Really? REALLY?!
Replies
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You guys need to lighten up. He's just making conversation. Think of a witty comment for next time or just say "thanks for noticing but I think I'm shaping up nice". Calling for HR to bring him up on harassment is overkill. You really want to get this guy fired for saying he likes curvey women?
Don't be silly. You don't get fired on your first infraction. Standard protocol is a verbal warning the first time it happens, in which they just inform him that what he said was inappropriate. So, understanding how things work, in companies that have an HR dept., maybe you're the one who needs to lighten up.
Not to mention, it doesn't matter WHERE this conversation took place; he should know that his comments are unwarranted and offensive.
He remarks may have been unwanted but I don't see why everyone finds them so offensive that a man could lose his job over it (and he will too if he gets enough infractions). Why get HR involved at all? Do you think it's some kinda game? Seems like you all have a big chip on your shoulder. Save your outrage for real harassment.
See your own writing, in bold.
If he does it more than once, then he needs further actions taken against him. Generally, after the verbal warning, they will send the offender to counseling. If he shows no improvement and continues his offensive behaviors, then he deserves to be let go.
Yeah, that's REALLY harsh of HR and the ppl he offends, but it's just the way it is in these bigger, more professional, companies. *sarcasm*0 -
You guys need to lighten up. He's just making conversation. Think of a witty comment for next time or just say "thanks for noticing but I think I'm shaping up nice". Calling for HR to bring him up on harassment is overkill. You really want to get this guy fired for saying he likes curvey women?
Don't be silly. You don't get fired on your first infraction. Standard protocol is a verbal warning the first time it happens, in which they just inform him that what he said was inappropriate. So, understanding how things work, in companies that have an HR dept., maybe you're the one who needs to lighten up.
Not to mention, it doesn't matter WHERE this conversation took place; he should know that his comments are unwarranted and offensive.
He remarks may have been unwanted but I don't see why everyone finds them so offensive that a man could lose his job over it (and he will too if he gets enough infractions). Why get HR involved at all? Do you think it's some kinda game? Seems like you all have a big chip on your shoulder. Save your outrage for real harassment.
And, "real harassment"? It sounds like she's encountered this from him before. While I agree that she should start by setting boundaries, on her own (which she may have). If he continues to be verbally abusive, which is what this is, that IS real harassment, and she should not be made to feel as if she's threatening his job if she talks to HR about it. HE is at fault, not her.
Go you for blaming the harassee. *facepalm*0 -
Inappropriate jerks are everywhere I guess.
Main thing is how you feel about yourself but for what it's worth I'm thinking you look FANTASTIC!0 -
You look great!! I'm 5'4" too, and that is my goal weight. I've got about 25 more lbs, and I'm dealing with idiots too. One today, even. It baffles me that some people think it's ok to say things like that. I mean, would you tell me to change my face??0
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If you feel comfortable, I would recommend approaching him and letting him know his comments were inappropriate and he needs to stop or you will go to supervisor/HR/someone above him. If he doesn't stop, follow through.
If you can't approach him, speak to HR or your supervisor about it. He needs to be held accountable or he will continue this kind of behavior.
And I think at 5'4 125 pounds sounds like an appropriate height/weight combo.0 -
Oh wow! Tell him he is harassing you and if he does not stop you will contact HR.0
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No matter what you're doing with your life, your body, etc.... someone is always going to have something to say about it. You know he's wrong, so let it roll off if you can. If he's really bothering you, I calmly tell him that my body is not up for discussion.0
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Personally, I'm always in favor of the frank conversation with the co-worker first. "Hey, I'm sure you are just joking around, but it makes me uncomfortable when you talk about my weight. I want us to be able to work well together, so I am coming directly to you with this to ask you to please stop." Or something of that nature. You are within your right to go to HR about it now if that's what you want to do. I just know sometimes really great people have really crappy things happen to them because of misunderstandings/culture differences/generational differences...the person I'm thinking of shouldn't have said, but didn't know they crossed the line (sweet older southern gentleman called progressive young lady "darlin" or something at the office...he got fired). Good people tend to feel really really horrible once they know they've crossed the line...in my mind, that's punishment enough. If the issue persists after the frank conversation though, you'd better bet I'd be talking to HR.
Some people won't agree with this approach, I'm sure. I just like to give people a chance when I can...HR situations can be way more serious though, so I'm not advocating this approach in all situations, just to be clear.0 -
You guys need to lighten up. He's just making conversation. Think of a witty comment for next time or just say "thanks for noticing but I think I'm shaping up nice". Calling for HR to bring him up on harassment is overkill. You really want to get this guy fired for saying he likes curvey women?
Don't be silly. You don't get fired on your first infraction. Standard protocol is a verbal warning the first time it happens, in which they just inform him that what he said was inappropriate. So, understanding how things work, in companies that have an HR dept., maybe you're the one who needs to lighten up.
Not to mention, it doesn't matter WHERE this conversation took place; he should know that his comments are unwarranted and offensive.
He remarks may have been unwanted but I don't see why everyone finds them so offensive that a man could lose his job over it (and he will too if he gets enough infractions). Why get HR involved at all? Do you think it's some kinda game? Seems like you all have a big chip on your shoulder. Save your outrage for real harassment.
His remarks were unwanted but not offensive? Seriously? He called one lady a crack addict due to weight,, suggested that OP was beginning to look like a crack addict, told her that black women should have curves and informed her that she needed to stop losing weight. How is this NOT offensive? NO ONE has any right to tell me OR the OP what to do with our own bodies. Unless a man is intimate with a woman, body comments are a no-go land. And ANY man, whether intimate or no, who makes these kinds of comments is absolutely harassing a woman. Yes, the comments were unwanted. And they sure as hell WERE offensive as well. This wasn't even a social setting where alcohol could have been blamed for his thoughts spewing out of his mouth - in a professional environment these kinds of comments are not okay NOR should they be given a free pass. Talking to HR is an absolutely valid response to this.0 -
I just know sometimes really great people have really crappy things happen to them because of misunderstandings/culture differences/generational differences...the person I'm thinking of shouldn't have said, but didn't know they crossed the line (sweet older southern gentleman called progressive young lady "darlin" or something at the office...he got fired).
Uh, most companies would not fire someone for one time calling a person darlin. There is probably more to it than you know. Or he wasn't a good employee and this was a good opening for the company to fire him.0 -
I just know sometimes really great people have really crappy things happen to them because of misunderstandings/culture differences/generational differences...the person I'm thinking of shouldn't have said, but didn't know they crossed the line (sweet older southern gentleman called progressive young lady "darlin" or something at the office...he got fired).
Uh, most companies would not fire someone for one time calling a person darlin. There is probably more to it than you know. Or he wasn't a good employee and this was a good opening for the company to fire him.
That's not exactly the point I'm trying to make. I don't claim I know the whole story. I just know I wouldn't have given it a second thought if I'd be called "darlin". But to this gal, she was deeply offended. We don't all have the same "line" so I personally believe if giving the benefit of the doubt when you can rather than running to fill out a report. And no, most companies maybe wouldn't do this, but this one did. The information was passed on from the offended person as to what transpired between these two people. Maybe he had other complaints, etc. I don't know.0 -
Ok - you won't like my reply - but here's my comment. Take it or leave it. 125 for a person 5'4 seems to be on the thin side. However, you may be small structured and young, so that weight may be ok for you. If you're eating WELL - then it's not an area of concern. If you DON'T eat well - then that weight would/could be an issue.
Secondly, from what I read/see, you are both black. My black friends do NOT want to be on the thin/skinny side and their spouses/men/boyfriends complain about them losing their curves. It may be a cultural thing - and you can't do much about that.
Lastly, you said you expected him to make another comment. This tells me he's said these things before. I read others say to complain to HR, file a complaint - blah blah blah. Seriously - WOMEN - HANDLE IT. Stop running to big daddy to help you out. Speak to him 1:1. Tell him that you are not comfortable with his personal comments and please keep his comments to himself. Tell him that if he doesn't respect your request, then you will speak to your manager and/or HR. Give the guy a chance to comply with your request. He can't stop doing something until you've let him know you want him to stop. If you continue to take it w/o speaking up, he's taking your silence to be acceptance. So speak to him, be clear in what you want, and what the consequences will be if he doesn't honor them, and then follow-thru.
In closing, when you post things on this site, you will get comments. Good, bad, supportive, honest .... from all sides. Take what you want, leave the rest. Listening never hurt, and sometimes you'll find an nugget of truth that strikes home. Good luck with your co-worker.0 -
Some guys are into heavier chicks. Although, it doesn't sound like you were ever a "heavy chick", so he's probably just a jacka$s.0
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If it's not family or friends it's co-workers try to start something.
I had a co-worker incident yesterday, I am still trying to get over being pissed off, trying to let the hate motivate me!
While we want to ignore the comments we also want/need to stand up for ourselves, since we are not perfect we may confuse when a situation calls for one or the other (you did the right thing by walking away
) - the next person who makes a much smaller out of line comment may get what you really want to give your co-worker a severe tongue-lashing! 0 -
My boss does this to me all the time. He's had a lot of weight problems the last 5 years or so and he always tries to take the easy way out. He's constantly spending hundreds on crazy cleanses and fad diets, and then he never sticks with it. I honestly think him bugging me is a jealousy thing. The comments I get from the rest of my co-workers are mostly, "wow, you have a lot of willpower, sure you don't want a cookie?" etc. And the fact that "willpower" is something I think he lacks when it comes to weight loss--he just picks on me.
Don't get me wrong, I love the guy and he's the best boss I've ever had...but sometimes I just get sick of him whining everytime I lose a pound.
Get over it man.0 -
Ok - you won't like my reply - but here's my comment. Take it or leave it. 125 for a person 5'4 seems to be on the thin side. However, you may be small structured and young, so that weight may be ok for you. If you're eating WELL - then it's not an area of concern. If you DON'T eat well - then that weight would/could be an issue.
Secondly, from what I read/see, you are both black. My black friends do NOT want to be on the thin/skinny side and their spouses/men/boyfriends complain about them losing their curves. It may be a cultural thing - and you can't do much about that.
Lastly, you said you expected him to make another comment. This tells me he's said these things before. I read others say to complain to HR, file a complaint - blah blah blah. Seriously - WOMEN - HANDLE IT. Stop running to big daddy to help you out. Speak to him 1:1. Tell him that you are not comfortable with his personal comments and please keep his comments to himself. Tell him that if he doesn't respect your request, then you will speak to your manager and/or HR. Give the guy a chance to comply with your request. He can't stop doing something until you've let him know you want him to stop. If you continue to take it w/o speaking up, he's taking your silence to be acceptance. So speak to him, be clear in what you want, and what the consequences will be if he doesn't honor them, and then follow-thru.
In closing, when you post things on this site, you will get comments. Good, bad, supportive, honest .... from all sides. Take what you want, leave the rest. Listening never hurt, and sometimes you'll find an nugget of truth that strikes home. Good luck with your co-worker.
5'4 and 125 is a fine weight.
And your black friends huh? I'm sorry, but I'm having a hard time understanding what the hell this has to do with me. Yes, I happen to be black. That absolutely does not mean I have the same thoughts/opinions about the way my body should look. But thanks for assuming that. That's just ridiculous.
Great post. :laugh:0 -
I am floored. So I was walking down the hallway back to my desk at work.
A (big) dude/coworker who is always semi harassing me saw me passing by and decided he would open his mouth about my weight loss.
I thought to myself "here we go".
Him: You're about to blow away girl
Me: No, I'm ok.
Him: You sure you alright? You look like one of those starving kids in Africa. Why are you losing weight? You're gonna end up looking like that girl in the wellness department that looks like an anorexic crack head. Black women should always maintain their curves. Are you sick? You're looking like a waif.
I just walked off because I'm at work. Had I reacted the way I wanted, his head would have been flying down the stairs. I always read these stories about people who have comments said to them about their weight loss, and I have had a few, but nothing as extreme. I always thought maybe people really weren't THAT stupid. Wrong again. Jae: 0, Humanity: 435879834380293
For the record, I am 5'4 and 125lbs. I started off at 138. So my weight loss has not been drastic. I never really was big. I am still plenty healthy and I look fine (I thought). What the hell is wrong with people? It makes me feel like I need to put on some weight even though I KNOW i'm at a healthy weight. /end rant.
Looking good to me.
From what I see....
If you walk by me, can I just smack your *kitten*??
I don't have to say anything. 0 -
Lol, if I was a woman I would have said:
"Why are you so worried? I ain't your woman. And just to let you know ahead of time...........you have no chance."
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I would have said something way nicer if you walked by me...just saying;) :flowerforyou:0
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:flowerforyou: to all of you thanks :blushing: 0
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I just know sometimes really great people have really crappy things happen to them because of misunderstandings/culture differences/generational differences...the person I'm thinking of shouldn't have said, but didn't know they crossed the line (sweet older southern gentleman called progressive young lady "darlin" or something at the office...he got fired).
Uh, most companies would not fire someone for one time calling a person darlin. There is probably more to it than you know. Or he wasn't a good employee and this was a good opening for the company to fire him.
That's not exactly the point I'm trying to make. I don't claim I know the whole story. I just know I wouldn't have given it a second thought if I'd be called "darlin". But to this gal, she was deeply offended. We don't all have the same "line" so I personally believe if giving the benefit of the doubt when you can rather than running to fill out a report. And no, most companies maybe wouldn't do this, but this one did. The information was passed on from the offended person as to what transpired between these two people. Maybe he had other complaints, etc. I don't know.
I get your point. Really I do. First step should always be to try to work it out yourself but some times that's just not possible.
As someone in HR these are the things we like to know about. If theres a problem we can deal with it better than most employees can. And we can hopefully help both parties without anyone feeling like they have to quit or file a lawsuit. If an employee wants to deal with it themselves first, great. If not, talk to HR or supervisor. It can be a tough situation.0 -
Ok - you won't like my reply - but here's my comment. Take it or leave it. 125 for a person 5'4 seems to be on the thin side. However, you may be small structured and young, so that weight may be ok for you. If you're eating WELL - then it's not an area of concern. If you DON'T eat well - then that weight would/could be an issue.
Secondly, from what I read/see, you are both black. My black friends do NOT want to be on the thin/skinny side and their spouses/men/boyfriends complain about them losing their curves. It may be a cultural thing - and you can't do much about that.
Lastly, you said you expected him to make another comment. This tells me he's said these things before. I read others say to complain to HR, file a complaint - blah blah blah. Seriously - WOMEN - HANDLE IT. Stop running to big daddy to help you out. Speak to him 1:1. Tell him that you are not comfortable with his personal comments and please keep his comments to himself. Tell him that if he doesn't respect your request, then you will speak to your manager and/or HR. Give the guy a chance to comply with your request. He can't stop doing something until you've let him know you want him to stop. If you continue to take it w/o speaking up, he's taking your silence to be acceptance. So speak to him, be clear in what you want, and what the consequences will be if he doesn't honor them, and then follow-thru.
In closing, when you post things on this site, you will get comments. Good, bad, supportive, honest .... from all sides. Take what you want, leave the rest. Listening never hurt, and sometimes you'll find an nugget of truth that strikes home. Good luck with your co-worker.
There is so much fail in this comment, I don't even know where to begin.
Aside from the "...[all black people want to be 'thick']...comment," which just leaves me dumbfounded by the sheer ignorance of the statement...this is yet another complete and utter ASSUMPTION, on your part: "I read others say to complain to HR, file a complaint - blah blah blah. Seriously - WOMEN - HANDLE IT. Stop running to big daddy to help you out."
Big Daddy? Seriously?!
Jae DOES handle her business. This isn't a case of her not taking responsibility for establishing her boundaries; she's just venting. However, IF she chose to handle this via HR, she's totally within her rights to do so. This man is clearly a liability and HR is there to prevent liabilities. Assuming that SHE is a threat to HIM is the most absurd thing I've heard, in a while.
I recognize that we live in a litigious society, and it disgusts me, as well; however, if I truly felt threatened/harassed at work, I wouldn't hesitate to let someone know, if I felt that I was unsuccessful in resolving it myself. I don't see Jae handling it any differently.0 -
Ok - you won't like my reply - but here's my comment. Take it or leave it. 125 for a person 5'4 seems to be on the thin side. However, you may be small structured and young, so that weight may be ok for you. If you're eating WELL - then it's not an area of concern. If you DON'T eat well - then that weight would/could be an issue.
Secondly, from what I read/see, you are both black. My black friends do NOT want to be on the thin/skinny side and their spouses/men/boyfriends complain about them losing their curves. It may be a cultural thing - and you can't do much about that.
Lastly, you said you expected him to make another comment. This tells me he's said these things before. I read others say to complain to HR, file a complaint - blah blah blah. Seriously - WOMEN - HANDLE IT. Stop running to big daddy to help you out. Speak to him 1:1. Tell him that you are not comfortable with his personal comments and please keep his comments to himself. Tell him that if he doesn't respect your request, then you will speak to your manager and/or HR. Give the guy a chance to comply with your request. He can't stop doing something until you've let him know you want him to stop. If you continue to take it w/o speaking up, he's taking your silence to be acceptance. So speak to him, be clear in what you want, and what the consequences will be if he doesn't honor them, and then follow-thru.
In closing, when you post things on this site, you will get comments. Good, bad, supportive, honest .... from all sides. Take what you want, leave the rest. Listening never hurt, and sometimes you'll find an nugget of truth that strikes home. Good luck with your co-worker.
There is so much fail in this comment, I don't even know where to begin.
Aside from the "...[all black people want to be 'thick']...comment," which just leaves me dumbfounded by the sheer ignorance of the statement...this is yet another complete and utter ASSUMPTION, on your part: "I read others say to complain to HR, file a complaint - blah blah blah. Seriously - WOMEN - HANDLE IT. Stop running to big daddy to help you out."
Big Daddy? Seriously?!
Jae DOES handle her business. This isn't a case of her not taking responsibility for establishing her boundaries; she's just venting. However, IF she chose to handle this via HR, she's totally within her rights to do so. This man is clearly a liability and HR is there to prevent liabilities. Assuming that SHE is a threat to HIM is the most absurd thing I've heard, in a while.
I recognize that we live in a litigious society, and it disgusts me, as well; however, if I truly felt threatened/harassed at work, I wouldn't hesitate to let someone know, if I felt that I was unsuccessful in resolving it myself. I don't see Jae handling it any differently.
:laugh:
Big daddy likes his women thick0
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