How to Separate your Self-esteem from the Weighing Scales

rowanmorrison1973
rowanmorrison1973 Posts: 3
in Motivation and Support
Hi Everyone,

My name is Rowan. I've lost 84lb over the last year (still have 28lb to go) but now I need your help to stay focused. I'm be grateful to hear from anyone who has dealt with something similar. Now for my story...

When I was very obese my self-esteem was completely reliant on what the scales said so I avoided them at all costs. When I did have to face my weight I would end up feeling pathetic, worthless and generally awful for days afterwards. I wouldn’t want to go out or even see my friends. BUT When I started losing weight, miracle of miracles, I actually began to look forward to stepping on the scales! I’d get a buzz of excitement to see how much process I’d made and recording it. I’d have a little grin on my face all morning. I thought that meant I had finally separated my self-esteem from the scales but I was wrong.

About 2 weeks ago I found my work out routine wasn't as challenging as it used to be, so I increased my aerobic workout time by about 35% and started walking the 1.5 miles home from work every day. Boy, was I exhausted and I every inch of my legs ached! My calorie intake went up, which I didn’t mind because I knew that I was going to start building more muscle and getting stronger as my body got used to this new regime. I wanted muscle so I was prepared not to see a drop in the scales. I wasn’t prepared for how down I felt when that little needle didn’t move. That awful feeling is back, not as bad as it used to be, but still nasty. I keep telling myself that I am doing all the right things and am getting fitter and healthier every day but it doesn’t make me feel any better. Now I’m beginning to think that I never detached my self-esteem from the scales at all, I just changed my relationship with it so I feel good when my weight drops and bad when it doesn’t, even if I am still being healthy and active. Has anyone been through this before? I’d love some help and advice on how to handle this. I’m concerned if I don’t tackle this now I’ll become discouraged, or worse, when I do get to my goal weigh I won’t be happy just to maintain it.

Suggestions anyone?

Replies

  • rowanmorrison1973
    rowanmorrison1973 Posts: 3
    bump
  • stef_monster
    stef_monster Posts: 205 Member
    Lots of things could be happening here. Any time you increase your exercise or change up your routine, there's a good chance that your body is going to retain fluids to repair your muscles for several days, or even a week or more if you keep at the new routine. After a while, the 'water weight' will come off. Make sure you're still in a deficit, and if after a couple of weeks you're not losing scale weight OR inches, lower your calories a bit and then give it another week or two. Sometimes the scale won't move, but your clothes will fit better or the measuring tape will show you the results instead.

    As for separating your self-esteem from the scale, it's best to start setting goals NOW that are not weight-related. I started out with a small amount of weight to lose, and when I got to my goal weight, I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything anymore because the number wasn't going down. I wasn't even really happy with how I looked.

    Then I took up lifting, and the rest is history. Try to set higher goals for yourself every workout. Even if it's just another half-lap, two more pounds on the barbell, or one more burpee, push yourself. It will definitely help you maintain your weight, and you can come away each time with that little smile, knowing you've made progress. Keep a diary or log of your workouts so you can look back on it when you're feeling bad- you'll be surprised at how far you've come.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    As you progress, (particularly with weight training), the scale number is far less important. Focus on body fat percentage. The increase in weight (on a calorie deficit) is actually NOT building muscle per se but rather increasing Glycogen in the muscles. This is a natural process in the rebuilding of muscle after tearing them down in the weight room. You will urinate or sweat that out soon enough. For now, basically don't focus on the scale... Focus more on how you look, feel, and how your clothes fit. Also, make sure you don't over-increase food intake thinking exercise will take care of it; as the adage goes ... you cannot outrun your fork.

    Again, look in the mirror, see how your clothes fit, and give it time. It will balance out in the end.
  • traceywoody
    traceywoody Posts: 233 Member
    Maybe start recording some non scale victories for when you are not getting the feedback you want from the scale. Keep a daily record of things that make you proud of yourself, for example - I took great care of myself today; or, Even though I was tired, I still exercised; or, I really like that I am wanting to take better care of myself because I am worth taking care of, things like that, so that your entire focus is not just on that nasty little number on the scale. You are so much more than that, so maybe logging those OTHER amazing things about you might be the way to balance the focus. BTW, you are doing great!
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    I totally get what you're saying - I was the same.

    Re-the scale not moving, like other people said - when you up your exercise your body hoards water to help heal the muscles (not very scientific but it's kinda what's happening). I've taken up a new exercise routine, and I've been stuck at 149 lbs for a week but lost an inch. So there you go.

    Make sure you are also taking measurements.

    Know that weight loss often appears like magic - that sometimes you'll stay the same scale weight but lose inches. Or, you'll drop on the scale and inches stay the same. Or, you'll stay the same in both inches and scale weight but your clothes will fit better.

    Regarding detaching your self-esteem from the scales - it's a slow process. For me, it involved focusing on other things. Firstly, you might like to try not weighing yourself for a month. Yeah, scary, but it might help you focus on other things. Focus on hitting your calorie goal, doing your exercises. Measure yourself instead. Find a pair of jeans or an item of clothing you'd like to fit into, and take a picture of yourself each week trying to fit into it. (I do this with jeans - a nice photo that starts off with my jeans unable to go past my knees, to up my thighs, to around my hips, to my waist but not being able to close etc.....)

    Educate yourself about the factors that come into play with scale weight, body fat, muscle etc... That what your scale reads is EVERYTHING, not just fat.

    If you insist on weighing yourself every day, then get an app like 'Happy Scales', which works on factoring out variables like period bloating, undigested food etc... fluctuations and gives you a predicted reading of how much you weigh.

    And, like others said, focus on non scale victories. How much fitter are you getting? Are you taking care of your self a little more every day etc...

    And remember, you're doing great! It takes time, but you'll get there - a little bit every day!
  • rowanmorrison1973
    rowanmorrison1973 Posts: 3
    (Wanted to write a reply for a while but life got in the way. Sorry for the delay)

    Thanks everyone for your advice. I've put a lot of it into practice and I feel a heap better. I've started setting myself other non-weight related goals cos I really loved that idea so I've started a couch to 5k challenge (me running!!! Who'da thunk??). So thanks to traceywoody, clareyoung80 and stef-monster for the inspiration!

    I have checked out Happy Scales and it looks good but on reflection I think I should weigh myself less to ween myself off the 'weight-loss-high'.

    I've also started to take measurements every two week and, like kdeaux1959 suggested, started to rely more on how my clothes fit as a gauge.

    Thanks again for the support,
    Feel free to ask for some back whenever you need it,

    Rowan
  • PJPrimrose
    PJPrimrose Posts: 916 Member
    I'm looking forward to reading about your future success!
  • KristinNicole82
    KristinNicole82 Posts: 164 Member
    I agree measurements are a great way to see progress I also recommend talking progress pictures no matter how much you hate them. It gives you a great visual of the changes.

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