Fat people in the gym
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Generally-speaking I'm in the 'leave everyone alone at the gym' camp. When my fiance and I go together, I tell him not to talk to me, not to look at me. We don't know each other. Mind your own business. Let me daydream about winning the lotto and refurbishing a house or whatever it is I do.
But I think back to a time when I was running in the park a few years ago, when I weighed a bit less. A hugely ripped guy, like a body builder, was running in the opposite direction. He saw me running, fat and struggling, and he nodded and gave me a thumbs up as we passed each other. It made me happy as hell because I didn't feel like he was thumbs-up-ing a fat girl for working out, he was thumbs-up-ing a fellow runner. In that moment, his insanely huge muscle body didn't matter any more than my fat one. We were both working to better ourselves and we shared in that.
So I guess I'm a hypocrite? I don't know. But I've experienced both sides I guess.0 -
I have nothing negative to say about your post. I think it's wonderful to be pleasant and encouraging, IF, you're only goal is to be pleasant and encouraging.
This OP however was specifically isolating a single group of people, and separating them in to a different category. They aren't just gym people, they are FAT gym people. So instead of saying, don't worry no one is noticing you or judging you, it highlights that people are noticing you specifically, and even if the judgement being made isn't a negative one, it's still telling "fat" people, that yes, people are noticing you, and yes they are judging you, because you're fat.
indeed. I concur.
in a gym it might be different because you do not always know the intent- if it's just to be encouraging- or you take it as a single out/potentially condescending thing. intent and reception come from two sources and two backgrounds so sometimes you never know what's honest and what's not and you're own experiences may taint your reception.
The BB thumbs up to the runner in the poast above mine- he maybe have done so because she was the big kid running? who knows- she took it as a mutual runner's thumbs up (which is how I would have taken it- since I'm a high 5ing- thumbs up good job type)...
but in those cases- you can't really know- and you can only take the words for face value.
This case is different because you are right- it is an isolating case and intent is clear, and unfortunately it is isolating. The concept isn't bad or purposefully mean- but it does have bad connotations.0 -
I'm a fat person, and I love encouragement. The honks when I'm riding my bike or the cheers when I'm trying to run are awesome. The piggy sounds suck, but I have to remind myself that people's actions reflect on them, not me. So when someone cheers me on it's because they are an encouraging spirit, and when they don't, it's also a reflection of them.
I'm not proud to be fat. I want to be healthy. But I'm willing to admit that right now, I am this large person who is struggling. That's what is real. So come and tell me that you notice me working out and you're proud of me. I love that - it's encouraging to me, personally, and I would welcome it.
I feel the same way just as long as it isn't done often. But it's mainly because I'm shy and not a very social person. It is nice to hear that fit people aren't all thinking "Ew! Get out of my gym!" I wanted to head to the gym for a while but was scared of those possible reactions. Whispering about my big butt et al. But this thread has given me a bit more courage to step out of my basement (where I work out) and into different environment.0 -
I have nothing negative to say about your post. I think it's wonderful to be pleasant and encouraging, IF, you're only goal is to be pleasant and encouraging.
This OP however was specifically isolating a single group of people, and separating them in to a different category. They aren't just gym people, they are FAT gym people. So instead of saying, don't worry no one is noticing you or judging you, it highlights that people are noticing you specifically, and even if the judgement being made isn't a negative one, it's still telling "fat" people, that yes, people are noticing you, and yes they are judging you, because you're fat.
this was basically my intial reaction.
but on the other hand, whats the judgement? that the person is fat? thats an observable fact, not sure if its technically a judgement.
or is the judgement the notion that you need to be encouraged, pats on the back, and be singled out otherwise you will clearly fail?0 -
Fat is a descriptive word that fat acceptance communities are working to reclaim. Western society associates fat with negativity. With bad guys and gluttony and greed and dopey sidekicks and never the hero. Never the protagonist who happens to be fat peripherally, but as a struggle or flaw or focal point. It's tiresome and hurtful that fat is never the new mother, the recovery from severe illness, the trait that just is without being a joke. Fat is just a word, and unless you are specifically utilizing it to bring someone down, stop contorting the connotation of a word which has a precisely descriptive denotation. It's cultural bias.
I am not surprised to see that you are 22 (and from Portland).
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Again, don't assume. I'm Chicago born and raised. My ballsy opinions are my own. I moved to Portland because I hate sales tax, Chicago's traffic, and pumping my own gas as the station. Also because college is cheaper here and I like beer, bikes, and coffee.
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Im 31 from Crayford, England unfortunately MFP doesn't recognise Kent, England.0 -
We have had many men and women come to MMA for the first time very nervous, unsure of themselves and their abilities and basically ashamed of themselves. Luckily... the environment at my club is one of support, care, team work and acceptance no matter who you are, what size you are, what you look like, where you're from, your level of ability... it simply doesn't matter to us. We take in our newbies and show them the ropes and coach them along until they feel comfortable showing up, working hard and I do mean HARD. It may sound gross but people have peed themselves, pooped themselves, fallen down, threw up, bled... you name it. But we all get back up and keep going, unless we're dead anyway LOL
I partnered up with one woman who confided in me and said coming to the Dojo was the hardest thing in the world for her to do. Everytime she puts on her workout clothes she stresses and almost backs out. She said she feels horrible because she's the biggest one there and can't do any of the drills. I said "Of course you can't do the drills, you can't expect to walk in the door having never done it and drill like those who have been training for months or years, but keep coming and keep pushing and sooner or later you'll be drilling like a pro". The very first time she got through her three minute jump squat drill without stopping, all of us in that class, about 32 or so, all surrounded her clapping, hitting the mat, hooting and hollering "Way to go, you can do this, don't give up, push push push, you got this.."! It was amazing, brought tears to my eyes.
This was about five months ago.
As of today, she can train like a pro and is down about 40 pounds.0 -
I read several pages, but not them all, but I think we're forgetting something obvious that is going to effect how people feel about this topic which is:
Some of us really relate to a fat lady on an elliptical. Some of us were that lady two years ago.
Some of us still are that lady!
But the question is how would YOU feel if you were doing your exercise and someone came up to you and said "Good for YOU for coming to the gym and going at it every day! High Five!" Would you view that as condescending or inspirational?
Did anyone read the original post? BECAUSE NOWHERE in it did OP mention anything about going up and giving someone a freaking pat on the back. It was a thought.
It was a bigoted thought that displays a superiority complex over people of size and is harmful to society. Over half of the American population is overweight or obese. It's not okay to pathologize fat bodies. It's not okay to assume they want to lose weight or that they exercise for that specific goal or to assume they are unhealthy or to ASSUME you know ANYTHING about that absolute stranger. It's a constant reinforcement of the media projected mindset that fat is inherently bad and unacceptable and needs to be"changed, lost, or fixed." It does devalue the person inhabiting the large body when you make assumptions based on appearance and label them with special emphasis in mind because of assumptions.
the Original post may of been a bit condescending but really - this is a site where overweight people regularly express that they dont want to go to a gym because they are worried about being judged/mocked/whatever - when in reality most gym goers are happy to keep themselves to themselves and are not spending a significant amount of time thinking about feloow gym members whether they are fat or thin.
Obesity comes with an increased risk of health risks (which overtaken smoking as the largest health care cost in the US). It is what it is.
No, obesity doesn't *come with* increased risk in the sense that for-profit diet and health and exercise industries are paying boatloads of money to scare the public into believing. Correlation =/= Causation. Obesity doesn't CAUSE illness in and of itself and a majority of the fat population aren't even morbidly obese. The average woman has a BMI of27-28 in the USA (source BBC News global fat research) and most recent studies show women in the"overweight" category have the lowest mortality rates and risks. It is what it is. Most cherished art classics depict women as having an average bmi of about 27. BMI is an outdated and rather innacurate form of measurement made by a mathematician, not a physician. People who seek encouragement from various communities are rightfully encouraged. Individuals who happen to be fat and express no clear desire for support need their boundaries respected, period. Also, being unhealthy in any way, whether fat or smoking or whatever, is a personal problem. Spare individuals your ablist judgments.
Yes being overwieght and obese does cause health issues my family and my husbands family are living proof ofthat.0 -
Even at my very heaviest, I was a regular exerciser. I could easily keep up with everyone in group fitness classes, run a 5K, bike 25 miles, etc.
I know people meant well, but I always inwardly cringed whenever some thin, fit-looking person came up and basically congratulated me on my presence at the gym. Comments like 'Keep it up! You'll get there, too!' and 'I can't believe how easily you kept up in that step class!' always made me feel like I was really, noticeably out of place.
Fortunately, I have thick skin and have never really cared what people think of me, so I always ignored the comments, smiled and said something neutral in response like 'You too!'
I guess some people like the verbal support, others may find it rude. It's a thin line to tread!
This is so true. Get this in the gym. Never-mind that I can outrun and out lift most of the women +/- 10-years in my gym. I feel very prickly when someone makes a comment. Nevertheless, I smile and say "thank you"0 -
No, obesity doesn't *come with* increased risk in the sense that for-profit diet and health and exercise industries are paying boatloads of money to scare the public into believing. Correlation =/= Causation. Obesity doesn't CAUSE illness in and of itself and a majority of the fat population aren't even morbidly obese. The average woman has a BMI of27-28 in the USA (source BBC News global fat research) and most recent studies show women in the"overweight" category have the lowest mortality rates and risks. It is what it is. Most cherished art classics depict women as having an average bmi of about 27. BMI is an outdated and rather innacurate form of measurement made by a mathematician, not a physician. People who seek encouragement from various communities are rightfully encouraged. Individuals who happen to be fat and express no clear desire for support need their boundaries respected, period. Also, being unhealthy in any way, whether fat or smoking or whatever, is a personal problem. Spare individuals your ablist judgments.
I didn't say obesity causes the additional health risks - just that they appear to occur with obesity (at least statistically speaking that is a reasonable statement). I think even the meta-analysis you're referring to confirms that the two highest obesity categories are higher risk for mortality (regardless, health issues aren't just about mortality - i.e. the higher health costs I mentioned indicate treatment taking place).
But that isnt even the point - the OP didn't actually mention going up to anyone - or suggest that anyone should. He kept his version of support to a forum designed specifically for motivation and support on a subject that comes up regularly enough on this site. If it wasn't a regular topic from people who do feel intimidated about going to a gym, then I would be more understanding of the venom spat in his direction.0 -
Just to throw in, when I first started working out, I weighed 105 kilos, didn't wear baggy clothes and swam often. It was a very small gym and people looked at me, frankly.
I don't find it patronising for someone to think 'way to go, parading your hot *kitten* about and runnning', because as far as I was concerned the only thing people were thinking was that I was an awful human being with no place on the face of the earth, let alone in a gym. And it appears that sometimes I was wrong.
I also have no problem with the word fat, it's a valid descriptor of the shape of my body. I try to make it no more loaded than my shoe size or height.0 -
I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.
In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:
I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..
It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.
Disagree with this considering many overweight people I know don't go to the gym because they think people are going to make fun of them. Plus if some of the "fit" people have been where they are they can be inspiring to the person. Just ensure that they understand you are not being condescending, at my heaviest I once had a guy at the gym tell me "GET IT GIRL" and that motivated me to push harder. He was being supportive and gave me some pointers so not every fat person feels that way.0 -
nice post, but you should use a different word than "fat"........just like thin people don't like the word "skinny"
\ well said in deed0 -
I often want to cheer larger people jogging or cycling because I'm proud of them making the effort but don't want them to take it as a jibe or sarcastic, so I don't do it because I'd never want them to stop because they though they shouldn't be doing it, or are embarrassed or because of me saying the wrong thing.
In fact I want to hug them and tell them to keep going, it will all be worth it. :flowerforyou:
I've always wanted to do this but I fear that they'll take offense and take it the wrong way..
It's not that they're taking it the wrong way, it's that this mentality is extremely condescending. Not everyone who goes to the gym is there to lose weight, or hear that you and other absolute strangers assume they are unhealthy pariahs who need to be"fixed" to be treated as normal people. Trust me. Fat people are reminded daily that they are not wanted or need to change. Don't assume, don't think you know their reasons for being there. You want to respect them? Leave them alone unless they approach you, just like anyone else minding their own business. Treat people like all other people, with basic decency and respect for boundaries. Don't invade their space if you wouldn't do it to a thin person. Sincerely, from someone who was obese.
Quoted for truth!
Fat people don't need your approval or 'encouragement' and most probably don't care if you think they're awesome or inspiring or whatever. Even if you were once fat yourself.
I actually can't think of anything more condescending than clapping for a stranger on a treadmill.
If someone asks for your help? Awesome. But otherwise I just can't understand this attitude.
When I started to take up running I was about 290 lbs. My neighbors and random strangers cheered me on then and still do now when I go on runs. I always found it encouraging and motivating. I was never offended or found it condescending. I feel that such a reaction has to do with how you view yourself at the moment. Back then, I could barely run 30 seconds straight, but I felt like a badass for giving it my all and was determined to improve. The encoragement from others only helped.
Everyone is different. Some people may be self conscious about their performance at that moment and may misinterpret the message.0 -
If someone would have approached me in the gym when I was fat to say good for you, I would have been offended. That's just me.0
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Has nothing to do with how I view myself, cheering me on? Go fat girl go? You eat that salad! Yay! If a stranger ever came up to me and said something like that, I seriously have no idea how I would react.0 -
I know there's been a lot of noise and chatter about "privilege" recently but...the idea that you would even think about going up to a total stranger and saying, "Oh, good for you!" is just about the epitome of "privilege," especially of the WM variety.0
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Encourage them, tell them they are making improvements. Teach them to help them
You don't understand. No, no, and no. I've known super obese Polynesians who were heavy lifters, brothers, ran a moving business. Healthy blood, normal BP, good endurance. At the gym and at work were treated with respect. Take them anywhere casual and absolute strangers express their "concern" and give UNWARRANTED, UNPROVOKED advice on their "health." No. You don't know anything about a fat stranger at the gym. Doc gave my buddies seal of approval, told them it's all Gucci unless they start to feel adverse effects. They don't need your condescending reminders that they are"too" fat, unwanted, and must be exercising for weight loss, amirite? Because God forbid a fatty like riding a bike! Are you even aware that weekly exercise has health benefits even for those who don't exercise enough to lose weight? And not all fat people eat burgers and fries and cake. You can get fat by eating too many calories of any food. Reject the stigma. Learn some respect.
Thank you so much for saying this. I am one of the "fat people in the gym" and I can whip some a** in there, believe it - male or female, people have trouble keeping up with me. I have had people come up to me in the gym with a sticky-sweet smile on their face - usually it's older ladies - and say something "encouraging" to me, and I can tell when they do it they just feel SO GOOD about themselves for being nice to the fat girl. B****, I have been in here every Wednesday and Sunday for an hour for the last year - AND this is the first time I've seen YOU in here, so don't throw me some BS about "keep up the good work!" I AM KEEPING UP THE GOOD WORK. It may not show in my size, but I am keeping it up. My weight loss is slow. I am working on it every day. Just because I don't fit someone's ideal of what a "gym rat" looks like, it does not mean I am not serious about my fitness - I am serious as cancer. I am dedicated. And I don't need anyone's pity or condescension masked as "encouragement." Because you know what? In addition to kicking a** in the gym, I have a master's degree, my income is well over six figures, I have an awesome marriage and great friends and a smart, healthy, happy son I am unbelievably proud of. My life is just fine, thankyouverymuch. So take your "encouragement" and shove it. If you want to do something for me? Leave me alone. I'm not at the gym to make friends; I already have plenty of friends (BTW, if you're looking for me and my friends? We're the cool girls sitting at the best table in the the hottest restaurant, wearing the expensive shoes.) And if you REALLY want to help me out? Wipe off the damn machine when you're done with it. My high-paying, prestigious job is demanding, and I don't have time to take sick leave because I pick something up from the snot and sweat you left on the handles.
Now. Someone get me a guest spot on "Louie."
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You go girl! Awesome post0 -
Until I saw this thread, I never thought about other people wanting to cheer me on just for showing up. I do feel like cheering when the silver sneakers water aerobics class is in the pool when my daughter has swim lessons. I see these people go into the pool, ditching their canes and walkers to slowly get into place. They work out fairly vigorously for an hour and look so athletic. Then they exit the pool slowly and get back to their walkers and canes. I've wanted to cheer on the ones in their 80 s to 90 s. Look an old lady working out! And those old ladies are probably looking at me thinking! Look! A fat lady working out!0
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I was out on the promenade, down by the water, in the middle of a 10 mile speed walk. It was the perfect weather and my mood was excellent. I look up and notice a very large, middle aged man approaching me. He's got on his black sweat suit, listening to his music, walking. Sure he's walking slow, but he's out there. As we passed one another I glanced him out of the corner of my left eye. I tell you the truth, I teared up a little. I was so proud of this man, this stranger. I know what it was like to be out here myself once, not that much smaller than him. Back then I was so embarrassed about how out of control I'd gotten with my weight that I didn't even walk during the day time, choosing instead to enjoy the relative solitude of night walking. But here he was, out in the light, moving, improving, getting himself together.
If it didn't seem inappropriate I would have clasped that man's hand and told him how good it was to see him out there today, doing his thing. Even though I'm no longer in that particular boat, it was inspiring nonetheless.
But that moment is more about me, and my projections, than this man. Because as moved, and inspired, as I was, I would have loathed being singled out like that as a morbidly obese man.0 -
You sir are a true gentlemen : )0
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