Family not being encouraging!

RToland45
RToland45 Posts: 57 Member
in Food and Nutrition
How do you get family to support you???
«1

Replies

  • nicolemontagna22
    nicolemontagna22 Posts: 229 Member
    You gotta continue to emphasize to them why you want this an how important it is to you!
  • Sreneesa
    Sreneesa Posts: 1,170 Member
    Sometimes you just got to focus on you and not mind anyone, family or friends, that do not support you.
  • Athijade
    Athijade Posts: 3,300 Member
    I really didn't make a big deal about it. This is my journey and not theirs.
  • KayJaMikel
    KayJaMikel Posts: 341 Member
    I get same thing. I have heard why are you on this stupid diet. Hubs tonight told me I was taking it too far because I printed a picture of a dressing I wanted him to buy at store. He does most of shopping. We have 1 car and he usually picks up what we need on way home from work, but tomorrow he is going camping with the boys this weekend, so I will be car-less so made a list of stuff I wanted for weekend. Of course, he didn't find it and bought me LIGHT ranch, which is really don't like but is okay as long as I just dip into it. My daughter says I am too old to diet and care about how fat I am.

    I have to explain everything, why I want it, etc. Even something as simple as bottled water. I just ordered online my diet shakes, four 6 packs, so they will last a little bit, and won't have to ask him to pick them up. I ordered a scale online so I don’t have to ask him to pick it up, but cannot really order food online. Wish I could thou…

    It is just one big pain in the *kitten* and am really feeling defeated sometimes, but am so happy with how I am doing calorie-wise and not being starving 24/7. When the scale comes, we shall see where I am in weight.
  • bexcobham
    bexcobham Posts: 107
    Just don't tell them you're dieting and just carry on. If they are being unsupportive, you just need to be single minded and focus on your goal. Don't discuss it with them, just be firm, but not rude. You need to be stubborn and if they don't like it, they can jog on.

    This is what I'm doing btw.

    Them "Have a slice of cake."

    Me "No thanks, I'm not in the mood."

    Them "But we're all having some."

    Me "That's great, but I'm fine without any, thanks."

    Them "But I bought/made it specially."

    Me "Well, that's great becuase there's more for everyone else."

    Then ignore, ignore, ignore. :)

    Stock up on the food you need. You don't have to justify yourself and it's easier if you don't.
  • psych101
    psych101 Posts: 1,842 Member
    Support is great, but this is often a lonely journey.

    That's why we have MFP :flowerforyou:
  • wannakimmy
    wannakimmy Posts: 488 Member
    They will either support you or not. Either way, keep doing what you need to do for yourself.
  • bexcobham
    bexcobham Posts: 107
    We'll support you. :)

    Just have a vent if things are getting to you. Stay strong.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    TBH, they're not necessarily obligated to. If you're going to succeed, you need to be able to do it no matter what is going on around you. *shrug* Hard truth, but still true. When I first started losing weight, no one around me was trying to, and I didn't expect anybody to change what they were doing. It's really not fair to expect them to change, just because you are.
  • TX_Rhon
    TX_Rhon Posts: 1,549 Member
    How do you get family to support you???

    You cannot make then support you.

    As the saying goes, you can pick your friends not your family! Surround yourself by those who support you and ignore those who do not. Explain to them that you do not need their support but you do want them to stop pushing food on you. That's all you can ask. Then when the continue yell at them and say "I only asked on thing from you! Why don't you love me enough to honor this one thing?" <~~~maybe a bit extreme, ha. But that's how I handle my family.

    Good luck :flowerforyou:
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  • kdklein23
    kdklein23 Posts: 1 Member
    It will be harder, but you can do it. Be discreet about the calorie counting. Your family may well feel guilty for not joining you. Give out compliments to your family for things that matter to them, and then ask for a little support about what matters to you-your health and or success each day. Isn't it great we have each other here?
  • bexcobham
    bexcobham Posts: 107
    Does anyone else find that friends and family almost seem to get offended when you don't want to eat the same unhealthy food as them?

    Also, people always seem to want to force food on people who are on diets, but then when you have that one bit of cake you also get remarks.

    People are funny.
  • Frayde
    Frayde Posts: 321 Member
    Take it where you can get it. If you only get it from your MFP buddies, gobble it up from us. I'll cheer you on!!!

    It can be frustrating, I know. My mother says in one breath how much better I look and in the next, "Have a piece of pie, here I put some ice cream with it just for you." I say, "No thank you, I'm full." So my skinny butt husband eats it for me; I think he's eating it just to try to get Mom to leave me alone. So that's weird support, but support in it's own way.

    But like many journeys in life, this is a lonely journey. Unless someone else in your family wants to lose weight also, they can't really get it. Many may sabotage it-some intentionally, some unintentionally. But wouldn't you rather be on this lonely journey than on the lonely journey that comes from having an early heart attack or stroke from being overweight?

    In any event, I will be pleased to be part of your support system if you'd like to friend me!
  • Dragonborn79
    Dragonborn79 Posts: 161
    I fought with my boyfriend for years to eat healthier. I would periodically try to eat better, but his lack of support was incredibly discouraging. He would like, go overboard with HIS eating in order to protest. He would keep a ton of junk food around and would get angry when I would ask him to keep it up where I wasn't having to look at it all the time. He would also get angry if I asked him to go into the other room so I could work out. It was weird.

    It wasn't until he was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in November that I was able to get us on track. I went in and talked to his doctor with him and he told me that he sees it all the time in couples. That made me feel a little better. Since the diagnosis my boyfriend has been very good about our new eating habits, but it still kind of pisses me off because he's losing weight so much faster than I am! haha

    Family CAN derail weight loss efforts. I've been there. It sucks and I sympathize with your situation. Fortunately the internet is a thing and we can support you! ;)
  • mfp2014mfp
    mfp2014mfp Posts: 689 Member
    I don't ask for their support, no one can do this for me, except me.
    Sure it's nice if it happens, but if not, it's no big deal, it wont be what makes or breaks my journey.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    I fought with my boyfriend for years to eat healthier. I would periodically try to eat better, but his lack of support was incredibly discouraging. He would like, go overboard with HIS eating in order to protest. He would keep a ton of junk food around and would get angry when I would ask him to keep it up where I wasn't having to look at it all the time. He would also get angry if I asked him to go into the other room so I could work out. It was weird.

    It wasn't until he was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in November that I was able to get us on track. I went in and talked to his doctor with him and he told me that he sees it all the time in couples. That made me feel a little better. Since the diagnosis my boyfriend has been very good about our new eating habits, but it still kind of pisses me off because he's losing weight so much faster than I am! haha

    Family CAN derail weight loss efforts. I've been there. It sucks and I sympathize with your situation. Fortunately the internet is a thing and we can support you! ;)

    no family cannot derail weight loss efforts that is all on the person trying to lose weight.

    Fighting with family to get on board is awful...they are mostly adults and why force what you want on them?

    I live in a house with two men...son and husband...I do not force anything on them. I ask them what they want for supper and usually get I don't care ...if my husband cooks I eat it...

    To the OP you can't force support, you can't force your beliefs, you can't force an adult to do anything they don't want to do.

    If you require support remember you can't get from someone what you wont give yourself.

    ETA: can't remember crap.
  • Athijade
    Athijade Posts: 3,300 Member
    Does anyone else find that friends and family almost seem to get offended when you don't want to eat the same unhealthy food as them?

    Also, people always seem to want to force food on people who are on diets, but then when you have that one bit of cake you also get remarks.

    People are funny.

    I think it is funny when the person on the diet comes here and complains about their friends and family not supporting them because they still eat other foods that someone has cut out or offers them a donut. Really, it goes both ways. As I said before, this is MY journey and no one elses. I don't get pissy if someone offers me "bad" food (though I also am 100% against cutting anything I love out of my overall diet for the rest of my life) or that someone eats a piece of cake in front of me.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    How do you get family to support you???

    You don't. You support yourself or you'll never get there. DON'T expect them to change with you. If they do, great but they have to decide that on their own.

    Just because you made a sudden change to your lifestyle does not mean they are or ever will be in the same place mentally to follow in your footsteps.
  • spicegeek
    spicegeek Posts: 325 Member
    you can`t they either support you or they do not. Same with friends.

    you have to be your own support system at first and them find new people to support you
  • RunnerStephe
    RunnerStephe Posts: 2,195
    Sometimes you just got to focus on you and not mind anyone, family or friends, that do not support you.

    Do it for you, and once they see you change, they will take notice.
  • Velvetgamer
    Velvetgamer Posts: 5
    Once a week my friends and I have a big homemade dinner together, and someone always makes a really fatty dessert. My general is rule is eat a small portion of our meal and a bite of dessert. If I can't take a bite of it, I tell them I'm full. I don't think I've ever outright told them I'm on a diet. They know I'm building muscle and getting ready to start classes to become a yoga instructor, so they never say anything negative. But then again I never say anything negative about the food.

    It's just like what's been said. I have a workout buddy, my best friend is trying to lose 40lbs this year (she's lost 16 already!), but besides those two and all my lovely friends from the gym, I don't really involve other people. It's hard when they make peanut butter brownies, but it's not a personal attack on me. Maybe it's because I don't talk much about dieting or insinuate that they're food is unhealthy. Seriously, sometimes telling that the food their eating is unhealthy makes them feel as if you think they're fat.

    I just do my own thing, and if they want to talk about health and fitness, that's great! If they don't, then I have friends at the gym who will talk about healthy snacks all day :)
  • DMadelineP
    DMadelineP Posts: 50 Member
    You can't count on them to be supportive or encouraging. It's not even their obligation, really. You just gotta do this for you and try hard to keep up the pace you've set for yourself. You can't change the way the family eats because you yourself want to lose weight.
    I know how you feel. I have a very pushy, controlling family with bad eating habits, and misery loves company. I literally get scolded for not eating bread and pasta together at every meal, the cooking is full of carbs and oil. The kitchen is full of cookies, chocolate, doughnuts, cakes, bagels, chips, cupcakes, candy bars, nutella, croissants, ANYTHING you can possibly imagine. The fridge is full of deserts, (crepes, pancakes, scones, breakfast rolls, cinnamon buns, bagels, bacon).... They'll order fast food around 11 pm and the smell enters my room and is just so tempting.

    But you know what, I've lost a couple of pounds lateley and it's starting to show. One by one, they're coming to my side because they can see the results of simply eating a lot of low calorie intense foods when I'm hungry, and neither denying myself anything nor stuffing myself with food.

    You're digging a new path on unchartered land and no one said it's be easy, but it's gonna be worth it. When they see the results of a healthier, happier you- they'll support, encourage, and be inspired.
  • fooninie
    fooninie Posts: 291 Member
    IMO, you can't. They can choose to be supporting or they can choose not to, but you cannot make them be anything. That said, keep rocking it out and let your success do the talking for you. At the end of the day, it's your success, your journey. Hang in there, MFP is a great place to get support and share successes.
  • iPlatano
    iPlatano Posts: 487 Member
    Do your thing regardless!
  • PinkyFett
    PinkyFett Posts: 842 Member
    You don't? Lol, I don't know.

    My mom keeps buying me cookies and junk food even though I keep asking her not to. I lost my mind the last time and she got offended, but I think I got my point across.

    I'm not letting them get to me anymore because I'm doing this for me and I don't care what others think. I am not being unhealthy or harming myself, so I'm doing my thing.
  • Ldbg289
    Ldbg289 Posts: 236 Member
    I run into the same problems. Although my mom tries to be supportive in this I have my dad asking me when am I done(translation: when am I going back to what used to be normal eating for me). Oh and I've also got the "one bite won't hurt". They don't realize I've worked my *kitten* off to get where I am today. And that it's not just something I'm doing for now, until I get bored.
  • tuckeychicken
    tuckeychicken Posts: 167 Member
    Tell them what your plan is and how you need them to help you with their support. Let them know some examples of what they can do for you. Tell them what kind of support that you need from them so they know how to play an efective role in your healthy weight success. Sometimes they might need a gentle reminding when they do or say things that don't help, but in fact may hurt, and thank them when they do encourage you and it will probably encourage them to keep up with the support.

    My husband likes to be polite and ask me several times if I'm sure I don't want more and I try to remind him that I am trying to control my portions and that I am full. I ask him to not do that so I don't cave in and over eat.

    Hope this comment helps and best wishes.
  • raindawg
    raindawg Posts: 348 Member
    How do you get family to support you???

    Yes, it can be difficult OP. It definitely annoys my wife. For example my wife and kids will be eating their dinner and I'll be having something completely different. She's a trooper though because she makes both. At my boys birthday party everyone was eating pizza, even the adults, and I was having my sandwich that I had brought. I knew one piece of pizza wouldn't have been enough.

    I just am confident that this is for me, and there is a bit of a price to pay for it so it slides off me when my wife or family makes comments.
  • Ldbg289
    Ldbg289 Posts: 236 Member
    You don't? Lol, I don't know.

    My mom keeps buying me cookies and junk food even though I keep asking her not to. I lost my mind the last time and she got offended, but I think I got my point across.

    I'm not letting them get to me anymore because I'm doing this for me and I don't care what others think. I am not being unhealthy or harming myself, so I'm doing my thing.

    I run into this a lot too, maybe not always cookies but whatever they buy for me they get offended if I say I can't eat it. And on the other side, they(well, mostly my dad)get mad if I ask them not to eat something I've bought specifically for me. Oh and they used to get pissed if we went to BK and I said I wasn't eating it...until I blew up at my mom and laid it all out for her.

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