Just need to vent

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lemonsnowdrop
lemonsnowdrop Posts: 1,298 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have never been fit or in shape. As far back as middle school, I remember being chunky. Not huge, but definitely not small, definitely out of shape. I never played sports. I hated PE because I couldn't keep up. Running a mile was impossible for me, and I always finished last. From middle school on, I loathed my body.

Four months ago, I decided enough was enough. I knew that despite my upbringing, I COULD be athletic. I COULD run a mile. In fact, I can now run a 5K. Three months ago I couldn't even run for thirty seconds.

Before, I hated posting pictures of myself on Facebook. Now, I post progress pictures every now and then, probably once a month. I make status updates about my running, weight lifting, healthy eating. I don't do it to be self centered, I do it because I'm proud. For once in my life, I'm not hating myself. I figured my loved ones would feel the same.

Well, apparently not. Today, my mother sent me a text regarding the last progress photos I'd put on Facebook. She said, "Saw your pics. You inspire me and make me feel ashamed. All those years of lecturing u girls on exercise and look at me. This is it I am now determined I can do this and I will starting today. No more excuses. Keep pushing me. Weight now 183 July 1 170. Off for a long walk. Love u." Those were here words exactly. I love inspiring people; that's part of the reason I share my journey. But it hurts to know that I make anyone feel ashamed. But I brushed that off.

My sister came into my job today and I was telling her about my mom's text. What she said floored me. She said, "Well it's not as easy for everyone as it is for you." She was telling me that not everyone has a strong enough will to stick with it and that she's proud of me, but it's annoying to constantly be talking about fitness and "trying to push it on other people." She mentioned how I suggested to mom to eat PB2, since she eats a ton of peanut butter for taste. She said I'm pushy.

I told her that anyone can do it. She has PCOS and is very overweight. I've always been smaller than her, so losing weight and getting in shape makes me feel terrible, like I'm trying to show off or something. I can't talk to her about my weight because it offends her. But she said, "Not everyone only has like 20 pounds to lose like you."

I think I won't post anything else about fitness or weight loss on Facebook. Apparently it's annoying. I just. I don't know. I'm sorry this is so lengthy, I just don't know what to do.
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Replies

  • Istekat
    Istekat Posts: 13 Member
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    Nooo! Don't stop inspiring others! I think your sister is very uncomfortable with how she looks, and you doing a great job, results in her being confronted with how SHE looks and feels. I think you should talk to her about how she feels and make her feel that even the slightest effort can make a huge difference. Just pass your experience on to her, and try to inspire HER, by sharing information and motivation.
    I feel she's a bit jealous.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    The sister relationship is very complex. Much more so than a relationship with a friend. I find that the best solution is to use MFP for my exercise/life change posts and not post about them at all on facebook. You're more likely to annoy people on FB, than if you're celebrating your successes on MFP.
  • kinmoratree
    kinmoratree Posts: 125 Member
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    We are all fighting our own battles. There's nothing wrong with posting your progress in your fight. If you allow other people's opinions to change your behavior, you are succumbing to peer pressure and that is never a good thing.

    Be you. If people don't like it, they can ignore you. By being yourself, you will attract the kind of people who will support you in who you are becoming. Sometimes, unfortunately, that does not include your family.

    Remember: A lion does not concern itself with the opinions of sheep.
  • cbhubbybubble
    cbhubbybubble Posts: 465 Member
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    It's annoying to others because it hits them where they live. It's not you; it's them. Keep posting, because you are creating cognitive dissonance. People stay where they are by thinking, "It's hard." "It can't be done", etc, etc and your progress demonstrates the opposite, creating doubt in the lies they've been feeding themselves. Some will fight to keep their faulty beliefs with rationalizations like your sister...i.e you can do it, but she can't

    It's uncomfortable to most people to experience cognitive dissonance, but it's one of the first steps to change. Some people will fight it and remain annoyed. Those who are ready will explore it and possibly get inspired. I fought it for years, so I have some experience with that. Now, instead of being annoyed by other people's progress/change/success, I use it for inspiration. Changed my thinking from. "They can, but I can't" to "If they can, I can".
  • Will_Thrust_For_Candy
    Will_Thrust_For_Candy Posts: 6,109 Member
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    First, congratulations on your success.

    Second, these are THEIR issues and insecurities and NOT YOURS. You have overcome that part of the battle, don't let anyone try to bring you back down. You are doing a good thing by encouraging others to pay more attention to their health and unless you are being totally over the top and nagging people, then I see nothing wrong with sharing your story.

    Often the people that get most upset about this sort of thing are the ones that know that they have room for improvement. That has been my experience anyway.

    :flowerforyou:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,619 Member
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    There will ALWAYS be detractors or defenders who will disagree with how other inspire others. I'm sure I have mine. But you can't worry about that. If people feel ashamed, then it's something they need to address not you. It's unlikely that we'll ever be the person that will make everyone happy. The person that you should be most concerned about being happy is yourself.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • sabrina19782014
    sabrina19782014 Posts: 50 Member
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    STUFF the haters,,, you are doing whats right for you... I am also very unfit and at the beginning of a long journey.... But I am learning that there are some haters out there that will pick at everything you do and they are NOT worth it. YOU ARE!!!
  • motivatedmartha
    motivatedmartha Posts: 1,108 Member
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    You are not responsible for how other people feel and neither did you set out to guilt trip your mother or sister into feeling bad about themselves and taking action.

    Sometimes people can misconstrue any conversation about weightloss/fitness etc and think you're getting at them. As another reply suggested - mfp is a good place to celebrate your success because we have all chosen to be here and follow this path. IMHO Fbook is famous for people misconstruing posts and should be avoided for anything but innocuous social comment.

    It is very unfair of her to say it is easy for you - we all know that each one of us has to show commitment and determination - you have, and should be proud. On the other hand - we have to beware of inadvertently 'judging' those who haven't yet found that drive. Your sister is obviously having problems with her weight, all you can do hope that she can deal with it one day.

    Good luck and all the best to you and your family
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
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    I don't think you should ever be ashamed of what you're doing nor change your behaviour in this particular situation. If you feel proud of your achievements, post on Facebook. You don't need anyone's permission regarding the content of your status updates, unless it is truly harmful or such. If someone has it in them to scold you for your great achievements, then turn it around and look at them as insecure people. Really, if someone can't be happy for a family member or friend, they are the ones with the problem, not you.
  • RabbitLost
    RabbitLost Posts: 333 Member
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    The sister relationship is very complex. Much more so than a relationship with a friend. I find that the best solution is to use MFP for my exercise/life change posts and not post about them at all on facebook. You're more likely to annoy people on FB, than if you're celebrating your successes on MFP.

    I grew up an only child but I am a father of three. I had heard these things about sibling relationships being complicated, but had no idea until I had to referee such matters. I do find that MFP is a great place to celebrate success. It's the one place people come to on a regular basis to hear such things. When I dropped 40 pounds in about 18 months, a lot of people did not want to hear my secret to success - I eat less calories than I burned and I started to move more. Here? People want to know and even better, a lot of people have great advice to share.

    It sounds like you made a very positive difference in your mom's life. I would hold you head up and keep doing what you feel is right.
  • kimmerd37
    kimmerd37 Posts: 24 Member
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    I feel your pain. I have also been over weight for as long as I can remember. I decided in Jan. that 2014 was the year to make the change. I have lost 31 lbs. to date. My Mother and sisters whom are all over weight also has never said a word about my lose. However, my mom goes walking and to the gym with me at least 3 times a week. I have noticed she is losing weight and encouraged her along the way. My youngest sister has also started walking and working out. Even tho they have never acknowleged my weight lose I make sure to tell them how great they look.
  • beachgod
    beachgod Posts: 567 Member
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    I dumped facebook a long time ago. idea-013.gif

    Ignore the jealousy and criticism of those who won't try.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    If I where you I would use mfp for your fitness/weight loss posts and try to maybe cut back a little bit on Facebook. It can get annoying to those who don't enjoy fitness. I know this because I annoyed myfriends and family as well. It didn't stop me from pushing forward, I just stopped talking about it as much to those people and found other topics to talk about. If they want to know more, they'll ask you. But here on mfp people don't get a annoyed so post away!!! :-)
    There's always going to be people who don't like some aspect of our lives. If these people mean something to you, then try to tone it down a bit. But if they don't, then who cares just post whatever.
  • Vermilliana
    Vermilliana Posts: 42 Member
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    Keep Posting! Hon, I can empathize with your story whole-heartedly. I was the same as you through school, and I had a thyroid issue too. I was too ashamed of myself to try and fix the problem. When I Did start working on fixing myself, I was embarrassed of the work I was putting in. I would get angry and uncomfortable when people praised me for it! Its taken a few years to accept and embrace positive feedback, to allow myself to feel positive about it. It took every bit of courage in me to start posting anything fitness related on my FB, but when I did the positive Far outweighed the negative. So now I do it unabashedly..Sparingly, but unabashedly. Out of personal Pride and the hope that maybe someone will feel motivated by it. I don't Let people make me feel bad for sharing my accomplishments, because I spent far too long making Myself feel bad about them. So POST ON, dear one! Post with Pride and tell the naysayers to zip it. You know your path wasn't easy, which makes you all the more a Warrior of the fitness wars...encourage others by sharing your story. Strong spirits draw in a strong army, and thats Always a good thing to have on your side. *smile*
  • Rainboots80
    Rainboots80 Posts: 218 Member
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    I have a friend who was constantly posting her pictures and Healthy meals. I gotta admit I was annoyed at first. Now I realize I was annoyed because she started the same size as me and was so tiny. I was annoyed at myself for being so heavy but trying to tell myself she was annoying. She is actually my inspiration and now I gotta admit she is what got me on my way.
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
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    Unless you are offering unsolicited advice, you're not being pushy. You and your mom obviously have a good relationship and have discussed weight and diets and health for a long time, so it's certainly not pushy to share a good tip.

    Facebook posts will always annoy some people in Facebook land, because it's Facebook. I'll bet most of your friends are proud of you--and you inspired at least one person to take action!
  • thatjeffsmith
    thatjeffsmith Posts: 110 Member
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    I apologized for posting so much of my RunKeeper stuff on FB, and said I would quit. But I got quite a few messages from people asking me not to. They had been inspired to 'also get off the couch' and start running. One friend even beat me by a few months for his first half-marathon.

    So, I continue to post my runs, and now I don't worry about it anymore.

    You can't be responsible for other's emotional states. It's very easy to hide posts on FB. If it bothers your 'friends' so much, they can hide your fitness posts, mute you, or unfriend you.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
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    If I where you I would use mfp for your fitness/weight loss posts and try to maybe cut back a little bit on Facebook. It can get annoying to those who don't enjoy fitness. I know this because I annoyed myfriends and family as well. It didn't stop me from pushing forward, I just stopped talking about it as much to those people and found other topics to talk about. If they want to know more, they'll ask you. But here on mfp people don't get a annoyed so post away!!! :-)
    There's always going to be people who don't like some aspect of our lives. If these people mean something to you, then try to tone it down a bit. But if they don't, then who cares just post whatever.
    I think there are two kinds of scenarios here, one where you force a conversation topic on someone who isn't willing to have the talk, and another one where you post about what makes you happy without asking for feedback but leaving it up to others to pat you on the back should they feel inclined to. Giving space to people in discussions is a considerate thing to do, but her Facebook statuses are hers. I see it as very different things.
  • Sztheday
    Sztheday Posts: 31 Member
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    Post your progress on MFP & you'll be applauded and an inspiration to others. Good luck to you and keep up the good work!

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