what the heck is up with this bikram yoga instructor?

I have never done more than one drop in class of Bikram Yoga when visiting my mom two years ago, so it was not like I had never experienced it before. When I saw the one month unlimited Groupon deal I purchased it thinking that this would be a great exercise class to get into after a doctor approval - and two months of not doing anything - after pectoral muscle injury and reconstructive surgery. I let the studio instructors know this prior to my first class.

The first class was pretty good. I absolutely had no idea what I was doing, what to do, so I looked around a lot, made sure I understood the posture, and tried my best or just chilled - per the instructions on the back of the toilet stalls I read before class. Honestly, I was amazed at how much everyone was sweating. The room was not heated any hotter than a typical summer day. The male instructor was dripping sweat, all he was doing was talking. Every step he took on the carpeted space was a puddle of wetness like he just stepped out of the shower. eww. That's why the carpet was so rank and I was covered in athlete's foot smell afterwards! Creeped me out so bad. How do I get this funk off of my $120 lulu lemon skirt. No way I'd be able to get into the zumba class later with my skirt smelling like toe cheese,( was all I could think after this class).

Well, I went back for a second class the next day, better prepared. I wore some crummy old bike shorts and a tank top that I could easily hot water + bleach in the washer and brought in a second yoga mat to criss-cross so as not have to let my little piggies touch that nasty floor! Should have known right away when the instructor/owner immediately asked me if I "had to have two mats, and the carpet is supposed to be used to provide maximum isometric foot placement in the standing series...?" I just smiled and nodded yes. The rest of the class wasn't so much led as a huge dictatorial (mouth diarrhea) session of improperly worded imagery to describe the postures. Using no anatomically sound or kiniseiologically correct instruction at all: "Stretch and open up the stomach...look at your left knee (the standing leg) but do not look down!... contract your belly (impossible while in a back arch!)... go outside of your mind (the definition of crazy?)...as you hug your knees into your chest press your neck into the floor...don't worry if the back of your neck can't touch the floor yet as one day it will (anatomically impossible to do and DANGEROUS due to the cervical neck subluxations required should one be able to straighten the natural curve in the neck and press it against the floor!) wow was all I could think as the class went on.

Mind you, I do enjoy exercise and fitness, but at this point I was thinking of how puzzledI was at this "instructor's" instructions, how passive aggressive she has been instead of encouraging and upbeat (no, do not jump ahead class, listen to me, I will tell you when to move, I will tell you when to come out, you still have time to get back into the posture if you fall out so get back into it, you fell out the wrong way, you must fall forward because it's safer that way - even though dude was right at the mirror, lol). I was gagging at the carpet stench. I was concentrating on not "fidgeting", not "looking around", not "closing your eyes", because I must obey and gain the benefits of all Bikram has to offer his students by doing this prescribed set of moves. I disciplined my mind to quiet, think positively of this woman, determined to stay relax, "breath", and "go at my own pace". I looked forward to being able to use my arm and was happy to know that I could go at my own pace as I recovered from an intense pectoral muscle reconstructive surgery that has left me with the inability to raise my right arm and for, doctors orders and physical therapist prescribed, chest support and elevation in certain postures. I was getting into a happy place, thinking of the positive benefits this will offer me during my recovery. Encouraging myself to believe that in 4 weeks I will feel so much better and this will all be pleasurable.

I really had no idea what I was doing, but looking around at everyone hitting the postures differently, I don't think many of them did either. Were they new too? cool. I was glad for that.

After class the owner instructor offered me a refund, out of left field! I must have looked puzzled and taken aback so she went on about how the "Bikram philosophy does not allow you to do what you did, using a prop in class. You put it under your foot, you put it under your head. You did not just lay on it YOU USED IT."

Wow. I did not push or pull on my "prop" per her instructions PRIOR to CLASS at all, and I reminded her that I used said "prop" yesterday and made her aware that it was necessary due to my recovery. Was she upset that I couldn't raise my right am? Was she upset because I was not informed of such restriction anywhere on her paper work, website, or verbally via yesterdays instructor? She actually started arguing with me telling me that no one is allowed any handicap device in any Bikram yoga classes! I said, "really, do I need a doctor's note something because it is hard for me to believe that something I need in my recovery is against your 'philosophy? I'm here for a fitness class, not a lesson in philosophy.'" **totally confused!**

She then back tracked and said "if it was a pillow of course you could use it, but if I allowed that then everyone in the class would want one".

So, I'm temporarily disabled and in need of a handicap and she is berating me for the use of a "foam prop" when laying down. I rested my head on it. lol. I said, "you are obviously upset and even if I wanted to continue now that you have said you understand and agree that a prop for my physical condition would be allowed I would like to take you up on your refund offer. You have made me very uncomfortable. I'm sorry, again, that I don't know your rules and you are obviously upset with my need to have head support."

She said, "oh, well if you are going to stay, you can use the prop." omg! Isn't this some kind of try at emotional abuse at this point? No, no. no. Crazy talk is just ooozing off of this woman with every word now. For the first time I raised my voice, still very calm and polite and firmly

I told her "to stop, because now you are telling me I can use it when you obviously don't want me to use it, and I have to per doctors orders - she interrupts me telling me she has no problem with it - I shook my head and said, "stop lying. You obviously have an issue with me being here and made it clear that I am a threat your class routine. Just refund me my Groupon.

it gets better:
Now she wants to give me just cash. I really want to just leave now, and told her "I am sure I will receive an email from Groupon on the confirmation of the refund." Oh no, she glared at me! "No. I will give you cash because I only get half of what Groupon takes so I'm only giving your half of what you paid." wth? **wide eyed, I look at the owner in disbelief**

I slowly blinked, "no. Contact Groupon and give me a full refund please."

She argues: "I have no idea how. Here's some cash." I didn't even look at it, never removing my eyes from her. What an insult! How unprofessional, uncouth, bizarre.

I turned and headed for the door after taking a deep breathe (to gather my strength before moving - see, I learned something from class today) only to hear her patronizingly call out, "have a good day!"

Groupon was notified by me right after I left, and I received a full refund by them. And back home, I washed the funk off of myself, having caught that smell even though I didn't even touch the carpet.