Looking for online friends & support

These past few years I feel lost. I had been a single mother for 10+ years of 2 girls and a boy. 5 years ago I meet a very kind person who cares about me and my kids, so we decided to get married. I was uncertain the closer it got. Not because of anything with him or his son but me.. I had gone out with some guys and was having fun. It was for the first time I was starting to like myself but I also knew that with most of them it was about things in the moment and satisfying there wants. We did get married and it was and is a hard adjustment for me. I am st the largest I have ever been. There is just a part of me that is scared to fail, the part that doesn't like myself so why do I try, and a part of me that hurts seeing my kids embarrassed to be around me and not be able to fit in seats or booths when going out. Where do you find that little spark and sunshine? I don't like me but I don't like veggies...lol I really don't have any friends anymore so I would love to be able to chat with people and listen to your idess, success, struggles or just about what ever. Thanks for reading my mini novel.