:( the only support I can think of
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It's never good to rely completely on someone at the point that we're only happy with them, but I know what you mean. I've been doing the same, and it's kind of an old mistake for me. You used to be a strong independent girl, you can be like that again. Sometimes it's easier to share our weaknesses with another person and it makes us feel like we're not strong enough when we're alone, but you are strong enough, we all are. It hurts now, but you don't have to beat yourself up for how things went. I'm sure it's not because of you or your appereance. You lost 4 stones and that's a LOT - I would be very proud of myself I were you! You know you can achieve anything. You've just got to find the strenght within yourself to start again. It's completely normal to feel like this after a break up, but I guess we can all learn from our past, from our mistakes, from the people we've met. Just focus on yourself and your happiness now, that's what you deserve the most in this very moment. Good luck and if you ever need any help I'm here :flowerforyou:0
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Reading your posts breaks my heart. Maybe being the father of two girls one of which is probably close to your age makes me a little sappy or maybe it is protective. Thankfully neither of my girls has had their hearts broken, yet. it is a good think because I have a large property with lots of room to hide the bodies.
I have been married 22 years going on 23 this year and in this age of drive through divorces seems like quite the accomplishment. What has made our marriage last? My wife, aside from being incredible is a strong independent cool woman. Her attitude is and always has been this is who I am and love it or leave it. I love it. Yes we have had our ups and downs and rocky patches but the best piece of advice I was given on relationships was "it will be the hardest job you ever have". It is true you have to work at it to make it work and last, but never sacrifice who you are to make it work. Be true to yourself first
Lets be honest, most guys are ****s. if you give them an inch they want a mile. I am no exception to this either. So be strong, independent and love yourself first. Then find the guy that fits into this and completes you.0 -
((hugs))
It hurts so much, but it will get better, and at some point you'll realise you haven't thought about him for an hour, an afternoon, a day, a week...
Don't blame yourself. It's not that you weren't 'good enough' for him. Break-ups happen - not many are lucky enough to find their prince without kissing a few frogs
But from every relationship you take with you lessons for the future, even if it's just what to avoid!
You are a strong girl - you lost all that weight and that takes effort and commitment. Concentrate on getting the best of your old self back; get out and do stuff; and sweetie please lay off the alcohol - it doesn't help and it puts you at great risk.0 -
Reading your posts breaks my heart. Maybe being the father of two girls one of which is probably close to your age makes me a little sappy or maybe it is protective. Thankfully neither of my girls has had their hearts broken, yet. it is a good think because I have a large property with lots of room to hide the bodies.
I have been married 22 years going on 23 this year and in this age of drive through divorces seems like quite the accomplishment. What has made our marriage last? My wife, aside from being incredible is a strong independent cool woman. Her attitude is and always has been this is who I am and love it or leave it. I love it. Yes we have had our ups and downs and rocky patches but the best piece of advice I was given on relationships was "it will be the hardest job you ever have". It is true you have to work at it to make it work and last, but never sacrifice who you are to make it work. Be true to yourself first
Lets be honest, most guys are ****s. if you give them an inch they want a mile. I am no exception to this either. So be strong, independent and love yourself first. Then find the guy that fits into this and completes you.
That was so wonderfully said, thank you, it means a lot :flowerforyou:0 -
If your relationship was in any way conditional on your weight, than this is going to turn out to be a good thing to move on from this guy. Addition by subtraction.0
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If your relationship was in any way conditional on your weight, than this is going to turn out to be a good thing to move on from this guy. Addition by subtraction.
Yep! he never said it was about my weight but I felt the pressure because he would look at verrry skinny girls.. :l It just made me feel inadequate
#rant
thank you though0 -
If your relationship was in any way conditional on your weight, than this is going to turn out to be a good thing to move on from this guy. Addition by subtraction.
Yep! he never said it was about my weight but I felt the pressure because he would look at verrry skinny girls.. :l It just made me feel inadequate
#rant
thank you though
To be fair, don't dock a guy points for looking. We can't help it. Its practically an involuntary reflex.
Doing it right in front of a significant other is seriously classless behavior though. As has been said, plenty of fish. Or better yet...learn to be happy on your own for a while. My first serious relationship ended badly as well. Take care.0 -
I feel you. I moved across country for a guy that I should have seen was not worth my time or a second look. All of the warning signs were there but I didn't have enough self-confidence and feel enough self-worth to accept it at that time. We were together for a long time, too long, and it was pretty awful. He gained as much weight during our relationship (and marriage) as I did if not more, and trust me it wasn't that much weight! I finally woke up when he bought me a Nordic track one year for my birthday even though I wasn't interested in one, and basically told me that he would be attracted to me "again" if I lost weight... Trust me that was only one of many reasons why he was an *kitten* but that was the one that got through to me, but it took me a long time to move from being codependent to being strong and confident. I moved out and though I had to deal with him for years, I am stronger, healthier, and happier since I got away from him.
Some *kitten* type guys seem to be able to spot women who are weaker and will put up with their ****. It's a different type of guy who wants to be with a strong confident woman.
Every pot has its lid. He wasn't mine, that's for sure. I'm remarried for years now and my husband couldn't care less what I look like, he loves me for who I am rather than my waist size. And I'm at the point in my life where I am strong and would be ok with being single if things for some reason didn't work out.
So I'm wishing you the very best in moving on. Since this guy didn't give you the flowers you were looking for, no reason you can't plant your own garden. Concentrate on doing the things you want to do in life. Be the person you want to attract. And most of all, be healthy and happy for yourself and not for someone else.0 -
Never be with a man who is always thinking of ways for you to improve in order for HIM to be happy.
Never rely on a man to give you happiness and make your life complete.
Never be with a man that you have to give up all your friends, school, hobbies, etc in order to be with him.
Be happy with yourself. Know what YOU want and go after it.
When you do meet someone special, make sure he thinks you're at least 35% more awesome than you think you are.
When you meet someone new, make sure he is cheering you on as you progress through life
When you meet somone, look to see if he's encouraging you to maintain relationships with your friends, even if they're not his friends.
As an example my ex:
Discouraged me from having friends, called obsessively when I did go out, and hated it when I learned a new skill or got a new and better job. He only ever said he was proud of me when I lost weight
If I got an A in a class, he would focus on how he only got a C, as if my getting an A was an act of betrayal and not something to be pleased about. By the time our relationship ended, I had left school, was primarily responsible for supporting both of us and didn't have any friends left.
My now husband:
Encourages me to take courses to improve my job skills, or just for fun to learn something new.
When he job searches for himself, he has one eye on something new for me, and tells me I deserve the chance
When I spend the day with my friends, he tells me to have a nice time, and never calls until he knows I should be on my way home (usually to check if he can start making something nice for dinner)
He says almost every day that he is proud of me, not because of my weight or looks but because of my courage, strength and smarts.
I moved overseas to be with this guy an it was a great decision. We drive each other crazy sometimes, but I know he's supportive of me in everything I do
Find yourself, then find a guy that really wants you, and not any woman to fulfill his view of what his woman should be like. Stick by your friends, you will need them when you are having trouble in life. One person can't fulfill all your needs, and you can't be everything for someone else. You'll make yourself crazy trying.0 -
I've been through a ton of stuff and one thing I know for sure.... It's not about you all the time. Sometimes it's about them. Never give all of yourself but always give some. Take some time: breathe and never call him......And don't drunk dial!!! Lol When you're ready you will meet someone again with a stronger heart and head. When you try again you may find someone wonderful, you may get hurt again.. But if you never try it'll never happen!0
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((hugs))
You may have loved him but it doesn't sound like he loved you, he just liked having someone around to fawn over him - until he didn't. I'm sorry you've had to go through this and hope things turn around for you soon!
If nothing else, please take this as a huge life lesson and approach your next relationships with a little of this experience in the back of your mind. No need to be overly cautious or untrusting but now that you've gone through this, you'll know the signs and need to make sure you don't turn a blind eye to them no matter how charming the guy is.0 -
I'm so sorry you're going through this. While in college, I had a relationship like this. I became a clinging vine, which I wasn't before and haven't been since. For those who say you've dodged a bullet - you have. I ended up 19, pregnant, and no baby daddy to be found (my daughter's now a beautiful, loving 31 y/o now with two of the most precious boys on the face of the earth.)
If I have any advice it's this: allow yourself to grieve and get over this loser. It may take a while but you're young, you have time. If you don't, you will end up in a string of disastrous relationships just like this one. Once you're truly over him, you can find the right guy. One that loves you for who you truly are.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I feel bad for you because of your heartbreak and isolation in wales **HUGS**
The golden rules of surviving any relationship, created by me, just now...holy crap, I should write book :P
Your mate better be a pair of golden hand cuffs. he/she needs to keep giving you reasons to stick around. When those reasons stop, you bail.
A golden parachute comes in handy when you're bailing. If you get involved or married, always keep a few friends. they'll most likely be part of your exit strategy.
The golden ratio isn't just for artists and math geeks. Always keep a portion of your income, for relationship emergencies. It's bad enough to be dumped or to split, it really sucks with no money.
And if you cheat on your bf/gf, remember...silence is golden. Don't tell anyone, that includes your mom&dad, BFF, friends at work and craftywitch_6 on mfp
and...next time some one keeps giving you advice on your relationship who knows nothing about it (like me) politely tell him/her this: "thanks for the advice, but I don't need any more...I already have two fistfuls of bad ideas" 0 -
I feel bad for you because of your heartbreak and isolation in wales **HUGS**
The golden rules of surviving any relationship, created by me, just now...holy crap, I should write book :P
Your mate better be a pair of golden hand cuffs. he/she needs to keep giving you reasons to stick around. When those reasons stop, you bail.
A golden parachute comes in handy when you're bailing. If you get involved or married, always keep a few friends. they'll most likely be part of your exit strategy.
The golden ratio isn't just for artists and math geeks. Always keep a portion of your income, for relationship emergencies. It's bad enough to be dumped or to split, it really sucks with no money.
And if you cheat on your bf/gf, remember...silence is golden. Don't tell anyone, that includes your mom&dad, BFF, friends at work and craftywitch_6 on mfp
and...next time some one keeps giving you advice on your relationship who knows nothing about it (like me) politely tell him/her this: "thanks for the advice, but I don't need any more...I already have two fistfuls of bad ideas"
That made me smile I really like the golden handcuffs analogy 0
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