Giving up

nikkoleb03 · May 2014

Please be kind to me... I don't have quite the right mindset that I should towards this whole thing anymore. I've gone back and forth about writing this for a long time because I know how harsh people can be but decided I needed help from some experts.

It all started back in Feb. 2013, I started counting calories, logging every food I ate to the accuracy closest to what I was eating. Also with measuring all that I ate. I, like clockwork, lost 1-1.5 lbs every week. I hit 15lbs lost and just stopped losing. I was eating a 1500 calorie diet for these few months.

My fiance lost his job. I'm a SAHM so that meant we were both without work. The stress and overwhelming feelings and stressing eating started. I continued to log though, each and every single day. And it wasn't like I was going over my macros every single day, maybe once or twice a week if that.

I completely stopped losing weight.

I tried harder, eating within my numbers every day. I had a few rules that I approached this with:
- stay within your numbers
- make small changes you can live with forever, NO DIETING! Don't cut out carbs or fat or anything completely because eventually you're gonna go back to eating it once again and gonna gain the weight back
- cheat days are only on holidays -- but I still logged everything

I changed my calorie intake to be lower, I tried rising it.

Starting the beginning of this year, I incorporated some exercise. Jogging in place (couldn't do it outside due to weather) for 30 minutes a day 3-4 days a week. Once it got warmer I walked 2-3 miles outside at 2.5 mph pace and tried to hit that 3.0 mph average but was just too slow. I did this from Jan - April but still didn't see any results.

So, with that being said, I just hit my 481st day streak... every single day minus the past two days I have logged my food as accurately as possible. Yes, I've had bad days where I've went over, but honestly those were days were I just gave up hope. I have been at this for 481 days and only lost 12 lbs (gained 3 back otherwise maintained). I sit here and read all the success stories and just discouraged. You'd think it would motivate me to work harder and push further, but instead it makes me depressed and feel like giving up because I'm clearly not doing this right and nothing is working.

I'm not looking to hear what I'm doing wrong, I guess I'm just looking for a reason to start over again instead of giving up. I have even written a list "Reason Why You Want To Lose The Weight" and came up with 107 reasons. Is that enough to make me do this? No. I don't know what the hell my mental block is but there is one. I cannot allow myself to succeed.

I love food. I love eating food. I'm one of those types of people that is known for continuously eating something even after I start to feel full because its "so good and I don't want to stop". I have done my best to not do that.

I know that I need to make some more dramatic changes. I use the excuse that I have an INCREDIBLY picky family and a very tight budget and there isn't a lot of room to buy myself special foods so I just eat what they're having but serving size.

I know you got to want this to do it. You have to actually WANT it. At this point, I think I've tried so hard for so long that I don't care to want it anymore, or do I? I just feel like giving up, even if it's for a week... I don't want to continue to do this unless I'm in the right mindset and I'm having troubles getting myself in that mindset.

Ok. I've rambled long enough. I just needed to get this out in the open to maybe somewhere someone will understand how I feel. Please be kind to me for I am fragile about this whole subject. Thanks.

dt3312 · May 2014

I can relate. I was trying to do MFP really well, keeping within my numbers, etc. Exercising 4 or 5 times a week. And the scale wasn't moving. I was reading everyone else's success stories, which made me even more discouraged. I am really happy for the people who are tracking calories with MFP and I think it is a wonderful, easy to use tool....more power to you. But I was having lots of emotional eating issues and for some reason, tracking calories wasn't working for me. What helped me was reading Geneen Roth's book called Breaking free from emotional eating. (our library has it or can get it on internet). I did not get on the scale for weeks. I followed her guidelines and when I finally got on the scale again after 3 weeks or so, I had lost several pounds. As the saying goes, if what you're doing isn't working, if you keep doing the same thing, it most likely won't work. That's why I decided to not count calories for a month or so and try this other method instead, which works for me. I hope you can find what works for you. And again, I am not knocking counting calories or MFP in any way and I commend those of you who are using it so effectively. Just that with all my emotional baggage, Ganeen Roth's method is what helped me.

Karren188 · May 2014

I relate also. I am like you -- I love food - I love eating it - planning to eat it -- thinking about eating it, etc. My husband is trying to quit smoking. He talks about how hard it is to kick his addiction. Well, for lovers of food - losing weight is even harder. He's never really considered my problem "a true addiction" But it really is an addiction. And for those of us who are addicted - it makes it hard, because we can't just quit eating. We have to expose ourselves to food every day - avoiding the fattening stuff and eating the good for us stuff. Eating the good for you foods is not always the most economical and when money is tight it's harder to eat healthy for two reasons: (1) money is tight (obviously) and (2) stress makes you gravitate to what makes you feel better, which isn't always (most likely never is) the healthy choice.

I understand your frustration - I've been trying to get my weight down for years and keep backsliding. But I encourage you to stay with it. Even when the numbers are not changing stay with it - do it for yourself girl!! It's a frustrating road - but there are plenty of people here who will stick with you if you stick with you!!

There's nothing wrong with stopping - reassessing - and restarting. But I do recommend staying connected here - to make sure you restart. Keep logging your food, no matter what you are eating. It's easy to lose track of how much you eat if you don't keep it logged somewhere. I'm not talking so much about calories as I am about quantity and types of foods. Keep walking, even if the scale isn't moving. Exercise is good for you and helps you with stress relief, helps you sleep better, and many many other benefits besides weightloss. Eventually your body will give in and part with a few pounds if you keep at it. Keep your chin up! Maybe step back from weighing yourself - weigh maybe 1x per month. The book dt3312 mentioned sounds like something good to look into at the library. Something that helps me is to drink plenty of water every day. I find that I am moody and constantly tired if I get partially dehydrated which makes it hard to deal with anything...and something I plan to do this time that I did not do last time is measure. I get frustrated at the scale and I have a bad habit of weighing in too much - but I truthfully don't care about my "number" as much as I care about how I look and if I am staying healthy.

It seems like you have a lot going on - and what you are feeling right now is a natural reaction to everything. I think you can do this - and I think you will come to the right decision for you! Hugs & I am keeping you in my prayers.

amberj32 · May 2014

Don't give up!!! I've never heard of the book dt3312 mentioned but it can't hurt looking at it. I'm not really an expert but I will help any way that I can. I've only been on MFP a little over a month since I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. I try to stay around my set calories per day. I have to spread my meals out over the day and keep carbs down in one sitting(between 30-50). It's been working for me so far. I've only exercised a few times a week and did no exercise the first two weeks. I've been losing.

These are just my observations and things I've tried.
I've looked at a lot of posts on here. I'm sure there will be people that say as long as you meet your macros, it doesn't matter what you eat and you will lose weight. 1500 calories a day seems a bit low. I don't know how tall you are or how much you weigh now. I don't really believe in a "cheat day". I usually eat what I want. I'm trying to eat less processed food but I still go to fast food joints every once in a while but it fits in my macros. I do love food too!

People on here will tell you to lift weights, which is good. I personally haven't gotten to that yet but I will. Other posters are going to ask you how you measure your food and if you are doing it accurately. Weighing your food is the best way. I got a digital scale last week. They aren't too expensive on Amazon. Have you logged everything you eat in MFP? I know eating healthy can be expensive. You can also make it work. I buy some of my produce from the 99 cent store. I don't know if you have one of those where you live. If you don't have any health issues you can eat the same things your family eats but smaller portion size.

Some people eat back their calories from working out, others don't. I eat about half of the calories just because I don't think MFP calorie burns are always accurate. The last time I was at the gym the elliptical said I burned 401 calories but MFP said I burned 666 calories. Everyone says to get a HRM (heart rate monitor). I haven't done that yet. I've been weighing myself once a week, some people do less. Did you also take your measurements? You could have lost some inches!!

Please don't get discouraged! You can do this. You just have to find the right combination. I know how stressful looking for a job can be. The reason you shouldn't give up is because you wrote 107 things down of why you want to lose the weight and I'm sure one of those reasons was to be a healthy example for your two boys. 481 day streak is awesome! You wrote this post so I do think you care!

leggup · May 2014

It sounds like you're upset/stressed over other things (I assume the job situation is resolved now? I can't tell). Pretend you are your ideal weight. What is unhappy in your life? What do you still want to change or fix. The dieting may be making you miserable because food is a way to cope. It's distracting and comforting. I think you should go to maintenance mindset and focus on the other stressors in your life. See what change you can make in your mental wellbeing.

martinel2099 · May 2014

Don't give up.

I'm not going to be hard on you and I think it's a great idea to consult an expert about your weight loss. Here's the thing though, if you were 100% accurate about your target weight loss calories and measuring your portions 100% and measuring your calories burnt during exercise 100% then you would be losing weight guaranteed.

Think of this, how much of your food is estimates? Restaurants especially. Are you really measuring your food properly? A kitchen scale that weighs in grams is amazing. When you exercise, do you eat back your exercise calories? One danger to eating back exercise calories is 1. If you over estimate your calories burned, and 2. if you are already under estimating calories it's a double bad effect if you eat them back. Re-evaluate all of these things before you give up, it's possible you just need to forget what you think you know you're doing right and start again to re-learn the proper ways.

You can literally lose weight on this diet eating all of the things you love and live a normal lifestyle. You can even have bad days without worrying about undoing your results completely as long as you track consistently.

Don't give up and seek the help from an expert if that'll help.

dawnmcneil10 · May 2014

Ok so here's a success story for you. First let me say I'm not looking for congratulations or any of the typical blah blah blah. It's appreciated but not necessary and that's not why I'm writing this.

It took my 13+ years to get healthy so I took the slow and steady route. I did low carb not no carbs but low carbs a couple of times and would lose 10-15lbs and keep it off, I'd walk on occassion but never to the point of sweating but I'd move which is what I believe kept the losses off. At some point I'd get lazy and the frequency of my walks would drop, I'm sure I had excuses but at this point in time they don't really matter.
After a while I knew if I didn't stay active I wouldn't lose the weight I really felt I needed to get off my body, my knees hurt and I didn't want to be old before my time. So that's when I hit the gym 5-6 days a week for 2 hours every morning before work. I did tons of cardio and sweat like a pig and after 6 months I had dropped 15lbs. I was frustrated and angry, friends of mine were doing the same thing and losing 35-40 lbs in the same time frame so what was wrong with me? A little situation popped up on a personal level and I gave up the gym time to enjoy the time I had left with my furry best pal, she needed me and I needed her much more than I needed that gym at the time. Well I found out just how quick all that hard work could be reversed, because 3 months later I had gained back the lost weight from the gym, accepted I was doomed to be the fat friend and thought I'd moved on.

A few months after that I don't know where this brave soul came from but I made a life changing decision, I was going to move out of state, make a new path for myself. I applied for a job within the company I worked for and to my shock I got it, things were moving faster than I expected and it scared the stuffing out of me but I did it, I believed that this was my new path. I lived with friends for a couple of months (thankfully they were and are pretty awesome people) but soon knew I needed to pick myself up and brush myself off. I started Weight Watchers mostly to try and meet new people, no sense being in a new place and having no friends so I did it. I wasn't sure what I would find but I didn't make those long lost friendships with anyone else instead I made friends with myself. I lost 33lbs on WW, half way to my goal and then life happened, I bought a home in the new state and I sold my home in the other state and it was time my husband and furry kids made the final move. I mentally said weight loss is out, this is a life changing event and for life changing events you go into maintenance just maintain what you've done up to this point. I did it, for 18 months I kept that weight off then what did I do, I got lazy again, noticed very quickly that 15 lbs came back, my knees would sometimes hurt like crazy and then I got mad, I didn't work this hard to get rid of that horrible weight just to gain it back and become lazy again.

I got up, I dusted myself off and said this is it, I'm done, I'm embarassed to look at myself, no one else cared, this wasn't about them it was about me. I was so hurt inside that I didn't matter enough to myself to be healthy that I made the descision right there in brand new fat jeans on Christmas eve that this was the first day of my new life. That was Christmas eve of 2012, since then I have managed to eat according to the food pyramid, exercised without a gym (I do have an elliptical at home) and started putting my needs back on the list. I do exercises that are fun, that I see and feel results from and I make foods I enjoy, I don't make myself feel guilty if I eat a cupcake but I do make myself earn it because otherwise it wasn't worth it.

Here I am currently 87lbs lighter than I was that very first day I was disgusted with myself in 2000, 60 lbs lighter than when I joined WW in Feb 2009 and 50lbs lighter than I was on Christmas Eve 2012.

This is why you don't give up, right here. I am strong, I am healthy, I am happy and I am proud that I did this for me.

I hope this has helped you so see someone elses story and see that you don't need to get immediate results, frustration and set backs are all part of the process but if you keep trying you eventually get where you're meant to be. Take your inner strength and run with it, try new things, make them fun. It costs nothing to go to the playground and swing on the swingset, it costs nothing to play with your children, it costs nothing to do a push up or a squat if you want it, go for it!

lilRicki · May 2014

I've been at this for 4 years, and I've only lost 20 lbs...trust me when I tell you I know what you're going through. It's tough, I had to change my mentality though. Instead of focusing on the scale, I've had to realize how great I feel after a good sweat. Instead of wishing I could fit in a size 10, I hope my size 14 gets a little less tight. Instead of doing insane amounts of cardio to lose the fat, I've started weight lifting (it IS a slower way to lose weight, but my body changes look awesome even though the scale hasn't dropped). I KNOW that my food choices are making me healthy, and that walking for over an hour is a piece of cake. I realized that I'm not in stellar shape, but I can do physical labour for 2 days and not feel like I'm dying. Lunges don't scare me, and I can squat like a pro. These are the things I focus on because I'm not seeing changes on the scale. My problem is consistency and stress. Cortisol is the stress hormone, and if you have enough of it, it will prevent weight loss, that's why I do yoga and meditation. Consistency is still something I'm working on. I'll go balls to the wall for 2 weeks, and then fall off the wagon for 2 weeks and wonder why I feel like crap. Good, healthy food isn't expensive. Try more beans, veggies, brown rice, buying in bulk when you have the money and making most of your stuff from scratch. Gardening not only burns calories, but you get to eat your produce and seeds are super cheap (I suck at gardening however). Hang in there, don't give up, you have 107 reasons why you should be doing this.

barbarapoppa54 · May 2014

thank you Dawnmcneil10 for your story as well as everyone else. Realize first and foremost, we are not perfect people and we will have set backs and make mistakes in life as well as our journey to be healthy. If you focus on why you want to do this that might help. If it is for other people, it will not stick. If it is for health reasons it might stick, if it is to feel better it might stick..the bottom line is not all of us (truthfully most of us) are not addicted to exercise and running a marathon. I wish I were one of those people. I have a friend that is training for the IronMan...but its not me and thats ok. The older I am the harder it is losing weight this time....by the way I said This time...yes I too have struggled many times in my life...I am now doing this for health reasons and because I am sick of feeling terrible and feeling fat. I have about 45 more lbs to go and while that does not sound massive for me it is because I use to be over 100 lbs overweight and so I don't want to go back there. I have lost 14 so far but it has been slow and the past few weeks very very slow...the point is...find what works for you...don't worry about what works for others, remember WHY you want to do this...even if it is a pound a month or an inch a month..you are still going in the right direction. Take care of yourself emotionally and take care of your home life and just take care to at least try to watch yourself so that you don't go backwards...going forward with losing weight may have to be on teh back burner for now..but hang onto what you have done. Don/t fall off the radar..keep in touch here, we are here for one another....my favorite saying
we are not here to see through one another but to see one another through.

1Cor1510 · May 2014

I hear you. It's hard to go so long with little to no losses. My weight fluctuates 4-5 lbs a day sometimes, and I've been at this for 156 days so far, I've lost 15 lbs.

2 years ago, I went on a 1500 cal diet, no other restrictions, didn't exercise, and in the same amount of time lost 30 lbs. After putting 15 back on around Christmas 2013 I decided I was going to DO this. After all, my baby is 8, time for the baby weight to go. I made spreadsheets with projections of 6 lbs a month (the rate I previously lost at) and spent hours tracking/weighing/measuring everything. Only this time, I exercised 4-5 times a week and did macro counting. (Surely that will speed things up, no?). NO. I officially weigh the same as I did last summer before the 15 lb weight gain, BUT, the difference is I am down almost a size and a half from last summer due to the macro counting and exercise. So I am leaner, more muscular, and clothes fit better. And I feel better.

Another thing I did different this time, that has kept me going, because believe me, after only losing 8 lbs the first 2 1/2 months I wanted to give up (I should have lost close to 15 in that time in my mind, because this really is a mind game) was taking pictures and measurments. SEEING the changes made all the difference. I've made peace with the fact that I really don't care what the scale says anymore. A number does not define me. How I feel and the things I can do now, do.

Last weekend I was able to swing on the swings with my son, and slide down a payground slide, I still can't believe my rear end fit into the thing with room to spare!

All of that said, here's my advice to you, and I may write this down for myself so when I get discouraged again, (and I will) I can read it again.

Take it one day at a time. Do your best TODAY. Get moving, make the best choices available with food (I have young picky kids too so it is hard sometimes) I look back at when I started almost every day. My before picture is my inspiration, because I'm so glad I started THAT day.

Enjoy the little victories! Every single one! Don't minimize them, celebrate them! Each time a piece of clothing feels looser, each time you close out your diary and you were spot on, each time you exercise and each time you are able to do something you weren't able to do before.

It really is a battle, and it's worth every effort you put into it, for you and your family :flowerforyou:

Full disclosure, I was up to 240 with first pregnancy 2003, down to 205 when I started losing 2012, got down to 173 and stayed there for a year and 1/2, back up to 189 last christmas, and now back down to 173. According to the spreadsheet I made with my projections I should be 159 right now if the weight came off like I planned. Goal is 155. Went from size 16 1X at my heaviest and I write this now wearing size 8 pants

Every victory counts! You can do this!

brenn24179 · May 2014

I joined in feb 2013 also. It is a lot of hard work. But I don't want to go back being like I was, I felt disrespected, heck I had no respect for myself, I could not fit in any of my clothes. I love to eat and would love to continue eating but I had to get the discipline to take care of myself. I did not like the consequences of overeating. You really have to be willing to do the hard work, logging those calories is what worked for me.

SweetVGC · May 2014

Thank you! I am inspired.

Grammie4VT · May 2014

Please don't give up! You are so worth effort. It is a hard road, but so worth it! You got this girl!

tmj4477 · May 2014

The best thing I can say is don't give up because YOU ARE WORTH IT! You have to believe it wholeheartedly and embrace it. Yeah I know easier said then done and quite frankly I fight with this myself. I had a sister that passed from cancer and I just hate knowing that she regretted wasting time and not accomplishing certain things before she died.

Time is so precious because once its gone its gone. I personally (even though its hard) don't want to look back AGAIN at my own life and think all that time wasted and what I could have accomplished! We all have weight/health goals that we aspire to and it is VERY hard to stay on track but if you don't want to love you in this way how can you expect anyone else to?

All I know is I am trying to drop the weight so I can achieve part of what it means to be THE BEST ME I CAN BE.

Get yours girl!

Friend me if you like!

jjordan18 · May 2014

Everybody who is trying to lose weight goes through this. Your body is adapting to what you are doing. you have to remember you are in better shape then you were when you started. You have to increase your workouts. You can either increase the intensity. If you walk on a treadmill raise the incline or the speed some. You can also change the type of workout you do this will make your body adapt to this change and you will start seeing results again. You can also increase the time you workout either adding more time to your daily routine or adding an extra day. Be proud of what you have accomplished so far it is a great thing. Just remember you get better every day. congrats on your success so far.

sherambler · May 2014

It sounds corny, but you just have to keep trying and believe that each day, something is changing, even if you don't feel it or see it. It might be mental, it might be something internal, something physiological. Just sticking with it is progress. Think of where you would be if you hadn't kept trying for over a year. Certainly not 12 pounds down. In my experience, you'd probably be at least 20 lbs heavier. So really, you saved yourself those extra 20 plus another 12!

My therapist told me once that I could give up completely if I wanted to. It's my body and my life. And then she said, "but I don't think you want to give up, otherwise you wouldn't keep trying." Likewise, you obviously want this. You don't track for over 400 days because you don't want something. If it makes you feel better, I've been trying to lose this same weight for at least 3 years and I've only lost 8. If I'm going to log in tomorrow, then I expect you to do the same because you're 4 pounds ahead of me. I look at 12 pounds and think, if SHE can do it, I can do it.

Friend me if you like, and we can help keep each other moving forward.

nikkoleb03 · May 2014

Thanks for so many words of encouragement.

I've come up with this solution: I'm going to continue to log but take some time to reflect, and refresh my mind. I'm not going to go crazy and binge but I'm also not going to get upset for seeing red. I have SO much stress going on in my life right now and i know that is absolutely no excuse because stress is going to happen, every day, and you shouldn't put your goals on hold because of it. I definitely need to put myself in the right mindset to do this... whole-heartedly.

I need to do some reflection on how much I care about myself also. Right now, I don't much care for myself. I need to love myself before I can fix myself or want to spend the time to fix myself.

I loved all your inspiring stories. They really gave me a piece of mind that I should continue this journey and shouldn't give up. Thanks for the new friends I made too. I hope you don't give up on me when rooting me on if I fail you.

cwolfman13 · May 2014

You need to realize that your path to wellness isn't a straight shot...nobody's is. There are curves and twists and winding detours and ups and downs and all arounds...you just keep going on your path...giving up is just giving up on life....

Success%2Bdiagram.gif

tmj4477 · May 2014

That was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:happy:

tmj4477 · May 2014

Thanks for so many words of encouragement.

I've come up with this solution: I'm going to continue to log but take some time to reflect, and refresh my mind. I'm not going to go crazy and binge but I'm also not going to get upset for seeing red. I have SO much stress going on in my life right now and i know that is absolutely no excuse because stress is going to happen, every day, and you shouldn't put your goals on hold because of it. I definitely need to put myself in the right mindset to do this... whole-heartedly.

I need to do some reflection on how much I care about myself also. Right now, I don't much care for myself. I need to love myself before I can fix myself or want to spend the time to fix myself.

I loved all your inspiring stories. They really gave me a piece of mind that I should continue this journey and shouldn't give up. Thanks for the new friends I made too. I hope you don't give up on me when rooting me on if I fail you.

This site has some good stuff for free you might want to check out:

http://www.nowloss.com/

amberj32 · May 2014

Thanks for so many words of encouragement.

I've come up with this solution: I'm going to continue to log but take some time to reflect, and refresh my mind. I'm not going to go crazy and binge but I'm also not going to get upset for seeing red. I have SO much stress going on in my life right now and i know that is absolutely no excuse because stress is going to happen, every day, and you shouldn't put your goals on hold because of it. I definitely need to put myself in the right mindset to do this... whole-heartedly.

I need to do some reflection on how much I care about myself also. Right now, I don't much care for myself. I need to love myself before I can fix myself or want to spend the time to fix myself.

I loved all your inspiring stories. They really gave me a piece of mind that I should continue this journey and shouldn't give up. Thanks for the new friends I made too. I hope you don't give up on me when rooting me on if I fail you.

Reflection sounds good! But keep logging! No one is perfect, everyone has some type of setback. I know life can be stressful - kids, bills, food, car, family problems, etc. We aren't going to give up on you and you aren't going to fail!

Giving up

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