Trying to work(out) through depression



  • Point202
    Point202 Posts: 55 Member
    I can't imagine what all of that must be like. But what immediately came to mind for me was something I read recently. I was fired last fall, and was pretty angry and stressed about it. In reading about how to cope with it, I read an awesome article that basically said don't try to do everything every day. Just do one thing, every day, toward your goal. The article was positioned toward finding a job, but this could apply to fitness too. So maybe make an arrangement with yourself to just do one thing every day, and be proud of yourself for that one thing. Maybe eventually it'll be two things, and then three.

    So maybe today, it is getup and go to work. And tomorrow it is something different. Maybe just getting dressed up, just because. Or it is maybe going for a walk. Or maybe making something healthy to eat for yourself? Basically keeping it simple, so you can feel motivated by these little accomplishments.
  • babylion7
    babylion7 Posts: 4
    I've gone through rough times to. Biggest thing that almost made me want to end my life was losing my mama in June 2013. She's my best friend and we were close. I would always tell her about my fitness plans but that I was always shy to do a fitness competition. She would always say oh Margaret just do it you can't be shy. So now that I started getting serious about working out I always just think of her telling me that and other conversations we've had. It's my motivation and helps me think she's still with me. I push it hard just thinking of her. So keep thinking about positive things that will keep u going:)
  • fatalis_vox
    fatalis_vox Posts: 106 Member
    I'd like to thank everyone for the continued support and advice! It really means a lot to me every time I come back and see that other people have written to me. <3

    I don't think I'm going to use diet and exercise alone to try to control my symptoms--I have some very real issues to work through that go back many many years. These recent incidents are just what brought me into this down-cycle. I had started therapy before, and then life kind of...well...blew up. I just know that diet and exercise WILL help, but counseling and medication will ALSO help, and I'll take all I can get right now!

    I've been continuing to eat well, and today I hit a great mark! My healthy, smaller-than-what-I-used-to-eat lunch has made me feel comfortably full. Mentally, I'm not quite satisfied (I'm still having the urge to continue eating, although my stomach feels full) but it's definitely a good sign.

    I've lowered my daily exercise goal for now (I use a fitbit; I halved my daily step goal to 5000 from 10,000) to make it easier for me to meet, and as I start meeting it every day, I'll increase it in increments of maybe 500 steps to get myself used to it.

    I'm still having a hard time getting up in the morning, but I'm starting to feel more energized during the day, and that's also a very good sign. (Maybe the Zoloft is starting to work? The signs are pointing toward "my brain is starting back toward normal functioning.")

    Maybe I should try getting a timer for my lights, or a sunrise alarm clock. I do feel like those things might help. I normally wake up to music ("Try" by P!nk is the song I'm using right now. I find it very motivating, so maybe one of these days it will work.) but mornings are just so hard.

    See, I have this perspective that life is perfect as long as I'm in my bed. I'm warm, I'm comfortable, I'm relaxed. I don't have anything to worry about, or stress about. Nothing has gone wrong, and as long as I stay in bed, nothing bad can happen. AND I have a giant puppy to snuggle and love me, so my desire for love and companionship is met. Everything is safe, while I'm in bed.

    Once I get up, things can start going wrong.

    That's the mindset that I'm trying to fight. Sometimes I really wish I had a roommate who is more assertive than a snugglepuppy. I wish he'd jump around and nose me and make puppy-noises until I got up and let him outside, but he's so mellow in the mornings that he's content to lay around as long as I can. Lazy jerk-puppy, loving me until I'm late for work.

    I'd stop letting him out right before bed, but that's really not right. I have no right to make him suffer discomfort just so I'll get out of bed in the morning. That would make me terrible.

    I've tried setting my coffeepot to have a fresh pot of coffee ready for me, but it actually doesn't help at all.

    The real problem I'm encountering is will-power. I don't WANT to get up and face the day, I want to stay in this made-up safe place where I believe nothing bad can happen. I know that once I get over that, if I can get out of bed just once, it'll be so much easier next time.

    And if I put my alarm across the room, I'll actually just let it go off until it stops. Ever since I was a kid, I've had a problem with alarms. When I was in gradeschool and middle school, my dad would have to come and wake me up even through my alarm was blaring. I have trouble sleeping, but once I'm asleep I sleep like the dead.

    So I'll keep trying, I guess. Once I get out of bed, the rest of the day goes fine. I have no problems meeting my goals. It's just that one point. Sigh.
  • yvie63
    yvie63 Posts: 193 Member
    I have suffered from depression in the past I have relapses from time to time but the last bout of depression I had I decided not to have anti depressants as I did not like feeling like a zombie so I worked my way through it in my own way. Walking, crying, thinking, reasoning with myself, talking to friends (they need to be close friends!) it was hard but I managed to get through it. Everybody is different, you may want professional advice. Personally I found going for walks really did help and as you have a gorgeous doggy that needs walking. You know, you do need time to heal and may want to huddle down away from the rest of the world in a safe little cocoon. I understand how even getting out of bed is a real effort for you and it may well be that you just need to take it easy for a while and just do what you can manage. The key thing is not to let that become your way of life forever.

    There has been some great advice on this thread from people who know and I urge you to give some of that advice a go - but it has to be manageable for you, a tiny little more each time, baby steps. You are obviously trying hard to keep your eating as healthy as possible which is a fantastic effort for you to make considering how you feel. My hopes and positive thoughts are with you (and some hugs as well). Please try to be kind to yourself - I hope you feel better soon. x
  • faith_76
    faith_76 Posts: 197 Member
    I lost my brother 4 years ago. Losing him sent me into a severe depression. I could sit and stare at the wall for hours, wanting to get up and do something but just couldn't. Simple things, like taking a shower, was a major accomplishment. That first year was hell. I finally started taking antidepressants, and didn't feel like a zombie. I spent time online talking to others who lost loved ones in the same manner. You are doing a great job! You are going through counseling! You are reaching out! You can do this! Baby steps. Keep it up, we are here for you. :flowerforyou:
  • Pooks1n1Schmoops
    Pooks1n1Schmoops Posts: 199 Member
    I'm sorry you're going through so much sweetie. I know what it's like to live with depression. The good thing is that you REALLY will feel better if you get some endorphins going. The hardest step is the first one.

  • CaraBera
    CaraBera Posts: 2
    I am so sorry for your loss. Death, especially an unexpected one, is traumatic. Please be easy on yourself. You have gone through a lot and deserve the time it takes to heal. It's fantastic that you are taking steps to take care of yourself. I totally agree with another poster, who said you should praise yourself for the good you are doing. Your walks, buying the good veggies. All of these are things of great value, be proud of them.

    And please, give yourself time, space and permission to grieve. One of the hardest things about losing someone is that the rest of the world doesn't "get it." The world keeps moving, and most do not understand that your whole world is different. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. It's the only way to make things better is to move through the grief. You are allowed to cry, scream, laugh, jump, run or stare out the window when you need to.

    Just keep taking care of yourself. You deserve that. Best of luck.
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 334 Member
    :flowerforyou: HUGS - I have clinical major depressive disorder. Continue on your medication and see if it works for you, continue seeing a counselor. pray, take as long as you need to heal and take one day at a time.
  • fatalis_vox
    fatalis_vox Posts: 106 Member
    So yesterday was a HUGELY active day for me. I met every single one of my fitbit metrics, and in some cases doubled, tripled, or quadrupled what the daily "goal" was. I didn't have much time to eat, so I wound up consuming less than 1000 calories, giving me a whopping 1200 left to safely consume while still meeting my deficit.

    I'm gonna make up for it today by spoiling myself in indulgences. It's cheat day anyway, so I'm thinking--Chicken strips with honey mustard, a pile of chili cheese fries, and a piece of cheesecake. Oh yeah.

    I got a message from a lady asking if she wanted to be accountability partners--To check up on each other to see if we got up and worked out that morning or not. So hopefully having a real person will help me with that. And once I get int he habit of getting up and taking the dog out, hopefully he'll start insisting on me getting up to take him out. It's really hard to ignore a hundred pound beast trying to get you out of bed, haha!

    I think the zoloft is starting to function. I'm not feeling better per se, but I am feeling less tired and more energetic during the day. Yesterday, for example, I ran two miles of sprint drills. I almost died doing it, but I did it. Today, I'm doing laundry (Around my debate over whether or not to eat piles of fatty, salty, sugary food.) and loafing a bit. Because that's what saturdays are for.
  • I went through two different sessions of intensive outpatient therapy (what you have already started, from what you posted). I attended them about a year apart. They really helped me, and put things into perspective. Our thoughts are terrible back-stabbers! It's changing our thinking that changes our feelings and behavior. I hope you are getting a lot out of your program. I just got approved by my insurance to start TMS, a non-invasive treatment where they place a magnetic coil on your scalp to "wake up" the neurons and pathways in the brain. (This is different from ECT). The trouble is, not many places accept my insurance, so we'll see what happens.

    Please keep us posted about how you are doing!