My bf has been gaining a lot of weight, help!

One of the toughest things in any relationship is honest communication. Because you love this man, you find it difficult to say something to him that you know will probably hurt his feelings and cause difficulty between you. But that hard thing to do is probably just what you need to do, for your well-being and for the sake of your relationship. When couples don't talk about issues that are bothering them, they grow out of proportion and blow up, sometimes causing the end of the relationship.
Sit down and have an honest conversation with your boyfriend, telling him your concerns and feelings. Don't make it sound accusatory, or he'll defensive. Start out making it about you. "I want to talk about some stuff I've been going through lately". Then tell him what you've been doing with your eating, exercising and obsession with your weight. After he's opened up to the conversation, bring up some of the behaviors you've noticed. Perhaps there's some stress going on in his life that he hasn't shared with you yet, and it's bothering him enough that he's emotionally eating.
The most important things in any relationship are honesty and communication. They are the building blocks of trust - and that is the ultimate key.

That is tough. I agree with the above posters. You really need to talk to him. It's going to be difficult, and chances are, he's going to get offended. But there's really no other way around it. If you really love him, you need to let him know how you feel. Otherwise, it's just going to get worse and you're going to stay unhappy and end up resenting him.

Plus, you're not doing him any favors by letting him think everything is ok, when you are really unhappy. Talk to him!!

You're losing weight because he is eating all the food on your plate. Insatiable horse appetite leads to even-toed ungulatitis and stopped up toilets.

Just tell him, "Just because I call you stud doesn't mean you have to eat like one."

Well, lucky you its New Years and time to set some resolutions. You've got a full day to manipulate the changes you want out of him going forward this next year. Then you get to be a hard *kitten* about keeping him to the resolutions you planted in his brain. I know how you female types work, don't deny it.

If that doesn't work then you've got to tell him. I wish someone had come forward and told me sooner that I had become a blob.

If all else fails then I'd hate to say this but its actually a pretty short relationship so far and might be time to look for other options. If this annoys you right now, its only going to get worse and worse until it comes to a head and ain't nobody got time for that.

Is it possible you met him at a time when he was in the throes of a fitness-resolution-keeping-a-thon? And then you met and he spent all his money and couldn't stick to the plan he'd set? Maybe all the things he was doing to be as fit as he was in the beginning weren't sustainable. Maybe he would like to figure out a nice balance while enjoying his new relationship with you...

Talk to him.

Yeah, talk to him. Tell him you are concerned about him. I also think it's okay to let on that his eating habits have triggered some issues in you. Ask him to help you and himself, ask him to work together on it. You know it's not really his fault that you are having issues but if he loves you he'll want to help weather it's fault or not. It's okay to ask your partner for help, necessary even. That's one of purposes of being in a relationship, to support each other.

You haven't invested too much time. Life is short. If you're already avoiding sleeping with him, move on.

Obviously he is going to have to sort out his fitness and lifestyle on his own will, but it's food for thought that he is overeating while you are restricting at the same time, that is obviously saying something. It sounds like you both have triggers that make you respond (albeit in different ways, him overeating, you the opposite.) Hopefully you can both find a healthy balance in your fitness AND relationship if you both want it.

To be honest, there's no shame in feeling the way you do or discussing it with him. Certainly given that you aren't married and you've been dating for a while, I see no real harm in bringing it up (in fact, if you're feeling resentful about being out-eaten on your date nights, it should be brought up!) Good luck to you both.

My thoughts on this as a guy who is now losing weight ...

I had a Neighbour I hadn't seen for a while and a ex work colleague comment that I had put on weight, at first I kind of denied it to myself but after having a good look they were right not tactful (different cultural backgrounds than myself) but they were right I used this as my motivation along with increasing my fitness and health to give me a kick up the bum and to keep me on track when I feel like skipping gym or not logging.

Of course being in a relationship with someone on some ways can be more harder because the person will be feeling judged by someone they care about but hopefully ( this bring the clincher ) you will be there to support your bf encourage him when he is down and to share in those triumphs of achieving the goals he sets and achieves .

Yes it will be a difficult chat but knowing he has someone to hold him accountable and support him might give him that kick in the bum he needs. If you can get thru this your relationship will be stronger because instead of running away you would be able to build trust , communication skills and accomplish a life changing goal together.

This of course depends on the fact that the bf can recognize there is a problem if he can't and he is in denial then there is little you can do but walk away and know that you tried your best.

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You definitely need to talk to him. I've had many touchy-topic conversations with my boyfriend and I find it's best to bring it up out of the moment, not while he's overeating because I think he'll just get defensive. For the longest time I wasn't attracted to my boyfriend. He didn't even try to take care of himself. He wouldn't shower when he came home from work, his breath always smelled, he'd gained weight. I guess it bothered me so much because it made me feel worse about myself. Why was I dating this smelly person I didn't want to sleep with? Was this the best I could do? But I knew I couldn't throw in the towel without talking to him about it. It felt wrong to put him on the spot for something I would never want someone to talke to me about, but it's my life and I deserve to be happy and I deserve to know if this person is going to fit in the picture in the longterm. I also realized that I would want someone to tell me if I smelled, had gained a lot of weight, or if the person was finding me unattractive. I mulled this over with my therapist and she said I had to talk to him. And it was the hardest conversation I've ever had with a person.

My advice? Don't use accusatory or judging statements. In these types of conversations I usually open up communication in a way where my boyfriend has control of the conversation, free to divulge as little or as much as he wants. I just ask short, specific probing questions to get some info. That way I can gain some insight to how he feels and have a better idea of how to broach the meat of the subject and how to let him know how this has affected me.

If it were me, I'd probably more approach it like, "I don't know how to bring this up, so I'm just going to say it. I've noticed you've been gaining some weight and I didn't know if there was something you wanted to talk about or if there was something I can do to help you." You said he was working out with a trainer...do you think he'd be willing to work out with you?

It's true that you can't make someone lose weight if they don't want to, but based on the fact that he previously had a trainer, it shows me that he wants to lose the weight but probably doesn't know how to stick to it. He probably doesn't know how to bring up the subject with you or ask you for help, especially since you're losing weight while he's gaining. Good luck!!

Okay. This is a touchy subject. I do not want to offend anyone, but I really-really, Really need some help.

My boyfriend is a great guy. I love him to pieces. Unfortunately he has gained quite a bit of weight since we started dating. We haven't been together that long, about six months. He wasn't exactly fit when we got together, but I found him attractive. Up until recently he had been working with a personal trainer 5x a week. (he no longer does) He has been struggling with his weight for quite some time now. I am beginning to grow concerned about his habits as of late. He no longer works out, and consistently over eats. A lot. If we go out to eat, he orders appetizers (plural), a large main course, sides, dessert, and usually eats half of my food as well. (I have actually left multiple restaurant hungry against my will because he ate so much of my food…but I could't speak up for some reason)
God knows I have some eating issues, (not quite the same as his- but issues none the less) and I have to work Hard to maintain a healthy body weight. The holidays are stressful for many people, myself included. I feel so bad for even posting this…but I really feel lost.
Now to sound even more insane: His overeating and constant talk of dieting has been putting me in a bad place. I have been struggling, and I find myself over logging, obsessing, restricting, and over exercising. I weighed around 120-123 two weeks ago. I weighed myself yesterday, and I have lost quite a bit of weight. Quite a bit. I cannot blame my behavior on him, or anyone else. It is so hard not to think about food and calories though, especially when he constantly brings it up. I have tried saying nothing, being supportive. I have not said anything negative…but I am starting to feel a lot of resentment.
I have worked ****ing had to not allow food to take up valuable real-estate in my day to day thoughts. I actually threw my scale in the dumpster, panicked- and ended up running to the 24 CVS in later that night to buy another. I look like ****. I feel like ****. I am angry and sad. I find myself making excuses to (sorry) avoid sleeping with him.
If anyone has successfully dealt with a similar situation, I'd be really grateful for some advice.

Thanks for reading this.

Sounds like he has a food addiction maybe as suggested sit down and speak to him about it, if its getting you down then that's no good. My boyfriend before my husband was exactly like that but he also wanted to make me feel bad and would make certain comments and after a while my confidence went. I tried to talk to him about exercise and eating habits but he would just ignore me and he got bigger and bigger and in the end I broke up with him not because he was big but because his eating habits made me feel ill and how he had such lack of self respect and respect for me by trying to bring me down when he knew I struggled too but at least I was doing something about it...He wasn't small when I met him but he just seemed like your BF to put on weight and ate some serious amount of food in restaurants to the point of embarrassment. For me I felt we had to split and when I did I felt so happy and have now gone on to marry my husband of two years and he too isnt tiny but nothing like my ex....do what you feel best and talk to him at least he wont know you are upset or worried unless you tell him.
Best of Luck !

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