I wish I had a tall fat boy to make me feel thin.

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2

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  • gymgirl3590
    gymgirl3590 Posts: 46
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    Well believe me when I say I hate that I feel this way sometimes. I wish it were a thought that was really easy to erase, but it's a struggle sometimes. If I saw someone say this upset them sometimes I would probably say weight doesn't matter, that's not what relationships are about.

    This isn't about our relationship. It's about my body image. Unfortunately this exemplifies it sometimes, and I hate it.

    He knows he's shorter than me. sometimes it bothers him. It doesn't affect our relationship. He's the one who first pointed it out- I told him the truth, I don't care.

    It's not so much the height, as the different body types. And me just wanting to look how I want to look.
  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
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    I understand. I'd just try to keep the focus on you -- improving your body image, becoming fitter, etc. And leave any comparisons to him out of the equation, as that will only potentially hurt both of you.

    I think a lot of women don't want to outweigh their men -- either on the scale or by appearance. So, I totally get it. Just try to remember that this is YOUR issue -- and only you can control it, whether that's by learning to accept yourself more, working on changing what you want to change, etc.

    Just don't project it onto him and/or your relationship because that's a relationship killer.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    Well believe me when I say I hate that I feel this way sometimes. I wish it were a thought that was really easy to erase, but it's a struggle sometimes. If I saw someone say this upset this sometimes I would probably say weight doesn't matter, that's not what relationships are about.

    This isn't about our relationship. It's about my body image. Unfortunately this exemplifies it sometimes, and I hate it.

    He knows he's shorter than me. sometimes it bothers him. It doesn't affect our relationship.

    you know what I see when I look at your profile pic...a cute couple who fit well together..really well.

    You don't look bigger or taller than him but maybe you are slouched...

    Look at it through someone else's eyes...no one is gonna see what you do...see above.
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,568 Member
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    Ok. I think gymnasts just have a thing with their arms. I fell like there's leftover muscle and that makes them faster or something lol

    Gymnasts need that upper body strength and train for years starting from when they are children. Have you seen what they can do? Of course they are going to have muscular arms after years of vigorous training for their sport. Those aren't just planks they are holding in their routines. Their whole bodies are totally muscular. But hey they look fabulous in tights. :flowerforyou:
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
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    If you feel like you need a taller guy, find a taller guy.

    It would be amusing if he felt similarly embarrassed about being with a girl who isn't particularly fit and weighs more than he does.
  • gymgirl3590
    gymgirl3590 Posts: 46
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    Jw- that is uncalled for. I never once said I was embarrassed. Grow up.

    Thank you to those who either understood or tried to. And we're helpful/supportive.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
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    Jw- that is uncalled for. I never once said I was embarrassed. Grow up.

    Thank you to those who either understood or tried to. And we're helpful/supportive.

    Ok, maybe he "cringes at photos" of the two of you together too. It's not embarrassed, it's just cringing.
  • MamaFunky
    MamaFunky Posts: 735 Member
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    I think you both look great! Nice healthy looking young couple!

    I would do both cardio and strength training to accomplish your fitness goals. Cardio would help you with the "fluff" (which you don't have much, if any at all :wink: ) and strength training will help keep what muscle you have and build more.

    Hubby and I have been together since before college (almost 20 years now) and he has always been fit, so its motivated me to stay fit as well...even through having two children. We are both in our 40's now and continue to enjoy exercise.

    You look great! Don't be discouraged! Use your concern as a motivator to be the healthiest version of you! This will help in all areas of your life, not just your relationship! You can do it! :smile:
  • doug_pierce
    doug_pierce Posts: 255
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    For what it's worth, you and your boyfriend look fine. You look like a fit couple and that's cool to see.

    ^^^This
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I am glad to hear that you are aware that it's your issues with body image and size, not an actual "flaw" in your boyfriend that he's not taller and larger. If that were the case, I'd say find a new boyfriend. But it sounds like your title here was more in jest. I'm glad. As a woman who has always been both big and relatively tall at 5'8", I know the feeling of seeking out guys who were both taller and heavier than me...honestly a pretty silly requirement when dating, and something I got past when I was in my mid 20's. But it's not an uncommon thing. Society tells us as women we MUST be smaller, daintier, weaker, thinner, etc. Lame.

    My husband is taller than me by a lot, but when we met I outweighed him by a good 40 lb. Only in the past few months am I lighter than him. I love that he is so fit and active and he's helped inspire me to become more so.

    Date the person who makes you feel amazing and vice versa. Good luck!
  • ravenmiss
    ravenmiss Posts: 384 Member
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    I think you both look fine. I think I'm about twice the size of my very slim bf but it just makes me more determined to get back into shape.

    I think you're getting negative or harsh comments because relationship based questions never ever go well on here and also the title is pretty harsh for a site where a lot of people have body image issues (and may think their partners want them to look different) but with some understanding I can see where you are coming from.
  • vmclach
    vmclach Posts: 670 Member
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    My fiancé is 1 inch taller than me and weighs only 8 pounds more than me. My brother is 5 inches taller than me and weighs 8 pounds more than me. I've never been told I "look fat" because I'm standing next to them. Just worry about yourself and how you look. Honestly, I don't think who you are standing next to matters.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
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    I feel that even at my goal weight I will still look larger. And that scares me. If we have a future, and I have a child with him, I may never get down to what I am now even. I don't want to spend my life cringing at photos.

    Are you willing to just stay the way you are because of your fear? Or do you want to challenge yourself to be the best version of you?

    When my husband and I first met, I was at my largest weight ever, and about 10 pounds more than him. Just like you and your man. Now we're married, we have a one-year-old child, and I'm 35 pounds less than I was then. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
  • gymgirl3590
    gymgirl3590 Posts: 46
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    I am glad to hear that you are aware that it's your issues with body image and size, not an actual "flaw" in your boyfriend that he's not taller and larger. If that were the case, I'd say find a new boyfriend. But it sounds like your title here was more in jest. I'm glad. As a woman who has always been both big and relatively tall at 5'8", I know the feeling of seeking out guys who were both taller and heavier than me...honestly a pretty silly requirement when dating, and something I got past when I was in my mid 20's. But it's not an uncommon thing. Society tells us as women we MUST be smaller, daintier, weaker, thinner, etc. Lame.

    My husband is taller than me by a lot, but when we met I outweighed him by a good 40 lb. Only in the past few months am I lighter than him. I love that he is so fit and active and he's helped inspire me to become more so.

    Date the person who makes you feel amazing and vice versa. Good luck!

    This. Yes, I forgot about my title, and it was not a serious thought. I thought the rest of the post would have made that clearer, but I guess it was missed.
  • kcmcd
    kcmcd Posts: 239 Member
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    He probably doesn't notice. I've almost always outweighed my husband. I outweighed him by a good 20lb when we got married (when I was about 130lb), and then every time I was pregnant... it was way more. lol. We've both gained some in the ten years we've been together, him more than me (hooray!) but I think I still have a pound or two on him (at 146lb). I spent a lot of years wondering if it bothered him and recently got up the courage to actually ask him if it bothered him that I was bigger than him.

    He said "What? You're not." Completely flabbergasted. All those years I felt bad! He didn't even think about it.

    Anyway. Your body will change over the years. It can't really be helped. Just try and remind yourself that he loves you and your body, because I'm sure he does.

    (I'm not assuming you outweigh him. I'm just relating my experience.)
  • kjo9692
    kjo9692 Posts: 430 Member
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    You both look really good together! (Not that it should matter what others think about your relationship though or how you guys "look" together)

    And like another poster said, don't base how you feel about yourself on how he looks. You love him, right? That's all that matters. He doesn't care about him being shorter/you being taller, right? Then there's no problem in that area either. If your issue is about what others think, stop caring about that.

    A relationship is way more than how you guys "look."

    Just wanted to add that you are a really good looking gal :flowerforyou: If you feel that working towards fitness and losing a bit BF% will make you feel better, then totally go for it!
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Well, I think you two look great together. And you look fit, as does he. You are just letting your insecurities get the better of you.
  • MrsATrotta
    MrsATrotta Posts: 278 Member
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    You two look so good! You are not bigger than him, I think you need to look in the mirror (or pics in this case) and love what you see bc you have NOTHING to worry about.
  • _mlee_
    _mlee_ Posts: 90
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    I'm not going to lie, I clicked on this thinking "she wants a beer to make herself feel thin?" lol curiosity got the best of me and realized it was a tall fat boy NOT a tallboy :D (I need to learn how to read the full sentence)

    Looking at your profile pics, you don't look bigger than him at all actually (other than height wise which you look about the same) I wouldn't worry about it. You guys look cute together. He obviously likes you and I doubt anybody looking at you guys would see what you see. We are our own worst critics. Just focus on getting healthy and in shape and not worry too much about the things that you can't really change. Good luck on your weight loss :)
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    For what it's worth, you and your boyfriend look fine. You look like a fit couple and that's cool to see.

    This.

    Stop worrying about it. Not everyone gains a lot of weight during pregnancy or has a hard time getting it back off afterwards. You look very fit and healthy so I wouldn't go looking for trouble you might not even ever have.

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