"So You're Feeling Too Fat to be Photographed"

sweetmelissa222
sweetmelissa222 Posts: 290 Member
in Motivation and Support
Full credit to the author Teresa Porter: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/teresa-s-porter/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed_b_4351360.html Also, please don't read the comments on the website, it's the usual hate filled crud you would expect after an article about loving yourself no matter what.

Listen. I hear you. You're a few pounds heavier than you like (or a 100 lbs heavier than you like). I completely understand how you feel. I get that same blah feeling about myself when I think about booking new head shots or long overdue pictures of me and Justin. Precious, I even picked a career that has me permanently behind the camera rather than in front of it. Seeing myself in pictures actually produces the faintest sick feeling in my stomach. Isn't it amazing we can see the beauty in our best friends, sisters, mothers, and aunts without the slightest thought to their flaws... but can obsess for hours on our own imperfections? We fixate on our flaws to the point we shirk at any documentation that our round faces and curvy bodies ever walked the earth. No pictures to show how we LOVE, how we laugh, how we are treasured by our families. How is it possible that a double chin can overpower the beauty of a mother cuddling her child? How does arm fat distract from the perfect shot of a spontaneous hug? I swear y'all... how is it that we can put more value on a TUMMY ROLL than the captivating way you throw yourself into a roar of laughter during a shoot?

In our warped minds pictures become frozen mirrors that we can stare at as we pick apart our features over and over again.

I know girl. I know.

My personal duck-and-cover (or signature "make a funny face") approach to having pictures of myself changed completely when I had a serious car accident last year (and started over). In the flash of a second (or a flash of the text message the young woman was reading) my entire life changed. I nearly left this earth with no physical evidence of the goofy, wide open and loud love I have for my life, my husband, my family and friends. I haven't had professional pictures done since our wedding in 2006... always waiting for this elusive moment where I would be thin enough (pretty enough) to have such a permanent record of me. Because, you know, HEAVEN FORBID there be any proof that I look the way I actually look.

So here is the harsh truth y'all. Listen good. Our vanity is no longer enough of a reason to avoid the camera. Life doesn't wait until you "get thin" enough to capture it. Life is happening... it is happening right now and the only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are living. I shudder at the thought of leaving behind no pictures of my life with ME in it. My mom says of the accident she is "just glad that we're still a whole family." My gift to her this Christmas was a family portrait showing just that, nine months post-accident... a whole family.

2013-11-27-Screenshot20131127at2.14.28PM.png
Do you know what my mom sees when she looks at this picture? Her beautiful family all together.
Do you know what my husband sees? The family he gained the moment he met me (and how much he looks like my dad...)
Do you know what my dad sees? The happy family he has worked for every day of his life.
Do you know what my brother sees? That he got away with wearing shorts...

Shocker: No one is looking at how fat I look.

Can we agree to put the value of family over the value of fat? Can we just accept that the weight you've been trying to lose for 5 years might actually just be a part of what you look like... and that if this magical day does come when you're acceptably thin you'll STILL regret not having any pictures of you with your kids from ages 5-10? Can we acknowledge that the insecurities we have in our heads will never be a part of how our children, husbands, and friends see us? Can we just please let our loved ones remember the YOU they love?

Your children want pictures with their mom.

Your husband wants pictures with his beautiful wife.

Your mom and dad want pictures of the happy, successful, amazing woman they raised (OK, and more pictures of the grandkids while you're at it).

And if you're thinking that high school friend on Facebook will say to herself ("wow she has gained weight") then... news flash you DID. You gained weight. Shed a tear. Read a book. Drink a sweet tea. Watch Oprah. Whatever it takes. Accept this reality... YOU GAINED WEIGHT. The truth is you've gained a lot of other things too (a career, a family, some kids, a house, a love for travel, the ability to coordinate your separates...) and that girl from high school is going to spend a lot more time hating on those things then she ever will on your double chin.

So you're feeling too fat to be photographed? OK... but you're the only one who notices. The rest of us are too caught up in loving you.

Teresa is a photographer and blogger. Her work can be found at myfriendteresablog.com.

Replies

  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
    I loved reading this!
    Thank-you.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I have seen this a lot but still really like it!

    I think a lot of people can benefit from its message. It saddens me to reconnect with so many old friends on facebook who share hundreds of photos of their children and never a single photo of themselves. I still picture them as they were at seventeen, which is fine and good...but I would love to see their faces at thirty-seven. NOT to pick apart their bellies and crow's feet. But to see them again!!
  • cstringfellow2013
    cstringfellow2013 Posts: 172 Member
    I've read something similar from another blogger and it changed my mind about pictures. I really don't photograph well (even my DH agrees with me on this, in a nice way), so I've always tried to avoid pics of me when my hair and make up weren't done. After reading the similar article, I now make sure I take pictures of me with my kids and my husband. And I let my kids take pictures of me, even while cleaning house or doing yard work. Because when I'm gone, they are going to want those pictures and they won't care that I wasn't thin enough, or that my hair was in a ponytail.
  • Inshape13
    Inshape13 Posts: 680 Member
    Love your post. I think I have 2 "fat pics" of myself from back in the day due to embarrassment, but at times I wish I would have sucked it up and had more photos of me and my family rather than me hiding from the camera. It is nice to see the then and now side by side though.
  • accebersmith
    accebersmith Posts: 96 Member
    Thank you so much for this post. Though I have not been obese my entire life, I have always had a dysmorphic view of myself, and I have always hated pictures of myself. But when I almost died giving birth to my son (damn you, preeclampsia!), I realized my baby isn't going to give a crap whether I was fat or not. One day, when I'm gone, he's going to treasure the pictures he has of his mother, and he won't see any of the flaws my twisted mind makes me see. All he'll see is how beautiful I am to him. And *this* makes me take pictures with him, because I love him, and I want him to have those memories of me.

    Thank you.
  • Fittykitty11
    Fittykitty11 Posts: 124
    This is awesome. Just last night my dad posted a pic of me from this weekend that looks AWFUL. My friends agree that it is just an unflattering photo and I don't look like that typically but yikes. I definitely do hide from the camera and I wish I wouldn't.

    The pic is of me and my family whom all live out of state so we rarely get family pictures. AND it's with my 90 year old grandma. All of the comments were about how beautiful a pic it is and family and blah blah blah, yet all I could focus on was my bad angle. The article is great. Thanks for sharing.
  • AMOMONAJOURNEYTOCHANGEHERLIFE
    AMOMONAJOURNEYTOCHANGEHERLIFE Posts: 170 Member
    Nice post!


    I in a weird way find it motivating when I see myself in a photo. Because I don't spend anytime in a mirror for one I am busy with family and l life. So it's eye opening to see just how big I have become. I mean you know you have you've gone up in pant sizes, you don't fit so nicely in chairs with handles and spaces you used to fit in before well....you don't fit there anymore.

    Back in the day I was teased horribly for being too skinny! I walk around with that mind set still that I am too skinny.....then I see a photo of myself or have to squeeze on the largest pants I have ever had to wear in my life or try to squeeze in a tight space I could have fit in back in the day only to knock something off with my hip or my giant rear end! For some reason those things day to day don't phase me....but seeing a picture of me that does. That's why I am here again My sister graduated from college. And I got to see what I looked like standing next to her so proud of her and then I get to see this person I don't even recognize me! BLAH that is motivating to stop this crazy weight gain and start paying attention to me a little bit more.
  • msthang444
    msthang444 Posts: 491 Member
    This was awesome. I really really needed it. FOr the first 3 years of my marriage I took pics alllll the time. Of my family. Of my hubby. Of myself. When the weight came the pictures stopped. When the kids became teenagers and started whining about taking pictures. I stopped. It just wasn't fun anymore. But my son is almost 3 and I think we have 5 pictures together.

    You're right.

    Thank you.

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