I wish I had a tall fat boy to make me feel thin.

gymgirl3590
gymgirl3590 Posts: 46
in Health and Weight Loss
I love my boyfriend. And I wouldn't trade him to lose 50 pounds. But it is hard when we're the same height (I may be a little taller, an inch tops), and I have a bigger frame than him and weight more. As you can see in my picture, he's fit, and I'm a little more fluffy in comparison. I weigh less than ten pounds more, but I look much larger.

I feel that even at my goal weight I will still look larger. And that scares me. If we have a future, and I have a child with him, I may never get down to what I am now even. I don't want to spend my life cringing at photos.

I was a gymnast, and I'm still strong. I feel like for now I should concentrate mostly on cardio, then do strength more down the road so I don't bulk up fast or something. Am I right with that?
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Replies

  • theJTfitness
    theJTfitness Posts: 142 Member
    Nope. There's no reason you shouldn't strength train. There's 0% chance you will wake up one day and have too much muscle.
  • gymgirl3590
    gymgirl3590 Posts: 46
    Ok. I think gymnasts just have a thing with their arms. I fell like there's leftover muscle and that makes them faster or something lol
  • SugaryLynx
    SugaryLynx Posts: 2,640 Member
    It's very difficult to get "bulky" as a woman. You will look leaner and sexier lifting heavy.

    Having a kid will not ruin your chance of looking good. I proved that to myself throughout my weight loss. I've had two kids and weigh less than I did in high school now.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    And lifting heavy will help the most with body recomp -- losing fat and maintaining as much muscle as possible. I'd recommend a combination of heavy lifting and HIIT (on non-lifting days) like hill sprints.
  • theJTfitness
    theJTfitness Posts: 142 Member
    For what it's worth, you and your boyfriend look fine. You look like a fit couple and that's cool to see.
  • TheStephil
    TheStephil Posts: 858 Member
    It's very difficult to get "bulky" as a woman. You will look leaner and sexier lifting heavy.

    Having a kid will not ruin your chance of looking good. I proved that to myself throughout my weight loss. I've had two kids and weigh less than I did in high school now.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

    ^^This

    Also, in your profile picture you don't look bigger, fluffier, larger, bulky, etc. compared to your man. You guys look like you fit well together in my opinion. My boyfriend is the same height as me and I don't think it makes me look any bigger in comparison.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Unless you've changed your profile photo, I don't see what you see. You look smaller than him (though about the same height).
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    You do not look bigger than him even now. No, really you don't. I am the same height and about the same weight as my husband. We've have 3 kids. It's really not an issue if you don't make it one.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    If he loves you as much as you love him, this should be a non issue.

    But, yes, you can't go wrong with lifting.
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    You love him? If he loves you too, then you shouldn't worry about cringing at photos of the two of you together. Y'all look fine together to me.
  • Squamation
    Squamation Posts: 522 Member
    I feel that even at my goal weight I will still look larger. And that scares me. If we have a future, and I have a child with him, I may never get down to what I am now even. I don't want to spend my life cringing at photos.

    I have two children and am the same weight, but more in shape now than before either of them. Don't worry about child birth messing you up. It does add extra obstacles to staying fit and healthy but it does NOT make it impossible.

    Start weight lifting now along with your cardio- it will tone you up faster and get you looking smaller quicker.

    Check out my pictures and don't worry about the weight the scale says- have your b/f help you track measurements and fitness goals instead.

    Good Luck!
  • Unknown
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  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    I am standing beside my husband in my profile photo...it's only been in the last year that I haven't outweighed him...

    He did not give a flying fluck...seriously.

    There are very few things that have changed since I have gotten smaller...he grabs my butt more than the girls and he can hold me up longer.....:blushing:

    ETA: my point is if he loves you he doesn't care....if you care get over it...your attitude will hurt your relationship not your weight.
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
    Just break up.

    Okay, seriously, try not to base how you feel about yourself on how he looks.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    Here's what you do, show him this thread, after he leaves you you'll be free to date whoever.
    +1
    \m/
  • gymgirl3590
    gymgirl3590 Posts: 46
    Ya, he likes how I look but is supportive of losing weight (can't say I'm not in shape, still really active). He knows I get down about how I look.

    To the guy who said show him this and he'll dump me. He knows I feel this way sometimes. And I know its something I need to get over. But it's a mental hiccup I get sometimes, and I am entitled to it just as much as someone feeling their journey is never ending.
  • Unknown
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  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    Ya, he likes how I look but I'd supportive of losing weight (can't say I'm not in shape, still really active). He knows I get down about how I look.

    To the guy who said show him this and he'll dump me. He knows I feel this way sometimes. And I know its something I need to get over. But it's a mental hiccup I get sometimes, and I am entitled to it just as much as someone feeling their journey is never ending.

    You might be "entitled" to feel this way because you're 24, but I suggest you decide to get over that before you get any older.

    I agree 100% with Derpes. "Try not to base the way you feel about yourself on how he looks."
    If he's a great guy, be the girlfriend he deserves and loves. Be yourself. Except maybe a less neurotic version.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    Ya, he likes how I look but is supportive of losing weight (can't say I'm not in shape, still really active). He knows I get down about how I look.

    To the guy who said show him this and he'll dump me. He knows I feel this way sometimes. And I know its something I need to get over. But it's a mental hiccup I get sometimes, and I am entitled to it just as much as someone feeling their journey is never ending.
    yes but here's some directions for you on your never ending journey

    Midnight_bab69b_1110500_zps3d8c7964.jpg

    midnighttrain.gif

    \m/
  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    I understand you feeling that way. I'm a taller girl and have generally dated taller men. It's not an uncommon desire. But, a lot of guys are very sensitive to the height thing. And your bf could be insulted by the statement, insinuating that he's short. Perhaps he's totally comfortable in his skin and this wouldn't be an issue, but just like a lot of girls don't like to feel fat, a lot of guys don't like to feel short -- especially by their gfs.
  • gymgirl3590
    gymgirl3590 Posts: 46
    Well believe me when I say I hate that I feel this way sometimes. I wish it were a thought that was really easy to erase, but it's a struggle sometimes. If I saw someone say this upset them sometimes I would probably say weight doesn't matter, that's not what relationships are about.

    This isn't about our relationship. It's about my body image. Unfortunately this exemplifies it sometimes, and I hate it.

    He knows he's shorter than me. sometimes it bothers him. It doesn't affect our relationship. He's the one who first pointed it out- I told him the truth, I don't care.

    It's not so much the height, as the different body types. And me just wanting to look how I want to look.
  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    I understand. I'd just try to keep the focus on you -- improving your body image, becoming fitter, etc. And leave any comparisons to him out of the equation, as that will only potentially hurt both of you.

    I think a lot of women don't want to outweigh their men -- either on the scale or by appearance. So, I totally get it. Just try to remember that this is YOUR issue -- and only you can control it, whether that's by learning to accept yourself more, working on changing what you want to change, etc.

    Just don't project it onto him and/or your relationship because that's a relationship killer.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    Well believe me when I say I hate that I feel this way sometimes. I wish it were a thought that was really easy to erase, but it's a struggle sometimes. If I saw someone say this upset this sometimes I would probably say weight doesn't matter, that's not what relationships are about.

    This isn't about our relationship. It's about my body image. Unfortunately this exemplifies it sometimes, and I hate it.

    He knows he's shorter than me. sometimes it bothers him. It doesn't affect our relationship.

    you know what I see when I look at your profile pic...a cute couple who fit well together..really well.

    You don't look bigger or taller than him but maybe you are slouched...

    Look at it through someone else's eyes...no one is gonna see what you do...see above.
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,566 Member
    Ok. I think gymnasts just have a thing with their arms. I fell like there's leftover muscle and that makes them faster or something lol

    Gymnasts need that upper body strength and train for years starting from when they are children. Have you seen what they can do? Of course they are going to have muscular arms after years of vigorous training for their sport. Those aren't just planks they are holding in their routines. Their whole bodies are totally muscular. But hey they look fabulous in tights. :flowerforyou:
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    If you feel like you need a taller guy, find a taller guy.

    It would be amusing if he felt similarly embarrassed about being with a girl who isn't particularly fit and weighs more than he does.
  • gymgirl3590
    gymgirl3590 Posts: 46
    Jw- that is uncalled for. I never once said I was embarrassed. Grow up.

    Thank you to those who either understood or tried to. And we're helpful/supportive.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    Jw- that is uncalled for. I never once said I was embarrassed. Grow up.

    Thank you to those who either understood or tried to. And we're helpful/supportive.

    Ok, maybe he "cringes at photos" of the two of you together too. It's not embarrassed, it's just cringing.
  • MamaFunky
    MamaFunky Posts: 735 Member
    I think you both look great! Nice healthy looking young couple!

    I would do both cardio and strength training to accomplish your fitness goals. Cardio would help you with the "fluff" (which you don't have much, if any at all :wink: ) and strength training will help keep what muscle you have and build more.

    Hubby and I have been together since before college (almost 20 years now) and he has always been fit, so its motivated me to stay fit as well...even through having two children. We are both in our 40's now and continue to enjoy exercise.

    You look great! Don't be discouraged! Use your concern as a motivator to be the healthiest version of you! This will help in all areas of your life, not just your relationship! You can do it! :smile:
  • doug_pierce
    doug_pierce Posts: 255
    For what it's worth, you and your boyfriend look fine. You look like a fit couple and that's cool to see.

    ^^^This
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I am glad to hear that you are aware that it's your issues with body image and size, not an actual "flaw" in your boyfriend that he's not taller and larger. If that were the case, I'd say find a new boyfriend. But it sounds like your title here was more in jest. I'm glad. As a woman who has always been both big and relatively tall at 5'8", I know the feeling of seeking out guys who were both taller and heavier than me...honestly a pretty silly requirement when dating, and something I got past when I was in my mid 20's. But it's not an uncommon thing. Society tells us as women we MUST be smaller, daintier, weaker, thinner, etc. Lame.

    My husband is taller than me by a lot, but when we met I outweighed him by a good 40 lb. Only in the past few months am I lighter than him. I love that he is so fit and active and he's helped inspire me to become more so.

    Date the person who makes you feel amazing and vice versa. Good luck!

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