My mother has no idea how weight loss works
nairedavis
Posts: 30
Me and my mom have started our weight loss journey together. My first attempt last year worked for a bit and then I fell off the wagon. So we're gonna do this together. My mom says that we're going to do this her way, which means eating only 1 meal a day and no snacking on healthy food throughout the day. I'm trying to tell her that that's not healthy and eating that little, will only cause your body to go into starvation mode, but she says I don't know what I'm talking about. Apparently this method worked for her after she gave birth to my younger brother. However, this method doesn't work for me.
So I really don't know what to do. Help please?
So I really don't know what to do. Help please?
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Replies
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As someone who has tried to diet with her overweight mother as a sort of bonding thing (and had a similar mismatch of styles), I'm sorry to say that you've just got to do what works for you. Your weight loss is ultimately about *your* health. You may inspire her to change her views if you do what is healthy and lose weight while she doesn't. If she does lose weight or doesn't change her mind, then there is really nothing you can do except look after your own health. In that case, maybe you will influence her in the long run.0
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Meal frequency is secondary to energy balance so her way can work just fine. Starvation mode aka adaptive thermogenesis occurs from dieting with large deficits for long periods of time and it is meant to happen. It's the bodies way of telling you to stop losing too much weight. Dieting being controlled starvation.0
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Starvation Mode takes a LONG time to achieve.
ETA: It doesn't happen in a day.0 -
Sounds like neither one of you have any idea how weight loss works.
You should both read this:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819055-setting-your-calorie-and-macro-targets
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
Thanks! I'm still learning how this whole thing works. So I need as much info as I possilbly can get in order to lose weight as healthily.0 -
Meal frequency is secondary to energy balance so her way can work just fine. Starvation mode aka adaptive thermogenesis occurs from dieting with large deficits for long periods of time and it is meant to happen. It's the bodies way of telling you to stop losing too much weight. Dieting being controlled starvation.
Thanks for the info.0 -
Do what works for you and don't tell her. when you are losing weight if she asks then let her know. This site has great advice and eating/workout plans and its FREE. The first link is the site and the next link references "starvation mode"
http://www.nowloss.com/#/how-to-lose-weight-fast
http://www.nowloss.com/starvation-mode-myth.htm
Friend me for motivation if you like!!0 -
As someone who has tried to diet with her overweight mother as a sort of bonding thing (and had a similar mismatch of styles), I'm sorry to say that you've just got to do what works for you. Your weight loss is ultimately about *your* health. You may inspire her to change her views if you do what is healthy and lose weight while she doesn't. If she does lose weight or doesn't change her mind, then there is really nothing you can do except look after your own health. In that case, maybe you will influence her in the long run.
Thanks! I think that's what I'm going to do. Things that worked for her, don't work for me. And I'm trying to tell her this. But mother knows best, I guess.0 -
Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.0
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Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".0 -
Meal frequency is irrelevant. I eat one huge meal a day, and have lost weight. Others prefer to eat many smaller meals. They can also lose weight. Just eat a deficit.0
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Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".
Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.
What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.
Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.0 -
Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".
Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.
What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.
Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.
I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.
Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.
Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked0 -
Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".
Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.
What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.
Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.
I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.
Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.
Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked
Okay but she should IMO still watch her momma for signs of dehydration depending on where they live b/c eating ONCE a day and not even snacking even if it's healthy foods seems like too many hours to go without anything and pretty scary from my experience.0 -
Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".
Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.
What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.
Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.
I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.
Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.
Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked
Exactly, my thought was it sounds like her mom is pretty set in her ways and determined to do it her way, and a way to avoid that angst is to propose a friendly competiton, especially if the only alternative is doing it her mom's way. They don't need to eat completely different things, her mom can have her one small meal a day, OP can have the same thing but have other meals and snacks also. If they go out, mom can have her meal, OP can have her choice. They don't need to be opposites or not meet along the way?
And absolutely she can monitor her mom, especially in the conditions you have mentioned. It just sounds like Mom is set on this path for the short term and it may be the fastest way to convince her otherwise is to be an example.0 -
Read the links posted above and share them with your mom. If she doesn't agree then do it yourself. She'll come around eventually after you are successful .0
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Eating once per day won't hurt her. I've known some people who have done that successfully. But that one meal was like 2500 calories, not the lovely leaf of lettuce that I'm betting her mom is planning on eating.
But no one starves to death in a house full of food. The biggest problem with those ultra restrictive diet plans is the lack of adherence. Her mom will lose a ton in the first two weeks and they'll be no way to talk her into something different. And then week 4 rolls around and she assaults a neighbor's kid for their French fries and a week long binge later, the whole diet is busted and the remorse sets in. That will be the time to discuss a better way.0 -
Okay if you guys are sure the momma is safe to try out her method. I just get nervous b/c of my past things I've seen.0
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How incredible it is that you and your mother want to do this weight loss journey together.Me and my mom have started our weight loss journey together. My first attempt last year worked for a bit and then I fell off the wagon. So we're gonna do this together. My mom says that we're going to do this her way, which means eating only 1 meal a day and no snacking on healthy food throughout the day. I'm trying to tell her that that's not healthy and eating that little, will only cause your body to go into starvation mode, but she says I don't know what I'm talking about. Apparently this method worked for her after she gave birth to my younger brother. However, this method doesn't work for me.
So I really don't know what to do. Help please?
However, you are incorrect about starvation mode. That happens when you have lost a certain percentage of fat and muscle and you are pretty much emaciated. Overweight and normal people don't go into starvation mode, and its not based on how often during the day you eat or the number of calories.
Why don't you tell your mom what YOU plan to do to lose weight and then love her and support her in the way she wants to lose weight. Some people do only eat one or two meals a day, other people eat several times a day, and they all lose weight.0 -
Naire is it that your Mom cooks the meals for everyone and determines what you have at meal time, etc?0
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Naire is it that your Mom cooks the meals for everyone and determines what you have at meal time, etc?
Yeah. If I had my own place, I think I would have more freedom in my decision on what I should eat. But I'm a recent college grad with no job, sooo...*shrug*0 -
How incredible it is that you and your mother want to do this weight loss journey together.Me and my mom have started our weight loss journey together. My first attempt last year worked for a bit and then I fell off the wagon. So we're gonna do this together. My mom says that we're going to do this her way, which means eating only 1 meal a day and no snacking on healthy food throughout the day. I'm trying to tell her that that's not healthy and eating that little, will only cause your body to go into starvation mode, but she says I don't know what I'm talking about. Apparently this method worked for her after she gave birth to my younger brother. However, this method doesn't work for me.
So I really don't know what to do. Help please?
However, you are incorrect about starvation mode. That happens when you have lost a certain percentage of fat and muscle and you are pretty much emaciated. Overweight and normal people don't go into starvation mode, and its not based on how often during the day you eat or the number of calories.
Why don't you tell your mom what YOU plan to do to lose weight and then love her and support her in the way she wants to lose weight. Some people do only eat one or two meals a day, other people eat several times a day, and they all lose weight.
Thanks for the info. I see that I was misinformed about that. And I think that's what I may do.0 -
guess you about to be hungry then
Basically. She plans on only eating a saucer full of food once a day. And I've tried telling her that's not healthy but apparently, I have no idea what I'm talking about.0 -
Naire is it that your Mom cooks the meals for everyone and determines what you have at meal time, etc?
Yeah. If I had my own place, I think I would have more freedom in my decision on what I should eat. But I'm a recent college grad with no job, sooo...*shrug*
Haha. This was me 10 years ago and my lazy butt didn't like cooking or anything really
So you don't have a job or your own place. Can your job be cooking, cleaning and errand running? I've yet to meet a Momma who wouldn't appreciate that :laugh: If you're helping cook the meals I'm sure you'd get more of a say in how some of this plays out? Imagine being Mom and all she has to do to lose weight is show up eat some prepared meals that she didn't have to lift a finger! Propose this and see what happens
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Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".
Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.
What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.
Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.
I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.
Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.
Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked
Okay but she should IMO still watch her momma for signs of dehydration depending on where they live b/c eating ONCE a day and not even snacking even if it's healthy foods seems like too many hours to go without anything and pretty scary from my experience.
Millions of people eat only once a day. Some peopel prefer it. Meal time is inconsequential as long as you're meeting your needs and feel comfortable with how often you eat.0 -
guess you about to be hungry then
Basically. She plans on only eating a saucer full of food once a day. And I've tried telling her that's not healthy but apparently, I have no idea what I'm talking about.
get a job at a fast food place. eat off the dollar menu. lose weight like clockwork while eating for free.0 -
Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".
Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.
What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.
Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.
I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.
Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.
Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked
Okay but she should IMO still watch her momma for signs of dehydration depending on where they live b/c eating ONCE a day and not even snacking even if it's healthy foods seems like too many hours to go without anything and pretty scary from my experience.
Millions of people eat only once a day. Some peopel prefer it. Meal time is inconsequential as long as you're meeting your needs and feel comfortable with how often you eat.
Meeting the needs seems to be the issue here, her Mom seems determined to eat a very very small amount of food.0 -
Make it a healthy competition where you do it your way and she does it her (insane) way. If you both have success, but she's sees you still enjoying your favorite foods, having energy, and not starving, perhaps she'll switch over to your way.
I agree with this, tell her "Ok, Mom, let's make it a challenge. We obviously don't agree, so you do it your way, I'll do it my way, in a month we will compare weight and measurements and see who lost the bigger %, and who is miserable and ready to give up".
Oh I see so now she is not losing weight WITH her mom, but AGAINST her mom. It's summer and it gets hot and I kinda don't want to see her mom have health problems.
What if they agreed to do their own tiing for ONE WEEK during which they researched and collected information from this site and then at the end of the week, they have a meeting of the minds and fine tune their method and agree on some method? I feel like the "doing it together" aspect is what they are after.
Like the convenience of eating places together or buying foods in bulk etc. Not sure, just a guess.
I like the idea in theory but in practice I wouldn't let my meal or diet choices be restricted to what I can get another person to agree to.
Plus people tend to "research" on sites that confirm the beliefs they already good. Her mom could spend the week watching YouTube videos of freelee the banana girl and then come back with a 80/10/10 meal plan, for all we know.
Lecturing her mom on other ways could just make her mom more determined to do it her way. Lead by example instead and answer questions when asked
Okay but she should IMO still watch her momma for signs of dehydration depending on where they live b/c eating ONCE a day and not even snacking even if it's healthy foods seems like too many hours to go without anything and pretty scary from my experience.
Millions of people eat only once a day. Some peopel prefer it. Meal time is inconsequential as long as you're meeting your needs and feel comfortable with how often you eat.
Meeting the needs seems to be the issue here, her Mom seems determined to eat a very very small amount of food.
I wonder if Mom just wants to *cook* a very small amount of food and can now finally do this without child services being called :laugh:0 -
My mom was the same until she saw I was eating a lot more than she was, feeling great and loosing while she was gaining and felt like crap. She still is stubborn, but she cant deny the results. Sometimes I think she just wants to be hardheaded to get back at me for when I was a kid.0
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One of the major disadvantages of your mother's 1 meal a day plan is overeating. She will be SO hungry and SO fixated on food that she will have trouble staying under her calorie goal.
Your idea to have several healthy meals & snacks throughout the day will keep that under control.
Planning a couple snacks of healthy foods is a good idea. Yogurt, a piece of cheese, fruit, nuts, hard boiled egg, even a bowl of cereal... Try for things with protein, fat, or fiber to help you feel full longer. Nuts have healthy fat.
- Does she (& do you) know what a healthy weight is?
Here's a BMI calculator. Plug in how tall you are, and how much you weigh, and it will tell you your BMI. It also shows where that number falls on the normal / overweight / obese range. Then you can put in smaller & smaller numbers for weight until you get the BMI under 25. There's your goal weight. Once you're there, see if you want to adjust up or down a bit.
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/guidelines/obesity/BMI/bmicalc.htm
- Does she (& do you) understand a healthy rate ot weight loss? (generally 1-2 lb per week)
- Does she (& do you) understand how to achieve that?
(3500 calories = 1 lb; so if you're under your daily needs by 500 calories - either by controlling what you eat or exercising more, or a combination - you'll lose that pound in a week.)
My doctor & nutritionist say the fast & easy way to estimate how many calories you need is to multiply your weight by 10.
If someone weighs 250 lb, they need about 2500 cal per day to maintain that weight.
Eating 2000 cal per day would be a 500 cal shortfall, times 7 days gives you that 3500 cal to lose 1 lb in a week.
Then factor in exercise, and you'll be losing even more. (But controlling what you eat is the most important! It took me 30 min on the elliptical today to work off 380 calories. I can eat that back in 5 minutes with a PBJ.)
The other way to approach it is to figure out a healthy goal weight and eat that many calories. Your body will adjust to that weight.
(In my case, I'm aiming for 165, which will put me toward the top end of a healthy BMI range, so my goal is 1700 cal, not accounting for exercise. I'll give myself some wiggle room of maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of my exercise calories. If I want to eat that much extra, I won't feel bad about it, but I don't have to eat them.)
Here are several resources about healthy weight from the CDC.
http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/tools/index.html0
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