I feel disgusting. I am disgusting.

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Replies

  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I know it's a long time before OP checks back in here but I do want to commend her on something.

    The proper spelling of the word "disgusting" not just once but TWICE on this thread topic.

    Most veteran MFPers know, correct spelling in a thread topic is quite challenging.

    Can't even imagine how she managed it TWICE!

    Even the most anal MFPers try and fail.

    Not even kidding.

    It's a thing.

    :flowerforyou:
  • BookofJarom
    BookofJarom Posts: 14 Member
    What Forty6and2 said...
    use that picture as a motivator and then as a "before" picture to show how far you've come.

    That's right on. Surely difficult, especially right now with such a frustrating experience, but dang--it could be a perfect "before" picture (and a perfect "before" STORY) to post a year from now.

    I'm hoping for a fantastic "success stories" post from you sometime soon...Mother's Day 2015 perhaps?
  • Car2992
    Car2992 Posts: 4
    Awesome testament. Thanks for sharing. Lol I sound like a church person.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Awesome testament. Thanks for sharing. Lol I sound like a church person.

    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[/img]
  • 1ZenGirl
    1ZenGirl Posts: 432 Member
    You are slowly devaluing yourself..You look at yourself and you realize if you were judging yourself you would judge yourself unfavorably.. No matter what.. You cant pretend to be a hero of your story you cant....You HAVE to be the hero of your own story. you can do that you can be that...You can be the hero of your story that woke up today..You can be the hero in your own story at whatever age you maybe. Stopped got out of bed and said i'm not doing this anymore I'm doing this differently. I'm gonna figure this out and i'm gonna do it only by my instincts and only by my morals and ideals and my mind,and i'm gonna be dead honest with myself. because i'm realizing this won't last forever... You can do this...

    People have to realize.that you are not your past..you are not all the times you messed up..thats not you..you are the person whose learned from a great deal of experiences and if you learn correctly and process that correctly you will succeed in whatever your goal you choose to follow..


    Don't let this ruin your day... Its YOUR day... Happy Mothers Day....

    Wow I love this
  • mighty_aphrodite
    mighty_aphrodite Posts: 13 Member
    You can report that picture against your brother to the Facebook team, saying it was posted without your consent, and they will most likely remove it for you, as well as notify your brother of the repercussions of posting pictures against others' wishes.

    I'd definitely try this. Your brother is an *kitten*.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    Just own your feelings and allow them to do their thing.

    If you really feel that way, you'll find a way to get the physical appearance you want.

    That feeling will be with you day-in-and-day-out and it'll be the voice on your shoulder whispering advice to you.

    There's nothing wrong with feeling like something is terribly wrong, but use that and transform that into getting it right.

    I have a similar feeling. I HATE being single.

    HATE it.

    HATE.

    That hate has been with me for over two years as I lost about 70lb so far and still counting.

    And guess what?

    I have a boyfriend now.

    And someday, I'll have another family, and a husband and some kids, with a little house, a big garden, and a middle-class income. I'll wear a size 8 or 6 or 4, and live happily ever after.

    Until then, I'm just above poverty level, over-weight, have a non-committed boyfriend and a dead end job.

    But I hate that so so much, that it drives me away from it.

    That hate of who I have become motivates me to just let the hunger bother me if I've had too many kcal.

    It motivates me to go back to school and find a higher paying job.

    That hate of being a 245lb single mom has led me to be a 180lb quasi-single mom, and will eventually lead me to being a 145, 127, 119lb happily married normal person.
    :noway:
  • CuteAndCurvy83
    CuteAndCurvy83 Posts: 570 Member
    I just need someone to listen I guess.
    We went with my mom and siblings to the park yesterday. my older (as in no longer living at home) brother was there, my younger bro and sis was there My kids. my husband. my step dad, mom...everyone. its rare that we all get together. the only one missing was my older (older than i) sister who lives out of state.

    anyway. lots of pictures were taken. I avoided most of them until my brother decided to pull his phone out and taken THE MOST unflattering photo of me EVER. Not only am i fat and disgusting looking but my kid fell off the skate board ramp so i was running trying to catch her...it was horrible.he laughed and said "Now thats one for facebook!" I asked him not to. told him i didnt like it and that he was being an *kitten*. he posted it anyways.

    i hate myself enough as it is. i avoid cameras. mirrors. anything shiny. i dont want to look at myself. much less have anyone else looking at me. and he posted the photo. i feel like he did it to make fun of me for the simple fact i politely asked him not to post it and why i was uncomfortable with it.

    i busted out in tears when i saw it today.
    happy mothers day JoMo. youre a disgusting fat *kitten*. And now the entire world can make fun of you right along with your step brother.
    My husband and kids have this big dinner and desert planned out and i feel guilty even thinking about eating even a bite of it. after seeing that photo- i could sure stand to go a few days without food. much less the meal they have planned for tonight.


    FML.


    Take those negative feelings and turn them into something useful! If you feel fat and disgusting, then get on track to a healthy lifestyle of losing weight and getting fit. Negative thoughts and feelings are always bound to come our way, but it's what you do with them that matters. Feel free to add me if you'd like!
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Being overweight does not make you disgusting. Try to appreciate your body, it gave you precious children, you have arms to hug with, a brain to love with, there is nothing disgusting about it. I'm sure the people that matter the most to you in life do not look at you like you look at yourself.

    If you don't want to be the size you are now you can do something about it, but it doesn't have to come from a place of hated and loathing.

    ^^^^ this

    If someone posted the exact same thing about someone else, saying those things like "she is disgusting" about a friend or family member.......... think what people would say about the OP, what names they'd call them.......... so why is it okay to say all those things about yourself?? It's not okay! Never say such horrible things about yourself!! They're not true.

    Also, do you think your brother's actions - posting this pic on facebook and making a big joke about it - comes from your own reaction to the photo? I'm inclined to say it does. He doesn't hate you the way you hate yourself.... he's probably saying to himself "I don't know why she's making such a big deal, the photo's not that bad"........ I'm not saying it's okay that he posted it, because it's disrespectful to your wishes that he did........ but I highly doubt he thinks the photo is anywhere near as bad as you think it is. So it seems to me that this comes 90% from you hating yourself and beating yourself up and 10% from him lacking respect and maybe having a slightly immature sense of humour. If you'd seen the pic and said "Ha ha, what an inelegant pose I'm in.... oh well! I can't look perfect in every pic!" he would have been so hellbent on posting it on facebook? He doesn't understand that you hate yourself, and that's why you can't stand to see yourself in photos... all he can tell is that you're massively overreacting to a pic where you don't look your best, and he's making a big joke of it.... immature, yes, but the negativity you feel comes from yourself far more than from him, because you hate yourself and you say such bad things about yourself.....

    Learn to love yourself, and then make positive changes for your health because you know you deserve it. Making changes from a place of self hatred is a difficult, uphill struggle and it's too easy to fall into a pattern of self-punishment which is not conducive to long term success because people can't continue punishing themselves indefinitely.... so please learn to love yourself and stop beating yourself up!
  • talentedmom56
    talentedmom56 Posts: 14 Member
    JoMo you are what you are. That was very mean of your brother since you ask him not to use it, but yourself disgust isn't helping. We all need to love ourselves, no matter what we look like. I pray we all lose all the weight we want to lose, but the reality is, it really doesn't matter. If we don't love ourselves at our present weight, we're not going to love ourselves at a lesser weight. We have to do all this for OURSELVES! Do you really want that person who wouldn't look at you when you weighed 200 like you now because you weight 160? Will they love you if you gain 10 pounds. We all need to be able to look in the mirror and see what beauty we each posses. I have the most beautiful hair I"ve ever seen. I love my chest, I have a cute butt and a very happy face. I know I have a big waist, but I'm working on it and that doesn't define me.
    Love what you have succeeded in not what yo9u haven't. I know it's hard. Some days, I can't do it! I hate myself and the fact I've never been thin. But at this moment in time, It's who I am and I love that person in the mirror. I thank God I've released 33 pounds. That's the weight of a 4 year old child. That's a good thing!
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    Forget your brother. The issue is in the title.

    It tells me that you do not value yourself. It is already hard to consistently track and work on improving one's self but I have a very hard time seeing how anyone can, day in, day out, succeed with an attitude of self-hate. The mental attitude that allows one to have a plan and follow it to success probably needs a better position or, at the very least, you end up fighting yourself and the "I'm not worth it" mental state for a very long time.

    As has been mentioned, see someone to manage this, or figure it out for yourself. But IMHO, you are setting yourself up for failure until you deal with that.

    I do not suggest you lie to yourself but that you see the subtle difference of attitude and how it can help you.

    There is a difference between - "I find where I am today disgusting, I am unhappy with it. I am improving and working on this. These are the things I see that are good. These are my wins for today. This is where I am headed. I am making it."

    .. and..

    "I feel disgusting. I am disgusting."

    Here, perhaps this will help a little; it's a blog entry about Mental Lifting:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/EvgeniZyntx/view/heavy-mental-lifting-658116

    Good luck.
  • gglcga4and8
    gglcga4and8 Posts: 3 Member
    This could be the wake up we all need. Take it as a positive and do not say anything to anyone.justdecide to get fit and lose the weight and the boot will be on the other foot if you show him the gorgeous you when you have done it. You are lovely inside anyway . Good Luck .x
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
    Happy Mother's Day JoMo - you are a mother, you created life. There is nothing disgusting about that.

    I think you need to find someone professional to talk to about this self-talk that you have going on.

    But I kinda just wanna give you a big ol' hug too :flowerforyou:
  • SueGeer
    SueGeer Posts: 1,169 Member
    You are loved--look around you at your BF and children. You are not disgusting! My "prescription" is to tell yourself that in front of a mirror at least three times a day.

    Your brother is insensitive. What brother isn't at times? You can have the picture removed. Tell him that either he takes it off or FB will remove it at your request when you report him for posting it against your wishes.

    Sure, I'd be ticked too. But make him eat his words this time next year, when you're down several dress sizes. I'd use that picture as fuel for the fire it made inside me and literally run with it!

    Agreed.....especially the last part!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    ETA You've got 3 kids & you're only 23......your body hasn't had much 'rest time' between babies.

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