Opinion on self harm scars?

NurseEllie92
NurseEllie92 Posts: 51
in Chit-Chat
I'm not ashamed to admit that I have been through a lot in my life, and picked up some unhealthy coping mechanisms along the way. I used to cut myself. Yes I see a psychologist and have gotten help before you get into that. My question is what would your opinion be of exposing scars? Work is obviously a big no no but what about uni, the shops and the gym? I have covered them and worn long sleeves and pants for years on end and summer is hell. Thanks for your help in advance :)

Replies

  • lewispwest
    lewispwest Posts: 498 Member
    At the gym everyone else is far more concerned with what they're doing to take notice of something like that so I wouldn't worry.
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
    I, too, have very visible scars that are obviously from self-harm. I also do pole dancing, where it's necessary to have skin exposed so you can grip the pole with your arms, legs, sides, etc (see: profile pic). I'm far more concerned with increasing my ability and being able to perform the moves than I am about people knowing that I used self-harm as a coping strategy 10 years ago.

    As far as work, I don't expose my scars in my current job, which is in a social care setting, but when I was working admin I gave zero f*cks about people seeing them. Shops, the same - I don't know those people, I may never see them again... I don't care. Uni was a tough decision for me because I was on a social work course, which meant people may have been more understanding, but I also felt they may have judged my ability to cope in a stressful situation. So I never really let them show when I was in uni, but it gave me loads to write about in assignments! Haha
  • RaggedyPond
    RaggedyPond Posts: 1,487 Member
    Unless they are fresh I don't think anybody would be observant enough to see them.
  • TadaGanIarracht
    TadaGanIarracht Posts: 2,615 Member
    We all have scars. No need to hide them.
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,809 Member
    My daughter has some small but distinctive scars on her shoulders and wrists from self-harm, she doesn't try to cover or disguise them in any way.

    Although it obviously makes me sad as her Dad to see them as it's a reminder of her unhappiness and struggles I certainly don't think she needs to feel any shame over them. They are no more shameful than the scars I've got from throwing myself off motorbikes or from operations.

    I'm glad she acknowledges and deals with her problems rather than pretend it hasn't happened.
  • k1ttyk1tty
    k1ttyk1tty Posts: 86 Member
    I started using some creams that help with scarring a few years ago and they aren't as bad as they used to be but, they're still there. It took me a while to be comfortable in short sleeves, shorts and to wear my hair up. And that's only around my apartment. I wont lie it took a lot to push through that.
    In high school I had a very prominent one on my wrist and I was able to cover it with little butterfly and as silly as it sounds it did help me. I realized that people only noticed when I made a big deal out of it by trying to hard to hide it. it's just better to accept that they are part of you. maybe try a cream or say **** it. Sometimes people look, that's fine. When I see someone with the same kind of marks I feel happy for them because they've won and they stopped letting a bad coping skill ruin their comfort, body, and spirit.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    If you feel confident enough to show them, then by all means do so. Perhaps it may even strike up a conversation with a kid that is currently cutting that would perhaps allow you to lead them away from that slippery slope.

    Personally, I have not scars like that but I used to have a problem with painful risings that would come up under my arms periodically. When that would happen, I would have to go without deodorant for a 3-4 days to get them to subside (which they would do)... Then one day I discovered if I just eliminated the hair under my arms, they stopped recurring and I can wear all the deodorant I need to make me more pleasant to be around. For quite some time at the gym, I would not wear sleeveless out of self-consciousness about the clean appearance of my armpits (in this area, this can be seen in a negative light)... Then one day I just decided that if I am doing something I have to hide I should not do it.. so I started wearing what was comfortable... Nobody cared. I am comfortable and then I realized, I was not the only male in the gym to do that anyway so it was no big deal... IF anybody ever asks why I shave my armpits, I'll gladly tell them but if not, it really is none of their business anyway...

    Congrats by the way for taking charge of your life and putting this in your past.. be proud of that. I teach kids that still self-harm. It is sincerely my prayer that one day they will do as you have and put this in their past and move forward with their life in a wholesome way.

    Of course, as you noted, in the workplace, it would most likely be wise to go ahead and cover up the scars so it would not be a distraction in the workplace.
  • estaticaa
    estaticaa Posts: 67 Member
    Personally, I wouldn't care about how others may view your scars or whether it's a good or bad idea to show them. I'd focus on how you feel exposing them and whether this is a good thing for you or not. Regardless of what you may read here, this shouldn't be about what we find acceptable / right / wrong. This is about how you see yourself and how you wish to project yourself to others.

    Granted, people will judge your outward appearance (positively or negatively depending on the person) for a multitude of reasons, like they do with everyone else around them. Are you wearing too many clothes? Are you too flirty? Too skimpy? Too fat? Too skinny? Too hot? Got scars? Tattoos? ... The list goes on. But who cares what everyone thinks? The real question is: what do you think is right for you? Find out that for yourself and you got your answer.
  • tristan299
    tristan299 Posts: 2,537 Member
    who are we to judge people on self harming and the scars they carry, visible or otherwise They are scars, so what.
  • allotmentgardener
    allotmentgardener Posts: 248 Member
    I have similar scars from my teenage years. They are visable and I don't hide them. They show me that although I had hit rock bottom I got through it and I am where I am now. When I see them I see what I have accomplished from then to now :)
  • TheNoLeafClover
    TheNoLeafClover Posts: 335 Member
    I also have scars from self-harm. I've always hidden them out of shame, but I've gradually become more accepting of them. Someday I'd like to be able to reveal my scars without that shame. It takes strength to expose our vulnerabilities, and learning how to do that with self-acceptance is an important part of healing. It also encourages others to not feel quite so ashamed. I'm willing to bet that among those that even notice, many of them will have scars of their own.
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    We all have scars. No need to hide them.

    this.
  • Hannah_Hopes
    Hannah_Hopes Posts: 273 Member
    We all have scars. No need to hide them.

    QFT
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    We all have scars. No need to hide them.

    QFT
    Exactly right.
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
    I doubt they would recognize what the scars are from unless they've done it themselves.
  • ilikesloths7
    ilikesloths7 Posts: 5
    I have a lot of scars on my arms, legs, and stomach from self harm. A lot of them are pretty faded, but that doesn't make them invisible. The faded ones are white, which means they stand out if I tan, and they change colour depending on temperature.

    It's a personal choice, but I very rarely cover up any more. I have my arms exposed most of the time and only cover up if I'm cold. Like any other person. I cover up in job interviews, but after a little while I expose my arms and I've never had any employers have a problem with it. The only reaction I've had in the workplace was my manager quietly and very tactfully asking if I was okay and if I wanted to talk about it.

    The only really negative experience I've had is I recently heard that a 'friend' had been talking **** about me because I don't hide them, saying I'm attention seeking. But that's just ignorance, and I know it's a problem with them, not with me.

    I've never had a stranger comment on them, but I've had plenty of stares. In he end you have to hold your head up and not let it get to you. It's hard but I've now got to the point where I don't care at all when people stare, I just stare back at them or ask them why they're looking at me funny. :P
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    my ex had hundreds of really big self harm scars all over his arms/shoulders I never heard anyone make any comments on them ever and he never mentioned hearing any as well


    mine have been covered by tattoos

    & I highly doubt anyone would say anything to you honestly :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    Oh also pure vitamin e oil seems to help scars a bit
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    I wouldn't. I have those scars as well, but they aren't visible as my skin is pale where they are and I'm hairy, so they are difficult to make out even if looking for them.
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
    I have scars -- some from self-harm, others from being clumsy. I wince a little bit when I see any of them because they remind me of how much it f*cking hurt, mentally and/or physically, to get them, but they're scars. They're not symbols unless I think of them as badges of honor because I was close to death and didn't die.

    Like someone up there said, we all have scars.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    I see people with them sometimes. I know what they are, b/c I knew people who did this. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of, but I understand why you wouldn't necessarily want people to see.

    I do know a girl from highschool that got tattoos to cover the ones on her arms. I don't know if this is possible in every situation, but her's are completely unnoticeable now.
  • rowlandsw
    rowlandsw Posts: 1,166 Member
    I don't see a reason to hide them other than for work reasons. If some jughead has issues with people suffering from mental health issues they'll be a tool even if they don't see them. I don't get much sunlight so mine have tended to blend into my paper white skin but when i tan they stand out. Mine are a bit different as i carved designs into my arms one night but i don't worry about anyone seeing them. They're high enough that t-shirts sleeves usually cover them.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    I view scars as the story of a life lived; we all have one.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    I see people with them sometimes. I know what they are, b/c I knew people who did this. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of, but I understand why you wouldn't necessarily want people to see.

    I do know a girl from highschool that got tattoos to cover the ones on her arms. I don't know if this is possible in every situation, but her's are completely unnoticeable now.
    White ink might be a possibility.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    It depends on whether you are comfortable fielding questions about them. If you can stay cool at the questions and occasional, and inevitable, insults, then go with it. Just remember, that when someone does comment negatively that it's more about projecting their own issues and insecurities rather than it is about you. That can be hard to remember with something so raw.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    I do not have any self-harm scars myself, though I have a natural eye to look for self-harm scars from my profession. If they are not covered, I typically do notice them if

    1 - I am close enough to see
    2 - The scars are big enough to even notice (most are not)

    ...it is rare for both to happen at once.
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
    Don't hide them.
    Be proud that you got through that dark & confusing time in your life. Turn the negative into something positive. :smile:
  • happymomma454
    happymomma454 Posts: 125
    Don't hide them.
    Be proud that you got through that dark & confusing time in your life. Turn the negative into something positive. :smile:

    All of us have scars- but some carry them on the inside...

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