Help- my boyfriend needs to lose weight!

First you have to let him decide what he wants to do: lose weight or build muscle. It is much harder to build muscle on a calorie deficit for losing weight. Then he needs to decide if he absolutely wants to do this and suggest him joining this site. He doesn't have to exercise and he doesn't have to watch what he eats. My boyfriend and I both have eaten anything we wanted to and still lost weight just because we work off anything over our calorie goals. On days I am over on my intake, I run the hill by my house to burn the excess off. He can buy a set of weights to work out with every other day when/if he does go over or run the road at his house. He definitely doesn't have to go to the gym to do it.

You've only be together 2 months and you're deciding that he needs to lose weigh? Ok....

There's always encouraging him to go for bike rides or long walks I suppose...

If he wanted to make a change he'd learn how.

You've only be together 2 months and you're deciding that he needs to lose weigh? Ok....

There's always encouraging him to go for bike rides or long walks I suppose...

Did you read the post? She said she doesn't mind, but that she knows HE feels uncomfortable. There's a difference.

As for losing weight, I would also recommend he join this site and just start tracking.

If he wanted to make a change he'd learn how.

Agree that he would at least try. You can't do the work for him, he needs to sign up and do it himself

Hey there Missklara,

I've only been using MyFitnessPal for a day, but I think I have some suggestions based on what worked for me. A little over a year ago, I was 224 lbs at 5'11", and in that same year I got down to 160 lbs. I'm here because while I'm very slim now, I still have some leftover fat that I want to eliminate so I can show some actual muscle-tone.(sorry for my username in advance; I didn't think I'd be using this forum)

So anyway, here's what worked for me:

DIET
=================

I ate primarily what some would consider a "Paleo" diet, but I wasn't doing that exactly. I cut all processed sugars and carbohydrates out of my diet, especially that from wheat and corn. Instead, I ate a reasonable portion of meat and vegetables when I was hungry; when possible, I avoided the traditional 3 meals and just ate whenever I felt hungry. I would often include butter or coconut oil in my cooking, since those fats are not only much more healthful than most common vegetable oils but they made the food I eat much more satisfying. As well, I would include cheese and the occasional dairy(just nothing with added sugar). Some meals would be substituted with whey protein, especially after exercising.

Always make sure the food he eats tastes good. Tell him to never steam his vegetables! Vegetables actually taste incredibly good when covered with a hint of olive oil and seasoning and oven roasted. Steamed veggies are boring as hell.


EXERCISE
==================

Exercise is a tricky one, especially because modern life makes it difficult. I neither had the money to go to a gym nor did I want to anyway(I didn't like being stared at by a line of d-bags waiting for me to get off a machine). But I love nature, so I made sure to walk or hike at least 5 miles per day, which usually takes 2 hours. He should always make sure that his legs are sore to some degree by the end of his workouts; the more muscle built then the more calories burned. Since I am far too frugal to buy a weight set, I did strength training by making my own out of a hardware store bucket and some bricks as weights. That cost me maybe $8 in total.



Overall, I believe that my losing 60+ pounds was about 70% exercise and 30% diet. Both compliment each other(exercise increases metabolism and proper diet helps a person stay energized and build muscle). The most important thing is for your boyfriend to keep both his exercise and diet interesting and add variety here and there. So I wouldn't worry if he can't afford a gym; I was able to shed my weight without a gym, and I was the fat guy/kid for years. Gyms are boring anyway and I would have lost interest for sure.

I commend you for caring enough for your boyfriend to seek advice. I only wish my girlfriend at the time was willing to help me.


EDIT: MOAR TIPS!

- Tell him to avoid shelf juice. Shelf juice(the "fruit" juice from the grocery store that is stable for months at room temperature) is little more than watered down reject fruit peel squeezings with high fructose corn syrup added. It's really foul and has no benefits for the body that couldn't be gotten from better places. Either have him get used to water or at the very least start using crystal lite.(don't listen to nutcases who still think that aspartame is the devil in spite of the overwhelming scientific evidence suggesting otherwise)

- Have him adjust his diet before getting him to reduce his caloric intake. It's far more important to get him used to more healthful foods than to shock his body before he's ready. Just the diet change alone is likely to be enough to cause him to lose some weight. During most of my weight loss, I hardly bothered counting calories.

- If necessary, go through his food and help him throw out anything he shouldn't be eating. That means cookies, boxes of macaroni and cheese, ramen, frozen meals, etc. Most of the people I know who continually want to lose weight can't do so because they keep these things around!

- Meetup.com is a great place to find hiking/walking groups for him to join. Making exercise a social activity is a great way to stay motivated, in my experience.


If you need some ideas for reasonably-priced wholesome meals, I'd be happy to provide you with some.

I would just start with planning/encouraging dates that are active - a walk; bike ride, hike, dancing - anything that isn't just food. Pack a healthy picnic, even though you don't live together you could invite him for dinner at your place and cook healthy then. And summer is such a great time - festivals, movies in a park ... and just bring your own food/drink.

1 - you can't loose weight for him
2 - he won't loose weight until he's ready and makes the decision himself

if my husband had told me to lose weight or started messing with what i ate or nagging - we probably wouldn't still be married

instead, he encouraged me to get more active, and made healthy choices for himself when we ate out together
when I was ready to make the changes I needed myself, he went out and bought some digital food scales to help me weigh the ingredients that we cook with and he weighs all the ingredients he uses and writes them on the fridge when it's his turn to cook
he was there for me, when I was ready and has been willing to help and support me

nagging and pushing won't work and may be more harm than help

He can literally eat whatever he wants, he just has to maintain a calorie deficit. If he's asking you specifically for help, then tell him to sign up on MFP and start logging his food.

For exercise... he can pick anything.

Seriously, you don't need fancy plans or meals or foods... just normal food tracked, logged and within your goal.
Pick some activities you love to do... hiking, swimming, biking, football, basketball... literally anything.

You don't have to be miserable or not having fun to lose weight... it's actually the other way around. It should be fun, and you should be happy.

You don't need to do anything but let him do it.
Is he on here, is he posting about what he wants to do?

Otherwise it really is about you wanting to change him. And that's not really going to work.

You know what men love? Women who saunter into their lives and try to fix them. His body, his business. Back off.

If he was actually interested in losing weight, he'd be the one on here asking questions

Getting help is easy. All he needs to do is look for it. As long as you're doing it on his behalf, he's not taking it seriously. I'm sure you mean well, but you've already said that you can't hold his hand through the entire process. If he wants to do it, he'll do it.

I used to date a guy who always said "I really want to lose weight" and then expected me to do the main portion of the work... It's not going to happen for your boyfriend if you're the one taking the initiative, sorry. My boyfriend actually gained weight because he couldn't be bothered to get info for himself.

If he's not the one on here asking for help, asking questions, etc, he'll NEVER take it seriously.