Concerned about future pregnancy - is it vanity?

_lyndseybrooke_
_lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm 24, recently graduated college, married, and working full time as a legal assistant. My husband and I have been planning to try to get pregnant toward the end of this year. It's approaching rather quickly.

I recently started lifting (just finished week 3) and I love it. I'm really excited about my new lifestyle and seeing my body change for the better. I've never been happy with my body and I'm now so close to goal that I'm starting to be able to look at myself in the mirror naked and not hate what I see.

First, from a purely selfish standpoint, I'm worried about what pregnancy will do to my body. The women in my family have gained a lot of weight during their pregnancies, took years to get it off if they ever actually did, and have scary looking stretch marks and loose skin that would require surgery to get rid of. I've seen plenty of women have gorgeous bodies after pregnancy (my sister-in-law is one of them), but I think I've got genes working against me here. I'm just sort of bummed that I won't have time to enjoy having a hot body because as soon as I get close, I'll be growing a human inside my abdomen.

I'm not looking for people to say, "well, then don't have kids" or "just adopt if you're so concerned about it." I want to actually have children if I'm able and I don't want to put it off (I'd like to be done before 30), but I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice or words of encouragement on how to deal with these feelings. Are there things I can do before, during, or after pregnancy to make things easier once the baby is born? Can I lift during pregnancy? If not, what kind of exercise is acceptable and will muscle memory help me return to lifting fairly easily? Will it be like completely starting over?

Women on here who have had a child and successfully returned to their pre-pregnancy weight - what advice can you give me? I hope this doesn't come off as me being vain and not worthy of being a mother, but these are genuine feelings I have that concern me. I'm sure that, once I'm pregnant, I'll care way more about the well-being of the child than how I look in a bikini, but for now this is what I worry about.
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Replies

  • AlysonG2
    AlysonG2 Posts: 713 Member
    I'm just now about 5 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. My son just turned 1. I found that losing weight post-baby was wayyyyyy harder than pre-baby. Not only the lack of time to cook decent meals/exercise, but my body just seemed to want to hang on to every ounce of fat I gained, whereas it came off very easily before.

    My only advice I guess is to enjoy the pregnancy, but don't use it as an excuse to eat everything in sight and gain 60 pounds like I did :).
  • hei_ma_ma
    hei_ma_ma Posts: 61 Member
    I worry about this too somewhat. I've been working out seriously for a few months now so chances are I'll be in the best shape of my life right before getting pregnant. I worry about getting out of shape and never getting my body back. I know that a lot of things like stretch marks are genetic and not under my control. And I keep telling myself that the better shape I am in before, the better it is for my body and the quicker I will bounce back.
  • dianaeatworld
    dianaeatworld Posts: 25 Member
    Just don't let yourself go and eat everything in sight like I did lol. I gained 60 lbs and it took about a year to lose, but I wasn't really trying. My body isn't what it was when I was 22 and childless, but at 30 I think I look good....it gave me curves that I had lacked before. I look like a woman, not a young girl.
  • GretaGirl8
    GretaGirl8 Posts: 274 Member
    I can't speak to lifting--never have done that pregnant or not.

    i have a two year old. I ate healthy throughout my pregnancy. I got pregnant at the lower end of my healthy weight range. i only added more calories at the third trimester. generally, the third trimester is when a calorie increase is necessary. i had a beautiful, healthy boy. i ended up weighing six pounds less at delivery than when i got pregnant (not intentional), but i worked to restore i pre-pregnancy weight. I guess what i am saying is if you eat healthy like you are now--you have no reason to fear excessive weight gain.
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    FWIW, I look better now than I did before going through 3 pregnancies. I gained 40 lbs with each pregnancy and ate to my heart's content. There is nothing you can do about stretch marks so don't get worked up about them. If they happen, they happen. Just aim to gain the suggested amount of weight that your doctor tells you to gain and enjoy it.

    ETA: And just be DETERMINED to lose the pregnancy weight. There was never any doubt in my mind that I wouldn't lose it. Took me a good 5-6 months but I got back to my normal weight and a little under each time.
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
    Before I had my daughters I worried, I don't think it's vain it is a big change to your body that can be scary. For myself the weight came off easy, breast feeding is a fat burner and gaining weight in pregnancy (unless diabetic) can be easily kept to a healthy amount. Many women get told to eat for 2 or they need to eat much more, that isn't what the doctor will say. A healthy diet with exercise will make a healthy pregnancy, easier birth and easier post baby weight loss. Also less stretch marks normally.
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,153 Member
    Do everything you can to be fit and healthy enough to not need a c-section and make sure your doctor isn't c-section happy out of a love for his/her own convenience, and you will cut down on a lot of the potential negative permanent changes.
  • corgarian
    corgarian Posts: 366 Member
    I havent had any kids, but there are a lot of lifting programs out there for pregnant women, so you can maintain your body while pregnant, and I bet since you've already done all this hard work you will have an easier time bouncing back.
  • AmandaLY17
    AmandaLY17 Posts: 184 Member
    Your body will change for sure, but there isnt any reason to gain a lot of weight (just like now you control what you gain). If you eat a reasonable diet and gain enough weight for a healthy baby but not excess you should be able to lose the remaining weight fairly easy (ie you gain weight from strange things you dont really think of, extra blood to support baby, amniotic fluid, the placenta, baby itself, those resolve themselves when the baby is born or shortly thereafter)

    Also, from what I understand, you might have to change up your program for lifting, but there is absolutely no reason to stop! Its not all one thing or the other :)
  • dmarsh1018
    dmarsh1018 Posts: 70 Member
    You can definitely still lift and workout while pregnant. Just don't go extremely heavy or wicked high intensity. The better you take care of yourself during pregnancy, the easier it will be to "bounce back". I wish I practiced what I am preaching...
  • RunsOnEspresso
    RunsOnEspresso Posts: 3,218 Member
    I had planned to get pregnant at the end of last year but for various reason did not do so. I did some research because that is what I do. :tongue:

    First, if you exercise before your pregnancy you *should* be able to do so throughout. Most doctors will tell you this is good. Obviously complications can arise and then you may be told to stop. My dance teacher dance/taught up until she had the baby and was back at it quickly. I have read cases of women running marathons and giving birth later that day.

    Second, do not eat for two. There is no need. You probably only need to add about 300 calories a day. An average weight woman should gain about 35 pounds during pregnancy, most of which will be gone once you have the baby (baby weight, placenta, after birth etc).

    I am not a doctor so please be sure to talk to your ob-gyn about all of this. :flowerforyou:
  • SapiensPisces
    SapiensPisces Posts: 992 Member
    I got pregnant at 185 lbs. I'm 163 lbs now. I gained 40 lbs during my pregnancy, but this is normal. It took me over a year to get my baby weight plus an extra 22 lbs off.

    My body isn't the same, but it is very possible to gain a healthy amount of weight during pregnancy and lose more or go back to your ideal weight after. I tracked my intake here on MFP with a goal to gain 1/2 lb per week for the second trimester and gain 1 lb per week for the third trimester. I had issues with keeping my food down in the morning for the first three months, so the first trimester was just "don't die." LOL

    I will say that there are changes though. My belly is covered in stretch marks, though they are fading, and I have a lot of loose skin in my lower belly as well, but it really isn't that big of a deal. I have a beautiful son and a great family that came from the experience. I look great in anything I want to wear, and I feel great.

    ETA: I stopped lifting when I got past my first trimester on my doctor's recommendation, but in hindsight, I think he was wrong. There are hormones released during pregnancy that will make your joints more prone to injury, so you may have to back off on how much weight you throw around, but you should be able to continue as long as you're healthy, and there's no risk to you or your child.
  • beachylove
    beachylove Posts: 137 Member
    I personally have no kids and am not having kids....however several of my friends have had children in the last few years. I can tell you that those that ate well and stayed active (walking and light exercise) had an easier time after pregnancy getting their weight back down. Those that ate everything in sight and used their pregnancy as an excuse to eat horribly 24/7 have had a much harder time.
    For stretch marks that's mostly genetics at work, you can use lotions to help reduce them. Some of my friends who got them they faded over time and they are hardly visible. Thanks to weight gain I have them and using Bio-oil and lotions have been helping them to fade as I lose weight.

    I wouldn't worry too much about it you will be doing something truly amazing :smile:
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  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    If you are lifting regularly before getting pregnant, you'll probably be able to lift while pregnant, too (barring unusual issues ... always talk to your doctor to be safe). I had to take a couple of months off of working out and lifting because of morning sickness/exhaustion, but now in my 2nd trimester I'm ready to get back into it. Just realize you need to take it a bit easier and don't expect to hit PRs or anything. It's also a good idea to have a spotter.

    The more active you are in pregnancy, generally, the easier delivery is, and the easier it is to get back to something like your pre-pregnancy weight and shape. Things always change a bit, but you can definitely look great after having several kids!
  • SarahCW1979
    SarahCW1979 Posts: 572 Member
    Its not vanity at all! Of course you worry about weight gain, after putting all this work in who wouldn't be!
    I've had 2 babies and can honestly say that my overall shape has changed for the better. Yes its hard to lose baby weight but it is do-able. Being in shape before pregnancy makes it easier and not inhaling the contents of your fridge or 'eating for two' will also keep baby belly to a minimum :wink:
    Stretch marks are par for the course but keeping well hydrated and moisturising your skin religiously can help with the appearance of any that turn up (don't forget the boobage!)
    Having babies is awesome and any mommy medals you get along the way are things you'll grow to accept, no need to worry about them :flowerforyou:
  • mrsdwp
    mrsdwp Posts: 13 Member
    I have been through two pregnancies, both delivered via C-section. I now have an almost 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. I got down to my pre-pregnancy weight both times and am now currently 5 pounds UNDER my pre-pregnancy weight. It was more difficult to lose the weight after having kids than before but it IS possible. The skin on my abdomen it a little more stretchy than it was before but I definitely got back some definition on my abs, even after having the lower abdominal muscle cut though during 2 c-sections. Don't be afraid to get pregnant. Having kids is so worth it!
  • FireOpalCO
    FireOpalCO Posts: 641 Member
    The only physical activities that will be "barred" if you're having a normal pregnancy are those with a strong chance of falling or impact. So unless you are doing horse jumping, the uneven bars, or martial arts sparring, you're probably going to be able to continue what you are doing now, with some modifications (like you could still do yoga, but some poses will not be comfortable or a good idea).
  • jenmom2myboys
    jenmom2myboys Posts: 311 Member
    I gained 35lbs my first pregnancy but it does not just go away after birth as another poster stated. Try to eat sensibly. I went overboard with things but still gained the normal amount. It was just hard to get off and I breastfed. The weight falling off with breastfeeding was also not true for me.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Vainest person I know right here <
    . I also have a two year old son. And I will have more. Lots, lots more.

    I think if you are already lifting, know how to eat right, and stay active throughout your pregnancy, there is no reason at all why you shouldn't bounce right back. Barring health complications, obviously.
  • jade_222
    jade_222 Posts: 147 Member
    I just had my first baby 10.5 months ago. I gained 55 pounds, so at the higher end. What I learned is track your food (you only need the extra 300 like everyone has said), and exercise. Be prepared for morning sickness to stop you from doing what you we're before pregnancy so try to find something that won't make you more sick and once it passes go back to your regular routine (within reason).

    I'm currently 7.4 pounds away from my pre-baby weight and it was a lot of work, way more than what I had to do before I had my son. So like you I'm really worried and concerned about having my second baby. I'm working really hard to hit my pre-pregnancy weight and then some, so I'm scared that I will gain 55 pounds again. I feel like I will finally get my dream body and then get pregnant again. So I'm really going to focus on the advice I provided above.

    I also wanted to thank everyone here for their advice because it's helped aliviate some of my fear, in particular weight lifting. I'm just starting this but definitely don't want to have to stop for 9 months (unless of course I have to for health reasons).

    I also got a ton of stretch marks, when I saw the first one I almost started crying. I knew it was going to happen I just didn't expect it on the centre of my stomach, or so many. I still have these stretch marks and they're fading but they aren't really important, my husband is supportive and says he loves them because I got them when I was carrying our son. Also I don't think they detract from my achievement of a healthier lifestyle and weight.

    So good luck! Stay focused and you'll make it through, and your little one will definitely be worth it, even if you have to work crazy hard to lose 50-60 pounds after.
  • dianalee9
    dianalee9 Posts: 134 Member
    I don't think you're vain at all. It's your body, and it is your choice when you're ready to start trying to conceive. Talk it over with your SO, I'm sure when you explain how you feel, he will understand. The healthier and happier you are when you do get pregnant, the better for your little one!

    Good luck on both your weight loss journey and starting a new family in the future!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I kept up with fitness before, during, after. I have 2. Two weeks after giving birth people were commenting on my flat belly. I gained 10 pounds or less of actual body weight (30 to 35 pounds while still pregnant). Back in fabulous shape 6 months after birth. I have enjoyed my body through all my life experiences.
  • monicapatituccijones
    monicapatituccijones Posts: 68 Member
    My daughter is 14 months old, and I can only speak of my experience.

    Your body will definitely change. I recently got back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm bigger than I was before. My hips and rib cage are just bigger.

    There are some things you can do to help yourself out. Being fit before you get pregnant will help in that you will be able to continue working out throughout your pregnancy, assuming there are no problems. Talk to your doctor about lifting.

    Stretch marks are mostly genetic, so there's not much you can do there, but you don't have to gain a ton of weight if you continue to exercise and eat well. I think a lot of women use pregnancy as an excuse to eat everything in sight.

    Breastfeeding helps some women lose weight fast. It didn't for me.

    Have a plan for after the baby is born. You might be too tired to exercise, but you can go for walks and still eat well. I cooked freezer meals before the baby was born, and that helped.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I'm probably the last person to ask about this since I'm 37, never wanted kids and never having kids. lol

    But I just wanted to chime in that I think even with some genetics working against you, you will probably do well because you are already cognizant of the possible changes...and you know how to eat well and exercise. You'll just be that much ahead of the game already :-)
  • MelonJMusic
    MelonJMusic Posts: 121 Member
    I'm 24, recently graduated college, married, and working full time as a legal assistant. My husband and I have been planning to try to get pregnant toward the end of this year. It's approaching rather quickly.

    I recently started lifting (just finished week 3) and I love it. I'm really excited about my new lifestyle and seeing my body change for the better. I've never been happy with my body and I'm now so close to goal that I'm starting to be able to look at myself in the mirror naked and not hate what I see.

    First, from a purely selfish standpoint, I'm worried about what pregnancy will do to my body. The women in my family have gained a lot of weight during their pregnancies, took years to get it off if they ever actually did, and have scary looking stretch marks and loose skin that would require surgery to get rid of. I've seen plenty of women have gorgeous bodies after pregnancy (my sister-in-law is one of them), but I think I've got genes working against me here. I'm just sort of bummed that I won't have time to enjoy having a hot body because as soon as I get close, I'll be growing a human inside my abdomen.

    I'm not looking for people to say, "well, then don't have kids" or "just adopt if you're so concerned about it." I want to actually have children if I'm able and I don't want to put it off (I'd like to be done before 30), but I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice or words of encouragement on how to deal with these feelings. Are there things I can do before, during, or after pregnancy to make things easier once the baby is born? Can I lift during pregnancy? If not, what kind of exercise is acceptable and will muscle memory help me return to lifting fairly easily? Will it be like completely starting over?

    Women on here who have had a child and successfully returned to their pre-pregnancy weight - what advice can you give me? I hope this doesn't come off as me being vain and not worthy of being a mother, but these are genuine feelings I have that concern me. I'm sure that, once I'm pregnant, I'll care way more about the well-being of the child than how I look in a bikini, but for now this is what I worry about.

    All I can say is you won't know until you have your baby. Eat well and maintain good weight gain (don't over do it with the cravings), and stay active when pregnant. Depending on your activity level just before you get pregnant, your doc or midwife will gauge how much activity you should continue doing to ensure you maintain a healthy growth. Yeah, caring about your appearance is vain...so what? Every woman cares about their appearance, don't feel ashamed about it. I promise you, even your in-laws may have a dirty secret about something they're self conscious about bc of pregnancy. It's a new body after a baby. But let me tell you something, and I'm sure MOST women will attest to this: It is MUCH better for you to be fit and start gaining the baby weight and only having to lose baby weight, as opposed to starting from overweight to then getting pregnant and trying to lose BOTH pre and post preggo weight just to get to your goal weight. Whatever lingers from the pregnancy that you can't remove, wear it as a badge of war and honor. You will have earned it!
  • krawhitham
    krawhitham Posts: 831 Member
    I don't have children, and don't plan to have children, but I DO have stretch marks. From what you ask? From lifting weights! I got into lifting a LOT when I was 18-21 years old, and I got an amazing body, and a bunch of stretch marks from where my skin had to "stretch" over muscle being formed. I don't mind them one bit at all.

    As for weight gain after pregnancy... I just have anecdotal evidence from the moms around me: the ones who ran, lifted weights and were generally healthy before pregnancy, were able to get back into their routine and exercise during pregnancy to make sure they didn't gain too much. Women who did not exercise and did not have muscle before pregnancy, in my experience, gained more and didn't lose the weight as easily (or at all) afterwards.

    If I were you, I'd stay on MFP and track calories and make sure you aren't "eating for two" as everyone has been saying, and it should be fine. The stretch marks on the other hand are something you might just have to live with :)
  • Aaron_K123
    Aaron_K123 Posts: 7,122 Member
    It is you being vain but honestly vanity gets an unfairly bad rep. I mean what is vanity other than liking the way you look. Is that a bad thing? No certainly not. Is worried that you might do something that would negatively affect your appearance a bad thing? No, that is the concern that keeps people fit and in shape. You don't have to be embarrassed to feel pride about how you look, that is the old shy-about-your-body version of you talking.

    Vanity is a luxury enjoyed by those who have earned a pride in their appearance. I don't look down at vanity at all, lets be honest you worked hard to get there so you should enjoy it. The only issue with vanity is those who prize their vanity above all other things and thats where you run into trouble. That is the "vain" that people can rightfully take issue with. So you have to ask yourself is your vanity more important than starting a family for you? My guess is it isn't and you have your answer. Its a sacrifice to be sure but I've known plenty of women who have rebounded from the effects of a pregnancy to having really fit looks after. At 24 you are still quite young and I imagine your body can handle it.

    Still, what do I know right...so I'd listen to those with actual experience in the matter...I just wanted to give my 2 cents on "vanity" and why it isn't a bad thing.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    Pregnancy changes your body forever, but you can get back to your prepare nancy weight with done work. Stretch marks are genetic. I never got them. I had morning/all day sickness and lost a lot of weight the first trimester, and no way could I have worked out. I never even considered I would get that sick for that long (think feeling like you have a stomach flu 24/7 for 20 weeks). I basically stopped all fitness and eating healthy. I ate what I could but I was pretty sick.
  • kmm0034
    kmm0034 Posts: 46 Member
    If you are really concerned about it al, then while pregnant, consider joining a pregnancy fitness course. They have them in the water and out. While I can't speak from personal experience, I have a friend who lost weight while pregnant, and had a healthy baby boy, because she had to to physical therapy due to an injury the whole time. It seems to be that so long as you don't use your pregnancy as an excuse to stop moving the entire nine months, and then after for months on end, you should be fine.

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