Peope who try to sabatoge your diet...

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I'm lucky enough that my boyfriend understands exactly what I'm going through(he used to be 330lbs and now is 170...) I think the best thing to do would be attempting to discuss with him why exactly you need to do this for YOU. Although he is your husband, your diet really has nothing to do with him. Explain to him that this is something you must do for yourself and you're not trying to starve yourself and don't have an eating disorder just because you want to get in shape and be healthy. Tell him whole heartedly how much doing this has hurt you and how his actions are putting stress and pressure on you. Perhaps it could also be a jealousy thing? Have you thought about asking him to do this with you?
Sorry I'm not the best advice-giver but I know how it feels to be discouraged by others. Sometimes you just have to block it all out regardless of how pissed off they make you, and know in the long run that you're doing the right thing for yourself. Never let ANYONE, hubby or not, stop you from reaching your goals.

I think we may be married to the same man! It's sooooo hard to eat healthier when the people closest to you aren't. I like goofy's suggestion to talk to him and tell him what she said. I have just learned to ignore the food he brings in the house, when he asks for takeout, I make certain to either order something healthy or eat at home. Good luck, stick with it and you'll do great. Feel free to come back here and rant all you like, I've certainly done it!

Change is hard for some people. They tend to focus on how it will effect them.

Put your important list of needs on paper, in point form, and give it to him. Nothing like seeing it in black and white.
Tell him this is important to you for your own sense of who you are, and want to be, and has nothing to do with him but having his support would mean the world to you.

Keep your list in short form and don't have any "you do this" items on it.

Once he sees your devotion, and how happy it makes you, he will come around.

Ooooh I like Kate's idea too....you can diet and get money! It's a win-win!

It may be due to his insecurities. He may feel that if you look too good everyone else will be checking you out LOL. Perhaps you could mail him a card and share with him how much his support means to you ...bla bla bla. The letter may make a greater impact. He will have it to read over and over. Make sure what you write is all positive. Give him examples, of how he has supported you in the past with other things. Make him your partner. Send him a thank you note every time he helps you with your weight loss efforts. Hopefully, these will accumulate and he will feel proud that you value him so much (evidence). He will be hard pressed to complain in the light of so many compliments from you. Give it a try. Good luck, Patricia P.S. I'm impressed that you lost 30 lbs inspite of him.

Your not alone....my hubby is the same way....I ask him to exercise with me and he just says nah...I'm fine! So frustrating so I am gonna join our local YMCA and go there without him!

That's tough! My fiance understands and doesn't really badger me, but it's pretty much impossible not to go out at ALL for a whole month.

I think, actually, the hardest part is eating at my parents house. Though she's always trying to lose weight, my mom serves dessert and bread with every meal. I don't ever have those things in my house, because I have no will power against them! If my aunt is over, she offers me wine every 10 minutes - mainly because I think she wants someone to enjoy her wine with.

I don't really see it as them trying to sabotage my diet or health, but I do think food and drink is a way to socialize in our culture. If you're unwilling to eat a lot out with friends, or enjoy a cocktail, they think you're being anti-social. It's crap!

Maybe the solution with your husband is to say "I'd like to cut back on the eating out, but I understand we'll probably go to a restaurant a couple times a month. If we could, I'd like to pick places that have healthier menu options". I LOOOVE sushi and it's hard to go overboard with it, so my fiance and I go there a lot. Also, there's a grill near our house that has great happy hour with good salads and a hummus/olive plate. I can eat healthy, and my fiance can order his cheeseburger and beer.

Compromise is part of any relationship. Your hubby should support your efforts, but you have to meet him halfway. Good luck!

wow, i'm really sorry. but you know what, congratulations on your determination and for standing your ground!

i was googling "reasons husbands sabotage diet" and got SO MANY HITS! here are some interesting stories:

"I had one patient who lost 30 pounds, and her husband took her on a two-week tour of three-star restaurants in France. She gained back half her weight."

"Generally, the woman will do anything to support a man's weight loss. She'll change her cooking habits, keep problem foods out of the house and be very careful about restaurant and vacation plans. But men tend to see their wife's diet as her problem and are generally unconscious about their own participation in the problem. Men are raised to want what they want, when they want it, with little concern about how their appetite might affect others around them."

"My husband was quite supportive until I'd reached my goal, and then I began to notice little things. For instance, I'd put lemon and spices on the fish I was going to cook for dinner, turn my back for a minute, and he'd be pouring olive oil all over the fish."

"I put carrots on the shopping list, and he came home with carrot cake. He said there were no carrots at the grocery, which is a little hard to believe, and that he thought that the cake would allow me to combine a serving of vegetable with a bread serving."

"In addition, there is a certain peace that comes with worrying about weight. Many couples don't even realize that one member's negative body image is, in fact, a stabilizing influence in a relationship and a familiar focus."

"Many couples are suspicious when one partner embarks on a [self improvement] mission. If your guy suddenly started hitting the gym every day, you may wonder why as well. Your husband may be fearful of why you want to change your appearance and may be afraid that you’ll no longer find him attractive as you improve your shape. Your new and improved eating style may also make him more self-conscious of the pizza and beer he’s downing every Friday night. Offer reassurance that you love him, that your attention to diet details has nothing to do with your relationship, and that your quest for better health can benefit the both of you."

"The answer to these questions is because most people are threatened by change. They are genuinely pleased that you are trying to lose weight, but feel threatened that if you succeed, you will somehow change. They don't even realize they are doing it! Some friends might be comfortable with the idea of you being fat because it makes them the one with the "great body" or "pretty face". It is important to remember that diet saboteurs do not consciously set out to sabotage your diet. This is something they do unintentionally.

So when your husband comes home with your favorite pepperoni pizza twice in the same week, it's time to find out what is behind his behavior. When you ask him why he is doing this to you when you thought he was happy with your decision to lose weight, he might be totally dumbfounded. Of course he wants you to lose weight, he insists. Finally he acknowledges that he feels a little threatened by your determination to lose weight. He also tells you that it bothers him that men used to turn and look at you, which they rarely do anymore since you became heavier.

What is the lesson here? Open and honest communication can clear misunderstandings and unspoken feelings that lead to conflict. The next time you believe someone is interfering with your weight loss plan, deal with it by explaining to them that you're committed to your plan to lose weight and ask for their support."

I really hope that your husband can come around to the same page as you and be the support that you need. Good luck. In the meantime, we're here for you! You're making great strides to be healthy and live a longer life. Keep up the mental fortitude!!! xoxo.

I know how you feel. My husband is very supportive and doesn't offer me bad foods that I choose not to eat BUT he will still eat them. Like this morning I didn't want pizza but he ordered it for himself and son. I ate a bologna sandwich and cottage chese. I felt great but it was still hard.

My Mother used to push dessert on me when we'd go out. She'd order something and tell the waitstaff to bring two spoons/forks, and I'd tell them "DO NOT bring anything but one, and set it down in front of her. I don't want any, thank you." Finally, I had to sit her down and explain that reaching my goals is very important, especially coming so far in such a short time. Thankfully, she gets it now and respects my wishes.

He probably thinks you'll lose interest in him if you become slimmer & happier... my fiance has made similar comments in the past...

Now, he's dieting with me, so hopefully we'll BOTH be slimmer & happier and more interested in each other than ever Maybe try and convince him to join you in eating healthy..? After all, it's a life change, so it's something he'll have to get used to!

My ex-husband was the same way until I talked to him about it. He was worried that if I lost weight and became much smaller I'd lose interest in him and want someone else. It was stupid, but it was the way he felt. We were better after I told him that I wasn't leaving because I lose weight. (Ignore the fact that he's my "ex" now.....one had nothing to do with the other. It happened years later over a bunch of other stuff). Maybe finding out what his real feelings are and then acknowledge to him that you understand but aren't going to up and leave will help. Good luck!

Wow, thanks to you all for your supportive advice!

My hubby goes to the gym 2 or 3 times a week, but his eating habits are bad. And I'm okay with whatever he does. One week he wants to cut carbs, so I cook accordingly. The next week he's cutting calories. So I follow that. Many days I cook for him, cook for me, and then cook for my birds (I have two macaws) all in one night. But when HE decides that it's time to cheat on whatever diet he's following that day, I'm supposed to cheat too - probably to make him feel better... who knows??

I have tried many, many times to thank him for being supportive. But my question (while I'm sitting here stewing) is WHY I need to cater AT ALL to how HE feels about me dieting??? It's all just childish insecurity.

So, tonight I'll have miso soup and a sushi roll. It makes everybody else at the table feel bad about enjoying their meal, and that makes me more mad at hubby. I always feel like the bad guy. I'm the bad guy for saying I dont want to eat out. I'm the bad guy if I don't eat when he finally forces me to go. I'm the bad guy to everyone at the table wanting to eat. Then, when I point out that my feelings are hurt for being put into that situation, he doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about - I'm too sensitive. UGHHHHHHHHH!!! Thanks again!!

Can you say, "Control Issues"? You need to make your diet work for you and not for him. Bargaining might work--- this for that. or you might do better with ultimatum---you do this or I'll do that. Sounds like you're in a tough spot. I have a book for you to read if you think it is possible for you.

Sounds kinda like my man. He knows I am tryin to eat as clean as possible but he just doesn't understand and he says one lil bite wont hurt so what happens.... one bite turns into two bites then into more and more.... MEN! They just don't understand.

Oh wow...you are so right! The "just have a little bit" or "just taste it" line is the husband's all time favorite. Just give him that same look moms give kids when they do something wrong and she doesn't want to yell. "The EYE" LOL

My partner explained it like this to me, when I accused him of sabotage:

There is a different between a "diet" and "healthy eating." To him, when I am on a diet, I am restricting which foods I eat, and he knows that that will never last for me. When I am eating healthy, I am still enjoying all the food I normally enjoy (cheese, the occasional glass of wine, pasta, the occasional dessert, and so forth), but I am enjoying them in moderation. He knows that I am destined to fail at a diet, but he knows that I am really good at healthy eating. So he wants me to see that I am better of not to completely cut the foods I enjoy out of my life, but rather to include them in my meal plans in a moderate, healthy way, if that makes sense.