Fat people in the gym
Replies
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First, this type of "praise" indicates that you are placing the person you are "complimenting" into a category you have defined (fat person), whether they would place themselves in that category or not. Strike one.
Second, you are then singling this person out as worthy of praise, because they are somehow "different" (at the gym working hard) from other members of the category you've put them in (lazy fat people sitting on the couch), and therefor "better" then the others, who aren't as good. Strike two.
Third, what makes them "better" is that they are working to be more like the category you belong to (skinny people), and clearly the category you belong to is better than the category they are currently in. Strike three.
Sorry, not a compliment.0 -
Funny, the OP has respect for larger people at the gym simply because they're bigger and at the gym, but I wonder does that respect extend to all people? Is the OP gonna pat my head and tell me good job if he sees me on the treadmill? I mean, I'm a crap runner and I hate running with ever fiber of my being, so don't I deserve credit for showing up as well?
Doubtful.0 -
I do not look at you to look down on you or because I think you have nothing to do there.
I look at you in admiration! remember that
I know how hard it is to get started(been there myself), and how easy it is to quit.
But remember this is a lifetime commitment, not a quick fix.
And most of the people at the gym are more than happy to help if you ask.
Now get back in there and kick some butt !
I feel this way about skinny people. I don't look down on you cause you are scrawny (unless you are doing curls in the squat rack).0 -
I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.
In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:
I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..
It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.
:drinker:0 -
People should just NOT make weird comments to people at the gym. Good lord. Just do your workout and gtfo.0
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Dear Fit people in the gym.
I do not look at you to look down on you or because I think you have nothing to do there.
I look at you in admiration! remember that.
I know how hard it is to get started(been there myself), and how easy it is to quit.
But remember this is a lifetime commitment, not a quick fix.
And most of the people at the gym are more than happy to help if you ask.
Now get back in there and kick some butt !
Fatty Fatso.0 -
People should just NOT make weird comments to people at the gym. Good lord. Just do your workout and gtfo.
this..0 -
Thank you!!1 Very well said
But if I do fall or something, feel free to laugh. :flowerforyou:
Or if I fart while doing incline crunches. It's happened before...
Squats.
On task, this thread makes me squint my eyes and purse my lips off to the side of my face.
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If someone were to come up to me and made a comment about my improvement then that is totally acceptable. If someone told me I inspired them (for some crazy reason) then I would feel humbled and complimented.
If someone tried to pat me on the back or try to make suggestions as to what types of exercise I should do or the classes I should take I would be annoyed... I'm in doing stronglifts 5x5 and whatever cardio I choose to do. I research, I ask questions, I do not need unsolicited suggestions on how to lose weight. I will find those answers myself.
However, that being said. If someone offered me advice on how to improve the current activities that I am focused on then I welcome those. I am new to lifting so my form could very well, and most likely is, a bit off.
I think it's really common sense. We should be able to tell when something is condescending. Should being the operative word. Many don't and they end up being douchenozzles and don't care or embarrassed as all get out.
But if you want to tell me how I am looking totally awesome I will say thank you and shash-shay away with some extra twerk in my step. (because let's be honest, squats make that shash-shay all that more awesome)0 -
Dear Fit people in the gym.
I do not look at you to look down on you or because I think you have nothing to do there.
I look at you in admiration! remember that.
I know how hard it is to get started(been there myself), and how easy it is to quit.
But remember this is a lifetime commitment, not a quick fix.
And most of the people at the gym are more than happy to help if you ask.
Now get back in there and kick some butt !
Strongy McStrongerson
FIFY :flowerforyou:0 -
Its really this simple... Be genuine, sincere and speak from your heart... I agree not to approach unless they ask for help... But being friendly and saying hello when you make eye contact with anyone at the gym is just being a good person...
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This is exactly why I don't go to the gym. Medication that I had to take (steroids for an illness) made me gain a lot of weight. We are all there to get in shape or maintain. You wouldn't congratulate a thin person for being there. I am so ashamed of the way I look. If someone said anything to me I would just die.0
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People should just NOT make weird comments to people at the gym. Good lord. Just do your workout and gtfo.
This. I've heard comments on either side, both as a heavy person and as someone who lost weight (and gained again). I dislike ANY comments regarding my body or fitness at the gym because it makes me feel awkward & uncomfortable, even if meant to be a compliment. I like to do my thing and go an unnoticed as possible. But maybe that's just because I'm an introvert/hermit, and being in public is itself a struggle sometimes. Let alone being made to feel completely uncomfortable, even if the thought was meant to be kind. Sorry, true story.0 -
I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.
In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:
I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..
It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I do not look at you to look down on you or because I think you have nothing to do there.
I look at you in admiration! remember that
I know how hard it is to get started(been there myself), and how easy it is to quit.
But remember this is a lifetime commitment, not a quick fix.
And most of the people at the gym are more than happy to help if you ask.
Now get back in there and kick some butt !
WOW all that anger for trying to be positive here?? really?? are you not here on MFP for some reason or do you just have a fetish for logging your food, but everything is just nice and dandy? If your life situation is so perfect, why are you here? Just to make hateful remarks on the forum?
Where did I write "pat a fat persons back"? YES that is patronizing as hell, and I would have really hated it if someone did that to me. But a little motivation goes a long way
What I'm saying is that I DO know how hard it is to get started, and how easy it is to quit due to sloppy remarks from stupid "perfect" people. And I don't want anyone to quit due to that.
And yes I say fat people, because that's what it is right? FAT... The thing we all want too loose, the reason why we are here??
I can't say large people (I'm large, I'm 195cm, and I do not want to loose that) or big or whatever. Lets just call it what it is, no judgmental undertone in that at all.
I am 40years old now, and I have ranged from fat to obese about 80% of that time(born chubby and stayed that way). Saw a picture of myself in 2003 that opened my eyes (weighing 128kg/282lbs with a BF% of over 30, and now I have fought it back weighing 102kg/224lbs with a BF% of 14).
And in the beginning I had not a clue to how to train or eat right and failed miserably many times
What I'm saying is that if I had been given some motivation and good advise in the start instead of negativity and from many points THAT look from the "perfect" people, it would have been a lot easier and I wouldn't have made so many mistakes leading to injuries and failures.
So I will not defend this post any further, if you want to get motivation or ask me any kinda questions, please feel free to add me as a friend. And if you don't? hmmm well just don't. But don't leave hateful remarks ether way, or brag about good education, salary, grammar or what ever, this is all about support for weight.
And yes Achrya, I would love to give you support and help for your running, if you ASK. But never would I pat you on the head, WTF do you think I am?0 -
On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.
But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.
So, I shouldn't roll up and complement your form?
I'll answer that. I try to have good form. At any weight. If you rolled up on me and complimented my form in a gym full of badasses, I'd accept that I had great form and you noticed THAT amongst everyone else. My ego can totally take that I have THE SINGLE BEST form of all the gym. Conversely if my form is sucking ALL TEH BALLS and I am in danger of harming myself ALSO by all means come up and fill me in. Even if you are Mrs. Universe I will be able to see past all your gorgeousness to hear your words and if they make sense they make sense and I will take it. I presume you will not be running up to me with a bouquet of flowers and a sappy hallmark card just because I had the audacity and cojones to show my fat *kitten* up at the same gym as you? Amirite?
:huh:
Was just flirting with Ennui_Miller?
PS you can check my particular update about this thread and see that we're in total agreement here.
i knew you were not being a jerk, i just wanted to say that and being that your my friend i felt safe to bounce that off of you. i felt you were highlighting exaclty the kind of story i wanted to tell. I hope you understand . i was not mad at you. just highlighting that I know you are not teh type of person to do that and complimenting someone's form is exaclty thekind of interaction that should happen. not all this other condescending crap ppl are talking about.
ETA: crap. b/c sometimes it just doesn't make sense without one more swear word.
I think the three of us need to hug this out....in a hot tube. (I intended to type "hot tub", but for some reason, my fat fingers (lack of encouragement maybe?) decided to type "hot tube" and of course that sounds way hotter...so I left it.)0 -
Exactly!
I'm not mr perfect, far from it. And I'm not trying to act like it either. I still struggle of being shy due to the time I was obese, so much actually that I stil don't like taking of my shirt in public.
And I'm not better than anyone here, but I am a hell of a lot better than the person I was 10 years ago.0 -
On the one hand, it's cool that you want to try to be a positive force in a world full of negative.
But to be completely honest, I'd rather not be bothered when I'm working my *kitten* off. If you wanna work in, need a spot, anything like that, feel free to ask. But otherwise, it doesn't really do anything for some people...self included.
So, I shouldn't roll up and complement your form?
I'll answer that. I try to have good form. At any weight. If you rolled up on me and complimented my form in a gym full of badasses, I'd accept that I had great form and you noticed THAT amongst everyone else. My ego can totally take that I have THE SINGLE BEST form of all the gym. Conversely if my form is sucking ALL TEH BALLS and I am in danger of harming myself ALSO by all means come up and fill me in. Even if you are Mrs. Universe I will be able to see past all your gorgeusness to hear your words and if they make sense they make sense and I will take it. I presume you will not be running up to me with a bouquet of flowers and a sappy hallmark card just because I had the audacity and cojones to show my fat *kitten* up at the same gym as you? Amirite?
:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:
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Love to see everyone working out. Getting, and keeping, healthy is a journey we all should be on 0 -
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I was once a fatty in the gym, but managed to reduce my weight considerably. I don't remember any prejudice against me, but I did receive positive comments from members after I started to progress.0
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Exactly!
I'm not mr perfect, far from it. And I'm not trying to act like it either. I still struggle of being shy due to the time I was obese, so much actually that I stil don't like taking of my shirt in public.
And I'm not better than anyone here, but I am a hell of a lot better than the person I was 10 years ago.
Cool story.0 -
Don't do it. When I was really large (still overweight) I cringed inwardly when people commented either way about my exercising. Just leave me alone, I would think, treat me like everyone else. They don't want to hear it.0
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lets just all leave ech other alone in the gym, put your ear buds in, tune each other out, get it done and go home to more important things.
I have enough skinny girl haters and there are enough fat haters out there as well. No matter how nice you try to be your comments could be misconstrued and effectively hurtful.
Leave each other alone.
I'd rather enjoy my gym time and frankly, I don't run into these anti-social attitudes except on MFP. I work in, let others work in, spot others and get spotted, and chat with people. It's part of being human.0 -
I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.
In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:
I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..
It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.
I agree with this entirely. Thank you, and well said.0 -
"I'm really inspired by how hard I've seen you working in the gym."
I've said it before. I've said it to people who are fat, or fit, or who kicked my *kitten* in spin class. If it's taken as insulting or as condescending, that's not a reflection on me, or the statement, or the intent. It's a reflection only upon the mentality with which it was received.
man you're killing your workout today.
said many times to many shapes of people who are working hard.
Very much so.I'd rather enjoy my gym time and frankly, I don't run into these anti-social attitudes except on MFP. I work in, let others work in, spot others and get spotted, and chat with people. It's part of being human.
I have noticed there are definitely people who do not want to be bothered much- and they keep to themselves- but it's never been a full blown rude- anti social thing. There are people there who are working and interacting without making it a social thing.
I'm not sure why this is always an issue- it seems like there are only two options available:
> full blown "get in get out- ear bud's don't talk to me"
or
> social only no work " you just stand around for hours talking"
Most people socialize between sets- when it's time to work you say so and move on- no one has issue with it.
It's usually very clear when people do not want to talk AT ALL- but most of them are fine saying hi- or communicating enough to get around each other at the gym.0 -
Fat is a descriptive word that fat acceptance communities are working to reclaim. Western society associates fat with negativity. With bad guys and gluttony and greed and dopey sidekicks and never the hero. Never the protagonist who happens to be fat peripherally, but as a struggle or flaw or focal point. It's tiresome and hurtful that fat is never the new mother, the recovery from severe illness, the trait that just is without being a joke. Fat is just a word, and unless you are specifically utilizing it to bring someone down, stop contorting the connotation of a word which has a precisely descriptive denotation. It's cultural bias.
I am not surprised to see that you are 22 (and from Portland).
I thought it was pretty spot on but I guess I am 32 (and from Portland).
Edited because quotes.0 -
lets just all leave ech other alone in the gym, put your ear buds in, tune each other out, get it done and go home to more important things.
I have enough skinny girl haters and there are enough fat haters out there as well. No matter how nice you try to be your comments could be misconstrued and effectively hurtful.
Leave each other alone.
I'd rather enjoy my gym time and frankly, I don't run into these anti-social attitudes except on MFP. I work in, let others work in, spot others and get spotted, and chat with people. It's part of being human.
:drinker: truth! 0 -
my thought is that if you think about it, then you are already with bad energy and swhould keep your mouth shut. But if you are just you, and you have something to say, say it. Be you!
It's only weird and wrong once you think about it
I talk to everybody everywhere
Being some kind of qualifier of who you talk to makes you a douche from the get go
that's my .020 -
I think that a smile and a nod are all that is required to make someone feel welcome and understand that you admire their efforts.0
This discussion has been closed.
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