Insults AFTER losing weight.
delazouche
Posts: 55 Member
I've seen a lot of threads asking the worst insults/most painful experiences someone had to go through before they lost weight, but I'm sure I can't be the only one who has dealt with some significant backlash AFTER slimming down, can I? I'm curious about what other people have had to face and how they deal with it.
For me, I knew I had reached my weight loss goal at least so far as my appearance goes when people's comments turned to spiteful things about how fat I used to be rather than "keep up the good work!" For reference, I work with all female co-workers, and sorry to roll with the stereotype, but it's just the sort of cattiness you'd expect. I get constant comments on how I'm going to "blow away" or how I "must feel so much better" from some people, which I know isn't really meant to be insulting, but some things just flat out are.
The one that nearly made me lose my cool recently: I was sitting on the ground sorting through some boxes in our archive room, and a co-worker was startled to see me there behind the shelves. "Yeah, sorry, I'm hiding out back here," I said.
"Oh yeah, I guess you can do that now that you lost half of yourself," she said. As though my formerly enormous, repulsive size 8/10 self never could have managed to sit behind a 12x6 bookcase and not be seen. Maybe I just took it too personally, but it was not this particular woman's first offense.
My other favorite that keeps cropping up is "Oh, how happy is your boyfriend now?" and variations of that. How do you respond to that?!? "Oh, yes, he was simply nauseated by me before! Thank goodness I did all this work to actually be able to make a man happy!" (this one makes him mad, too, for the record, and so far I've just changed the subject when someone asks)
Not to mention everyone closely watches what I eat at group lunches now and comments on it, which does no favors for my eating anxiety. Ex. wrapping up extra chocolate cake to take home to my boyfriend today elicited gasps and "I know you're not going to eat that!" from a few people...
Anyone else have condescending remarks to vent about/give advice for dealing with?
For me, I knew I had reached my weight loss goal at least so far as my appearance goes when people's comments turned to spiteful things about how fat I used to be rather than "keep up the good work!" For reference, I work with all female co-workers, and sorry to roll with the stereotype, but it's just the sort of cattiness you'd expect. I get constant comments on how I'm going to "blow away" or how I "must feel so much better" from some people, which I know isn't really meant to be insulting, but some things just flat out are.
The one that nearly made me lose my cool recently: I was sitting on the ground sorting through some boxes in our archive room, and a co-worker was startled to see me there behind the shelves. "Yeah, sorry, I'm hiding out back here," I said.
"Oh yeah, I guess you can do that now that you lost half of yourself," she said. As though my formerly enormous, repulsive size 8/10 self never could have managed to sit behind a 12x6 bookcase and not be seen. Maybe I just took it too personally, but it was not this particular woman's first offense.
My other favorite that keeps cropping up is "Oh, how happy is your boyfriend now?" and variations of that. How do you respond to that?!? "Oh, yes, he was simply nauseated by me before! Thank goodness I did all this work to actually be able to make a man happy!" (this one makes him mad, too, for the record, and so far I've just changed the subject when someone asks)
Not to mention everyone closely watches what I eat at group lunches now and comments on it, which does no favors for my eating anxiety. Ex. wrapping up extra chocolate cake to take home to my boyfriend today elicited gasps and "I know you're not going to eat that!" from a few people...
Anyone else have condescending remarks to vent about/give advice for dealing with?
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Replies
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I aint there yet... just a comment... be the BIGGER person :smooched:0
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Stop caring.0
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I will never fully understand women...0
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I had to deal with this a lot. I lost about 40 pounds about 6 or 7 years ago and I've kept it off (plus or minus a few) ever since. I lived in a sorority house then and the girls would talk about how I must be bulimic or something. They'd make similar comments to what you mentioned.
Sorority girls can be catty. I dealt with the rumors of eating disorders by mostly ignoring them. I was never "fat" but I was always a little uncomfortable with my weight. I'm in the perfect normal BMI zone now so I feel healthy and happy.
I left the sorority when I graduated, not thinking about what to expect in the "real world." People at my job didn't know about my weight loss. They saw me as the fit person in the office who ate super healthy and exercised. Any time there was a pot luck, I'd get comments like "Oh, you can eat that, you're so thin!" or "Oh, Katy won't eat that, she only eats healthy stuff!" I wanted to turn around and say "This doesn't come easy! I'm thin because I don't eat cake and donuts every time they show up in the break room! I'm thin because I wake up at 5am to get my daily workout in!"
I guess what I'm saying is, people are jealous. Any time someone has the discipline to say no to the office donuts or to get up and run at 5am or to simply stick to a healthy lifestyle, it forces people to look at their own insecurities. You can do what I do and ignore those people, or you can simply reply with one of my all-time favorites, "Why do you ask?"
Example: Oh, how happy is your boyfriend now?
Reply: Why do you ask?
It makes people uncomfortable because they actually have to think about what their question implies. As for the other stuff, eventually it will stop. Just smile and be proud of what you've done. Let the haters hate.1 -
I will never fully understand women...
I am a woman and don't fully understand women...
Maybe my mature age and life's tough times has made a bit tough.0 -
"You've lost so much"
--> "Nah, I just found a version of me that's happy."
"You're boyfriend must be so happy."
--> "Don't know. Never asked him. Wasn't his decision to make."
"You're going to blow away."
--> "I've always wanted to fly."
"You're not going to eat *that.*"
--> "Why yes, yes I am. And it's going to taste amazing."
I get snarky right back at things like this, if I feel the person is being catty or inappropriate.0 -
That's horrible! And, yes, catty as hell. I'm sorry that you have to go through that. People, despite their best intentions (or not), can be very hurtful with their words. I myself have had horrible looks and comments from my own family. I also get looks from people just out and about on the town. People need to realize that we all go through issues in our lives and have to deal with certain things that come up in different circumstances.0
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I really enjoyed reading your piece about insults after losing weight. You just nailed it with the right balance between humour and heartache. Women tend to be competitive in my experience, so if you are ruffling feathers, it means you are looking good! Rise above it (it sounds like you are) and be grateful that they are giving you good material for a laugh. I take it as a compliment when I get that kind of feedback.0
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I understand your point. I ignore those kind of comments and move on. ( I am 5'7", sw173 and gw150 and I weight 150.4) a lady from the gym told me that she wanted to loose weight but that she did not want to look anorexic like me. I didn't really care what she said because I did not ask her anything and I don't care about people like that.0
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Sounds like jealousy or envy. Sorry you have to deal with that on the daily. Don't let them rain on your parade. You did this for you and not for them. Congrats on your success.0
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Bullies and insulters are looking for one thing......................a response. Just don't give them the response they want. Defensive response puts the ball in their court and they'll keep playing the game.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I guess what I'm saying is, people are jealous. Any time someone has the discipline to say no to the office donuts or to get up and run at 5am or to simply stick to a healthy lifestyle, it forces people to look at their own insecurities. You can do what I do and ignore those people, or you can simply reply with one of my all-time favorites, "Why do you ask?"
Example: Oh, how happy is your boyfriend now?
Reply: Why do you ask?
It makes people uncomfortable because they actually have to think about what their question implies. As for the other stuff, eventually it will stop. Just smile and be proud of what you've done. Let the haters hate.
I love this!0 -
Perfect response...."Why do you ask?" Love it!!!0
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The stupid comments are just jealousy manifesting. Action makes the inactive resentful and jealous.
Turn it right back around.
"Oh, I wish I could eat (insert whatever here) but it just makes me look so bloated. You can pull it off though!"
"It's just SO HARD to shop for clothes now. Everything is so huge in the adults section!"0 -
I think my brother is the worst offender in my life. About 10 years ago, I got "all the way" down to 120, with decent amount of muscle (I'm 5'1") and he told me I was borderline anorexic. I could have lost another 15 pounds and probably still been near healthy BMI! He's made comments similar to this more recently, even though I've been closer to 130 than 120.
I usually ignore him, but every so often I get fed up and say something to the effect of "just because you like women "chubby" [translate: morbidly obese] doesn't mean I have to look that way." (He is a self-proclaimed chubby chaser)0 -
I've seen a lot of threads asking the worst insults/most painful experiences someone had to go through before they lost weight, but I'm sure I can't be the only one who has dealt with some significant backlash AFTER slimming down, can I? I'm curious about what other people have had to face and how they deal with it.
For me, I knew I had reached my weight loss goal at least so far as my appearance goes when people's comments turned to spiteful things about how fat I used to be rather than "keep up the good work!" For reference, I work with all female co-workers, and sorry to roll with the stereotype, but it's just the sort of cattiness you'd expect. I get constant comments on how I'm going to "blow away" or how I "must feel so much better" from some people, which I know isn't really meant to be insulting, but some things just flat out are.
The one that nearly made me lose my cool recently: I was sitting on the ground sorting through some boxes in our archive room, and a co-worker was startled to see me there behind the shelves. "Yeah, sorry, I'm hiding out back here," I said.
"Oh yeah, I guess you can do that now that you lost half of yourself," she said. As though my formerly enormous, repulsive size 8/10 self never could have managed to sit behind a 12x6 bookcase and not be seen. Maybe I just took it too personally, but it was not this particular woman's first offense.
My other favorite that keeps cropping up is "Oh, how happy is your boyfriend now?" and variations of that. How do you respond to that?!? "Oh, yes, he was simply nauseated by me before! Thank goodness I did all this work to actually be able to make a man happy!" (this one makes him mad, too, for the record, and so far I've just changed the subject when someone asks)
Not to mention everyone closely watches what I eat at group lunches now and comments on it, which does no favors for my eating anxiety. Ex. wrapping up extra chocolate cake to take home to my boyfriend today elicited gasps and "I know you're not going to eat that!" from a few people...
Anyone else have condescending remarks to vent about/give advice for dealing with?
I identify only with this; people are so unbelievably clueless. I mean, to the point of where I think "is it me or is the human race more stupid than I remember?"
My identification comes from me having to learn to let go of the frustration of these idjits who just spew without thinnking. It's a process but I guess you're gonna have to ignore them as best you can.
I can't believe that woman in your office. What a tool.0 -
I don't understand the comments people feel are appropriate to make. Sorry you're dealing with that at work!
The most I've heard so far is things like:
"You've gotten so tiny, you're done now right?"
"How much have you lost? An entire person?"
Mostly I just laugh because I'm nowhere near finished.0 -
Can I add to this?"You're not going to eat *that.*"
--> "Why yes, yes I am. And it's going to taste amazing."
Hold the offending item out to them and oh so generously of you ask them "Oh, I'm sorry - I thought you were finished with it. Here, you must want it now."
*****y, I know. But they asked for it. Hopefully, it makes them think.0 -
I lost loads of weight when my thyroid went hyper active I also didn't sleep for 3 months, maybe 1 hour a night> So I looked a lot thinner than I was 3 months before. I was at work when a woman I never seen or met before walked up to me and asked "How long have you had cancer, then? " I was gobsmacked, I just said that I didn't and walked away. Poor misguided soul that she was.... Tablets cured the over active thyroid, maybe a bit to well, which is why I'm here trying to lose it steadily with change in attitude to food and health.0
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I'm about 3 lbs away from my goal weight of 150 (stretch goal of 145), and I'm 5'8. I've had go workers tell me that it's time to stop, because you can see my collar bone. It's like, that's normal, that's not too thin! I've also gotten variations on wow, your husband must be happy. Really!? Come on now. And last weekend I tried on a size 6. It was way too tight, but it still buttoned up! I sent a picture to my mom, who said, stop you too thin! When I called her and told her, look, I'm not. I'm healthy and I'm still 3 lbs away and 153, her response was, really? I never thought you would be able to fit into a size 8 (my current) weighing that! Ughhh. Cannot win!0
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Yeah. It can be pretty annoying, but you've got to realize that they aren't happy with themselves and are projecting that onto you.
We had a coworker buy googey butter cake for every one, and let me preface this to say, I don't like googey butter cake, it's too sweet. My other coworker said "You guys are being mean to Jessica, she can't eat that." I just ignored him, because he knew that I knew he was being an *kitten* on purpose. But had it been someone else, I would have politely told them that I don't eat that type of cake.
You just have to stay firm to your principles and everything else will fall into place. Try not to let it bother you, I know it can be difficult when you're hearing the same crap everyday.0 -
When someone says catty things to me, feel sorry for them for hating themselves. Then I practice my "death stare".0
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It sounds like you definitely know my pain!!! I realize this is mostly just a big case of haters hatin', and I try to keep that in mind. It's just a crummy atmosphere to have to subject myself to for 9 hrs a day. I'd love to move on somewhere else and just have this be the me that people know from the start, and maybe that will be the route I go eventually.I had to deal with this a lot. I lost about 40 pounds about 6 or 7 years ago and I've kept it off (plus or minus a few) ever since. I lived in a sorority house then and the girls would talk about how I must be bulimic or something. They'd make similar comments to what you mentioned.
Sorority girls can be catty. I dealt with the rumors of eating disorders by mostly ignoring them. I was never "fat" but I was always a little uncomfortable with my weight. I'm in the perfect normal BMI zone now so I feel healthy and happy.
I left the sorority when I graduated, not thinking about what to expect in the "real world." People at my job didn't know about my weight loss. They saw me as the fit person in the office who ate super healthy and exercised. Any time there was a pot luck, I'd get comments like "Oh, you can eat that, you're so thin!" or "Oh, Katy won't eat that, she only eats healthy stuff!" I wanted to turn around and say "This doesn't come easy! I'm thin because I don't eat cake and donuts every time they show up in the break room! I'm thin because I wake up at 5am to get my daily workout in!"
I guess what I'm saying is, people are jealous. Any time someone has the discipline to say no to the office donuts or to get up and run at 5am or to simply stick to a healthy lifestyle, it forces people to look at their own insecurities. You can do what I do and ignore those people, or you can simply reply with one of my all-time favorites, "Why do you ask?"
Example: Oh, how happy is your boyfriend now?
Reply: Why do you ask?
It makes people uncomfortable because they actually have to think about what their question implies. As for the other stuff, eventually it will stop. Just smile and be proud of what you've done. Let the haters hate.
I wish I could get more people to understand the balance and discipline thing, too. So what if that chocolate cake HAD been for me? People who make an effort to stay fit can probably afford it in their day much more easily than people who make unhealthy choices on the regular. The difference is after I eat that cake, I'm going to make an effort to burn it off, and I'm not going to follow it with a double bacon cheeseburger for dinner. I like the "Why do you ask?" response, too, but I'd also love to retort that "Well, eating that won't make me any fatter than it's made anyone else here" with a sweet smile on my face most of the time.
gp4362, glad you got a laugh from my snarky humor
To the girls being accused of being "anorexic," I hate that people throw that sort of diagnosis around so carelessly. Be overweight and people will be condescending and let you know any way they can, be healthier than them and suddenly they are intimidated and have to find new insults, I suppose.0 -
This is the best advice. Seriously. Stop caring what people like that say.Stop caring.0 -
Hearing something day in and day out can wear on anyone's nerves. It's not as simple as not caring. Hearing it once and you can shurg it off. Hear it 4-5 times a day and it gets old quick.0
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My favorite so far has been the acusation that I have an eating disorder, because daily exercise and counting calories is un-natural and unhealthy. I am not anorexic or bulemic, but to some people, I still have an eating disorder.0
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I just get called ugly
ignore them or call them out0 -
It really is though. I'm a woman in a male-dominated industry. I hear all the same things all the time. Trust me, you can stop caring. It's called growing a thick skin. Mine is several feet thick now. :laugh:Hearing something day in and day out can wear on anyone's nerves. It's not as simple as not caring. Hearing it once and you can shurg it off. Hear it 4-5 times a day and it gets old quick.0 -
I lost loads of weight when my thyroid went hyper active I also didn't sleep for 3 months, maybe 1 hour a night> So I looked a lot thinner than I was 3 months before. I was at work when a woman I never seen or met before walked up to me and asked "How long have you had cancer, then? " I was gobsmacked, I just said that I didn't and walked away. Poor misguided soul that she was.... Tablets cured the over active thyroid, maybe a bit to well, which is why I'm here trying to lose it steadily with change in attitude to food and health.
dafuq.0 -
Those gave me a good laughThe stupid comments are just jealousy manifesting. Action makes the inactive resentful and jealous.
Turn it right back around.
"Oh, I wish I could eat (insert whatever here) but it just makes me look so bloated. You can pull it off though!"
"It's just SO HARD to shop for clothes now. Everything is so huge in the adults section!"
A few times I have started to say how hard it has become to find any clothes small enough for me, but I stop because I think I'm being rude or arrogant (because I need to be concerned about that in response to someone being rude to me, right?)
You're very right about that. I think people are starting to see that I just don't say anything in response anymore when they dole out the regular comments. I pretend I didn't hear them.Hearing something day in and day out can wear on anyone's nerves. It's not as simple as not caring. Hearing it once and you can shurg it off. Hear it 4-5 times a day and it gets old quick.
I hate that people judge on numbers so much like that. I still weigh about 10 pounds more than I did in high school, but I look a lot better and wear the same sizes I used to. I have a little sister (about the same height) who is a good 13 pounds lighter than me and a size 00 normally, but no one gives her crap because she's been tiny her whole life, whereas I get chastised and told to beware getting bony or that I'll get sick, etc. When it's my family members I want to ask "What? Are you scared I won't be the fat sister anymore or something?"I'm about 3 lbs away from my goal weight of 150 (stretch goal of 145), and I'm 5'8. I've had go workers tell me that it's time to stop, because you can see my collar bone. It's like, that's normal, that's not too thin! I've also gotten variations on wow, your husband must be happy. Really!? Come on now. And last weekend I tried on a size 6. It was way too tight, but it still buttoned up! I sent a picture to my mom, who said, stop you too thin! When I called her and told her, look, I'm not. I'm healthy and I'm still 3 lbs away and 153, her response was, really? I never thought you would be able to fit into a size 8 (my current) weighing that! Ughhh. Cannot win!0
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