If I Can't Actually Look Skinny, What's the Point?

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  • Jlennhikes
    Jlennhikes Posts: 290 Member
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    Problem is not in your body, it's in your head. I suspect you won't be happy no matter what you look like until you work on the head part.
  • llama_sammich
    llama_sammich Posts: 124
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    not feeding into this...there are other places you can troll for complements

    I am with you there......

    I wasn't looking for compliments. If you aren't going to be of any help (such as recommending side-slimming exercises as I'd asked for - not to be confused with half-hearted, meaningless compliments), then don't bother commenting at all. Some of us come here for motivation and support (odd, I know...it's not as if the title of the message board suggests that whatsoever), not to be berated by pompous elitists.

    To those of who you actually HAVE tried to help, thanks, I appreciate it a lot. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's looked in a mirror and hated the reflection every day. Pretty sure that's why most of us are even here. It's also pretty apparent that I'm not the only one who sees themselves in supposedly a bad light (figuratively, not literally). As for Kim K, sorry but I really don't find her body attractive whatsoever and I'd hate to end up with one similar. But...stop comparing, you say. So I shall. Also on the hunt for some free weights :) Thanks, whoever suggested that.
  • husseycd
    husseycd Posts: 814 Member
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    Girl... it's all in the angles. For what it's worth, you look like a mesomorph to me - a body type with endless possibilities as long as you accept that you aren't going to suddenly have the bone structure and fat distribution of an ectomorph.

    laughing.gif

    legit lawls

    I mean... I wasn't tryyyying to be funny. Did I say something wrong or is the idea of body type changing just naturally funny?

    Kinda like... ya, everyone can have thigh gap, all we need is for our hips to re-align. No worries, right?

    Many people don't believe in the body types. I kinda wonder myself. It's like the difference between a Quarter Horse and Thoroughbred. You can have a skinny Quarter horse, but it will never look as long and lean as a Thoroughbred. Since we're all just animals...

    At the end of the day, besides being an interesting concept, I wouldn't base too much on it.
  • DivineChoices
    DivineChoices Posts: 193 Member
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    I wasn't looking for compliments. If you aren't going to be of any help (such as recommending side-slimming exercises as I'd asked for - not to be confused with half-hearted, meaningless compliments), then don't bother commenting at all. Some of us come here for motivation and support (odd, I know...it's not as if the title of the message board suggests that whatsoever), not to be berated by pompous elitists.

    To those of who you actually HAVE tried to help, thanks, I appreciate it a lot. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's looked in a mirror and hated the reflection every day. Pretty sure that's why most of us are even here. It's also pretty apparent that I'm not the only one who sees themselves in supposedly a bad light (figuratively, not literally). As for Kim K, sorry but I really don't find her body attractive whatsoever and I'd hate to end up with one similar. But...stop comparing, you say. So I shall. Also on the hunt for some free weights :) Thanks, whoever suggested that.

    There is no way to spot reduce, from what I've read. There was a poster or two that recommended dropping BF% (not weight, necessarily) and doing a body recomposition, to get that toned and tight look. I think that is your best avenue fitness wise.

    I am concerned about what happens if you don't like your body after its been recomped. I do think you should talk to someone. Becoming obsessive about body weight/width/size could possibly lead to unhealthy choices, like an ED. :(

    Edited to remove extra quote box.
  • apriltrainer
    apriltrainer Posts: 732 Member
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    TO the Op- I've been there, thought that. Heck, I came across an old blog post of mine from years ago when I was writing about trying to keep my cals low..fast forward to now..

    My goals are now performance based and that has helped tremendously.

    If you can't actually look skinny,what's the point?

    Actually there are many points. How about performance?

    How about this- nothing like busting out 10 pullups (unassisted no kipping) at the gym. ;)
    Nothing like squatting the weight of your boyfriend. ;)

    Heck I still am working on my pistol squats.. Seems like I got a couple points I need to work on to keep me busy for a while!


    Seriously OP,your body looks FINE. And i echo what others have said- you gotta work on what is going on inside your head. I've been where you are. I really have been. Not even happy after competing in a bikini competition. If i can't be happy after that, when can I be? When can you be? When i switched to performance and gave myself specific concrete goals..i.e. instead of saying, "I just want to be healthy"

    which would be a lie..but that comes with it...

    I say, " I want to do 3 pullups in 6 months." It could be pushups for you. It could be a bodyweight barbell squat..etc.
    Concrete goal. Goes beyond looks. But the side effect of a performance goal is that there may be some aesthetic benefits too..but that's not the main event. Trust me..if you can knock out at least 3 pullups unassisted, you probably won't EVEN care about skinny. And that, Op, is a HUGE brain shift. It's helped me. Hopefully you will take some advice that myself and others have given you and go beyond aesthetics.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,535 Member
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    You CAN'T change you hip width. It's your bone structure. What you can do it enhance the look by building up "wider" shoulders which will give you a more hour glass look.
    Don't become body dysmorphic. Envying how other people look will only bring you down.
    I'll never be 6 feet tall. I've accepted that and just worked on just being the best physical me I can. And guess what? People accept me that way.
    Gotta "like yourself unconditionally" to get better.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • auddii
    auddii Posts: 15,357 Member
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    I wasn't looking for compliments. If you aren't going to be of any help (such as recommending side-slimming exercises as I'd asked for - not to be confused with half-hearted, meaningless compliments), then don't bother commenting at all. Some of us come here for motivation and support (odd, I know...it's not as if the title of the message board suggests that whatsoever), not to be berated by pompous elitists.

    No one gave you a list of side-slimming exercises because they don't exist. Keep eating at a moderate deficit, and pick up heavy things. Stop caring about what the scale says and work on improving your body. For example, Staci is 11lbs heavier in the pic on the right, but she looks slimmer because she has put on muscle and lost fat:

    54b9d0ce-b8cb-4f82-b6b5-e2e17713d515_zpsc4e88b7e.jpg

    You can read her story here:
    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/
  • llama_sammich
    llama_sammich Posts: 124
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    I know what you mean. I have the same issues. I have a ginormous bone structure. My shoulders are so wide that some of the dresses that my boyfriend has bought me over the years fit my waist and hips, but can't button at the top. And it's not my bust--I barely fill a B cup.

    I also wish I were "thin" and "petite", etc.

    People that actually see me in person say "You want to be under 140??? That's insane--you'd be a skeleton." (I'm 5'8 and 160 right now).

    I know what you mean about th eboyfriend. I've seen pictures of my bf's exes and they're all "small" framed and feminine. It is depressing.

    All we can do is be the best "us" possible. If he didn't think you were sexy he wouldn't be with you!!!!

    Thanks lady :) Glad someone can relate. Like, almost identically.. But you're probably right..
    Try lifting and eating more protein instead of just low cal with cardio/swimming. You could have a lot of visceral fat (inside, in between organs, not the stuff just under your skin) that is causing you to feel wide - particularly in the rib area. A lower body fat % will get you closer to what you're looking for. Cardio and calorie restriction alone will raise body fat % by reducing lean body mass (muscle), leading to a looser, curvier form. And no, you won't get bulky or ripped.

    Thanks for this! I never knew that was even a possible thing... I thought fat just grew under the skin and that was that.. I've been trying to incorporate some kind of protein in every single meal. Gonna have to find some free weights and start surfing youtube (cause I don't have a clue what I'd do with them, other than totally hurt myself).
  • jojoglode
    jojoglode Posts: 12
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    I think you look great! Stop assuming what your boyfriend likes maybe thats just you.... Too skinny is not pretty. There are a lot of people here who would love to have your shape, play up what you have been given and stop wishing for something else.
  • phy40
    phy40 Posts: 260 Member
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    You titled your post, If I Can't Actually Look Skinny, What's the Point?" First, of all you look great! As women, we have "ALWAYS" valued how another female felt about us. The magazines, models and movie stars don't count. The stars are having all kinds of surgery and when they pass away we learn...they had fake boobs, butts, and all kinds of tucks. Their self-image and public image is as far as the north and south. Anyone that has struggled with weight issues know it's not easy. You need to focus on being HEALTHY AND HAPPY! Nothing makes a woman more beautiful, than the belief that she is beautiful. You are beautiful!!!!!
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
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    I struggle with insecurities every day, but I don't ask myself what the point is. The point isn't to look skinny. It's to be strong and healthy. I agree with other posters, that you may want to seek professional help for your body image issues. If your boy friend didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't have become your boyfriend in the first place.
    I read back through some of your old posts. You mentioned at one point (assuming before you met your man) that you wanted to lose weight so you could find a man and settle down. You are thinking about this all wrong, and that is why you are missing the point. Don't strive to be healthy for anyone other than yourself.
    Also, I read that you are a swimmer. That is a great way to exercise, and from the looks of your photos, it's working for you even if you don't think it looks like it is. Attractiveness is found in confidence and attitude, not in how skinny one looks.
  • chantellelouise03
    chantellelouise03 Posts: 33
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    Try loads of running that can give some women the straight up and down figure when I did insanity it made me look more boyish try something like that.
    I doubt your bf does like the look of skinny girls I know my bf and his friends never say mmm look at those ribs actually there's one who prefers skinny girls but we laugh at him because its weird hes really short though so I guess he want to feel bigger.
    So no most men like some tits and *kitten* lmao like kim
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I always tell fat people, forget having a high self image, you are disgusting and need to shed weight.

    You on the other hand are not obese, and you just need to have a higher self image. - what you should do is smile at yourself everytime you look in the mirror - guarantee you will be more attractive, and will begin to find yourself more attractive.

    you_sir_are_guilty_of_douchebaggery_sticker-re18713b163dc4e8f827df8eea0ccb1bf_v9waf_8byvr_324.jpg
  • Muddy_Yogi
    Muddy_Yogi Posts: 1,459 Member
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    44000333.jpg
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    You are disappointed because the best you think you can do is look like Kim Kardashian in her prime? :huh:

    ^^^^ This!!

    Kim Kardashian looks stunning in that pic. OP you're basically implying that curvy and/or large framed women are inferior, ugly and unacceptable compared to small framed, slender women, and that the "best you can look like is this" then post a picture of a drop dead gorgeous woman...... so what's the point, you may as well give up, because it's unacceptable to have a skeletal structure this wide..... I mean WTF really, think about what you're implying....? You're not just beating yourself up with your post, you're beating up millions of women with these body types, including numerous celebrities who need to be beautiful for their job....

    I'm sorry that the world has made you feel inferior and hate yourself because of the shape of your skeleton. Maybe if you drop the attitude that wide bone structure is inferior, ugly and unacceptable you'll stop doing this to yourself and realise that KK is stunning and many women make it their ultimate fitness goal to look like her. You're going to be in for a pretty miserable life if you hate yourself and want to give up on trying to be fit and healthy because of the shape of your skeleton and because looking like Kim Kardashian isn't acceptable for you....
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
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    I know, I know, I should be eating better and exercising to be healthy, not to look skinny. But I'm not and I am losing motivation because I don't think the body I want is even physically possible.

    Nothing I can tell you is going to help. You need to change your mindset.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    Find meaning beyond your looks in what you do and experience.
    Go out there and do great things, it's so much more fulfilling than looking at glossy magazines and just yearning.

    You'll be surprised by what you can do.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    I agree that some counseling would probably help you. And no, you really don't look that wide, or even large framed to me.

    But then again, I don't look large framed in pictures by myself either. I don't look big until I stand next to a small person. But I am big (5'9", 155lbs, large hips, large rib cage, wide shoulders, large head, hands, feet, etc) . And there's nothing wrong with that. We do not have to look the same. That would be dumb. It's okay and expected to be different. You've got to learn to love and accept who you are. Don't try to look like some image you found on tumbler, try to be the best you can be.

    And really, it's fine if you aren't your boyfriends previous "ideal". It just means that he actually likes you for who you are and not just what you look like. This is a good thing! My husband likes small women with big boobs. But he LOVES me. He married me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me because I'm smart, funny, responsible and yeah, still attractive even if I don't fit some "ideal" he made up in his head long ago.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Find meaning beyond your looks in what you do and experience.
    Go out there and do great things, it's so much more fulfilling than looking at glossy magazines and just yearning.

    You'll be surprised by what you can do.

    ^^^^ this is very very very good advice
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