Why honesty is not always the best policy...

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  • FitWithWit44
    FitWithWit44 Posts: 412 Member
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    In for the hot pole dancing avatar

    Damn. I forgot honesty wasn't the best policy :embarassed:
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
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    To be honest its her wedding/bachelorette party. If she gets the chance to have only one then she deserves to have it done in a way that she will enjoy. Its not really fair to expect her party to rely soley on your financial constraints IYSWIM? If she was expecting you to pay for the extras then of course she would have been in the wrong.

    She could have handled it a bit better granted but it seems like everything worked out? I mean you are not any more out of pocket and she got the party she wanted.

    ETA: After reading the other posts it does seem like she is being a bit bridezilla about everything. How do the other people in the wedding party feel about it?

    I cant agree with this perspective. Sure she should have it her way but not if the costs of doing so are borne by others. Have you ever watched an episode of Princess?

    She sounds like Princess Bridezilla.

    She wants it all her way and wants the bridesmaids to pay for it. That's just wrong. She is a control freak.
  • Losing_Sarah
    Losing_Sarah Posts: 279 Member
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    I still hold that it's the best policy, but there are times when you have to bite your tongue. In this case, I think you were in the right to tell her. Being a bride-to-be does not give you carte blanche to be a *****.

    Well...and this is said now that she's not talking to me...she said she wanted to talk on the phone because she was tired of the messages going back and forth...she hasn't responded to anything so far.
    I'm afraid she won't even want me in the wedding at this point...then again-if she does react that way....maybe it's not worth it. I just hate when people don't communicate. So many frustrations could have been avoided if she just told me that what I had planned wasn't what she wanted.

    Wow. What a selfish B. If she decides she doesn't understand you are doing what you can (which is sounds great, btw) and doesn't want you to be in the wedding anymore I really don't think she is a friend. She really sounds terrible.

    I was the maid of honor for one of my best friends about nine years ago, and our relationship has never been the same unfortunately, but her true colors really shined through. She was in my wedding a year before her wedding and I am still great friends with all the others. I was not demanding and did everything I could to make it easier on them because I was just so happy they could all travel to be here for me. At her wedding I travelled 10 hours, was there for a week, and she essentially abused me the whole time I was there. I actually wanted to leave after the second day. We have not seen each other since, and rarely communicate other than Facebook posts. It makes me sad, but in a way I am glad I experienced. She was always a little...ya know, that way...but the wedding made it extreme and opened my eyes.

    Sorry, I hope it all works out for the best whatever that turns out to be.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
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    I'm so glad that most of my friends and family are now married and that I will never have to host another shower or bachelorette party again. Or be in another wedding for that matter. I have been in way too many and ti gets worse every time.

    I had a friend very similar to this. She wanted everything to a tee exactly how she wanted. I ended up having to ask girls to shell out all sorts of money to give her what she wants. Before this, I didn't really realize how materialistic and self-centered she was because we had been friends for sooooo long I just kind of looked past it.

    Unfortunately, now that the wedding is over our friendship still isn't the same. Maybe I am fortunate (after all when i announced I was getting married 3 months before her she screamed at me saying I ruined her wedding....) but jeez.

    People like this aren't worth it. Your life does not revolve around them. If you go out of your way to plan everythign, get favors, offer to be DD etc that is amazing. She shouldn't expect anything more. Especially a limo - what a waste of money!! If you ave the money, fine but spending extra money when transportation is free is beyond ridiculous to me.

    You should be glad that you spoke up! She's not, according to this, a friend who cares abotu anything/anyone but her own needs and wants.
  • ericalyn73
    ericalyn73 Posts: 79
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    This is why people should elope and save all of that money and drama. IMHO.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I'm so glad that most of my friends and family are now married and that I will never have to host another shower or bachelorette party again. Or be in another wedding for that matter. I have been in way too many and ti gets worse every time.

    I'm just glad the people in my life are decent and reasonable!

    I was in my cousin's wedding several years ago. She did pick out the dress she wanted us all to wear, but she kept in mind both budgets and body types. We had to push her pretty hard on shoes because she kept just saying, "whatever," Finally, we got her to say "white" and that was that.

    I live too far away to have attended showers and the bachelorette party, but they kept me in the loop about plans and they were not over the top. For the bachelorette they rented a condo in a little village nearby and spent the weekend. No limo. We had the option to have our hair and makeup done professionally, but we could opt out (I did -- I have natural curls. No one can do my hair as well as I can.).

    And when her SIL was about 6 months pregnant with twins and had to get a new dress at the last minute and it was tea-length while everyone else had a full-length dress with a train, it was no big deal. She rolled with it and the wedding was lovely and no one stressed too much.

    My BFF got married on the beach in Key West for her most recent nuptials (we're guessing about five marriages total before she's done, but that's another story ...) and a few of us went to that, but we wore what we wanted and it was nice and simple.

    I like these people. lol
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I have been in 3 weddings, and I've helped plan 4 bachelorette parties (one being my own). None have been bridezillas. In each one, everyone but the bride shelled out money--whether that be on gifts, food, decor, hotel rooms, drinks/cabs, etc. I understand her wanting a limo, I get it, it sounds fun. If she wanted the limo, she should have asked the other people herself, or suggested it from the get go, so you could let the other parties know that if they attended, there was a limo fee. That would have given you time to plan. If she wanted it her way, she needed to voice that from the beginning and helped more with the planning. I'm really sorry she hurt your feelings, and I hope that if this friendship means a lot to you, you can move past this argument. Sometimes planning a wedding makes otherwise reasonable people a tad bit control-freak crazy.

    I have a circle of friends who are a lot more laid back about this stuff. No one had princess-y expectations of limos and our main thing was "no tacky phallic decorations or embarrassing games". Wine tasting, bowling, karaoke, movies, or going out dancing in a club without the bride-to-be sash or crown...that's more "us"...even though most of us were in that 20-27 age range when getting married (I'm the only one to be remarried in my 30's and I eloped).

    In fact most of us, when having weddings with attendants, paid for the other girls' dresses and everything else, because we understood that it was OUR wedding and not their responsibility. My ex husband also paid for his best man's tux and so forth, and appreciated the time his guys had taken off work and school to participate in the festivities.

    But I get that is not "the norm". Even though I personally think it works out well that way.

    However, I think you sound like someone who has been there, done that, with the more elaborate, "all out" bachelorette parties and this seems to be good advice for that kind of situation. The bride-to-be could have said from the get go, "It's really important to me to have X, Y, and Z" with one of those being the limo ride.
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    I still hold that it's the best policy, but there are times when you have to bite your tongue. In this case, I think you were in the right to tell her. Being a bride-to-be does not give you carte blanche to be a *****.
    QFT
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
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    This could have been handled a lot differently without being rude to you. It already sounds like you have done your best to make this fun for her. All she really had to say is "You've done so much already, he just wanted to provide this for us so you can have fun too."

    I really hate what weddings and brides have become these days. It is so much about the party, dress, money, THE BRIDE. This is one day in a whole life. Why does it have to be such a production. None of it demonstrates the love and commitment of two people. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but this *kitten* is out of control.
  • verymissk
    verymissk Posts: 262 Member
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    This could have been handled a lot differently without being rude to you. It already sounds like you have done your best to make this fun for her. All she really had to say is "You've done so much already, he just wanted to provide this for us so you can have fun too."

    I really hate what weddings and brides have become these days. It is so much about the party, dress, money, THE BRIDE. This is one day in a whole life. Why does it have to be such a production. None of it demonstrates the love and commitment of two people. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but this *kitten* is out of control.


    If you're old fashioned, let me button my high-necked blouse and clutch my pearls right with you .... This *kitten* be cray. Nobody pays attention to the relationship any more ... it's all about the bride .... and uh, the divorce rate is pretty effin' high.. so I don't know why folks are rushing in to these marriages and blowing asstons of money.
  • SapiensPisces
    SapiensPisces Posts: 992 Member
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    This could have been handled a lot differently without being rude to you. It already sounds like you have done your best to make this fun for her. All she really had to say is "You've done so much already, he just wanted to provide this for us so you can have fun too."

    I really hate what weddings and brides have become these days. It is so much about the party, dress, money, THE BRIDE. This is one day in a whole life. Why does it have to be such a production. None of it demonstrates the love and commitment of two people. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but this *kitten* is out of control.


    If you're old fashioned, let me button my high-necked blouse and clutch my pearls right with you .... This *kitten* be cray. Nobody pays attention to the relationship any more ... it's all about the bride .... and uh, the divorce rate is pretty effin' high.. so I don't know why folks are rushing in to these marriages and blowing asstons of money.

    I don't have an issue with spending the cash if you have it, but I agree with both of you that demanding or expecting expensive top of the line stuff when that's not something you can afford and expect others to pony up the cash is ridiculous.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I can't. I can't even....



    *tiptoes out*
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    This could have been handled a lot differently without being rude to you. It already sounds like you have done your best to make this fun for her. All she really had to say is "You've done so much already, he just wanted to provide this for us so you can have fun too."

    I really hate what weddings and brides have become these days. It is so much about the party, dress, money, THE BRIDE. This is one day in a whole life. Why does it have to be such a production. None of it demonstrates the love and commitment of two people. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but this *kitten* is out of control.


    If you're old fashioned, let me button my high-necked blouse and clutch my pearls right with you .... This *kitten* be cray. Nobody pays attention to the relationship any more ... it's all about the bride .... and uh, the divorce rate is pretty effin' high.. so I don't know why folks are rushing in to these marriages and blowing asstons of money.

    But I just wanna be a PRINCESS on MY day! :sad:
  • SapiensPisces
    SapiensPisces Posts: 992 Member
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    This could have been handled a lot differently without being rude to you. It already sounds like you have done your best to make this fun for her. All she really had to say is "You've done so much already, he just wanted to provide this for us so you can have fun too."

    I really hate what weddings and brides have become these days. It is so much about the party, dress, money, THE BRIDE. This is one day in a whole life. Why does it have to be such a production. None of it demonstrates the love and commitment of two people. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but this *kitten* is out of control.


    If you're old fashioned, let me button my high-necked blouse and clutch my pearls right with you .... This *kitten* be cray. Nobody pays attention to the relationship any more ... it's all about the bride .... and uh, the divorce rate is pretty effin' high.. so I don't know why folks are rushing in to these marriages and blowing asstons of money.

    But I just wanna be a PRINCESS on MY day! :sad:

    I'm_a_princess.gif
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    I wouldn't want to continue to be friends with this person. I sure wouldn't want to be in their wedding if this is how they're acting.
    This. By continuing to be her friend you are approving of and inviting more of the same behavior. Bridezillas act that way because of the people around them enabling them.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Feel sorry for the guy who's marrying her...
    THIS! One of my friends (now divorced) married someone like this and it lasted like 8 months.

    I don't feel sorry for the groom in these situations. He knows what he's getting into. People don't just turn into self-absorbed, narcissistic, sociopathic *kitten* overnight. If he marries her anyway, he deserves everything that comes his way, including losing half his stuff when she divorces him.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    Feel sorry for the guy who's marrying her...
    THIS! One of my friends (now divorced) married someone like this and it lasted like 8 months.

    I don't feel sorry for the groom in these situations. He knows what he's getting into. People don't just turn into self-absorbed, narcissistic, sociopathic *kitten* overnight. If he marries her anyway, he deserves everything that comes his way, including losing half his stuff when she divorces him.

    Yup, which is why I recommend to anyone dating to not date less than 2 years before marrying someone. In that long of a time-frame, it's hard to hide crazy.
  • SapiensPisces
    SapiensPisces Posts: 992 Member
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    Feel sorry for the guy who's marrying her...
    THIS! One of my friends (now divorced) married someone like this and it lasted like 8 months.

    I don't feel sorry for the groom in these situations. He knows what he's getting into. People don't just turn into self-absorbed, narcissistic, sociopathic *kitten* overnight. If he marries her anyway, he deserves everything that comes his way, including losing half his stuff when she divorces him.

    Yup, which is why I recommend to anyone dating to not date less than 2 years before marrying someone. In that long of a time-frame, it's hard to hide crazy.

    Seems from OP's subsequent posts that the groom buys into the bride's entitlement issues or at least enables them.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    To be honest its her wedding/bachelorette party. If she gets the chance to have only one then she deserves to have it done in a way that she will enjoy.

    no one DESERVES anything.

    what a ridiculous way to look at things.

    Agree with one of the first posts- being a bride and having your day doesn't give you cart blanche to be a grade a See You Next Tuesday.

    If you are already stressed b/c your budget is blown- don't go adding on- and be grateful when a friend hosts a party and pays out of pocket for you.

    Do the best you can and move on- she's not worth your time- you're clearly a genuine nice person. Time to move on and make friends who will treat you the same as you treat them.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
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    Feel sorry for the guy who's marrying her...
    THIS! One of my friends (now divorced) married someone like this and it lasted like 8 months.

    I don't feel sorry for the groom in these situations. He knows what he's getting into. People don't just turn into self-absorbed, narcissistic, sociopathic *kitten* overnight. If he marries her anyway, he deserves everything that comes his way, including losing half his stuff when she divorces him.


    Yeah, unfortunately this is usually what happens. Should have seen it coming, it was right in front of his face all along.

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