31bs Gone

I was never a heavy person in my childhood years, but when I hit 15 I slowly started gaining weight. In 2010 I was at the heaviest I had ever been, but I still didn't seem to care. 2013 I tried to lose weight, but after a few bad events including the passing of my best friends father who was my dad to me in more ways than one, I sky dived back into severe depression. I've battled with depression and PTSD for most of my life, but went undiagnosed until my twenty's. I could never figure out what was so wrong with me and why I felt so miserable day in and day out. I hated my life, I hated my body and sadly I hated a lot of people around me for no given reason. I hit rock bottom when I threatened to kill myself to my mom one evening, it was my breaking point. I was done with being sad, feeling alone, unwanted, scared, and tired. I got help and got treated, I am still not okay, my anxiety eats me alive, I have a lot of bad days, sometimes more than the good, but guess what? I never gave up, I have never given up and finally in January of 2014 I said to myself that enough was enough.If I could pull myself out and away from committing suicide and not becoming another number on a statistics chart, then I could lose the weight. It hasn't been easy. It sucks to be honest. I cry when I workout. I want to give up, sometimes I do give up, but find myself right back at it moments later. I whine and I complain, but through it all, through the breaks, the days "off" the cheat meals the random moments of eating crap and feeling guilty, I haven't quit. I kept pushing. If I could deal with being molested for years by a person I trusted, and battle PTSD due to that, battle depression, and try to tackle my anxiety and social phobia I could do this and push through this and I am. I'm pushing every single day and I have not quit and I won't quit. I'm not fully to where I want to be, but I finally hit me 30+ pound mark and I could not be more proud of myself and my success. I original was going to stop when I hit around 213, but now I know I can keep pushing and keep thriving and I will tackle this just like I tackled everything else I have in my life and I will keep a smile on my face because no matter what I know that I can do it and by keeping that smile on my face I can reassure myself that I will make it out of all of this even stronger than I am now.

2011




2012


2013




May 2014