Unsupportive people

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Replies

  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
    Let the results speak and bear with it for the moment.you are doing fine
  • Laura8603
    Laura8603 Posts: 590 Member
    I think your response to your mom about the food being gross was rude. You came across as preachy and no one want the food police to scrutinize their every bite. I never give unsolicited advice to people in my life who need to lose weight.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    ^This.
  • RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle
    RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle Posts: 1,349 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.

    I agree. It sounds to me like you were being the unsupportive one.
    I don't experience this in my life at all, and believe me, I have done a lot of different whacky things that my friends and family probably don't agree over the last couple of years. I don't start a debate when people tell me their opinion I nod politely and don't make the assumption that my way is the only right way.
  • tremroy1
    tremroy1 Posts: 90 Member
    veggies can be bbqd without oil......just not as tasty. dont listen to unsupportive people.....skeptics
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
    Maybe next time, you could say, "Thanks for including veggies! I have a great sauce I can give you to put on them," and then YOU provide it. And be nice to your Mom. Mine died three weeks ago, and I would give anything for her to be here to drive me crazy.
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
    Maybe next time don't tell her her roasted veggies are gross. just dont eat them.
    I usually know when to stay quiet, I wasn't thinking I guess
    Or a change of tone...like..."you know, I'd love some roasted veggies, but you usually use a lot of oil. Maybe we can try and do that differently this time; I'll help so I can make them in a way that is healthy for everyone."
  • serenity216
    serenity216 Posts: 512 Member
    I had a therapist who would tell me this (and some other supportive things). Needless to say I ended up finding another (much better therapist) and ended up keeping my weight off.

    Some people are so insecure (even therapists) that they have to criticize someone else's success.
  • ChaplainHeavin
    ChaplainHeavin Posts: 426 Member
    Maybe next time, you could say, "Thanks for including veggies! I have a great sauce I can give you to put on them," and then YOU provide it. And be nice to your Mom. Mine died three weeks ago, and I would give anything for her to be here to drive me crazy.

    This! And this: A little perspective and speaking the truth in love goes a long way.
  • Oi_Sunshine
    Oi_Sunshine Posts: 819 Member
    Pat the oily veggies dry with paper towel.

    People who insult what I have prepared can make their own damn supper.
  • tomatosoup3
    tomatosoup3 Posts: 126 Member
    try this:
    "mom, i really appreciate you making sure that there's something healthy at the bbq. would you mind if i could have my vegetables without the oil? i'm just trying to be extra careful... would that be ok?"
    chances are, it will be ok.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,029 Member
    So, this morning my mom was talking about having a bbq tomorrow and including roasted veggies. I said I wasn't interested in them because they are soaked in oil, and that is totally gross to me. I think she got offended and was talking about how I should start taking coconut oil, because its good for you. I told her that I'm getting fats in,my diet and she started talking about how conventional stuff doesn't work for everyone. She had also told me before how counting calories doesn't work for her, I guess she's that special snowflake, and I told her that it was working for me and I had lost XX lbs doing it. She told me that it wasn't going to always work for me, once I got older. She is always trying to tell me that this or that diet is going to work, if I just eliminated this or that the lbs would melt off. Its soooo frustrating that she puts down what I do even though its working and I've already lost almost 30 lbs since joining MFP. Does anyone else deal with this?
    She was offended. Whenever someone may indirectly says someone's food may be "gross", you're basically saying their food isn't worthy of eating.
    Best thing to do is just nod and smile. Usually works.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    Ugh. My father passed away in December, but both he and my mother were/are CONVINCED I should have lap-band surgery. They know 1 guy (count them.....1) who had it, and he has no intention of changing his eating habits. He only had it so that it would restrict how much food he could have instead of him making that decision. He's lost some weight, but at least isn't gaining.

    Yes, it's aggravating. I started this path in April 2011. Back at Thanksgiving 2012, my sister's mother-in-law was bashing me to my mother about what I was eating. I couldn't believe she actually stood up for me though....saying that I'd lost 100+ pounds at that point, and if I was able to do it without surgery, then that was great.

    Well, I've backpeddled some since then, but this last week I was really "on it". I have to wait until tomorrow to weigh in at WW, but I'm going to be down about 4 pounds....in that neighborhood anyway. Everytime I backpeddle, she throws the surgery at me. I keep reminding her that the surgery isn't the "fix all, be all"....I'll still have to change my eating habits regardless of if I have surgery or not. So, why not just change my eating habits??

    This is one of those things where you really have to build up your armor. If what you're doing is working for you to lose weight, then everybody else needs to mind their own freaking business. Have them "talk to the hand". Know that you're on the right path for you, and what you're doing is obviously working. Confidence comes from taking the right action and having success at it. You're successful in your efforts. Let it show.
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member
    Ugh. My father passed away in December, but both he and my mother were/are CONVINCED I should have lap-band surgery. They know 1 guy (count them.....1) who had it, and he has no intention of changing his eating habits. He only had it so that it would restrict how much food he could have instead of him making that decision. He's lost some weight, but at least isn't gaining.

    Yes, it's aggravating. I started this path in April 2011. Back at Thanksgiving 2012, my sister's mother-in-law was bashing me to my mother about what I was eating. I couldn't believe she actually stood up for me though....saying that I'd lost 100+ pounds at that point, and if I was able to do it without surgery, then that was great.

    Well, I've backpeddled some since then, but this last week I was really "on it". I have to wait until tomorrow to weigh in at WW, but I'm going to be down about 4 pounds....in that neighborhood anyway. Everytime I backpeddle, she throws the surgery at me. I keep reminding her that the surgery isn't the "fix all, be all"....I'll still have to change my eating habits regardless of if I have surgery or not. So, why not just change my eating habits??

    This is one of those things where you really have to build up your armor. If what you're doing is working for you to lose weight, then everybody else needs to mind their own freaking business. Have them "talk to the hand". Know that you're on the right path for you, and what you're doing is obviously working. Confidence comes from taking the right action and having success at it. You're successful in your efforts. Let it show.

    Great story/advice... it's too bad she's deactivated so won't see it :(

    But at least it's motivating for the rest of us :)
  • ChippyLoo
    ChippyLoo Posts: 23
    Wow I can totally relate to everyone here. I am keeping to myself because of this. I just can't open up. Its better to use this place for support, people who take their health seriously.
  • gimmegimmemoar
    gimmegimmemoar Posts: 213 Member
    Everyone has their own beliefs and standards about fitness I have found. Some are totally against what I think but I found it takes more energy to fight them then to just let them keep going in what they think and I keep doing what works for me. Thats the key- to find what works for you and do it no matter what people's opinions are. That's why I don't say much to anyone when I am really focusing on my health :)
  • sugarlemonpie
    sugarlemonpie Posts: 311 Member
    I completely understand. At the same time, at least they were trying to be accommodating to you by including roast veggies. Just ask that they don't put any or put minimal oil on them! Or next time, just be like "Thanks for trying to cater to me, I really appreciate it, but just to be sure I can portion my vegetables out properly I'm gonna make them on the stovetop."

    I think sometimes people become 'unsupportive' because they feel like you're being too demanding. When you live with people and don't make all the meals yourself, it can be very difficult to stay on a plan, and they get frustrated because they don't know all your 'rules' and have their own set of them. I find it helps to just do the nod-and-smile. Don't get defensive, just take it in, thanks for the advice, and be done with it.
  • Cycle4Life99
    Cycle4Life99 Posts: 86
    The trick is not to get upset by unsupportive people. Treat whatever they have to say as noise and give it the same amount of attention that you might give the wind blowing. The trouble with weight management is 'everyone' claims to be an expert and have the answer. The only true experts are the Registered Dietitians. They are the heroes. If you want good advice, see one. One helped me lose 72 pounds and I'm now back on track again after a medical injury setback. My R.D. cares about me as much as my family members.
  • RunnerStephe
    RunnerStephe Posts: 2,195
    If what you are doing is working, why debate it with your mom. My dad does Pilates, and lost weight, which I don't enjoy. I do yoga which doesn't appeal to him. We don't even discuss it. It would be a dumb argument to me.

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