Trying to work(out) through depression

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Replies

  • bigburd82
    bigburd82 Posts: 7
    Hi there! Kudos to you for everything that you are doing!!! Even if you are "just thinking about" exercise. Give yourself a break and hang in there. Have you ever thought of trying, "five minutes for everything"? Just get up and walk for five minutes and before you know it it'll turn into 10. As regards the upcoming 90 degree weather, what about joining a gym? I just noticed 24 hour fitness is running some sort of special. To keep motivated try a different form of exercise each day. Maybe it's mall walking to start, riding a bike another day or going to walk through a park near your house. I can understand what you're going through because I've been battling depression and had a major episode September 2013. My doc added a different med and I immediately gained 10 lbs of the 17 I'd lost since September. Today I was very low, so I can understand you. But hey, it's not about me it's all about you. So, don't give up! Give yourself a pat on the back for every step you take, even if it is just five minutes pretty soon it'll be 10, 20, 30. :flowerforyou: Take care.
  • bigburd82
    bigburd82 Posts: 7
    Keep on moving!:happy:
  • ElidaBravo
    ElidaBravo Posts: 41
    Hello,

    I can relate to how hard it is to find meaning in ANYTHING apart from your actual crisis issues when you're depressed. Everything seems so trivial and unimportant, you lose desire for most things you once enjoyed.....the actual stressful situations seem to be the only things that matter when you're depressed. Those situations take on a huge role and become our primary focus, or our primary source of avoidance, for some people.

    Bottomline, those life situations that cause our depression, well those situations eventually ease up....lil by lil....with time. I dont mean to say that in the cliche that "time heals all wounds". What i mean is that things WILL DEFININTELY IMPROVE for you, this time in your life isnt permanent......its temporary.

    For me, that kind of logic really really helped me, so often in life. Some situations are permanent, yes....like losing someone......but the pain that we feel wont always feels so unbearably intense. Do you get me me at all?

    Now, for some practical thoughts n suggestions: Have you seen a doctor, are you on antidepressants? If not, do you plan on getting on an antidepressant?

    Depression itself has different levels of severity.....mild functioning, general depressive disorder, or deeper situational depression, to really heavy major clinical depression. A General practitioner knows what questions to ask you to figure out what level you may have...they can prescribe and treat the depression.......and some GP's may refer you to specialist to figure out an action plan.

    Depression facts: Its a chemical imbalance, just like when someone who has Diabetes.....its nothing to feel embarrassed about.
    Depression is sooo treatable.
    SItuational depression is usually temporary and eases on its own with time, but you dont have to wait for that! Yes, other depressive disorders are much more complicated.....but they are all treatable!

    Ways to beat depressions: Western medicine antidepressant Medications, self help daily coping methods, certain holistic supplements can boost seratonin and help with sleep issues, certain dietary changes can boost seratonin, spiritual coping methods, talk therapy, self help books, basic walking outdoors, certain subliminal or self help audio programs............

    I know about depression.....yes i speak from my own personal experience and thats why I am sharing this with you.

    do you know anything about 5htp? Its a nuritional supplement that has helped me, is currently helping me and millions of other people. I recommend that you do some reading about this, there are many many books, medical articles, medical experts who say that this is good supplement for people dealing with depression, or insomnia or weightloss issues.

    I wish you all of the best, please feel free to contact me if you wish!

    Elida
  • fatalis_vox
    fatalis_vox Posts: 106 Member
    I used to take a whole supplement cocktail before bed, including valarian, passionflower, and chamomile (to combat the insomnia), time-release B-vitamins (for mood and energy) and 5-htp. It worked for a while, but it wasn't a long-term solution.

    I had a really good weekend. My boyfriend was in an unhealthy state of mind, too, so we decided that I should stay home this weekend instead of going to visit him. And I CLEANED ALL OF THE THINGS. Kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom. I got rid of about 8 partly-unpacked boxes, dealt with laundry, organized a bunch of stuff, bought a drill and hung up some entryway hooks and shelves, hung the curtains in my bedroom, and generally went mad with cleaning.

    (Partly because of a desire to un-clutter my space, and partly because I discovered a bunch of ants going for the dog food.)

    I felt really accomplished, and while I won't say I felt "good," I did feel "better" than I Have in a while.

    Aaaaand then I got into a fight with my boyfriend, who is suddenly being a selfish *kitten* about my depression and talking about how he is "unhappy and getting the short end of the stick." Well eff you buddy. After spending some time crying into my pillow, I got angry and sent him a long email about why I was so hurt and angry. I told him that it's his right to decide if it's too hard for him to deal with, but it isn't his right to make me feel bad about my illness being hard on him, and that he has some serious re-evaluating to do. SO let's hope that that helps and isn't an end to my relationship!

    BUT I kind of need to prioritize getting better, and sweeping those feelings under the rug will really not help. If he can't deal with it, he can cut out.

    So today? I'm not doing so great. BUT I had a really good weekend. I might just go to town on a pile of chicken strips and some honey mustard sauce. Or I might just sit here and snack on these almonds all afternoon.

    On the plus side, I also bought a scale this weekend, and I'm down almost 3 pounds. So yay me.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    I'm glad to hear that you got a lot accomplished and felt a little better. And huge kudos for standing up for yourself and not being a doormat. If he decides he can't deal, yes that would hurt, but in the long run you would be better off.

    I like your new profile pic (well I don't know if it is new... but it is different than the one you had up before I think?) Anyway, you look pretty. :flowerforyou:
  • fatalis_vox
    fatalis_vox Posts: 106 Member
    Thanks, deksgrl! It's only about 3 weeks old, so I think it qualifies as "new." And I felt pretty that day, so I took a picture. <3

    He was appropriately horrified when he realized that his callous, selfish words were that, and were so hurtful. He sent me a long email back, that mostly rhymed with "I'm sorry I keep trying to sabotage our relationship because I'm afraid." So that worked out.

    This afternoon, I go for a run!
  • kristelpoole
    kristelpoole Posts: 440 Member
    I haven't had to deal with as many life struggles as you have going on right now, so I understand this isn't easy for you in the least. I used to have a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning, too. Especially in the winter when it was dark outside until I was leaving for work. Here's what I did...

    I have two alarm clocks. One is a Phillips light alarm clock that mimics the sunrise by slowly getting brighter and brighter, eventually going off like an alarm. I keep this alarm next to my bed, angled towards my face. This has helped me immensely and is great for people who suffer from the fatigue depression causes, because it taps into your body's evolutionary nature to rise with the sun.

    I have another alarm clock across the room from where I sleep that goes off at the same time as my sun lamp's alarm. This alarm turns on NPR, so I wake up to soft talking instead of an aggressive alarm buzzer sound. I don't mind staying in bed an extra minute while I get acclimated to being awake, and I usually become interested in whatever story they are reporting on, which keeps me awake.

    Loud, obnoxious buzzers just DON'T do it for me. I'm one of those that walks across the room in a stupor, slams the snooze button a dozen times, and hops right back in bed, usually in a bad mood. These two alarm methods have erased all of that for me, and now I usually wake up to my sunlamp right before the radio comes on. It feels natural and easy and pleasant.

    Hope that helps. :) xo
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
    I have gone through (something similar to) what you have and i do suffer from depression and anxiety. I have my whole life. I see no psychiatrists, doctors, nor counselors, anymore. I have noticed I have not had an episode since I started running. running has brought my quality of life up so high. I am never depressed. anxious yes to go run but that is a good anxious.

    forgive my laziness. it's just so easy when someone else has had an experiece similar enough that i only have to change a few words to make it fit mine. i think it's also very illustrative of the power of exericise on depression. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    i suffered from terrible sleep, my whole life, before i started exercising regularly. i still have difficulty waking (during the dark of the year; during the light time of year it's super easy, a la SAD) but it's nowhere near as troublesome as it used to be. my sleep/wake cycle was the thing that changed the fastest and the most. in my experience, exercise makes EVERYTHING better, and there's (almost) no getting "too much" of it. once i started running i the mornings, i got hooked on how great it felt to start the day that way and it was fairly easy to keep up. i've since gotten out of the habit of a.m. exercise but i'm working on getting back to it.

    best of luck! :heart:
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
    I have several lamps in my bedroom on a timer so they turn on about 10 minutes before my alarm goes off. I tend to wake up a lot throughout the night thinking I am late or oversleeping, and as long as the lights are still off I know I can safely go back to sleep without checking the clock a dozen times. Then when the alarm goes off, its much easier to get up than in when its still dark in there.

    If you drink coffee, get a coffee maker than has a timer and can have the coffee made about 15 minutes before your alarm. The smell will help you wake up a bit and its easy to walk in and grab a cup while still half asleep and not have to think about how to make it.

    Good luck!
  • alimarie53
    alimarie53 Posts: 102 Member
    This may not help but know that you're not alone! :) There are so many of us that have anxiety and depression.

    It will be hard but the first step towards working out through depression is getting out the door. There will be days when you have to force yourself out the door but once you do you will never regret it. From my personal experience I found that after getting in a work out routine it was like therapy. I wasn't focused on losing weight or anything else it was my "me time" to escape the anxiety and depression.

    I know many have offered to be an ear if you need someone to talk to. Please feel free to add me if you want. :)
  • Point202
    Point202 Posts: 55 Member
    I can't imagine what all of that must be like. But what immediately came to mind for me was something I read recently. I was fired last fall, and was pretty angry and stressed about it. In reading about how to cope with it, I read an awesome article that basically said don't try to do everything every day. Just do one thing, every day, toward your goal. The article was positioned toward finding a job, but this could apply to fitness too. So maybe make an arrangement with yourself to just do one thing every day, and be proud of yourself for that one thing. Maybe eventually it'll be two things, and then three.

    So maybe today, it is getup and go to work. And tomorrow it is something different. Maybe just getting dressed up, just because. Or it is maybe going for a walk. Or maybe making something healthy to eat for yourself? Basically keeping it simple, so you can feel motivated by these little accomplishments.
  • babylion7
    babylion7 Posts: 4
    I've gone through rough times to. Biggest thing that almost made me want to end my life was losing my mama in June 2013. She's my best friend and we were close. I would always tell her about my fitness plans but that I was always shy to do a fitness competition. She would always say oh Margaret just do it you can't be shy. So now that I started getting serious about working out I always just think of her telling me that and other conversations we've had. It's my motivation and helps me think she's still with me. I push it hard just thinking of her. So keep thinking about positive things that will keep u going:)
  • fatalis_vox
    fatalis_vox Posts: 106 Member
    I'd like to thank everyone for the continued support and advice! It really means a lot to me every time I come back and see that other people have written to me. <3

    I don't think I'm going to use diet and exercise alone to try to control my symptoms--I have some very real issues to work through that go back many many years. These recent incidents are just what brought me into this down-cycle. I had started therapy before, and then life kind of...well...blew up. I just know that diet and exercise WILL help, but counseling and medication will ALSO help, and I'll take all I can get right now!

    I've been continuing to eat well, and today I hit a great mark! My healthy, smaller-than-what-I-used-to-eat lunch has made me feel comfortably full. Mentally, I'm not quite satisfied (I'm still having the urge to continue eating, although my stomach feels full) but it's definitely a good sign.

    I've lowered my daily exercise goal for now (I use a fitbit; I halved my daily step goal to 5000 from 10,000) to make it easier for me to meet, and as I start meeting it every day, I'll increase it in increments of maybe 500 steps to get myself used to it.

    I'm still having a hard time getting up in the morning, but I'm starting to feel more energized during the day, and that's also a very good sign. (Maybe the Zoloft is starting to work? The signs are pointing toward "my brain is starting back toward normal functioning.")

    Maybe I should try getting a timer for my lights, or a sunrise alarm clock. I do feel like those things might help. I normally wake up to music ("Try" by P!nk is the song I'm using right now. I find it very motivating, so maybe one of these days it will work.) but mornings are just so hard.

    See, I have this perspective that life is perfect as long as I'm in my bed. I'm warm, I'm comfortable, I'm relaxed. I don't have anything to worry about, or stress about. Nothing has gone wrong, and as long as I stay in bed, nothing bad can happen. AND I have a giant puppy to snuggle and love me, so my desire for love and companionship is met. Everything is safe, while I'm in bed.

    Once I get up, things can start going wrong.

    That's the mindset that I'm trying to fight. Sometimes I really wish I had a roommate who is more assertive than a snugglepuppy. I wish he'd jump around and nose me and make puppy-noises until I got up and let him outside, but he's so mellow in the mornings that he's content to lay around as long as I can. Lazy jerk-puppy, loving me until I'm late for work.

    I'd stop letting him out right before bed, but that's really not right. I have no right to make him suffer discomfort just so I'll get out of bed in the morning. That would make me terrible.

    I've tried setting my coffeepot to have a fresh pot of coffee ready for me, but it actually doesn't help at all.

    The real problem I'm encountering is will-power. I don't WANT to get up and face the day, I want to stay in this made-up safe place where I believe nothing bad can happen. I know that once I get over that, if I can get out of bed just once, it'll be so much easier next time.

    And if I put my alarm across the room, I'll actually just let it go off until it stops. Ever since I was a kid, I've had a problem with alarms. When I was in gradeschool and middle school, my dad would have to come and wake me up even through my alarm was blaring. I have trouble sleeping, but once I'm asleep I sleep like the dead.

    So I'll keep trying, I guess. Once I get out of bed, the rest of the day goes fine. I have no problems meeting my goals. It's just that one point. Sigh.
  • yvie63
    yvie63 Posts: 193 Member
    I have suffered from depression in the past I have relapses from time to time but the last bout of depression I had I decided not to have anti depressants as I did not like feeling like a zombie so I worked my way through it in my own way. Walking, crying, thinking, reasoning with myself, talking to friends (they need to be close friends!) it was hard but I managed to get through it. Everybody is different, you may want professional advice. Personally I found going for walks really did help and as you have a gorgeous doggy that needs walking. You know, you do need time to heal and may want to huddle down away from the rest of the world in a safe little cocoon. I understand how even getting out of bed is a real effort for you and it may well be that you just need to take it easy for a while and just do what you can manage. The key thing is not to let that become your way of life forever.

    There has been some great advice on this thread from people who know and I urge you to give some of that advice a go - but it has to be manageable for you, a tiny little more each time, baby steps. You are obviously trying hard to keep your eating as healthy as possible which is a fantastic effort for you to make considering how you feel. My hopes and positive thoughts are with you (and some hugs as well). Please try to be kind to yourself - I hope you feel better soon. x
  • faith_76
    faith_76 Posts: 199 Member
    I lost my brother 4 years ago. Losing him sent me into a severe depression. I could sit and stare at the wall for hours, wanting to get up and do something but just couldn't. Simple things, like taking a shower, was a major accomplishment. That first year was hell. I finally started taking antidepressants, and didn't feel like a zombie. I spent time online talking to others who lost loved ones in the same manner. You are doing a great job! You are going through counseling! You are reaching out! You can do this! Baby steps. Keep it up, we are here for you. :flowerforyou:
  • Pooks1n1Schmoops
    Pooks1n1Schmoops Posts: 199 Member
    I'm sorry you're going through so much sweetie. I know what it's like to live with depression. The good thing is that you REALLY will feel better if you get some endorphins going. The hardest step is the first one.

    Namaste
  • CaraBera
    CaraBera Posts: 2
    I am so sorry for your loss. Death, especially an unexpected one, is traumatic. Please be easy on yourself. You have gone through a lot and deserve the time it takes to heal. It's fantastic that you are taking steps to take care of yourself. I totally agree with another poster, who said you should praise yourself for the good you are doing. Your walks, buying the good veggies. All of these are things of great value, be proud of them.

    And please, give yourself time, space and permission to grieve. One of the hardest things about losing someone is that the rest of the world doesn't "get it." The world keeps moving, and most do not understand that your whole world is different. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. It's the only way to make things better is to move through the grief. You are allowed to cry, scream, laugh, jump, run or stare out the window when you need to.

    Just keep taking care of yourself. You deserve that. Best of luck.
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 309 Member
    :flowerforyou: HUGS - I have clinical major depressive disorder. Continue on your medication and see if it works for you, continue seeing a counselor. pray, take as long as you need to heal and take one day at a time.
  • fatalis_vox
    fatalis_vox Posts: 106 Member
    So yesterday was a HUGELY active day for me. I met every single one of my fitbit metrics, and in some cases doubled, tripled, or quadrupled what the daily "goal" was. I didn't have much time to eat, so I wound up consuming less than 1000 calories, giving me a whopping 1200 left to safely consume while still meeting my deficit.

    I'm gonna make up for it today by spoiling myself in indulgences. It's cheat day anyway, so I'm thinking--Chicken strips with honey mustard, a pile of chili cheese fries, and a piece of cheesecake. Oh yeah.

    I got a message from a lady asking if she wanted to be accountability partners--To check up on each other to see if we got up and worked out that morning or not. So hopefully having a real person will help me with that. And once I get int he habit of getting up and taking the dog out, hopefully he'll start insisting on me getting up to take him out. It's really hard to ignore a hundred pound beast trying to get you out of bed, haha!

    I think the zoloft is starting to function. I'm not feeling better per se, but I am feeling less tired and more energetic during the day. Yesterday, for example, I ran two miles of sprint drills. I almost died doing it, but I did it. Today, I'm doing laundry (Around my debate over whether or not to eat piles of fatty, salty, sugary food.) and loafing a bit. Because that's what saturdays are for.
  • kimberly_smith718
    kimberly_smith718 Posts: 16
    I went through two different sessions of intensive outpatient therapy (what you have already started, from what you posted). I attended them about a year apart. They really helped me, and put things into perspective. Our thoughts are terrible back-stabbers! It's changing our thinking that changes our feelings and behavior. I hope you are getting a lot out of your program. I just got approved by my insurance to start TMS, a non-invasive treatment where they place a magnetic coil on your scalp to "wake up" the neurons and pathways in the brain. (This is different from ECT). The trouble is, not many places accept my insurance, so we'll see what happens.

    Please keep us posted about how you are doing!

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