, a drivelling mess, both or somewhere in between. You are worthy and loveable! Love doesn't even involve being good enough- with true love you love unconditionally. Cheesy as it sounds, there are LOTS of fish in this huge sea we call the world.

    My advice would be to get out there and start living again (easier said than done, I know, I struggle with bipolar disorder and social anxiety and sometimes I don't leave the house for months). Just writing this post is a start because you've reached out to other people. Are there any local social groups you could find to make it easier to start making new friends and getting involved? (Try meetup.com or look for posters in the places that cater to your interests (eg. I look for posters in my local arty crafty wellbeing cafe)).

    I would also recommend doing some reading, reflection and action on self-esteem and co-dependence as they seem to be common themes running through your post.

    ps. sent you an add, please please feel free to message me if you need to talk and feel like you don't know who to turn to
  • RhysJ13
    RhysJ13 Posts: 72
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    (((BIG hugs )))

    your HOT...his LOSS.


    THIS! *hugs*
  • Kixshots
    Kixshots Posts: 74 Member
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    :blushing: Thank you everyone, you are all good people :)
  • heatherutopia
    heatherutopia Posts: 78 Member
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    It's so hard to pick yourself up after something like this, but you have to remember all the great things there are about you and strive to be that person again. You will find your happiness, when I broke up with my first love I started learning how to drive, saw my friends more, and tried to connect with new people. All these things helped me re-find myself and made me realise I am stronger and happier without him. This all comes with time of course, but don't ever let somebody feel like you are less of a person than you are. If somebody makes you feel like that they never deserved you in the first place.

    If you are really finding it hard, maybe try to drink a little less until your back on your feet. I know it's easier said than done but alcohol is a major depressent and will only make things worse in the short term.

    You will feel better I promise! I also promise that you will move on, and the next person will treat you a million times better and you will have the love you deserve :) xxx
  • steve2kay
    steve2kay Posts: 194 Member
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    I agree on getting out there, finding something else to focus on, finding a social club, going to the gym or joining a sporting club. I read some advice on here a while ago about someone saying that when they broke up with their partner they started going to the gym, met a whole bunch of healthy people and their life moved in a completely different direction.

    I find a get a real lift from going to badminton - most of the people are older than me, I wouldn't socialise with them outside of badminton and I tend to keep myself to myself when I'm there. But, they're all very friendly, they all have a laugh with each other and me and it seems that healthy people are happy people. I get a real buzz from that group.

    I'm sure this could be a whole new opportunity if you are brave enough to take it, good luck!
  • wisteriafleur
    wisteriafleur Posts: 24 Member
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    I think you are better off personally girl.
    I would never allow myself again to be so consumed with the notion that my mate/partner needed me to be a certain way that I changed everything about myself only to then be heartbroken or left with just the pieces to pick up later.
    I have done it before and have matured to the point where I will never lose myself as a person again simply for the whims of man.
    I agree with others about finding someone more suitable for you.
    Besides, If he had truly cared enough for you as a person why did he not think to comfort you at all and keep you from feeling so inferior?
    I think you are awesome for looking to vent and you are not ugly hun
    Take care and best wishes.
  • Veggie_Ankers
    Veggie_Ankers Posts: 35
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    Another virtual *hug* :smile:

    Never think you're not worth it because you are. It's his loss not yours. I know how hard it can be I've been there myself I lost 50lbs for my first real bf and he decided he wanted to be with someone else. Did I blame myself? Sure I did. But looking back I knew I wasn't really happy and now thanks to him leaving I've found the real love of my life and I'm happier than I could ever imagine but I also have my independence. Be yourself, spend sometime focusing on what's important to you and move forward. Your appetite will come back you just need time.

    Feel free to add me if you like. I'm always on here and will listen if you need someone to vent too :flowerforyou:
  • Hannah_Hopes
    Hannah_Hopes Posts: 273 Member
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    *hugs*
    It is hard and can take a while to feel ok again (trust me I know) but you're beautiful and seem like a great person you wont have any trouble finding someone who loves you, for you,
    :flowerforyou:
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    (((HUG)))
  • jh270593
    jh270593 Posts: 33 Member
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    Me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up in January, I admit I cried everyday for 2 weeks, I thought obsessively about it and felt like I couldn't cope on my own. I won't lie, I still think about him a lot as he was a very big part of my life but whereas it was upsetting thoughts it is now starting to be thoughts about how I am better off and how I deserve better. I know now that I am a much stronger person and will never give up so much of my life for someone again. I have to be selfish and think of myself for a change. I have lost 2 and a half stone and feel like I look so much happier and healthier. You will get through it, it's absolutely soul destroying now but each day will get that little bit easier. X
  • Kixshots
    Kixshots Posts: 74 Member
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    I read everyone's replies , and they make me cry all over again, but mostly because I know you are all so right in what you're saying, it gives me hope, even if hope is something that seems sad right now because It's hard to let go and moving on scares me. But I need to do it. I'm really touched by the support I'm getting here .. it helps more than you know... every person has very useful and kind advice .. thank you so much
  • motivatedmartha
    motivatedmartha Posts: 1,108 Member
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    I agree with what everyone else has said - the only thing I would add is please don't fall into the trap of drinking to stop the hurt. Nobody found happiness or love at the bottom of a bottle - it usually only ends with a walk of shame :wink:

    You need to rediscover what makes you 'you. Try different activities, keep busy and learn to like yourself and your own company. When you achieve that someone may come along who likes who you are too - and not just what they think you ought to be.

    If you are a long way from friends and family could you not move back?

    As someone said, you are young, you are pretty so you have that going for you - now be the person you want to be - healthy, active and fun.

    (hug)

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