Starting again - unhelpful comments
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My SO's mother announced at his birthday dinner, in front of his family, that we had both gained a bunch of weight since being together.
She actually used the words "You guys got so fat! I read a study about how couples get chubby together...must be true!"
O_O after she announced moments before how red my skin was (from starting a new acne medication), which was preceded a few weeks earlier by "you shouldn't wear so much makeup" (so i didn't wear it to please her)
I refused to be around her for the entire time I was exercising and losing weight...for my own sanity. It didn't help that after the comment, I initially gained 10 more pounds to spite her and her opinion (my SO says i'm beautiful no matter what and he LOVED my big booty lol--so those comments don't run in the family)
15 lbs off, I go to a family BBQ and get tons of compliments from her and the family on my weight loss...I don't really want to talk about my weight, but admittedly it felt good.
So, another 6 or so months go by, about 30 pounds lighter from my start at this point, and well within a healthy range (the lowest I can healthfully go is 98 pounds, the highest is about 128--I'm currently about 113) she sees me at the pharmacy, picking up prescriptions for the horrible virus i had at the time.
First words- "You're too skinny now! you need to stop! You look sick!" to which I responded "I am sick, and I haven't eaten in like 2 days because of it"
"No, but you lost too much weight. You need to gain some back now!"
FACE PALM!!! Both comments are JUST as hurtful- being too skinny or being too heavy. Plus, I feel the skinny comments can occasionally make people feel like "whoa, so you thought I was fat the whole time?"
My doctor saw me the other day and said my recent weight loss looks great on me. She also can see my charts. THAT is the only person I really want to hear a comment like that from- my PHYSICIAN!0 -
Ouch, that hurts! I know. Take pride in the fact that you had already committed emotionally to taking care of you! She must have a bit of pain in her life to throw around careless comments like that so flippantly... You can use her misdirected pain to help fuel your weight loss! You might consider a note to her after you reach goal. She could probably use some compassion - (if she can even appreciate it when she sees it
Enjoy the ride! Weight loss feels great when you are on the right track, eating clean. And you deserve to feel great!0 -
Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
Actually, they are interpreted the same by me. Since I've lost weight I get what I consider rude comments all the time, for example: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight, eat a cheeseburger!" or "Geez are you anorexic!" I think both are rude and uncalled for. I have no idea why society thinks they have a right to comment on someones weight. They need to keep their opinions to themselves.0 -
I went from this:
To this (in less than 3 years because of medications and medical conditions):
Needless to say, I get a lot of unpleasant comments about my weight gain.
Thats awful people say crap to you. I love yours shoes btw!!!0 -
Hi All,
Big fan of MFP it always works when i use it - but when I don't use I seem to go a bit mad and put loads on!!
Anyhow over the last year I've put on 3 stone and decided that last week I was going to eat clean and start my weight loss and getting into shape.
Today, a woman who retired 3 years ago came into the office and the first thing she said to me in front of the whole office was "God uve put on a lot of weight"
Not hello - not nice to see you - just that!!!
Has anyone else had such unpleasantness?! I just thought what a rude horrible woman!!
I get unpleasant comments a lot...far too often but from the other end, but its still rude and uncalled for. She sounds like a very unhappy person and I'm sorry you had to experience that. I've let peoples comments about my weight loss sabatoge me, I totally quit working out for nearly a year and put on weight and hate myself for letting others sabatoge me. Don't let this hateful person sabatoge you!! Keep doing your thing, focus and stay positive! I realize its much easier said than done.0 -
There is just no pleasing some people... You may as well just please yourself !!0
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Some people are just so rude and have absolutely no filter for what comes out of their mouths! One time I was hanging with an old friend, and she poked my belly and said, "You jiggle like Jell-o." It was random and I'm not sure if she meant to be offending, but it hurt.
So anyway, my advice is to stick it out, although hearing crap like that sucks, use it as motivation and a fan to your fitness fire! The most recent time I saw that same friend, she said "OMG you're so skinny now!" (I'm really not, but my weight loss was noticeable). And i admittedly felt a bit smug, hehe. So knock 'em dead!0 -
I have to agree with jcc4--"you've lost weight" is not something it necessarily makes everyone happy to hear, even if it's intended as a compliment. I became much thinner while going through radiation therapy for cancer--while my weight was still higher than the "ideal" range, people of course noticed. Every "Wow, you've lost a ton of weight--you look great!" was a reminder of how sick I was, AND of how bad I'd apparently looked to them before. I started responding, "Yes, the cancer diet is only one I've ever been on that really works!" I suppose that was sort of mean, but hey, being very sick and still needing to go to work can make a person grouchy.
I don't see why it's necessary to comment on people's weight, given that it's a sensitive subject for so many--why not just say, "Wow, you look great today!" I've found that if the person wants to talk about losing weight, he/she will respond with, "Thanks! I've lost X lbs.!" and then you can have a conversation about it. (Of course, if the person has previously told you he/she is trying to change weight, comments might welcome.)
As for people who are deliberately being cruel, don't let them have the satisfaction of upsetting you!0 -
Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.
not always so0 -
How bout just WOW, you look great???0
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My former boss, when insulted used to say THANK you! with such emphasis and with a genuine smile, it made clear the insult was rude, but at the same time he came across good humored.0
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It's one thing to put your foot in your mouth, but it's another to hang onto the notion that you've gained weight... It happened to me, not once, but TWICE by the same woman years ago when I worked at Wal-Mart. She said to me, "Oh! You look like you're putting meat on your body there!"
As if THAT wasn't bad enough, she actually flagged down a passing co-worker and even pointed at my belly, going, "Doesn't it look like she's gained weight?!"
What I wouldn't give to have punched her in the face...0 -
I think you got it right "rude, horrible woman". Thing is we all have the potential to be rude and even horrible. Maybe since I struggle with my weight I don't make others feel bad about their weight but unwittingly we all cause pain to others with our words at some point...I have had many rude comments made to me over the years. One that I remember the most was in my third pregnancy,my sister in law's grandfather felt the need to lecture me that in front of many people at a party,saying that I was extremely fat and unhealthy. It stings, it hurts. He is dead now, I'm still struggling with my weight. The world keeps turning. One thing that is very important is not to manage your feelings of shame and embarrassment by eating for comfort. Find another way. Don't allow yourself to hurt yourself worse then those comments can.0
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Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
Actually, they are interpreted the same by me. Since I've lost weight I get what I consider rude comments all the time, for example: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight, eat a cheeseburger!" or "Geez are you anorexic!" I think both are rude and uncalled for. I have no idea why society thinks they have a right to comment on someones weight. They need to keep their opinions to themselves.
Agreed. Commenting on someone's weight, even to remark that they have lost weight, can be rude.
If you really feel the need to comment on it, why not just say "You look great!". That leaves it open for that individual to comment on it if they want to, or to just say "thank you" and move on.0 -
Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
My policy on this is unless you 100% know the person is going the way they intend (ie, I've seen/heard them talk about losing/gaining first hand as a positive thing), I tend to keep my mouth shut, and if I do say something it's "you look great" and I leave it at that. You never know what people are going though and I try not to say unhelpful comments/unintended insults if I can avoid it.0 -
Thanks for all your comments - she sent me an email to apologise she obviously didn't mean any upset.
I agree with the above posts whether you've put on weight or lost weight it is rude to comment - just a simple your looking well will suffice and then if I want to elaborate I will!!
with 42lbs to lose at an aim of 1lb a week(more would be good but slowly slowly catchy monkey) looking to hit target in 42 weeks 14th February 2015!
It does seem ages away but think if I started this 42 weeks ago id already be at the end!0 -
You will get there!0
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Hi all just an updat - the rude comment was 2 months ago and ive lost a stone since then go me :-) hopefully by this time next year hat rude woman will see me back at my optimal weight0
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well done on the loss!
just remember that people only make rude or offensive comments when they have low self esteem or something about themselves that they don't like. Losing a stone is amazing and you don't need to say anything to anyone in response or justify yourself, your weight loss does that all on it's own and it's an amazing feeling!
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i was mistaken for being pregnant
that's why i lost weight. People can be so rude. 0
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