Realtors are showing my apartment...

mmuscolo
mmuscolo Posts: 15 Member
in Chit-Chat
And I frequently have strangers coming in to show my apartment to potential leasers. Basically, this means strange people in my apartment when I am not there, and sometimes when I am. So I come looking for ideas for both when I am present and not. Here's what I've got so far but am open to suggestions (the idea is to make for awkward situations):

If they call/text me asking to show my apartment (not present):
1. "Sure, you can show my apartment from 1:00 - 2:00. If you see a bunch of guns on the floor though, they aren't mine. Seriously."
2. "Sure, you can show my apartment--just try not to let too many cockroaches out."

If I am home:
1. I stand at the sink in nothing but a batman apron and boxers, continually washing the same dish. Over and over and over. Never looking over. Never looking away from my dish. Never acknowledging that anything is going on around me, deaf to questions.

What are some other ways I could be really weird/put on a strange show for people who I will likely never see again? I have three more months of this before I move, so will have a bunch of opportunities.
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Replies

  • daisyellow
    daisyellow Posts: 54 Member
    Present:
    1. Open the door, and silently shake your head at them. Shut the door.
    2. Follow them around your apartment whistling the "Kill Bill" ditty.
    3. When they're leaving, offer them each a goldfish in a ziplock baggie full of water.
    4. Spend the whole time in the bathroom. Flush the toilet at least eight times.

    Not present:
    1. "No."
    2. "My apartment? Oh, MY apartment. How silly of me. Let me just... check on something first."
    3. "Yes. Can you grab some onions on your way over?"
    4. "Sure! Just be sure to mention that it's an old apartment, so makes a lot of those 'scary' noises, like children weeping."
  • mmuscolo
    mmuscolo Posts: 15 Member

    3. When they're leaving, offer them each a goldfish in a ziplock baggie full of water.


    This is brilliant. I think I will use goldfish crackers instead of real fish, though... just to make it stranger.
  • daisyellow
    daisyellow Posts: 54 Member

    3. When they're leaving, offer them each a goldfish in a ziplock baggie full of water.


    This is brilliant. I think I will use goldfish crackers instead of real fish, though... just to make it stranger.


    Yes. Though, tear up a little when you're handing them over, and ask them to assure you they'll be providing a loving home.
  • mmuscolo
    mmuscolo Posts: 15 Member

    3. When they're leaving, offer them each a goldfish in a ziplock baggie full of water.


    This is brilliant. I think I will use goldfish crackers instead of real fish, though... just to make it stranger.


    Yes. Though, tear up a little when you're handing them over, and ask them to assure you they'll be providing a loving home.

    I will write the names of the 'fish' on the baggies in Sharpie, too. Some names I am considering:
    Richie
    Ben
    Markie
    Betty
  • daisyellow
    daisyellow Posts: 54 Member
    Name suggestions:

    Penelope
    Oliver
    Jennifer
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
    Not home:

    Before you leave turn your couch and chairs on their side
    Put a "Beware of Ghost" sign on your door.
    Tape off 1 cabinet with a sign that says "DO NOT OPEN!! PORTAL TO HELL!!!"
    Draw a chalk outline of a body in your living room
    Put pillows under your bed sheets and run a snoring soundtrack
    Tape pictures of eyes all over the bathroom
    Print out a bunch of sheets of paper that say "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" all over them and leave them in a pile on your desk


    Home:

    Sing. Off key. Preferably something really annoying like something from a children's show
    Go to the bathroom and slowly pour a LARGE cup of water into the toilet as loudly as possible.
    Make obscene gastrointestinal noises.
    Ask a lot of questions "What's your favorite song?" "Have you ever been to Montana?" "Do you like coconut?" "Want to see my scab collection?"
    Play with dolls. Ask if they want to join you.
    Follow them around and invade their personal space
  • mmuscolo
    mmuscolo Posts: 15 Member

    Give them away while weeping and muttering "don't worry babies, mama will get you back someday..."

    Maybe I could print out a picture of some woman and gently stroke her face every time I mention 'mama'.
  • mmuscolo
    mmuscolo Posts: 15 Member

    "Want to see my scab collection?"

    Brilliant. This one got me laughing pretty hard. I will do this one while clutching an Altoids tin and looking as though I REALLY need some sort of validation.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Take "Awkward Family Photos" in as little clothing and with as awkward poses as you are possibly comfortable with, and hang large framed prints of them all over the house. Several in the bathroom and laundry room.
  • daisyellow
    daisyellow Posts: 54 Member

    Give them away while weeping and muttering "don't worry babies, mama will get you back someday..."

    Maybe I could print out a picture of some woman and gently stroke her face every time I mention 'mama'.

    Better yet, print out a picture of yourself, and tape on some cat hair.
  • mmuscolo
    mmuscolo Posts: 15 Member
    Take "Awkward Family Photos" in as little clothing and with as awkward poses as you are possibly comfortable with, and hang large framed prints of them all over the house. Several in the bathroom and laundry room.

    I like where you're headed with this. Since I know when they're coming, I should get dressed for the photo shoot and have the realtor/viewers be involved in it.

    "I am so glad you made it! What pose should I strike first? You're the photographers, right..?"

    Now all I need is a Borat-esque onesie and a silver umbrella.
  • mmuscolo
    mmuscolo Posts: 15 Member

    Give them away while weeping and muttering "don't worry babies, mama will get you back someday..."

    Maybe I could print out a picture of some woman and gently stroke her face every time I mention 'mama'.

    Better yet, print out a picture of yourself, and tape on some cat hair.

    Would the cat hair be pasted onto the picture over MY hair? I could probably make a sweet mustache... And I could also try to sell them on my 'patented 3-D paintings'.

    "Please sir! For only $19.95, I can make a picture of you that you'll be PROUD to show your mom. She can carry it around in her pocket and any time she misses you, she can just pet your picture-hair!"
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    I love everything about this thread.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    I guess I'm the only one that doesn't understand why they are showing YOUR apartment, you have a lease right? So they will not be renting your apt, right? So why are you obligated to allow strangers into your HOME? I've never heard of this.
  • Minifig81
    Minifig81 Posts: 10 Member
    You could do a tape outline of a body and hide it half way under your couch.
  • Archon2
    Archon2 Posts: 462 Member
    It is probably in the lease agreement. I had that happen to me. One time, the office called but I was just finishing up in the shower so I could not get to the phone. They assumed I wasn't home, and brought someone in. You can imagine this did not end well.... :)
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,589 Member
    Not there, leave a dominatrix kit all over the place

    There, wear the dominatrix kit and ask them if they are your 8 o'clock
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
    I wish I was looking for an apartment in Allston. I would visit just to see the shenanigans you come up with.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I don't understand this thread?

    Fart! Did I do that right? What is happening in here? No comprenay.

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