Just need to vent

lemonsnowdrop · May 2014

I have never been fit or in shape. As far back as middle school, I remember being chunky. Not huge, but definitely not small, definitely out of shape. I never played sports. I hated PE because I couldn't keep up. Running a mile was impossible for me, and I always finished last. From middle school on, I loathed my body.

Four months ago, I decided enough was enough. I knew that despite my upbringing, I COULD be athletic. I COULD run a mile. In fact, I can now run a 5K. Three months ago I couldn't even run for thirty seconds.

Before, I hated posting pictures of myself on Facebook. Now, I post progress pictures every now and then, probably once a month. I make status updates about my running, weight lifting, healthy eating. I don't do it to be self centered, I do it because I'm proud. For once in my life, I'm not hating myself. I figured my loved ones would feel the same.

Well, apparently not. Today, my mother sent me a text regarding the last progress photos I'd put on Facebook. She said, "Saw your pics. You inspire me and make me feel ashamed. All those years of lecturing u girls on exercise and look at me. This is it I am now determined I can do this and I will starting today. No more excuses. Keep pushing me. Weight now 183 July 1 170. Off for a long walk. Love u." Those were here words exactly. I love inspiring people; that's part of the reason I share my journey. But it hurts to know that I make anyone feel ashamed. But I brushed that off.

My sister came into my job today and I was telling her about my mom's text. What she said floored me. She said, "Well it's not as easy for everyone as it is for you." She was telling me that not everyone has a strong enough will to stick with it and that she's proud of me, but it's annoying to constantly be talking about fitness and "trying to push it on other people." She mentioned how I suggested to mom to eat PB2, since she eats a ton of peanut butter for taste. She said I'm pushy.

I told her that anyone can do it. She has PCOS and is very overweight. I've always been smaller than her, so losing weight and getting in shape makes me feel terrible, like I'm trying to show off or something. I can't talk to her about my weight because it offends her. But she said, "Not everyone only has like 20 pounds to lose like you."

I think I won't post anything else about fitness or weight loss on Facebook. Apparently it's annoying. I just. I don't know. I'm sorry this is so lengthy, I just don't know what to do.

Istekat · May 2014

Nooo! Don't stop inspiring others! I think your sister is very uncomfortable with how she looks, and you doing a great job, results in her being confronted with how SHE looks and feels. I think you should talk to her about how she feels and make her feel that even the slightest effort can make a huge difference. Just pass your experience on to her, and try to inspire HER, by sharing information and motivation.
I feel she's a bit jealous.

gypsy_spirit · May 2014

The sister relationship is very complex. Much more so than a relationship with a friend. I find that the best solution is to use MFP for my exercise/life change posts and not post about them at all on facebook. You're more likely to annoy people on FB, than if you're celebrating your successes on MFP.

kinmoratree · May 2014

We are all fighting our own battles. There's nothing wrong with posting your progress in your fight. If you allow other people's opinions to change your behavior, you are succumbing to peer pressure and that is never a good thing.

Be you. If people don't like it, they can ignore you. By being yourself, you will attract the kind of people who will support you in who you are becoming. Sometimes, unfortunately, that does not include your family.

Remember: A lion does not concern itself with the opinions of sheep.

cbhubbybubble · May 2014

It's annoying to others because it hits them where they live. It's not you; it's them. Keep posting, because you are creating cognitive dissonance. People stay where they are by thinking, "It's hard." "It can't be done", etc, etc and your progress demonstrates the opposite, creating doubt in the lies they've been feeding themselves. Some will fight to keep their faulty beliefs with rationalizations like your sister...i.e you can do it, but she can't

It's uncomfortable to most people to experience cognitive dissonance, but it's one of the first steps to change. Some people will fight it and remain annoyed. Those who are ready will explore it and possibly get inspired. I fought it for years, so I have some experience with that. Now, instead of being annoyed by other people's progress/change/success, I use it for inspiration. Changed my thinking from. "They can, but I can't" to "If they can, I can".

Unknown · May 2014

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Will_Thrust_For_Candy · May 2014

First, congratulations on your success.

Second, these are THEIR issues and insecurities and NOT YOURS. You have overcome that part of the battle, don't let anyone try to bring you back down. You are doing a good thing by encouraging others to pay more attention to their health and unless you are being totally over the top and nagging people, then I see nothing wrong with sharing your story.

Often the people that get most upset about this sort of thing are the ones that know that they have room for improvement. That has been my experience anyway.

:flowerforyou:

ninerbuff · May 2014

There will ALWAYS be detractors or defenders who will disagree with how other inspire others. I'm sure I have mine. But you can't worry about that. If people feel ashamed, then it's something they need to address not you. It's unlikely that we'll ever be the person that will make everyone happy. The person that you should be most concerned about being happy is yourself.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

sabrina19782014 · May 2014

STUFF the haters,,, you are doing whats right for you... I am also very unfit and at the beginning of a long journey.... But I am learning that there are some haters out there that will pick at everything you do and they are NOT worth it. YOU ARE!!!

motivatedmartha · May 2014

You are not responsible for how other people feel and neither did you set out to guilt trip your mother or sister into feeling bad about themselves and taking action.

Sometimes people can misconstrue any conversation about weightloss/fitness etc and think you're getting at them. As another reply suggested - mfp is a good place to celebrate your success because we have all chosen to be here and follow this path. IMHO Fbook is famous for people misconstruing posts and should be avoided for anything but innocuous social comment.

It is very unfair of her to say it is easy for you - we all know that each one of us has to show commitment and determination - you have, and should be proud. On the other hand - we have to beware of inadvertently 'judging' those who haven't yet found that drive. Your sister is obviously having problems with her weight, all you can do hope that she can deal with it one day.

Good luck and all the best to you and your family

AglaeaC · May 2014

I don't think you should ever be ashamed of what you're doing nor change your behaviour in this particular situation. If you feel proud of your achievements, post on Facebook. You don't need anyone's permission regarding the content of your status updates, unless it is truly harmful or such. If someone has it in them to scold you for your great achievements, then turn it around and look at them as insecure people. Really, if someone can't be happy for a family member or friend, they are the ones with the problem, not you.

RabbitLost · May 2014

The sister relationship is very complex. Much more so than a relationship with a friend. I find that the best solution is to use MFP for my exercise/life change posts and not post about them at all on facebook. You're more likely to annoy people on FB, than if you're celebrating your successes on MFP.

I grew up an only child but I am a father of three. I had heard these things about sibling relationships being complicated, but had no idea until I had to referee such matters. I do find that MFP is a great place to celebrate success. It's the one place people come to on a regular basis to hear such things. When I dropped 40 pounds in about 18 months, a lot of people did not want to hear my secret to success - I eat less calories than I burned and I started to move more. Here? People want to know and even better, a lot of people have great advice to share.

It sounds like you made a very positive difference in your mom's life. I would hold you head up and keep doing what you feel is right.

kimmerd37 · May 2014

I feel your pain. I have also been over weight for as long as I can remember. I decided in Jan. that 2014 was the year to make the change. I have lost 31 lbs. to date. My Mother and sisters whom are all over weight also has never said a word about my lose. However, my mom goes walking and to the gym with me at least 3 times a week. I have noticed she is losing weight and encouraged her along the way. My youngest sister has also started walking and working out. Even tho they have never acknowleged my weight lose I make sure to tell them how great they look.

beachgod · May 2014

I dumped facebook a long time ago.

Ignore the jealousy and criticism of those who won't try.

zoeysasha37 · May 2014

If I where you I would use mfp for your fitness/weight loss posts and try to maybe cut back a little bit on Facebook. It can get annoying to those who don't enjoy fitness. I know this because I annoyed myfriends and family as well. It didn't stop me from pushing forward, I just stopped talking about it as much to those people and found other topics to talk about. If they want to know more, they'll ask you. But here on mfp people don't get a annoyed so post away!!! :-)
There's always going to be people who don't like some aspect of our lives. If these people mean something to you, then try to tone it down a bit. But if they don't, then who cares just post whatever.

Vermilliana · May 2014

Keep Posting! Hon, I can empathize with your story whole-heartedly. I was the same as you through school, and I had a thyroid issue too. I was too ashamed of myself to try and fix the problem. When I Did start working on fixing myself, I was embarrassed of the work I was putting in. I would get angry and uncomfortable when people praised me for it! Its taken a few years to accept and embrace positive feedback, to allow myself to feel positive about it. It took every bit of courage in me to start posting anything fitness related on my FB, but when I did the positive Far outweighed the negative. So now I do it unabashedly..Sparingly, but unabashedly. Out of personal Pride and the hope that maybe someone will feel motivated by it. I don't Let people make me feel bad for sharing my accomplishments, because I spent far too long making Myself feel bad about them. So POST ON, dear one! Post with Pride and tell the naysayers to zip it. You know your path wasn't easy, which makes you all the more a Warrior of the fitness wars...encourage others by sharing your story. Strong spirits draw in a strong army, and thats Always a good thing to have on your side. *smile*

Rainboots80 · May 2014

I have a friend who was constantly posting her pictures and Healthy meals. I gotta admit I was annoyed at first. Now I realize I was annoyed because she started the same size as me and was so tiny. I was annoyed at myself for being so heavy but trying to tell myself she was annoying. She is actually my inspiration and now I gotta admit she is what got me on my way.

rockmama72 · May 2014

Unless you are offering unsolicited advice, you're not being pushy. You and your mom obviously have a good relationship and have discussed weight and diets and health for a long time, so it's certainly not pushy to share a good tip.

Facebook posts will always annoy some people in Facebook land, because it's Facebook. I'll bet most of your friends are proud of you--and you inspired at least one person to take action!

thatjeffsmith · May 2014

I apologized for posting so much of my RunKeeper stuff on FB, and said I would quit. But I got quite a few messages from people asking me not to. They had been inspired to 'also get off the couch' and start running. One friend even beat me by a few months for his first half-marathon.

So, I continue to post my runs, and now I don't worry about it anymore.

You can't be responsible for other's emotional states. It's very easy to hide posts on FB. If it bothers your 'friends' so much, they can hide your fitness posts, mute you, or unfriend you.

AglaeaC · May 2014

If I where you I would use mfp for your fitness/weight loss posts and try to maybe cut back a little bit on Facebook. It can get annoying to those who don't enjoy fitness. I know this because I annoyed myfriends and family as well. It didn't stop me from pushing forward, I just stopped talking about it as much to those people and found other topics to talk about. If they want to know more, they'll ask you. But here on mfp people don't get a annoyed so post away!!! :-)
There's always going to be people who don't like some aspect of our lives. If these people mean something to you, then try to tone it down a bit. But if they don't, then who cares just post whatever.

I think there are two kinds of scenarios here, one where you force a conversation topic on someone who isn't willing to have the talk, and another one where you post about what makes you happy without asking for feedback but leaving it up to others to pat you on the back should they feel inclined to. Giving space to people in discussions is a considerate thing to do, but her Facebook statuses are hers. I see it as very different things.

Sztheday · May 2014

Post your progress on MFP & you'll be applauded and an inspiration to others. Good luck to you and keep up the good work!

Unknown · May 2014

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Francl27 · May 2014

Well I'm not too fond of friends who keep posting about their progress, random inspiration quotes and whatever on Facebook. Truth is, most people don't want to hear it. Heck I've just deleted a friend who keeps posting about her challenges and people 'amazing' results and her results and whatnot... it just gets old, you know?

I've posted a few pictures of myself, but everyone else does, and I posted when I lost my first 40 pounds, and ran my first 3 miles... that's about it. I don't need to brag to all my friends about how well I'm doing. They don't care. It's only inspirational to people who want to try. And that's what MFP is for. So, post here, and brag here.

Steff46 · May 2014

Yesterday, I had this same conversation with a coworker. I told her that I absolutely love MFP because it is now my venue to talk with like minded individuals about my workouts, calories, accomplishments...etc.. I really like having my MFP friends to support me instead of my so called FB friends bashing me.

Laura732 · May 2014

You could also use the List feature on Facebook. Make one for family, and one for your 'Healthy Friends'. Post updates to Healthy Friends and maybe less frequently to the Family list.

Nedra19455 · May 2014

People will be inspired if they see something of themselves in you. If your sister doesn't identify with you because she sees herself as having a completely different challenge than you, she isn't going to be inspired.

I'm not inspired by folks who have to lose 20 lbs and that's all they've ever needed to lose. 20 lbs left on a 75 lb journey to be healthy? Sure! That sounds like me! (Or what I hope to be in year or so.) I am totally happy for people who just need to lose the freshman 15 or are just wanting to tone up or whatnot, but they aren't where I turn for inspiration. And there's nothing like sitting across from a friend who's complaining about how "fat" they are when you're 50 lbs heavier than they are. I never use the word fat to describe myself and it annoys the heck out of me when people use it in themselves when they are considerably trimmed than I am. It makes me feel like they are judging me at the same time that they are judging themselves.

Not saying you have ever called yourself get in front of your sister, but this is the kind of stuff that can make people feel frustrated with any "public displays of weightloss." You wanting to better your health is a good thing. But maybe folks who don't have the same goals aren't the ones to share it with.

The sister relationship is particularly complicated. My sister's ideal weight is 100 lbs less than my starting weight. She's 2 in shorter, but still. It's hard to look at someone who shares 50% of your DNA and was raised on the same foods and is so much skinnier and looks fantastic -- and even harder to hear them talk about how their BMI is still too high.

ashCHB · May 2014

Maybe cut down a bit on facebook posts if you want, but don't completely stop!

I say that because FB posts are the reason I decided that becoming fit & losing weight wasn't an unrealistic goal for me. I've been chubby my entire life. I tried anything to get out of PE class. I had accepted the "fact" that I was just built differently and I couldn't ever become the person who could effortlessly run a mile (still working on that one, lol) or look good in stylish clothes.

But then some old friends from Jr. High & High School (who were also chubby like me) posted the occasional picture on FB about their own fitness adventures. Some of these girls are super fit, running marathons and stuff now. That made me realize that if they can do it, there's no reason I can't either.

It will probably annoy some people, but it will inspire people too and I think that's worth it! Besides, facebook gives people the option to hide posts, so they can grow up and deal with it.

AglaeaC · May 2014

Maybe cut down a bit on facebook posts if you want, but don't completely stop!
...
It will probably annoy some people, but it will inspire people too and I think that's worth it! Besides, facebook gives people the option to hide posts, so they can grow up and deal with it.

Precisely. The occasional update certainly isn't the same as daily spamming.

And what about the Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
People, who ask someone to stop posting about health, have chosen to feel inferior rather than take an approach where the one two steps in front of them is a motivator. If they see something positive as something negative, nobody can change their perspective. And if they ask her to stop in such a case as this, then what else will they do to bring OP down in the future? It's a very complex case and one needs to think carefully about one's actions so it doesn't become about pushing one's own needs aside in favour of the insecure one. They should lift OP up or keep their inferiorities to themselves.

nygrl4evr · May 2014

Congrats on your success and congrats to your Mom for wanting to get healthier!

Your facebook page is your page. Other people do not own it, that is why it is they do not have access to edit it. If they do not want to see your posts about your successes then they shouldn't read it. They have that option. They also have the option to unfriend you. That is their choice also. You have worked hard and should be proud of your accomplishments. As long as you are not walking around lecturing them then you are doing nothing wrong. Your posts are obviously doing something right because you have inspired your Mom to want to get healthier. You never know you may inspire others also.

Whatever the case just explain to your sister that you love her no matter what and your intention was never to make her feel bad about herself. Also tell her that you don't expect her to acknowledge or even read your posts concerning your weight loss but you do expect her to love you enough to not make you feel badly about it either and leave it at that. If she brings it up again just tell her you love but you choose to not discuss this with her.

Keep up the great work! :flowerforyou:

jmv7117 · May 2014

Facebook is one of those touchy subjects. I think certain things don't belong on it but what do I know. Perhaps you posting your progress of Facebook is being perceived in a way you didn't intended but honestly, if you put it out there you are going to get a wide range of responses, some of which you won't like. I started with very generic ones like inspirational quotes and short one line status updates like "pleased with this morning's high calorie burn". One 'mouthpiece' confronted me at a social outing and made what I thought was two inappropriate comments. She got a stoney glare as I went into my zone, ignoring her for the rest of the night. It wouldn't be bad but I have to spend a week around her so I am already working on my avoidance game plan. These folks are going to make comments anyway but there's no need to give them the ammo on Facebook :noway:

Oh and on Facebook, I can't unfriend her (long story) so set her to acquaintance, posts to friends except acquaintances and removed the few status updates directly about my progress but not the inspirational one. Essentially, she can see I'm online and IM (for the time being) but can't see any of my posts, pictures or anything else. She likely thinks it is a problem on Facebook's end :laugh: It was a good solution for me. Perhaps you could use this tactic with a couple of the ones that really irritate you.

SillaWinchester · May 2014

STUFF the haters,,, you are doing whats right for you... I am also very unfit and at the beginning of a long journey.... But I am learning that there are some haters out there that will pick at everything you do and they are NOT worth it. YOU ARE!!!

Well, she isn't talking about some random "hater" that she can blow off and forget about.. she's talking about her sister. That's a delicate relationship to have and I'm sure she doesn't want to lose it.

On the other hand, the people saying "it's her problem, not yours" do have a point. But she is your sister. Sisters share their problems, you know?

That being said, OP, I think you should have a heart to heart with her. Let her know that the journey wasn't easy for you either but you've accomplished something so great and feel so much better; you only encourage others so they can try and achieve this amazing feeling you have. You don't talk about your journey to hurt anyone, but rather because your proud of yourself and it warms your heart to inspire others.. especially your mother. And let her know that you want her to be healthy too so you girls can live a long and happy sisterly life together!

I hope she can see where you're coming from.

Congratulations on all you've achieved. I can honestly say that having you on my friends list always inspires me to push myself to do better and I thank you for that.

Just need to vent

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