If I Can't Actually Look Skinny, What's the Point?

llama_sammich
llama_sammich Posts: 124
in Motivation and Support
I know, I know, I should be eating better and exercising to be healthy, not to look skinny. But I'm not and I am losing motivation because I don't think the body I want is even physically possible.

See, I want to look like this: http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma3orjQiwb1rg2g7yo1_500.jpg
However, my hips are crazy high, crazy wide and so is my rib cage. I'm just....wide. And I'm feeling like the best I'll ever be able to do is something along the lines of this: http://ca.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20131120/rs_634x1024-131220074836-634.Kim-Kardashian-White-Bikini-Beach-Body.jl.122013.jpg

I am completely discouraged and feel like I'm just never going to look good enough. I've even considered leaving my boyfriend because I know he finds those really skinny girls attractive (as do I) and I know I'll never be one because my body is...well, you can see in my profile picture. Wide as ****. From the side, I look thin, but head on....ick.

I'm basically asking for some motivation/tips to maybe possibly trim down my enormous sides? Is there anything I can do, or should I just turn sideways every time someone looks at me (lol)? I've started swimming again which, in the past, has trimmed me down nicely, though I still look huge... Pleeeease help?
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Replies

  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
    You obviously have some serious body image issues to work through. Get help.
  • imju5tme
    imju5tme Posts: 85 Member
    Ok, so I looked at the "want to look like" picture and I am curious as to how you can tell how 'wide' the body in question is (since it is taken from a side shot, for the most part). I also looked at your profile pictures and could not find the 'wide' about which you speak when you described your body.

    I also looked at the "don't want to look like" picture, and you are ALREADY slimmer than that, so I'm horribly confused.

    You look healthy, and I know that you have a shape and weight that I am working very hard to even APPROACH!

    I realize it is a cliche to say that you are your worst critic, but it may actually be the case in this situation. I realize, also, that isn't any consolation to you, and is unlikely to help you feel any better, but... you and I are just not seeing the same thing when we look at your photos.

    Simply put, you are beautiful.

    :flowerforyou:
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    JSF
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
    I don't know what you are talking about.

    From your pictures, you are young and beautiful. You have great hips - those are what make women look sexy. You've got a very very tiny tummy but you also have very clear and obvious muscle definition making that V under it.

    I haven't been as low a body fat as you since high school. I'd love to be in as good a shape as you are. I don't think you even need much work to get an athletic body.
  • survivor1952
    survivor1952 Posts: 250 Member
    How do you know you boyfriend likes those skinny girls? Really?
    Most men (men, mature men, not immature boys) like curvy women. You can be thin, healthy but curvy.
    Learn to love yourself. It took me years to lose the insecurities and low self esteem that I grew up with.
    For the last 15 years or so, I finally can look in the mirror & like what I see. You don't have to be a skinny model to be beautiful.

    We are here to get/give support. Listen to what people here say to you.
  • aliwhalen
    aliwhalen Posts: 150 Member
    You have the body YOU have. Unless you plan on having ribs cracked and hip bones whittled away, you have to come to terms that your body is YOURS. If your boyfriend doesn't like it? Find a new boyfriend. My guess is that he likes it just fine but ALSO finds other shapes of women nice too. That's okay! I've had four kids and my body is probably very unattractive to a lot of people, but my husband loves it nonetheless. He's proud of me and happy for me that I'm exercising and eating well, he wants me to be healthy because he cares about me. The way I look naked is kind of an afterthought. He would never turn me away or be ashamed for me to be on his arm.

    As for yourself - I would recommend the book Beautiful You - A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance. Lose weight, gain it, tan or don't, wear make up if you feel like it, but at the end of the day, you, AS YOU ARE, deserve love and acceptance.
  • canadjineh
    canadjineh Posts: 5,396 Member
    You shouldn't aim for looking skinny, try aiming to look healthy & full of life. What you need is to start lifting - a gym isn't necessary - get some free weights - you are a beginner, they don't have to be big barbells. I think what you realize is you look soft and undefined... lifting will help you gain the definition in your body so you don't feel like a marshmallow.

    Professional photos are ALL retouched even on the famous models, so don't go by them. If your boyfriend likes really skinny girls, maybe what he really likes are wimpy little weakling teens with no minds of their own. Just sayin' - some insecure men find strong girls intimidating. :wink:

    By the way, don't bother pining for the body you had when you were 19 - that time is past... The same as a 50 year old doesn't pine to have the body she had when she was 25 - life moves on. :yawn:
  • ksuh999
    ksuh999 Posts: 543 Member
    Gee you look pretty hot.
  • Edensienna
    Edensienna Posts: 180 Member
    Try to appreciate your body as it is... You look good
  • bc2ct
    bc2ct Posts: 222 Member
    Girl... it's all in the angles. For what it's worth, you look like a mesomorph to me - a body type with endless possibilities as long as you accept that you aren't going to suddenly have the bone structure and fat distribution of an ectomorph.
  • donniesaurous
    donniesaurous Posts: 176 Member
    You obviously have some serious body image issues to work through. Get help.

    Anyone big or small can have body issues, but talking to a professional can really help. When I was a student I got 3 free sessions with a counsellor and it made a world of difference, not only on my outlook, but how to deal with negative thoughts when they surface.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    Time to talk to a counselor. You have some serious body dysmorphia.
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,153 Member
    Perfectionism, high standards, striving for excellence. All wonderful traits that will get you far in life. But only if you tame and harness them. Otherwise, they will just drive you mad. Especially when it comes to things you can't wholly control, like appearance.
  • Llamedos1960
    Llamedos1960 Posts: 78
    On the outside, you're young and beautiful and I wouldn't mind betting that your boyfriend is proud to be seen with you.

    On the inside, you need to learn to love yourself. You're worth more than just to look on the outside.
  • KseRz
    KseRz Posts: 980 Member
    Stop comparing yourself to The Chive (whoever they are).
  • LadyGhostDuchess
    LadyGhostDuchess Posts: 894 Member
    First off:
    You are stunning and you need to remember that! It is hard to do because self image can be really hard - trust me I understand!

    Second:
    I know how you feel, I really do, but you need to keep in mind what I keep in mind. Though you want to "look" like something or someone, you can't. Your body is made differently than theirs and it will change differently. No two people have the same body structure (even twins).

    Be happy with what you have and accent it! I know it is hard and I know it is frustrating, I promise I know! But in the end the most important thing is to be happy with what you have and work it! I know things are hard and it is discouraging, but I hope that you can see your amazing points and access them and not focus on the flaws (I know, easier said than done). You are a beautiful individual and embrace it. Keep your head high!
  • astrampe
    astrampe Posts: 2,169 Member
    You need help. And your are 27, so grow up too.....
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
    I always tell fat people, forget having a high self image, you are disgusting and need to shed weight.

    You on the other hand are not obese, and you just need to have a higher self image. - what you should do is smile at yourself everytime you look in the mirror - guarantee you will be more attractive, and will begin to find yourself more attractive.
  • CoffeeBugg
    CoffeeBugg Posts: 75 Member
    You are disappointed because the best you think you can do is look like Kim Kardashian in her prime? :huh:

    Your ideal look is based on a model who is laying on her back with her stomach sucked in, in a picture taken by professional photographer who has probably mastered the art of manipulating light and shadow in order to make his subjects look amazing, then gone over with photoshop to remove blemishes. It is unrealistic to want to look like that in a selfie.
  • kmajaVCU
    kmajaVCU Posts: 33 Member
    Honestly, if you keep wishing and hoping to look like someone else, you are always going to be unhappy. Becoming skinny or becoming healthy is not going to satisfy you because what you are aiming for is unattainable simply because you are you. The sooner you accept this and the sooner you try to find the beauty in yourself, which you have plenty of, the easier things will be. You are not going to look like either of the girls you've posted. You're not supposed to. Comparing yourself is very unhealthy, and if it has gotten to the point where you are constantly at battle with yourself you might want to seek out some help. But if you think you can accept the fact that you are your own individual, then start working on yourself for YOU and not anyone else.

    On another note, If your boyfriend is telling you that he prefers skinnier women and that you're not good enough: a) that's probably why you feel the way you do about yourself and, b) you two probably shouldn't be together anyway. If you are just assuming that he likes skinnier women and you haven't really even talked to him about it, changes are it is all in your head and you could possibly ruin a great thing due to your own insecurities.

    Think long and hard about these things and really try to talk to someone if this is something that bothers you all the time. Send me a FR or a message anytime if you need to chat!
  • ncrugbyprop
    ncrugbyprop Posts: 96 Member
    Three things:

    1. Many photos are either staged or altered to make the subject look better. Its quite possible that the person(s) you are idolizing don't actually look aything like the photos in real life.

    2. You are still trying to get to your goal weight, correct? The most dramatic changes (results) usually occur at the end when a small weight loss really shows in the body fat percentage. Stay on target and don't get depressed.

    3. Its your body and your health. You may want to be taller, shorter, smaller bone structure, etc. but that's not who you are. Don't compare yourself to some subjective ideal of beauty, and don't ever believe any media guru's opinion of what's attractive. Make your body healthy and strong, take pride in the work to achieve those goals and live happily.
  • mummma
    mummma Posts: 402 Member
    god, looking like Kim K in a bikini. what a nightmare **bangs head on wall**
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I always tell fat people, forget having a high self image, you are disgusting and need to shed weight.

    You on the other hand are not obese, and you just need to have a higher self image. - what you should do is smile at yourself everytime you look in the mirror - guarantee you will be more attractive, and will begin to find yourself more attractive.

    Well. You probably won't last long here.
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
    You really don't look wide.

    If you think you should break up with your boyfriend because you aren't skinny enough, do it. Be on your own for awhile and find your self worth.
  • kellijauch
    kellijauch Posts: 379 Member
    You're not wide at all. I looked at your profile pic. It's all in your head darling. And your boyfriend likes You, so that's really all that matters. Kim Khardashian is considered one of the most beautiful women alive, so be glad if you can look like her! Everyone is different, and skinny doesn't mean tiny. I am skinny, but I'm still a size 10. That's my bone structure. There's no fat there, just the way I'm built, and that's okay. Men like curves. They don't really want a toothpick, even though they may pretend they do. In all reality, you are beautiful, and you ARE skinny. You just have to convince yourself of that now, and it shouldn't be too hard because it's true.
  • lee91356
    lee91356 Posts: 330 Member
    not feeding into this...there are other places you can troll for complements
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
    You're not wide at all. I looked at your profile pic. It's all in your head darling. And your boyfriend likes You, so that's really all that matters. Kim Khardashian is considered one of the most beautiful women alive, so be glad if you can look like her! Everyone is different, and skinny doesn't mean tiny. I am skinny, but I'm still a size 10. That's my bone structure. There's no fat there, just the way I'm built, and that's okay. Men like curves. They don't really want a toothpick, even though they may pretend they do. In all reality, you are beautiful, and you ARE skinny. You just have to convince yourself of that now, and it shouldn't be too hard because it's true.

    I just want to say that not all men like curves, or what they mean by curves may be different from someone else's definition. Who cares if some men don't like curves, though? Personally I'm not going to change my body to suit someone else's preference.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    You have the body you have.

    You cannot do anything about it.

    You can work on it- and shape it and mold it- but it is your body - so work with what you have.

    I'll NEVER safely have thin legs- I am stuck with fat thighs and that's all there is to it.

    BUT- I can squat over 200 lbs- I can DL almost 300- and I can bench almost 200.

    My body is AMAZING.

    It doesn't look like anyone else's- and yeah- I get frustrated that it's hard to shop for clothes- when I'm in dance class doing something makes me look different than other people because my body shape is different- but it is what it is- comparing to other people gets me no where.

    Work with what you have- make the most of your body. Stay the course- you can do it.
  • sjohnny
    sjohnny Posts: 56,142 Member
    You're not wide at all. I looked at your profile pic. It's all in your head darling. And your boyfriend likes You, so that's really all that matters. Kim Khardashian is considered one of the most beautiful women alive, so be glad if you can look like her! Everyone is different, and skinny doesn't mean tiny. I am skinny, but I'm still a size 10. That's my bone structure. There's no fat there, just the way I'm built, and that's okay. Men like curves. They don't really want a toothpick, even though they may pretend they do. In all reality, you are beautiful, and you ARE skinny. You just have to convince yourself of that now, and it shouldn't be too hard because it's true.

    TIL: This one woman on MFP knows what all men everywhere want regardless of what they think they want.

    spock-orly-o.gif
  • Trindilicious
    Trindilicious Posts: 3 Member
    not feeding into this...there are other places you can troll for complements

    I am with you there......
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