I NEED to get this off my chest!

This may not be what you want to hear but you need to find out why you engage in self-defeating behaviour and, perhaps, some time spent with a good psychologist can help with that. Many people resist the idea of seeking help because of the undeserved stigma surrounding mental health issues. A good counselor could help you understand your behaviour and develop strategies to work around them.

Good luck!

I want to add that a few weeks ago I was in a bad place and was sabotaging my success with a lot of junk eating on the way home so no one knew. After years of being aware of eating patterns I quickly identified a destructive pattern and realized that I was stressed and trying to deal with everything on my own. I opened up to my husband and told him I needed his emotional support. I feel a lot better and we've been making many wonderful positive changes around the house. You don't have to pay a therapist, just learn to connect with your emotions and not be afraid to seek support from people you trust.