Relapsed into my ED and now I can't stop binging.

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As someone whom has been in this situation before all I can suggest is not to restrict, restricting right now will cause you to binge even more. I know that doesn't help.

You know, it sounds a lot like you're going through the re-feeding process. These 'binges' you speak of is your body's way of renourishing itself after lots of restriction. It needs the food. It's repairing itself. You can look into the refeeding syndrome by doing a bit of Googling - I'm definitely not an expert but did read up on it myself in the past. You may not be 'very underweight', but you still went through much deprivation and it looks like you're still in recovery. Just to make you aware that the majority of recovery anorexics are put on a 3000 calorie meal plan - which on the outside can be viewed as a binge, but it is most definitely not. They NEED the food, nutrients, carbs, fat, protein that their body has been screaming out for.

Keep your head up and I wish you all the luck. You should be proud that you're no longer in the darkest place of your ED and are seeking some help! :flowerforyou:

I know exactly what you're going through. I'm currently recovering, and all I can say is that the feeling now that I am eating healthily (yet also letting myself have treats WHENEVER I truly want them) severely trumps how I felt when I was constantly bingeing. I know that you know this logically in your head, but when you have this ED, the thoughts really do mask any sane reasoning. I remember thinking about food and restricting so much that it would literally rule my day, and I would barely be able to get any university work done.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be to stop spending your nights researching fad diets and pictures of weight loss (if you're like me, I'm guessing you probably do this) and start letting yourself eat whatever you want. As soon as you tell yourself you can have ANYTHING, you gradually stop wanting unhealthy food as much.

I really hope things get better for you

xo

I wonder if you might benefit from good general vitamin and multi mineral support. Some more recent thinking on eating disorders thinks the problem may start in system imbalances. Dealing with disordered eating, needing to avoid some foods for real health benefits, I know I feel better taking multi vits and two different multi minerals which only overlap on iron supplementation. Being iron deficient could contribute to the lack of mensuration.

Hope you feel better soon

I have so been there. Starved myself to 105, then starve/binged to 140.

Don't starve after you binge. I too had a period of time in which I couldn't stop binging, I would starve myself in an attempt to mitigate them, and they came back stronger than ever. (And I lost all my muscle!) Ultimately your body is more powerful than you. I realized this after I did a 3-day water fast, then spent 3 days eating thousands of calories until I was sick, bloated, and looking worse than when I started.

How many calories you should eat depends on your size, level of activity. 1800-2000 is perfect for me to maintain at 5'7, 128, but it does depend. It is scary to eat at first, it feels like SO MUCH FOOD, but then when the food doesn't make you bloat/give you stomach pain/it all tastes good/you don't gain weight, you realize that it's much different/better than binging and you feel far more in control.

To avoid binges....generally eat healthily (for satiety. I keep my main meals low carb.), but if you want a treat, have some. This was the hardest part for me. If I fully avoid treats, I will binge, but then once I start eating something like that it's hard to stop. If you want, say, ice cream, go buy an individual serving of it and fit it into your day. Don't absolutely restrict yourself from food that you love if you will later binge on it.

Another thing to try is lifting weights. I've always felt shy to go to the gym, so I purchased a kettlebell and have been doing workouts with that, and the fast results make me feel very confident, and the increased muscle mass = higher metabolism = you can eat more.

You do have to work a bit to find balance and it is a struggle to not relapse, I wish you luck.

You said that you are a student, presumably an undergrad. I went to Penn State University, and I know that they offered free counseling. Now it was free because the counselors were either grad students or seniors in psychology. I used their services after something bad happened to me. I bring this up as a option because I am going to assume that you fall into the category of "broke college student." I am currently in the category of broke grad student =P

This may not go over well, because I am not a psych major but here goes: what do you do when you aren't studying and going to class? What are you doing that is just for you? What do you do with your friends? Do you have many friends? I am not trying to be harsh, but you sound very alone, and I know that when I am alone for long periods of time because my friends are away or have moved, I get very depressed and want to eat constantly. I don't have "binges" per say because I don't keep a lot of food in the house and I am too lazy to order take out. But I will eat half a bag of marshmallows. I freaking love marshmallows.

Ok back to the topic. If you aren't opposed to the idea, do you like board games? If you can find a board game store, many or them have "game nights" or perhaps your school has such a creature. I bring this up because you said you are always thinking about food. But if you have something else to think about and to be around other people, it might help you think about other things. I love playing role playing games (RPGs) like Dungeons and Dragons and Shadowrun, and a lot of times you can find people looking for new group mates. I like the RPGs too because then I get to chose what kind of person I want to be. A strong warrior, a wizard who can defeat dragons, or a thief who is too smart for anyone to catch. It is very empowering. But if that is too dorky or too much of a time commitment, then there are plenty of board games that can be fit into an afternoon.

From what I understand, eating disorders arise out of feeling out of control. Perhaps making a list of all the stresses in your life and really look at them. What can you control? Ok these things need to be addressed. What can't you control? Scratch them out, tear them up, burn them. Not worth your effort.

To sum up, look for some counseling, get in tight with some friends, and find something that you can devote some of your brain power to, you can beat this.

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