How do I respond to my husband?

MrsBenTarr
MrsBenTarr Posts: 42 Member
in Motivation and Support
Let me start by saying that my husband is VERY supportive. He saw me lose about 40 lbs before, gain it all back and then some, and this time around he's my number one cheerleader. However, last night he said something to me that made me take a pause:

"I don't want you to get down to 140 because I'm afraid you won't have any curves. If you lost 10 more pounds, I'd be fine with that."

My goal weight is 140. I am currently 178 and I'm 5'4". I am by no means happy with myself yet. I reassured him that, based on my other family members, I will always be thick in the thigh and booty department, even if I am 140 lbs. I also told him that this is not about him, it's about me. I want to have a fit physique, not a skinny one.

What do I say to him that will keep him from sabotaging my weight loss?
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Replies

  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    Tell him you'll see how it goes along the way.
  • MrsBenTarr
    MrsBenTarr Posts: 42 Member
    Yes, we had that discussion, too... that if I am 150 lbs and I feel comfortable with myself and I am fit, I will go into maintenance. I'm certainly not going to let an arbitrary number that is based on BMI dictate my weight loss, especially not if I have a good amount of muscle.
  • sfbaumgarten
    sfbaumgarten Posts: 912 Member
    I'd just agree with him for now to drop the subject and reassess things when you get closer to that weight.
  • Fit_Fox88
    Fit_Fox88 Posts: 410 Member
    I think your initial response was a good one. Besides, you're doing this for you. Continue what you're doing and (maybe) he'll see that even if you get to where you want to be, you'll still have the curves that he likes. If not, at least you lost the weight and you feel better about yourself b/c of it
  • KaelaLee88
    KaelaLee88 Posts: 229 Member
    Ah bless him!

    You clearly love each other very much and what a sweet thing of him to say that about your curves.

    Obviously, you need to do what's right for you as a couple and by talking through your thoughts and feelings with each other, you should be able to talk away any concerns.

    Kaela x
  • mandasalem
    mandasalem Posts: 346 Member
    I'm your height, and my goal weight is 130. I started out around 165ish, and am at 140 right now, and the curves are still there! Everyone loses differently, but I bet you'll still be curvy when you hit your goal! Also, you said it yourself-- you want to be fit, not skinny, so assure him you're keeping track on all areas to make sure you're lookin' good as well as feelin' good!
  • rosebette
    rosebette Posts: 1,659 Member
    I'm married to a big Italian guy, and I get the same thing from him. I'm around 120 now, and I'd like to get down to around 115. I keep hearing, "Don't get skinny like your sister who is a bag of bones." Some guys just like curvy women.

    Don't let him sabotage you, but also be grateful that he enjoys your body shape.
  • stugr33n
    stugr33n Posts: 1
    I wouldn't get too upset about something that hasn't happened yet. You shouldn't consume energy worrying about something that may potentially never be an issue.

    I would carry as normal and address the situation when, or more importantly, IF it happens.

    From what you say, you'll acheieve your target weight and still have the right curves to keep your fella happy.
  • melissawilson61
    melissawilson61 Posts: 18 Member
    I don't think you need to say anything. when you get to 150 you may find that you are happy at that weight and it's a win-win. I think it's too early to make any hard and fast decisions.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    Just say "sure honey" and do what you want anyway.
  • commanderval
    commanderval Posts: 187 Member
    I'm 5'3'' with a medium body frame and at 127 lbs I still have curves (am 131 lbs at the moment...oops!). My boyfriend used to say the same thing when I was losing weight and I responded " we'll see how it goes as I lose the weight". At 127, he was still satisfied with my "curves" and didn't event object when I said I could go down a couple pounds more...so there :)
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    I started out at 138 (I'm 5'4) and was VERY curvy. You won't lose them :)

    I agree with someone above that said to just agree with him for now. But decide if you're happy when you get to 150. His opinion is definitely important. But how you feel is more important. Because if you're not happy, you're going to make him miserable too lol
  • jwooley13
    jwooley13 Posts: 243
    I'm so happy that you have someone that is so supportive. Knowing that, I think once he sees what confidence looks like on you, he won't care too much about the curves he's afraid you'll lose! You need to get yourself to a place where you feel good in your own skin, and I'm sure he'll be plenty happy with whatever weight that might be!
  • eks1208
    eks1208 Posts: 10 Member
    I would just not tell him your weight....he can be supportive of your fitness level and not your weight.
  • Sunbrooke
    Sunbrooke Posts: 632 Member
    I'd make sure he knows how sexy and confident you feel now! Buy some sexier house clothes to show off your new figure and if you feel bold, look up some sexy bedroom moves to really show off the curves that you have. Also, you are probably right, about still having thighs and a booty, even as you lose weight. I'm 4'11" 96 lbs, but I still have thick thighs. Men sometimes don't understand that most of us will never be lanky and willowy, like a model, even if we do lose weight.
  • HMVOL7409
    HMVOL7409 Posts: 1,588 Member
    I don't think his opinion is sabotage, just his thoughts. I actually think you responded well and it should be the end of it. It's your body and you ultimately need to be happy and healthy within it.
  • janinehema90
    janinehema90 Posts: 21 Member
    It's actually kind of nice that he said that, when my hubby told me the same thing I felt a little better about myself knowing he loved me how I am, but your goal is your goal. Just let him know it will make you happier to be healthier and get to your goal size. I have no idea what you did before to loose weight, but maybe this time start lifting weights if you haven't done so already. It reallllyyy helps to keep the curves and maintain some nice solid muscle while you loose.
  • hikezilla
    hikezilla Posts: 174 Member
    Handle it the way my wife would....she'd say "That's a great idea, thanks honey" and then she'd do what she wanted.

    I leave feeling like I have made a positive impression, not knowing that I have once again been hoodwinked. But I'm good with that.

    I prefer my fantasy over reality any day...I think I speak for most men.
  • MrsBenTarr
    MrsBenTarr Posts: 42 Member
    Thank you so much for the support, everyone!

    I actually think he's jealous that I lift heavier weights than he can. He's 5'10" and 110 lbs soaking wet... and can eat whatever he wants. LOL
  • RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle
    RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle Posts: 1,349 Member
    Handle it the way my wife would....she'd say "That's a great idea, thanks honey" and then she'd do what she wanted.

    I leave feeling like I have made a positive impression, not knowing that I have once again been hoodwinked. But I'm good with that.

    I prefer my fantasy over reality any day...I think I speak for most men.

    I like your wife:)
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    Had the same exact conversation with my hubby once. I wanted to get leaner and he pointed out that I HAD lost my curves. I thought about it and after a while I agreed with him. I wanted my butt back. So I started bulking and the curves are back. He's happy, I'm happy, I still have the goal of becoming leaner but now with sexy muscle added into the mix.
  • mikeykhan2003
    mikeykhan2003 Posts: 177
    Let me start by saying that my husband is VERY supportive. He saw me lose about 40 lbs before, gain it all back and then some, and this time around he's my number one cheerleader. However, last night he said something to me that made me take a pause:

    "I don't want you to get down to 140 because I'm afraid you won't have any curves. If you lost 10 more pounds, I'd be fine with that."

    My goal weight is 140. I am currently 178 and I'm 5'4". I am by no means happy with myself yet. I reassured him that, based on my other family members, I will always be thick in the thigh and booty department, even if I am 140 lbs. I also told him that this is not about him, it's about me. I want to have a fit physique, not a skinny one.

    What do I say to him that will keep him from sabotaging my weight loss?

    Sounds like very honest and open communication about a very sensitive topic from someone who loves and very much supports you.

    Maybe calling it 'sabotaging" is a bit unfair?
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Exactly what did he say that made you think "sabotage?"

    It sounds like to me that the man simply gave you a compliment. Let's not go over-analyzing things.
  • msfetty
    msfetty Posts: 3 Member
    Well tell him he now has added another job for himself,he's on booty patrol lol.I'm sure u don't want to lose your booty as well as he doesn't want u to,so tell him if he sees it disappearing to let u know so u can pick up in your numbers of squats...lol
    Then tell him thanks for having my "back" as well as my front...good job by the way!!
  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
    I don't think he should worry. It sounds like your body type is the type to be curvy. I'm exactly your height but I'm petite and flat chested and weigh 118 lbs without real curves.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Start lifting heavy weights. That way you can show him on the scale that you didn't really lose that much weight, yet you'll still lose inches and keep your girly curves. Everybody wins. :)
  • levitateme
    levitateme Posts: 999 Member
    Yes, we had that discussion, too... that if I am 150 lbs and I feel comfortable with myself and I am fit, I will go into maintenance. I'm certainly not going to let an arbitrary number that is based on BMI dictate my weight loss, especially not if I have a good amount of muscle.

    A goal number is easy to pick but you won't really know if it's right until you feel yourself in a new weight. I am the same height as you and currently about 153. My goal is 135, but if I am happy when I reach 145 I may change my mind. I have a feeling that I will hit 140 and want to bulk and cut to get my ideal body type.

    And about "losing curves", since you're a heavy lifter... Squat, Deadlift - You will have a great butt when you reach your goal. He needn't worry. :bigsmile:
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
    If he's truly supporting you, he won't try to sabotage your weight loss. From another man's standpoint, it seems that he just has a general concern about it. It doesn't sound like he will get hostile about it.
  • MapleFlavouredMaiden
    MapleFlavouredMaiden Posts: 595 Member
    I don't get it. I weigh about 140lbs at 5'4" and I have curves. Muscle makes women curvy...
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    For starters: The only person who can sabotage your weight loss is you. Secondly, talk to your husband about how you see yourself at goal. It is your body, but you are in a marriage where communication can make or break things.

    Good luck.

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