Unsupportive people

MsMimidoll
MsMimidoll Posts: 249 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, this morning my mom was talking about having a bbq tomorrow and including roasted veggies. I said I wasn't interested in them because they are soaked in oil, and that is totally gross to me. I think she got offended and was talking about how I should start taking coconut oil, because its good for you. I told her that I'm getting fats in,my diet and she started talking about how conventional stuff doesn't work for everyone. She had also told me before how counting calories doesn't work for her, I guess she's that special snowflake, and I told her that it was working for me and I had lost XX lbs doing it. She told me that it wasn't going to always work for me, once I got older. She is always trying to tell me that this or that diet is going to work, if I just eliminated this or that the lbs would melt off. Its soooo frustrating that she puts down what I do even though its working and I've already lost almost 30 lbs since joining MFP. Does anyone else deal with this?
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Replies

  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    I have found that a lot of people take their diets as seriously as they take their religion and, much like religion, you're just better off letting them do whatever it is that they do. I can promise you you'll be happier if you take a 'do not engage' stance and they next time someone starts with the 'you would do better with X/you should do Y' talk just smile, nod, and change the subject as quickly as possible.
  • RachR669
    RachR669 Posts: 79
    Hey....try not to let this affect you and what you are doing! I experienced similar stuff with my family and it drove me crazy! It got to the point where I would smile and pretend to be listening but wouldn't actually take on board anything they were saying. My sister used to put down my plan and still does now even though I am now a qualified PT. She thinks that her way is the only way.

    If you want to say something, I'd probably just say that we are all different and what works for her may not work for work for you and vice versa! Please don't let it get you down! You've already lost about 30lbs...that's awesome so you know what you're doing is working for you!

    Good luck :)
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    I have found that a lot of people take their diets as seriously as they take their religion and, much like religion, you're just better off letting them do whatever it is that they do. I can promise you you'll be happier if you take a 'do not engage' stance and they next time someone starts with the 'you would do better with X/you should do Y' talk just smile, nod, and change the subject as quickly as possible.
    wizards-of-yep.gif
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member
    Everyone has their opinions, whether well informed or not. Just remember- you're trying to lose weight to make your life better in some way. Pretty sure allowing it to ruin your relationship with your mom won't make your life better ;)

    I'm sure your mom mentioned the roasted veggies to try to have something there for you- next time she offers something which you're not interested in try to say it in a way that won't offend her. You're her kid- I'm sure you know how.

    And on another note- coconut oil is actually great. I'm not eating it right now because I've moved from my hometown and haven't found a cheap, virgin option around here yet, but when I have having 1 tbsp a day (finding diff ways to get it in my diet) after about a month my skin actually GLOWED and my hair was fantastic. I loved it :) It is high in calories and fat- but they're the good fats, and you can make a way to fit the 100 or so cals in (esp if you're exercising).
  • MsMimidoll
    MsMimidoll Posts: 249 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.
    I usually know when to stay quiet, I wasn't thinking I guess
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    I have found that a lot of people take their diets as seriously as they take their religion and, much like religion, you're just better off letting them do whatever it is that they do. I can promise you you'll be happier if you take a 'do not engage' stance and they next time someone starts with the 'you would do better with X/you should do Y' talk just smile, nod, and change the subject as quickly as possible.
    wizards-of-yep.gif

    Yar.
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    Double yar.

    If you start with negativity, don't be surprised if negativity is what you receive in return.

    (This was my respond like a pirate in the affirmative, post.)
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
    Meh.

    Why be so rude to your mother though?
  • andeey
    andeey Posts: 709 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    QFT.

    Seems like mom WAS being supportive by providing vegetables. You could do a few things:

    #1 - Tell her thank you for thinking about your healthier preferences (reinforcing positive behavior means you might get more in future).
    #2 - Tell her thank you for thinking about your healthier preferences and ask if you can help because you would like to prepare them (and then use less oil).
    #3 - Tell her thank you for thinking about your healthier preferences and bask in the afterglow of your mom seeing you as an appreciative daughter.

    See the trend here?
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    Have a bbq, enjoy it and make it fit into your day. Maybe offer to do the vegetables, make them into kebabs, don't use oil. I suggest hallumi cheese, red pepper, mushroom. Use wooden sticks and soak them in water first.

    We are having a bbq and cream scone lunch for my nan in laws birthday tomorrow.
    I am going to go for a long walk in the morning, munch down the burgers and sausages, devour the scones with clotted cream and raspberry jam, then go for another long walk in the afternoon.
    The alternative?? offend my NIL by not eating and looking miserable while everyone else does. Since I like her, this is not an option.
  • Scheezo
    Scheezo Posts: 13
    There are always going to be haters. Don't let them get you down. If counting calories didn't work for her then so be it. You've lost quite a bit of weight by doing what works for you, remind her of that. Keep going! You're doing awesome!!
  • dsb188
    dsb188 Posts: 121 Member
    I have said this before. But sometimes people will put you down (even family) because they can't do what you are doing. I have had people make suggestions about what I'm eating or tell me you are on that "crazy" diet and it won't work very long. The problem isn't with you, its with them. If something is working for you they need to be supportive. I realize that for me I have to keep what I'm doing to myself.

    I had gone to the store with a friend and picked up some junk food. It was one day where I said I was going to have what I wanted. The following day I posted a picture of a healthy dinner and made and she proceeded to say "I didn't see you post that junk food you bought yesterday" To me she was trying to call me out. People can be very jealous. I still have alot of weight to lose but don't let people break your stride. You lost 30 and geuss what you will lose more!
  • kwantlen2051
    kwantlen2051 Posts: 455 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    Yep.
  • Deborah105
    Deborah105 Posts: 183 Member
    Everyone has opinions; even you yes?

    It's one meal and it was vegetables. And coconut oil not some horrible vegetable oil. Coconut oil is fantastic!

    Cheerful and stupid is the way I try try try to be. But of course I am loud and have many opinions!

    It's good and she's not a hater as someone mentioned; she's your momma!
  • mfp2014mfp
    mfp2014mfp Posts: 689 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    Yeah seems to me that you were the one who opened the can of worms, probably hurt her feelings to boot :flowerforyou:
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.
    I usually know when to stay quiet, I wasn't thinking I guess

    you were probably hungry.

    and roasted veggies have to be cooked with oil. maybe try preparing them yourself, with less oil. i know that my mom kinda over does it with the oil, especially for cooking vegetables. last time she made veggies, there was so much oil on the plate, the US tried to invade it.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    I agree about not engaging with her. The nod and smile approach works best, or "thanks for telling me that, I'll bear in in mind." - you're not agreeing to follow their advice, only to remember it. But usually people just want their opinions to be heard, you don't have to actually agree with them, just let them know you heard what they said without dismissing it. And if they keep harping on about it like they expect you to do exactly the same as them, tell them that what you're doing already is working for you, but you'll consider switching to their way if and when what you're doing ever stops working. (emphasis on consider.. you're not agreeing to do it their way, just to consider it)
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member
    last time she made veggies, there was so much oil on the plate, the US tried to invade it.

    lol!
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    ^ This. I've found that telling people that their cooking is gross is rarely a good conversation starter.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.
    I usually know when to stay quiet, I wasn't thinking I guess
    We all have our moments of slipping up. It's difficult, but what you wrote in the OP sounded breathless to me, "he said she said". If you know your mother well enough to hold your tongue successfully most of the time, why not include not discussing your journey with her? Figure out some stuff to close the topic each time she (not you, really) brings it up, then let anything she remarks go out the other ear. You even mentioned special snowflake, so streamline your whole existence around her to that philosophy.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    ^ This. I've found that telling people that their cooking is gross is rarely a good conversation starter.
    Awwww, haha, you don't say?
  • HMonsterX
    HMonsterX Posts: 3,000 Member
    last time she made veggies, there was so much oil on the plate, the US tried to invade it.

    lol!

    Indeed lol! Gotta remember that one.... :)
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    I have found that a lot of people take their diets as seriously as they take their religion and, much like religion, you're just better off letting them do whatever it is that they do. I can promise you you'll be happier if you take a 'do not engage' stance and they next time someone starts with the 'you would do better with X/you should do Y' talk just smile, nod, and change the subject as quickly as possible.

    Perfect advice. Saved me from typing. I'll add politics to that list as well. :flowerforyou:
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    I don't fall on my sword over every little thing, nor do I let how I eat define me as a person. When in Rome, I eat with the Romans, or I just call in sick and eat at home.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    I don't fall on my sword over every little thing, nor do I let how I eat define me as a person. When in Rome, I eat with the Romans, or I just call in sick and eat at home.

    In the long list of reasons we are friends, this answer is going to the top. You are awesome. :flowerforyou:
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    OP has deactivated her account. I thought I'd look at her age, since she might be living at home still, based on the avatar anyway. But poof.
  • AnotherXFitGuy
    AnotherXFitGuy Posts: 58 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    This!
  • keepongoingnmw
    keepongoingnmw Posts: 371 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.
    This. Smile say thank you and push them around your plate.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    so much this
  • keepongoingnmw
    keepongoingnmw Posts: 371 Member
    Have a bbq, enjoy it and make it fit into your day. Maybe offer to do the vegetables, make them into kebabs, don't use oil. I suggest hallumi cheese, red pepper, mushroom. Use wooden sticks and soak them in water first.

    We are having a bbq and cream scone lunch for my nan in laws birthday tomorrow.
    I am going to go for a long walk in the morning, munch down the burgers and sausages, devour the scones with clotted cream and raspberry jam, then go for another long walk in the afternoon.
    The alternative?? offend my NIL by not eating and looking miserable while everyone else does. Since I like her, this is not an option.
    I want to eat over so much!

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