Disgusted in myself

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kirstiejess
kirstiejess Posts: 60 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Seriously sick of my fat self and the way ive gained weight in the past 18 months. Gone from 8 stone 10 to this with terrible skin, face all spotty and greasy. All i have to blame is myself for being such a fat greedy beast of a pig. Cant even count the amount of diets and exercise regimes I've been on to try and to try and lose it. Don't even know if any of them work as i haven't stuck at them for long enough!! Promised myself a few years ago that id never be fat again ... And here i am, wobbling all over the place struggling to get into my clothes. Never been so body conscious in all my life. Was happier at the age of 16 being a size 14 and not giving a crap, but now at 23 being a big fat greasy size 10/12 ive never felt worse. Hey, i bet i will still have another biscuit. Fat beast.

No matter how bad i feel about myself its never enough to not binge!! I cant stop!! Help
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Replies

  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
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    “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” ~Thomas Jefferson


    Here is a great place to start when you are truly ready:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
  • wannakimmy
    wannakimmy Posts: 488 Member
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    Yeah.... wish I had the problem of being a "big fat greasy size 10/12"
  • NicolaClairem
    NicolaClairem Posts: 2 Member
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    You obviously have self esteem issues and it's a shame really, someone who is a size 10/12 would not be someone I think anyone realistically would call "big fat & greasy" I hope you're able to gain some perspective about your weight. Good luck.
  • missomgitsica
    missomgitsica Posts: 496 Member
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    Suck it up and discipline yourself. No one to blame but yourself for all the problems you just ranted about.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,365 Member
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    We can be our own worse enemy. Look at what you have written about yourself, the names you have called yourself. You wouldn't say these things to a friend so why do so to yourself? You need to nicer to yourself and need to start liking and loving yourself. You need to change your how you speak to yourself. Be kinder to yourself.
  • doctorsookie
    doctorsookie Posts: 1,084 Member
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    I smell a troll.
  • ImeldaMGF
    ImeldaMGF Posts: 13
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    Perhaps instead of trying to hate yourself out of binging you should try loving yourself out of it?
  • lemonlionheart
    lemonlionheart Posts: 580 Member
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    It sounds like you have a pretty unhealthy relationship with your body and with food. Boy have I been there. Your post really upset me because I remember having those feelings (hey, sometimes still do). This is just my opinion but I think it is really important to learn not to hate your body especially if you are trying to lose weight. Talk to a therapist, trust me if you can find a good one it can really help! I'm concerned you are on the path to an eating disorder because I've been down this road, punishing my body by depriving it of food and then failing and punishing it again by bingeing. The only way I have now found a way to healthily lose weight was to learn to love my body and reward it by making it strong and healthy.

    If you are trying to lose weight, make sure you are eating enough and not depriving yourself of any one particular food. How much do you have to lose to be at a healthy weight for your height? If you are a UK size 10-12 you likely don't have a lot to lose, so you should aim for a calorie deficit that will allow you to lose about half a lb or around 0.25kg per week. This should allow you to still fit in lots of yummy foods that you enjoy :)

    Also, a little exercise can do wonders for your physical and mental wellbeing! Again, try to think about this in terms of making your body strong and healthy because you deserve it!

    Seriously though, if you are stuck in this mindset of being disgusted with your body please do seek help.

    EDIT:
    Perhaps instead of trying to hate yourself out of binging you should try loving yourself out of it?
    I love this!
  • in_the_stars
    in_the_stars Posts: 1,395 Member
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    Your problem isn't the problem. Your reaction is the problem.
    Create yourself. :smile:
  • perseverance14
    perseverance14 Posts: 1,364 Member
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    If your picture is what you look like and you are a UK size 10-12, that is like a size 6 U.S. and that is not fat.
  • kirstiejess
    kirstiejess Posts: 60 Member
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    Just had a little time to reflect on myself and my post.

    I guess a lot of it was quite insensive. It was an outburst. Just got on top of me and felt really overwhelmed all of a sudden.

    To be honest, i used to have an eating disorder and now im feeling like it really hasnt gone away im just experiencing it on the other end of the spectrum. I fall into these traps of self hatred and become totally obsessed. As vain as it sounds.

    Thanks for everybodys comments, no, i wouldnt call somebody else who is a 10/12 a fat greasy mess or something along the same lines, you are right. Because it really isnt that fat. Im just used to being a lot slimmer at a big 8 small 10 weighing 8 stone 9/10.

    Need to get a grip cx
  • kirstiejess
    kirstiejess Posts: 60 Member
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    Perhaps instead of trying to hate yourself out of binging you should try loving yourself out of it?

    Thank u xx
  • kirstiejess
    kirstiejess Posts: 60 Member
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    Yeah.... wish I had the problem of being a "big fat greasy size 10/12"

    Im sorry if i offended u x
  • Kimdbro
    Kimdbro Posts: 922 Member
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    I smell a troll.

    That's my guess. Going online to a fitness site that is frequently used by people far larger than a 10/12 and referring to the size as fat/greasy.... either a troll, or worst case of ill-compassion of others.


    **Edited now to reflect that I see Op has seen the err in such statements and clarified. I hadn't read all through the posts.
  • kirstiejess
    kirstiejess Posts: 60 Member
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    Im definatly not a troll. Like i said, im very sorry if i offended anybody.

    My own insecurities should not reflect how others see themselves. And for those on here bigger than a size 10/12 that are on here and suceeding at your weight loss then i totally admire you.
  • PJPrimrose
    PJPrimrose Posts: 916 Member
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    To be honest, i used to have an eating disorder and now im feeling like it really hasnt gone away im just experiencing it on the other end of the spectrum. I fall into these traps of self hatred and become totally obsessed. As vain as it sounds.

    Need to get a grip cx


    I pretty much guessed this from your prominent collar bones showing in your pic. It might be time to re-visit the help you got the first time around with an eating disorder. It's frightfully easy to fall back in and you have a lot of the tell-tale symptoms of doing so. It is an insidious disease and a deadly one. Fight it off again. You can do this with the right help.
  • Aaron_K123
    Aaron_K123 Posts: 7,122 Member
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    From where would you say you derive your confidence OP? Need to find something to tap to build up that self-esteem first it sounds like.
  • kirstiejess
    kirstiejess Posts: 60 Member
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    To be honest, i used to have an eating disorder and now im feeling like it really hasnt gone away im just experiencing it on the other end of the spectrum. I fall into these traps of self hatred and become totally obsessed. As vain as it sounds.

    Need to get a grip cx


    I pretty much guessed this from your prominent collar bones showing in your pic. It might be time to re-visit the help you got the first time around with an eating disorder. It's frightfully easy to fall back in and you have a lot of the tell-tale symptoms of doing so. It is an insidious disease and a deadly one. Fight it off again. You can do this with the right help.

    My collarbone shows no matter what weight i am and has always been prominent. I weigh 10 stone 4 atm. But yes it was a lot more prominent at my lower weight. I dont even want to be skinny. I just want to feel good. Id say the tell tale signs im experiencing is my over obsession with weight and body image etc. at my lowest weight i was obsessed with calorie control and exercise and was also addicted to laxatives.

    Now im trying to lose weight the healthy way (after gaining just under 2 stone after my ideal weight) .... And i just cant seem to get a grip! Exercise isnt the problem, i workout 3-4
    Times a week and im fairly active.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I used to talk to myself like you did in your original post, then I realised that if someone said that to me, they could expect a smack in the mouth, which I'd also expect to receive if I spoke to someone else like that!

    Learning to like yourself is hard. I think it's easier to hate on yourself, because its an internal outlet for all those negative feelings that we aren't allowed to spew in public.

    Nothing wrong with motivating yourself to improve, as long as you approach any improvements sensibly, healthily and - this is important - work on improving your inner self as well as your outer. That means learning to not think of yourself as a fat greasy pig ;)
  • karmac0matic
    karmac0matic Posts: 285
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    Can't tell if this is troll or not because 1) you're either disordered/body dysmorphic and think you're fat or 2) you know you're not and are just looking for attention, whether that be trolling or self-esteem issues.

    Either way, talking to yourself like that is super hurtful (if you're being real) and not at all conducive to you getting better or getting control.

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