Concerned about future pregnancy - is it vanity?

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Replies

  • dianalee9
    dianalee9 Posts: 134 Member
    I don't think you're vain at all. It's your body, and it is your choice when you're ready to start trying to conceive. Talk it over with your SO, I'm sure when you explain how you feel, he will understand. The healthier and happier you are when you do get pregnant, the better for your little one!

    Good luck on both your weight loss journey and starting a new family in the future!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    I kept up with fitness before, during, after. I have 2. Two weeks after giving birth people were commenting on my flat belly. I gained 10 pounds or less of actual body weight (30 to 35 pounds while still pregnant). Back in fabulous shape 6 months after birth. I have enjoyed my body through all my life experiences.
  • monicapatituccijones
    monicapatituccijones Posts: 68 Member
    My daughter is 14 months old, and I can only speak of my experience.

    Your body will definitely change. I recently got back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm bigger than I was before. My hips and rib cage are just bigger.

    There are some things you can do to help yourself out. Being fit before you get pregnant will help in that you will be able to continue working out throughout your pregnancy, assuming there are no problems. Talk to your doctor about lifting.

    Stretch marks are mostly genetic, so there's not much you can do there, but you don't have to gain a ton of weight if you continue to exercise and eat well. I think a lot of women use pregnancy as an excuse to eat everything in sight.

    Breastfeeding helps some women lose weight fast. It didn't for me.

    Have a plan for after the baby is born. You might be too tired to exercise, but you can go for walks and still eat well. I cooked freezer meals before the baby was born, and that helped.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I'm probably the last person to ask about this since I'm 37, never wanted kids and never having kids. lol

    But I just wanted to chime in that I think even with some genetics working against you, you will probably do well because you are already cognizant of the possible changes...and you know how to eat well and exercise. You'll just be that much ahead of the game already :-)
  • MelonJMusic
    MelonJMusic Posts: 121 Member
    I'm 24, recently graduated college, married, and working full time as a legal assistant. My husband and I have been planning to try to get pregnant toward the end of this year. It's approaching rather quickly.

    I recently started lifting (just finished week 3) and I love it. I'm really excited about my new lifestyle and seeing my body change for the better. I've never been happy with my body and I'm now so close to goal that I'm starting to be able to look at myself in the mirror naked and not hate what I see.

    First, from a purely selfish standpoint, I'm worried about what pregnancy will do to my body. The women in my family have gained a lot of weight during their pregnancies, took years to get it off if they ever actually did, and have scary looking stretch marks and loose skin that would require surgery to get rid of. I've seen plenty of women have gorgeous bodies after pregnancy (my sister-in-law is one of them), but I think I've got genes working against me here. I'm just sort of bummed that I won't have time to enjoy having a hot body because as soon as I get close, I'll be growing a human inside my abdomen.

    I'm not looking for people to say, "well, then don't have kids" or "just adopt if you're so concerned about it." I want to actually have children if I'm able and I don't want to put it off (I'd like to be done before 30), but I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice or words of encouragement on how to deal with these feelings. Are there things I can do before, during, or after pregnancy to make things easier once the baby is born? Can I lift during pregnancy? If not, what kind of exercise is acceptable and will muscle memory help me return to lifting fairly easily? Will it be like completely starting over?

    Women on here who have had a child and successfully returned to their pre-pregnancy weight - what advice can you give me? I hope this doesn't come off as me being vain and not worthy of being a mother, but these are genuine feelings I have that concern me. I'm sure that, once I'm pregnant, I'll care way more about the well-being of the child than how I look in a bikini, but for now this is what I worry about.

    All I can say is you won't know until you have your baby. Eat well and maintain good weight gain (don't over do it with the cravings), and stay active when pregnant. Depending on your activity level just before you get pregnant, your doc or midwife will gauge how much activity you should continue doing to ensure you maintain a healthy growth. Yeah, caring about your appearance is vain...so what? Every woman cares about their appearance, don't feel ashamed about it. I promise you, even your in-laws may have a dirty secret about something they're self conscious about bc of pregnancy. It's a new body after a baby. But let me tell you something, and I'm sure MOST women will attest to this: It is MUCH better for you to be fit and start gaining the baby weight and only having to lose baby weight, as opposed to starting from overweight to then getting pregnant and trying to lose BOTH pre and post preggo weight just to get to your goal weight. Whatever lingers from the pregnancy that you can't remove, wear it as a badge of war and honor. You will have earned it!
  • krawhitham
    krawhitham Posts: 831 Member
    I don't have children, and don't plan to have children, but I DO have stretch marks. From what you ask? From lifting weights! I got into lifting a LOT when I was 18-21 years old, and I got an amazing body, and a bunch of stretch marks from where my skin had to "stretch" over muscle being formed. I don't mind them one bit at all.

    As for weight gain after pregnancy... I just have anecdotal evidence from the moms around me: the ones who ran, lifted weights and were generally healthy before pregnancy, were able to get back into their routine and exercise during pregnancy to make sure they didn't gain too much. Women who did not exercise and did not have muscle before pregnancy, in my experience, gained more and didn't lose the weight as easily (or at all) afterwards.

    If I were you, I'd stay on MFP and track calories and make sure you aren't "eating for two" as everyone has been saying, and it should be fine. The stretch marks on the other hand are something you might just have to live with :)
  • Aaron_K123
    Aaron_K123 Posts: 7,122 Member
    It is you being vain but honestly vanity gets an unfairly bad rep. I mean what is vanity other than liking the way you look. Is that a bad thing? No certainly not. Is worried that you might do something that would negatively affect your appearance a bad thing? No, that is the concern that keeps people fit and in shape. You don't have to be embarrassed to feel pride about how you look, that is the old shy-about-your-body version of you talking.

    Vanity is a luxury enjoyed by those who have earned a pride in their appearance. I don't look down at vanity at all, lets be honest you worked hard to get there so you should enjoy it. The only issue with vanity is those who prize their vanity above all other things and thats where you run into trouble. That is the "vain" that people can rightfully take issue with. So you have to ask yourself is your vanity more important than starting a family for you? My guess is it isn't and you have your answer. Its a sacrifice to be sure but I've known plenty of women who have rebounded from the effects of a pregnancy to having really fit looks after. At 24 you are still quite young and I imagine your body can handle it.

    Still, what do I know right...so I'd listen to those with actual experience in the matter...I just wanted to give my 2 cents on "vanity" and why it isn't a bad thing.
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
    Pregnancy changes your body forever, but you can get back to your prepare nancy weight with done work. Stretch marks are genetic. I never got them. I had morning/all day sickness and lost a lot of weight the first trimester, and no way could I have worked out. I never even considered I would get that sick for that long (think feeling like you have a stomach flu 24/7 for 20 weeks). I basically stopped all fitness and eating healthy. I ate what I could but I was pretty sick.
  • kmm0034
    kmm0034 Posts: 46 Member
    If you are really concerned about it al, then while pregnant, consider joining a pregnancy fitness course. They have them in the water and out. While I can't speak from personal experience, I have a friend who lost weight while pregnant, and had a healthy baby boy, because she had to to physical therapy due to an injury the whole time. It seems to be that so long as you don't use your pregnancy as an excuse to stop moving the entire nine months, and then after for months on end, you should be fine.
  • jennk5309
    jennk5309 Posts: 206 Member
    First off, let me say that your concerns are valid and do NOT mean that you are vain. I am pregnant with my third and I HATE what pregnancy has done to my body. I don't just mean the stretch marks and the jiggly skin - I mean the feeling that I have little control over my body. I am sick, tired, and terrified of gaining too much weight after having lost over 100 pounds. Am I still happy that I'm having a baby? Absolutely! I wouldn't trade that for the world.

    I just plan on getting a tummy tuck and maybe a boob job once done nursing this one, since she will be my last. Some people may think that's vain, but my abdomen is so disfigured from having a big baby that I think they would understand if they actually saw it why I need it in order to improve my confidence level. I think I deserve it, too, after having worked hard to lose weight. Moms deserve to be happy!

    So I say, lose weight after you have your babies and then get surgery if you need /want it. And you CAN lose weight afterward. It's hard, but doable by 99.9% of us no matter what our genes say. And I gots me some obese genes, lol.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    It's ok to wait to have kids. It's ok not to have kids, even for vanity reasons.

    But, pregnancy can have minimal impact on your body.

    The younger you are the more resilient you will be.

    But, if you wait you will be mentally/emotionally ready for changes.

    There will be some changes. The same is true even if you don't have kids.

    I shared my story on the first page. That was true for me, even though I also had to be on bedrest at times. I also had vomiting the whole 9 months, all day and night.
  • DeterminedFee201426
    DeterminedFee201426 Posts: 859 Member
    you should be worried > alot of stretch marks saggy skin and belly fat will be even harder to get rid of ! it comes from pregnacy even if you workout during it you will more likely get stretch marks and a bit of loose skin with pooch in your belly that may never go away only with a tummytuck
  • Springfield1970
    Springfield1970 Posts: 1,945 Member
    I had my baby at 34, and he's now 9 years old! I even fit in his shoes now!

    I put on ridiculous amounts of weight (about 70lb) enjoyed every moment and felt brilliant.

    It wasn't easy losing the weight, but once I really put my mind to sorting out my comfort eating I was away!

    I'm happier with my body now than any time in my whole life. I date guys in their 20s and more importantly feel empowered, and beautiful and strong.
  • GretaGirl8
    GretaGirl8 Posts: 274 Member
    I also wanted to add that I had a caesarean section. it was essentially elective--but there were issues that made that the right decision. I have never been "fit" but always been thin. my stomach looks pretty much the same. I didn't get stretch marks. I used a product called BioOil on my tummy (not sure if that helped or not but it is a wonderful moisturizer if nothing else). I did end up with a slight diastasis recti (separation of abdominal muscles). apparently, this is a very common condition as a result of pregnancy. it can range from minor to severe. there are exercises that can dramatically help (though I have yet to seriously seek them out as my condition is mild). I notice a little "saggy" skin when I bend over and look in the mirror which likely was a result of the pregnanancy--or perhaps, age. but it is also quite minor. I was in my mid-thirties upon delivery.

    note: someone mentioned that your abdominal muscles are cut during a C-section. I am not saying that never happens, but the standard procedure is to separate the abdominal muscles for the purposes of delivery. the muscles are re-aligned upon closure. I know that you didn't ask about C-sections, but it is something many people have had bad experiences with. my experience was positive--perhaps largely due to the fact my C-section was planned (so I was mentally prepared) and not done under less than ideal medical circumstances (rushed due to an emergency situation).

    as I mentioned earlier in the thread, I didn't gain significantly during pregnancy--but my obgyn said everything was perfectly fine and that some women do not gain much weight--but all measurements were on track at each visit. I purchased only about 4 maternity items total. for the most part, I wore my regular sized dresses that had some stretch to accommodate my baby belly. I wore my regular jeans and used a hair binder to extend the button.

    pregnancy and motherhood have been truly wonderful experiences for me--body and mind.
  • MelonJMusic
    MelonJMusic Posts: 121 Member
    you should be worried > alot of stretch marks saggy skin and belly fat will be even harder to get rid of ! it comes from pregnacy even if you workout during it you will more likely get stretch marks and a bit of loose skin with pooch in your belly that may never go away only with a tummytuck

    WRONG. Its all in the genetics. Just because it happened to one woman doesnt mean it will happen to another. There are women whose skin is resilient and recover without a stretch mark or sag. Don't contribute unless youve done the research, your sky-is-falling response was absolutely ridiculous.
  • GretaGirl8
    GretaGirl8 Posts: 274 Member
    you should be worried > alot of stretch marks saggy skin and belly fat will be even harder to get rid of ! it comes from pregnacy even if you workout during it you will more likely get stretch marks and a bit of loose skin with pooch in your belly that may never go away only with a tummytuck

    WRONG. Its all in the genetics. Just because it happened to one woman doesnt mean it will happen to another. There are women whose skin is resilient and recover without a stretch mark or sag. Don't contribute unless youve done the research, your sky-is-falling response was absolutely ridiculous.

    true, I was basically all belly--having a very petite build--and have 0 stretch marks.
  • monicapatituccijones
    monicapatituccijones Posts: 68 Member
    I had my baby at 34 and didn't get a single stretch mark, despite a 40-pound weight gain. Genetics don't play fair.
  • ElzbietaS
    ElzbietaS Posts: 1
    I was worried about that too before I got pregnant. However, I exercised throughout, ate well (other than the first few months of constant morning-sickness), and did not gain much throughout the pregnancy. Despite my mom and sis both getting stretch marks, I got zero. So it is kind of a crap-shoot. However, I've seen ladies who are very fit and have stretch marks, and they look awesome!

    I dropped all the pounds within two weeks of my little one being born, and my chest grew permanently (good for me since I was a "modest" size before). So not all post-pregnancy changes have to be bad! I since got lazy and gained, but it is coming off once more with some determined effort.

    Basically, what you are feeling is totally normal. Nobody knows how their body will change until they go through it. Just look after yourself, keep as active as you can, and try and eat healthy. Once the baby arrives, make sure your partner understands that you need time to look after yourself. Getting back to exercising may be an important step in feeling "normal" again after all the chaos that is having a newborn!
  • DeterminedFee201426
    DeterminedFee201426 Posts: 859 Member
    you should be worried > alot of stretch marks saggy skin and belly fat will be even harder to get rid of ! it comes from pregnacy even if you workout during it you will more likely get stretch marks and a bit of loose skin with pooch in your belly that may never go away only with a tummytuck

    WRONG. Its all in the genetics. Just because it happened to one woman doesnt mean it will happen to another. There are women whose skin is resilient and recover without a stretch mark or sag. Don't contribute unless youve done the research, your sky-is-falling response was absolutely ridiculous.
    wheres your research show me ?? if you dont have it then i advise you to not speak on what i say ..you lack so dont contribute to my comment ty
  • gemmamummy
    gemmamummy Posts: 185 Member
    Hi there. Its natural to worry about your body image! I had my son 2.5 years ago. My mum has a stomach full of angry blue stretch marks from having me and my brother.I had them during pregnancy and used a load of bio oil and they have faded. Unfortunately I have a sack of skin under my tummy which will never go. I blame the fact I married and a baby with a huge beast of a man and had a big baby. I put on 40lb with my son, but I feel I'm in the best shape of my life. I did bugg@r all exercise throughout my pregnancy and ate nothing but rubbish. It is possible to look hot after pregnacy. But be prepared that your boobs may droop a bit, you could have some loose skin, but I'd love to meet a woman whose body looked exactly the same after having a baby!

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