starting over after my dad recently passed away

Hi. I have the exact same story as you. In 2004 my Grandmother died and then a few months my father died from cancer. Only knew dad had cancer for 3 months! He was supposed to marry my hubby and I the next year (he was a pastor).
Before all that, I had lost 30kg's (60 pounds I think). After that... I picked it all up and more. It was a very hard time.
I would beat myself up for the weight gain while trying to grieve and it just added so much me stress to my life.

Be kind to yourself, it is so much to go through. It will be ok but it will take time. You can do this. Thinking of you.

To Mizz and everyone else who has suffered recent losses, I am so very sorry for all of your losses. I know how difficult this time is for you and how you feel. Time does help . . . but you have to give yourself the time. Don't feel rushed or think you have to do this NOW. If you can, great. If not ... give it time.

My 2013 was: 5/20 my sil (hub's sister) died; 5/28 my aunt (my mom's sister, my godmother) died; 5/30 my dad died; 6/2 my mom fell and broke her hip, she died 6/10; about a week after my mom died my hub's uncle died; both brothers had their cats put down in Oct; 12/14 my mom's last living sibling (her older sister) died; 12/24 my hub's aunt died.

Grief immobilized me. I either wasn't home for weeks on end (came home to sleep but was gone all day with arrangements, had to have my parents apartment at the retirement place cleaned out within the month, got horribly sick a week after my mom's funeral, taking care of my one brother who had a really hard time with it all) and just couldn't move when I did get home. When things finally settled some (end of July) it was all I could do to just sit on the sofa. Cooking for the family, shopping, cleaning ... you name it and I just couldn't do it. The dogs didn't even get walked. Grieving is exhausting. The only thing I did manage - because I had no choice - was on July 2 we discovered that both dogs, both cats and the house was infested with fleas so I did treat the house twice for that. Dogs never got their flea drops due to all the deaths (never forget to give your dogs their flea drops!). omG last year was just awful.

Sometime in early Sept I started to try to get back to exercising. Over and over again I tried. Really, just walking on the treadmill for 20 mins. I felt like a lead weight and could not get into a routine. Through the end of 2013 and the first couple of months of 2014 ... gaaa, I just couldn't manage to get back into it. But I kept trying. Fall down seven times, get up eight. I live in SE Pennsylvania and we had a really sh*tty winter. The holidays ... oh I hated December last year. When March rolled around it was like FINALLY a break. Again I tried and slowly started to clean up my eating.

I posted the following in another thread earlier today. Someone gave this to my brother at one of the funerals last year. I think it was my mom's funeral but don't know. Anyway, I hope it helps you get through this difficult time. Don't be too hard on yourself, don't push beyond what you are capable of. In time you will get to where you want to be. Take care.

The Mourner’s Bill of Rights ~ Alan D. Wolfert, Ph.D

Although you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.

1) You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.

2) You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3) You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.

4) You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.

5) You have the right to experience “griefbursts.” Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

6) You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.

7) You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.

9) You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

10) You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.