Really? REALLY?!

sassyjae21
sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am floored. So I was walking down the hallway back to my desk at work.

A (big) dude/coworker who is always semi harassing me saw me passing by and decided he would open his mouth about my weight loss.

I thought to myself "here we go".

Him: You're about to blow away girl

Me: No, I'm ok.

Him: You sure you alright? You look like one of those starving kids in Africa. Why are you losing weight? You're gonna end up looking like that girl in the wellness department that looks like an anorexic crack head. Black women should always maintain their curves. Are you sick? You're looking like a waif.

I just walked off because I'm at work. Had I reacted the way I wanted, his head would have been flying down the stairs. I always read these stories about people who have comments said to them about their weight loss, and I have had a few, but nothing as extreme. I always thought maybe people really weren't THAT stupid. Wrong again. Jae: 0, Humanity: 435879834380293

For the record, I am 5'4 and 125lbs. I started off at 138. So my weight loss has not been drastic. I never really was big. I am still plenty healthy and I look fine (I thought). What the hell is wrong with people? It makes me feel like I need to put on some weight even though I KNOW i'm at a healthy weight. /end rant.
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Replies

  • katilynnegray
    katilynnegray Posts: 98 Member
    Wow. People suck! I know its easier said than done but try not to let him get to you. You're doing great and as long as you're healthy and feeling good keep at it. You've worked way too hard to let some jerk ruin it for you.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    What a dbag! He sounds like a real piece of work. If your profile pic is current you look absolutely amazing! 10 pounds can make a difference but you aren't at a sickly weight.

    I'd spend way too much time plotting ways to get back at him if I worked there lol
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    Yeah, when I was really "on my game", someone two co-workers were asking me about my weight loss. They asked how much more I wanted to lose, and when I told them, they gave me this weird look and said, "There won't be anything left!" I said, "That's the point!!"

    Ugh.
  • amperry328
    amperry328 Posts: 21
    I think that people make comments because they are jealous and wish they looked that good too :)

    But really, he sounds like an idiot and he clearly doesn't know what he's talking about. I've had my own parents tell me that I must be trying to be anorexic if I'm trying to lose weight. Really people? Ever heard of trying to be healthier??
  • ritan7471
    ritan7471 Posts: 99 Member
    I might have made a trip over to HR if I were you, right after telling him that my weight is none of his business.

    But discretion is the better part of valor!

    Good for you for keeping your temper, I'm not sure I would have been able to.
    :flowerforyou:
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  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    what an idiot. You don't need to hear it from me, but you look amazing, okie!
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Report the idiot to your line manager. This is harrassment and it's not acceptable :flowerforyou:

    ditto - The comments were totally inappropriate for the work place.
  • superdeformedchibi
    superdeformedchibi Posts: 23
    I agree that it sounds like harassment. What he said was inappropriate in so many ways, I don't blame you for being upset. Don't take his opinion to heart, though, you look stunning and if you feel good that's all that matters.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    Thanks everyone! I am still in shock that someone could fix their mouth to say something so stupid. It is my opinion that you should never comment on someone's weight unless you are complimenting them, or they ASK for your opinion.

    I don't need compliments but I also don't need insults. I don't know him like that! And even if I did, his comments were completely out of line. He started to keep going, but someone got off the elevator in the hallway where we were, so he at least had the small amount of decency to not insult me in front of someone else.

    *kitten*.
  • mnsmov15
    mnsmov15 Posts: 315 Member
    What he said is totally inappropriate. - even for not being the workplace.
    You are at perfect weight now. Look and feel good, so that's where you should be! Also glad you did not act on impulse - those negative ppl are not worth it. Don't think twice... ignore... :)


    I was always an overweight kid and in my late 20s, got down from 165 to 128. Even the ones who had known me for a long time said I looked pathetic and I was too thin. Instead of appreciating my awareness and efforts. I learnt not to comment or get pissed off over time... That used to throw me off on a rant and disappointment before..
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Wow... :noway:

    I probably would have lost my job that day. :laugh:
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    What he said is totally inappropriate. - even for not being the workplace.
    You are at perfect weight now. Look and feel good, so that's where you should be! Also glad you did not act on impulse - those negative ppl are not worth it. Don't think twice... ignore... :)


    I was always an overweight kid and in my late 20s, got down from 165 to 128. Even the ones who had known me for a long time said I looked pathetic and I was too thin. Instead of appreciating my awareness and efforts. I learnt not to comment or get pissed off over time... That used to throw me off on a rant and disappointment before..

    That's horrible! People suck.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    Wow... :noway:

    I probably would have lost my job that day. :laugh:

    Lol...I was close. I was about to get rachet on him :laugh:

    But I was like naw...electric bill is due in a couple of days lol
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,566 Member
    So sorry you have to work with an idiot. But if you want his comments to stop the first step is to confront him and tactfully tell him that it is none of his business and you want him to refrain from making any further comments. Once he has been confronted and told to stop, if he continues you can go to HR and file a complaint. Document his comments and your responses because if you file a complaint you will likely be required to write a report. Harrassment is any unwelcome comment or gesture but some people are idiots and don't know any better and need to be told to stop. Every workplace has a harrassment policy so check yours and quote it if you need to.

    Sorry I am a manager and they cram this stuff down our throats several times a year. But honestly the first step to stop it is yours to take. :flowerforyou:
  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,695 Member
    So sorry you have to work with an idiot. But if you want his comments to stop the first step is to confront him and tactfully tell him that it is none of his business and you want him to refrain from making any further comments. Once he has been confronted and told to stop, if he continues you can go to HR and file a complaint. Document his comments and your responses because if you file a complaint you will likely be required to write a report. Harrassment is any unwelcome comment or gesture but some people are idiots and don't know any better and need to be told to stop. Every workplace has a harrassment policy so check yours and quote it if you need to.

    Sorry I am a manager and they cram this stuff down our throats several times a year. But honestly the first step to stop it is yours to take. :flowerforyou:

    This. Absolutely this. It is harassment and he needs to be called out. If you don't feel safe telling hime first, you should go straight to HR and ask for their input on what to do. That gets the issue on their radar. I VERY much appreciate what my girl knra_grl says above ^^, but I think she would agree that the onus is not on you to get him to stop. It is on the employer to ensure a safe harassment free workplace. You said in your OP that he has a history of harassing you. It needs to stop. Even if he was being complimentary, he should not be commenting on your body. Period.

    You look great, btw.
  • janicelo1971
    janicelo1971 Posts: 823 Member
    call me!! I will come down and open a can of whipass on him!!:drinker:
  • koosorlose
    koosorlose Posts: 186
    YOU are the owner of YOUR body. Other people who try to police how you treat your temple are either jealous, impractical, or flat out stupid. You are beautiful and you alone make the calls on how you feel about how you look, and if you're happy, then everyone else who isn't can SUCK IT.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    So sorry you have to work with an idiot. But if you want his comments to stop the first step is to confront him and tactfully tell him that it is none of his business and you want him to refrain from making any further comments. Once he has been confronted and told to stop, if he continues you can go to HR and file a complaint. Document his comments and your responses because if you file a complaint you will likely be required to write a report. Harrassment is any unwelcome comment or gesture but some people are idiots and don't know any better and need to be told to stop. Every workplace has a harrassment policy so check yours and quote it if you need to.

    Sorry I am a manager and they cram this stuff down our throats several times a year. But honestly the first step to stop it is yours to take. :flowerforyou:

    This. Absolutely this. It is harassment and he needs to be called out. If you don't feel safe telling hime first, you should go straight to HR and ask for their input on what to do. That gets the issue on their radar. I VERY much appreciate what my girl knra_grl says above ^^, but I think she would agree that the onus is not on you to get him to stop. It is on the employer to ensure a safe harassment free workplace. You said in your OP that he has a history of harassing you. It needs to stop. Even if he was being complimentary, he should not be commenting on your body. Period.

    You look great, btw.

    Thank you to both of you ladies!

    And seriously, Janice! We can open up the can together lol. :D
  • SarahBethS
    SarahBethS Posts: 29 Member
    Is he socially awkward? It kind if sounds like he was *trying* to compliment you, but he completely screwed it up.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    YOU are the owner of YOUR body. Other people who try to police how you treat your temple are either jealous, impractical, or flat out stupid. You are beautiful and you alone make the calls on how you feel about how you look, and if you're happy, then everyone else who isn't can SUCK IT.

    Thank you!

    You guys are awesome, thank you. I had never really had anyone "body shame" me, even when I was a little bigger. People have a lot of nerve.:grumble:
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    Is he socially awkward? It kind if sounds like he was *trying* to compliment you, but he completely screwed it up.

    Hmm...possibly. But telling someone they look like a starving African and a crack head really goes past the "awkward" stage, and into the *kitten* stage.
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    Report the idiot to your line manager. This is harrassment and it's not acceptable :flowerforyou:

    ditto - The comments were totally inappropriate for the work place.

    Agreed. Get in touch with the HR department if you have one, and make a complaint.
  • Still_Fluffy
    Still_Fluffy Posts: 341 Member
    Wow, usually you have to work harder to make raciest and sexiest comments. Hats off to the idiot savant. Time for a sexual harassment refresher. Congrats on your weight loss. Your picture shows a health woman with curves. Way to go! Though in the future please consider your co-workers in your weight loss plan. As we all know it’s what other people think that really matters.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    Wow, usually you have to work harder to make raciest and sexiest comments. Hats off to the idiot savant. Time for a sexual harassment refresher. Congrats on your weight loss. Your picture shows a health woman with curves. Way to go! Though in the future please consider your co-workers in your weight loss plan. As we all know it’s what other people think that really matters.

    That made me lol. You're so right. What was I thinking?!
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    Report the idiot to your line manager. This is harrassment and it's not acceptable :flowerforyou:

    ditto - The comments were totally inappropriate for the work place.

    Agreed. Get in touch with the HR department if you have one, and make a complaint.

    I agree, too!
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    YOU are the owner of YOUR body. Other people who try to police how you treat your temple are either jealous, impractical, or flat out stupid. You are beautiful and you alone make the calls on how you feel about how you look, and if you're happy, then everyone else who isn't can SUCK IT.

    Thank you!

    You guys are awesome, thank you. I had never really had anyone "body shame" me, even when I was a little bigger. People have a lot of nerve.:grumble:

    This!! I have gotten more body shaming comments and looks now that I have lost the weight, than I ever received in my life. :grumble:
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    YOU are the owner of YOUR body. Other people who try to police how you treat your temple are either jealous, impractical, or flat out stupid. You are beautiful and you alone make the calls on how you feel about how you look, and if you're happy, then everyone else who isn't can SUCK IT.

    Thank you!

    You guys are awesome, thank you. I had never really had anyone "body shame" me, even when I was a little bigger. People have a lot of nerve.:grumble:

    This!! I have gotten more body shaming comments and looks now that I have lost the weight, than I ever received in my life. :grumble:

    I just don't get that. It's not OK when you're big, it's not OK when you're small. People should just STFU. Most people seem to know that it's rude to do it when you're a little fluffy. But they seem to think it's more acceptable to tell you you look terrible if you are smaller? I still think it's worse to comment on someone being overweight, but it's not cool to say anything either way. Especially when I am NOT underweight. Good grief.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    I think I'd report him to HR
  • TaintedVampyre
    TaintedVampyre Posts: 1,428 Member
    No offense, but if he's persistently harassing you, why haven't you gone to HR about this? This is BIG!

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